Destiny Island School for Boys
by Kisara-Rini
Summary: AU Sora and Roxas are sent to an all boys school after a certain incident. Once there, they meet the headmaster's son Riku, the English teacher Mr. Leonhart, and the eccentric teaching assistant Axel. But there is no running from the past, and it will inevitably catch up with them. Love and tragedy ensues. Warnings: eventual mature themes, and boy/boy love.
1. Part 1, Chapter 1, Sora's Chapter 1

*9/6/12 Response to review from The Otaku You Fools. This user left a critique about my characterization of Sora and Roxas, and how they seem to not be like their game counterparts, or like those from other fanfics. I would like to address this here, as it seems like what I put in my author's note didn't quite put it into perspective. Yes, my portrayal of Sora and Roxas IS NOT going to be like "other fanics" portrayals of them (especially since this is my fanfic and not some other person's)…or necessarily like the game. This is an AU, and in the context of my plot and the circumstances of it, they are not going to be represented the way one would traditionally see them. If that is going to bother you, this is not the story for you. Thank you for reading my ranting then.

*8/28/12 edit for 'nobody': this is now version 2, as nobody pointed out a few things that I knew were a little…odd. Therefore, I've added several paragraphs worth of new things since it was posted yesterday. SO, hope this is a little better?

A/N: Part 1 was originally written in 2007, aka before Birth by Sleep, or any of the handhelds, besides the original COM, for that matter. (Not that that is too necessary to understand probably, considering this is an AU) But I *Do* take some liberty with the portrayal of the characters—I try to keep them as close to their original intended characterization for the most part, just given their circumstances in my AU, that comes across a little differently. But I'm a nerd, and there are definitely a lot of KH game inside jokes here. Ha.

Disclaimer: My only real disclaimer is that this is a massive soap-opera of a story that I've been writing on and off since 2007, and is not finished (although I have pretty much all the main plot points in the back of my mind where these characters live). So this is stuff from 2007, which I revamped recently (2012) to keep up with coming plot points~ ALSO, this CONTAINS YAOI or SLASH. SO DON"T READ IT IF YOU AREN"T COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. Or other M-RATED themes that WILL show up in the future. Oh yeah, and these characters—in their original iterations (besides my very minor, I promise, OCs) and KH and locations mentioned belong to Disney and Square Enix. I make no profit off this, it is primarily my outlet for real-world crap.

And now, let's get to what you really came here for. :)

Destiny Island School for Boys

Part One: Sora and Roxas's Junior Year

Chapter One; Sora's Chapter One: Destiny Island School

~O~

I remember the way the light looked as we drove away from home. It was bright, and dancing off the glass windows of our car. My brother, twin in fact, Roxas was staring out his window, while I was doing the same with mine. You may be wondering where we were going. I'll tell you, just so you know.

We were heading to our new school; a boarding school for boys called 'Destiny Island'. Lame, yeah I know. But we didn't exactly have a choice. You'll see what I mean. I'll just tell you now: it wasn't my fault.

Mother glanced in the rear-view mirror to make sure we were still alright in the back. Since she remained quite after the motion, she must have deemed us as whatever her definition of "alright" was. But I was far from alright though. We were being shipped away—or rather driven away—for the remainder of our high school career. A year and a half! No, I was far from alright. There we were, about to attend an all-boy school, and I don't exactly get along well with other guys. My two best friends were girls: Namine and Kairi. I wouldn't see them for a good part of two school years.

My brother would get along with anyone. He's just a people person…which can be bad. When we were little, his best friends Pence and Olette were all he needed. Then we got to junior high.

I'm not bitter…Really-It's his fault this happened! First, he fell in with a group who had a pretty bad rep. Then there was the drugs and drinking and him being a stuck up…anyway, I digress. The fact is, I don't know exactly what he got into. I'm assuming. He had a pretty hard time. I didn't even notice until it was too late. But we got him to therapy, and all that drama slowly went away. In fact, last year he had even gotten back together with Pence and Olette. And then, of course, he went and got himself kicked out of school. So I was now forced to babysit him at some god-damned boarding school.

Oh no, I was definitely not bitter.

"Hey, Sora."

I turned to look him straight in the eye. We may have been twins, but we weren't identical. Sure, we had the same shade of blue eyes, but he had the blond hair from our father, the way I had our mother's brunette color.

It took him a while to say something to me. I didn't blame him for his hesitance though. "I'm sorry for this." He looked away from me, once more returning his gaze to the rolling scenery.

"Yeah, well, I know you were only trying to protect her." I pulled on a strand of my spiky brown hair.

Roxas nodded, "Yeah."

"I heard from your brother." Our mother forced more conversation into the dreary car. "He says your father is doing alright."

"How is good old Cloud?" Roxas smirked. I was the only one who got along well with Cloud, except for Mother. He was the studious type, like me, except for his over achiever complex. He had to have everything perfect, the arrogant bastard. Don't get me wrong, I love him. He was living in some place called 'Hollow Bastion' with his wife, Aerith. They have one of the world's top medical centers there. That's why our father was with them. Dad had some sort of cancer. I dunno. Mother didn't speak about it; not that we really asked either. I think she thought she was protecting us by not telling us what kind of cancer our father had. When we were younger, all we really needed to hear was that he had cancer…and we knew right away that meant something bad. After that initial blow, I don't think she could bring herself to talk more about what was going on with our father. Maybe because we were all living in such a state of denial over it, Roxas and I never thought to ask about it. My brother couldn't handle what little he knew already. And I? I lived in a bit of a fantasy land, I can admit that. It was like, if I didn't see it, or hear about it…it didn't exist. Our dad had been in and out of the hospital for years now, so to be completely honest…I couldn't tell you the last time we saw him. On the off chance he was doing better, he stayed at Cloud and Aerith's place. Mother took us up to see him there once, and obviously, Roxas and I didn't want to talk about his health. So we didn't ever question why we didn't know more about it.

I sighed. Why, was it that I had nothing better to do in the car than to wonder about something I had never let myself think about before? Especially since I continued to keep my mouth shut about the subject—now really wasn't the time to get into _that_ conversation with my family. For a brief moment, I thought about how if I didn't bring it up now, I probably never would. So I did what I did best, and pushed it out of my mind, and tried to focus on something else.

Trying not to think about my father's illness, made me notice that I was feeling sick myself. I used to have a problem with getting sick in the car; it's pretty much passed though. My sick feeling now was mostly nerves. That's right, I was the type who could make myself sick if I got too anxious. Pathetic, right? I had so many things to be anxious over though, and it was difficult to ignore them further we drove away from home. The main thing I was worrying over, was the fact that I was leaving my two best friends behind. And I'd never been particularly good at making new friends—unless they were in various books I was reading at the time.

The thought hurt slightly. I was going to miss them. I smiled to myself for a brief moment as the memory of meeting my two best friends flashed before my eyes. It was elementary school, the first day of a new year. They came to the class a bit late, after having a registration problem. You see, their family was new to Twilight Town. The girls were twins, and I had never met another pair of twins before. I know they sat down on one side of me. Namine was the closest. She saw I was idly drawing some sort of picture. Being the artist she was, Namine was attached to me right then. Kairi pretty much followed her lead.

Roxas pulled me out of my memories. I hadn't even noticed the car was stopped. "Hey, we have to get off now. A boat will take us to the school."

"A boat?" What were we going to, a prison surrounded by water?

"The school's on a small island, idiot. Didn't you read the pamphlet?" he grinned at me.

"An island?" I glanced at our mother.

"Yes, Sora. It's not named 'Destiny Island' for nothing." She chuckled at me.

"Oh." Right. Name made way more sense now.

We boarded the boat after a quick tearful good-bye with our mother. Her tears, not ours. I refused to cry. I mean, she was the one sending us away.

"Fuck," I muttered, turning away from the boat's edge. Roxas gave me a look.

"What? I feel sea-sick," I murmured under my breath, clutching at my stomach.

Roxas was smiling at me now. "Hey, I really am grateful that you're coming with me. I finally have a chance to start over. No one here will know how messed up I am."

"Was." I muttered, still very conscious of the queasiness in my stomach. "You used to be messed up."

He didn't say anything after that. I knew Roxas still felt like he was worthless, which was complete bull shit. He was one of the most talented people I knew. Maybe not book smart, but he had this way with music that I had always secretly envied. When we were little, I'd be off in the corner of our living room reading novels that were more like tomes. I had books, not friends. Roxas, he would be at a keyboard in another corner of the room teaching himself how to read music and figuring out complicated fingerings on the instrument. He even moved onto incorporating the drums into his repertoire, and would look so cool while he was practicing. The music had always been so magical to me—something I couldn't have ever touched, something beyond me. And I was in awe of him for it. My understanding big words seemed much less spectacular than his talents. Of course, I was reflecting on a time before our Dad's cancer diagnosis…before Roxas and I grew apart…and before the trouble began.

I blinked up at the bright sunlight peeking out through a cloud-dotted sky as the boat was pulling up to the dock, and I tried to steady myself. In just a few moments we would very likely be in hell. Either that, or in the best place for my brother. Well anyway, we sort of had no choice but to be here.

"Hey, let's go." He tugged lightly on my sleeve.

"Okay, but do you know where we are going?" I asked as we emerged onto a platform which slowly filled up with other students returning to school for the second semester of the year.

"Well, no I don't know where we are going, but we're supposed—" He was cut off as a silver-haired boy, purposefully heading our direction, made eye contact with him. The newcomer appeared older than us and, I swallowed as I began to get nervous again, quite tall compared to our height. He stood there, almost towering over us, looking like he was annoyed by something.

"Hey, are you two Roxas and Sora?" he drawled.

"Yeah, I'm Roxas. You must be Riku, the Headmaster's son, right?" my brother asked confidently, while I was trying to hide behind him.

"Yeah, that's me. I'm supposed to show you around and then take you to the councilors' office for your schedules." He, Riku, motioned for us to follow him. I glanced at Roxas who shrugged and turned to follow him off the dock. We were taking our first steps onto the luscious grass of our new school. As I inhaled the scent of a passing breeze, the ocean air that filled my lungs began to calm my nerves. The sandy beaches, the rocky cliffs, the occasional strange looking tree, and the large buildings in the distance…suddenly, they didn't seem so ominous. No, there was something inviting. A whistle in the wind sounded as if it had been calling my name. Maybe, just maybe, this would end up being worth it.

"So, what did you two do to get here?" Riku smirked and looked back at us, bringing me out of my own thoughts. "Most people here aren't attending by choice."

I sighed audibly. That's not my story to tell.

~end chapter one

A/N 2: I know, I know, tired of hearing from me, right? Sorry . Anyway, this was the intro chapter, and therefore the shortest of the bunch. They get rather long actually. So, questions, comments, reviews, responses, letting me know you want the next chapter? All welcome. But please, read my author's notes—I may have already addressed your remark there. Next up, Roxas's chapter. (Gasp)


	2. Part 1, Chapter 2, Roxas's Chapter 1

A/N: This chapter is considerably longer than the intro, so I hope you can bear with me through it. Also, this is more along the lines of what you can expect. The intro was really more to set the mood. Things start to really pick up from here on out. :p Anyway, hope you enjoy a bit of Roxas!

*Warnings: Remember those from chapter one? Yeah, now would be where you should begin to take them seriously. *ahem* Also, just to put it out there, this story isn't always linear (for the most part it is always moving forward) So this chapter starts off by filling in some past events!

Chapter Two: Roxas's Chapter One; The Start of a New School

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

"Roxas, why don't we just talk? About anything, instead of these stressful issues we keep beating over and over. Sometimes taking a break from things can let them marinate in the back of your mind, and suddenly something will click. So, how about we drop the subject of your family, or why it is you think you were made to come here. Just talk to me. Why don't you tell me about your interests?" Ana peered across at me from behind thin-framed glasses. She had a pen in hand and was smiling at me. Talk, huh? I could do that. That's what we had been doing for a while; ever since mother sent me to therapy.

"Yeah, okay. I uh like music." I glanced out the window, distracted as my eyes caught the attention of a flitting hummingbird that had stilled on a branch. Somehow, and for whatever reason, I felt like that bird was me. I'd never seen a hummingbird sit still before.

Ana wrote a bit before proceeding. "Do you play any instruments?"

I nodded, returning my gaze to hers, and wondering how the subject had never come up before. "The drums, and occasionally the piano. Although, lately I've been kind of teaching myself to sing. I'm in band at school, and I've started doing stuff with the choir." Whoops, that was my bad, letting the topic approach school. She gave me a knowing look as I began to stare at my hands, playing with the bands around my fingers. I had a bit of my brother, Sora's, nervousness. I couldn't stand looking people in the eyes for too long.

"How is school?"

I let out an audible sigh. "Yeah, um, it's okay." I might as well keep talking. "I've gotten back with my friends Pence and Olette."

"How is that working out?"

"It's good. They seem to want me around."

Ana wrote more in her notebook. "Do they forgive you for everything?"

I shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, they say they understand and that I didn't mean any of it."

"And did you mean any of it?"

"I dunno. I guess not. It's not like I was really thinking anything through back then."

"You didn't want to think."

"Heh," I leaned back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "No, I didn't want to think." I wanted to be mindless, without a care in the world. Without the constant ache in my chest, or the tears that I held back. So I found ways to dull the pain…to numb it. To have a fleeting moment of happiness even. To Just feel something else besides the hurt.

Ana kept on writing. Sometimes I wondered if she was actually writing what I was saying, or if it was something silly like doodles; who knows. "Do you want to think now?"

"Not like I have a choice." I folded my arms and pouted at the coffee table my feet were resting on.

"You have a choice. Roxas, this is your choice. You want things to be better. Life isn't going to go away."

"I chose this, huh?" Sure, I guess I did. I patched things up between Pence, Olette, and I. I made the effort to stay away from—from the ones who got me into this mess. No. That's not true. They may have encouraged it, but I put myself in this mess.

"Roxas, things will be better for you one day. I guarantee it." Ana had set aside her notebook and looked at me. The look made me shudder. It's as if she knows I am worth something.

I guess that's what I am afraid of: being worth anything. Which is a completely stupid fear, I know. But it means having a place in the world. And I didn't think I could handle the real world. Not well anyway. Not yet. If I was worthless, I could disappear and not be bothered by anyone. No one would notice if I just…no, I couldn't allow myself to think it. I shook my head and glanced up at Ana. "How did I get this way? What could possibly have happened? Everything was fine. I had two amazing best friends, a family who loved me, god I even enjoyed being at school. What went wrong?"

"Roxas, you were hurting. The diagnosis of your father's cancer hit you hard, in ways that it didn't affect the rest of your family. You reacted without thinking. You didn't want to think anymore."

"I really fucked up, didn't I? And all for what?"

Ana sat back in her chair. "True, you could have found a different way to deal with the pain, but you didn't. At least you're facing your fears now."

"Better late than never, right?"

"Quite right. Now, that's our time for today, so I'm afraid we're going to have to stop. But I'll see you next week?"

"Yeah." I stood up. "Um, I need to bring Mom in, right?" She nodded. "And Sora?"

"If he would like."

"Okay. Um, bye." I gave a short, awkward wave and left the room, not looking back.

"Bye, Roxas!" She shouted after me, and I couldn't help but smile. Ana really did care about me as a person, and not as a check every month.

Of course, the moment I got my life back on track, I lost it all again. The next time I would see Ana would be the last.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

"Hey, Roxas, we saved you a seat!" Olette waved me over to her corner in our history class. Pence grinned at me. I smiled uncertainly, but took a seat, appreciating their efforts. They were trying to make this as comfortable as possible, but it would still be awkward for now.

The teacher quieted everyone down as the bell rang. I was grateful, since school gave me a break from other thoughts. Looked like today would be another lecture day. As I idly took notes, I felt eyes boring into the back of my head. Someone seemed to be giving their utmost attention to me. I glanced back, and immediately regretted it. Marluxia gave me a little wave. He was taunting me, and I knew it. I snapped my head back around and tried to calm myself. It was a difficult task and I could barely stop from shaking. Marluxia was the ring leader of this group of guys I used to hang out with. They were part of my problem. I still saw them around, casually passing in the halls and such. But he was the worst of them.

When I told him, at the end of last year, that I was stopping with all the shit in my life, he laughed. Said it wasn't possible and that I was too far gone. Well take that, Marly, I've turned myself around. No more being chained to you or yours.

Pence tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey," he whispered, "what are you doing after school?"

That's right, it was a Friday, I nearly forgot. "I dunno. Probably just stay at home and hang around with Sora. Unless he goes to see that new art show with Namine and Kairi, which will probably be the case." I shrugged and leaned back in my seat. The teacher was still droning on about something. Maybe I should have paid attention.

"Hey, well, if you want to come, Olette and I were going to watch an unofficial struggle match."

"Yeah, okay, if that's alright?"

"Of course. Meet you in the Sandlot later?" he grinned at me.

"Yeah," I nodded. Olette gave me a smile from the seat on my other side. An hour left of this class. Time felt like my worst enemy.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

The bell rang and the class shuffled around. Olette and Pence waited for me to pack my bag up. Unfortunately, I saw Marluxia hanging around near the doorway. My friends noticed him as well and seemed slightly uneasy.

"Come on, Roxas, let's go." Olette took a hold of my wrist and pulled me out of the room and into the hallway.

"Now wait a minute." He grabbed my other wrist. "I just want to talk to him." Marluxia tried to give us an innocent smile.

"He has nothing to say to you." Olette glared at him.

"Well, I think he can speak for himself."

"Hey, it's okay guys. I'll meet with you later." I avoided Olette's eyes, unable to look at her in Marluxia's presence. I don't why I was agreeing to this in the first place. I knew I was making a mistake, and if I didn't look at her, maybe she wouldn't think less of me again. Olette reluctantly let go of my arm and followed Pence down the hall. "So, what do you want?"

He rolled his eyes. "What do you think? We want you back." He moved closer to me. "It's boring without you." His smooth voice whispered in my ear, and I could feel myself flushing, my skin getting warm. Marluxia brushed a few strands of hair away from my face.

"What do you think you're doing?" I hissed at him. "Anyone could just walk by right now." I tried to step away from him, but he didn't let me.

"Maybe I don't care. C'mon, Roxie, we miss you."

I could feel myself shaking. Withdrawal, that must be it. God, I was so weak, and he knew it. If he wanted he could use all of my weaknesses against me. "You need to stay away from me," I muttered, not being able to look him in the eyes this time. I couldn't allow myself to slip up. "I'm finally getting myself back together. Don't ruin this for me."

Marluxia smirked. "You'll ruin it yourself. So don't go running back to me when that happens." He grabbed a hold of my chin and forced me to look him in the eyes. "But feel free to crawl back."

"Roxas!" Marluxia immediately pulled away from me, staring at someone behind me. I turned around to see Mrs. Laylee, my band teacher. "What's going on here?" She looked between the two of us.

"Nothing; just catching up with an old friend," Marluxia shrugged.

"Well, do that on your own time. You two are late for class."

"Shit." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Sorry. I mean. We'll be going now."

"Marluxia, why don't you go now? Roxas, come with me." She motioned for me to follow her and I did. We entered the music room where she collapsed on her desk, and I sat on top of one of the few student desks in the room. She stared at me for a moment. "So, want to tell me what that was about?"

I shrugged. My music teacher was one of the few people who knew pretty much the entire story of my life. I had started talking with her a lot the year before, and we had grown rather close. "Well, I'll tell you, if you tell me." I glanced up at her.

"If I tell you what?"

I indicated her left hand. "You're not wearing your ring."

She suddenly seemed a lot more tired than before. "Yeah, okay, you nosy kid. But you first. And don't leave anything out."

"Well, Marly cornered me after class and wanted to talk."

"It looked like he wanted to do more than talk."

I flushed slightly, and shook my head. "Maybe so, but he was just talking to me. And I was telling him off."

She yawned, and I noticed the dark circles under her eyes. "Yeah, it certainly looked like talking."

"Well, I was talking then. He was just being annoying."

"Roxie," I grinned at her; she's the only one I like to have call me 'Roxie,' "next time, just avoid him. Trying to settle anything between you two won't work."

"Yeah, I see that now." I continued to stare at her, waiting for her story. She didn't speak, and I found myself examining her. I knew she was in her early thirties, but she was still good looking. Had more piercings than the school board would like, and most of them were on her right ear. Her hair was brunette and quite short, but it did not detract from her appearance at all. Her eyes were blue like mine, but much brighter, if that was even possible. They looked so clear, even though I knew she must be fighting to keep herself together. Perhaps that's why I felt I could open up to her, of all people. There was something about her that was similar to me. Things had always been rough for her, and mostly because of her husband. Somehow, that usually manifested in her being unprepared for our class. I smiled at her a little more than I had smiled for a long time.

She returned my gaze with a small smile of her own. "Roxie, normally I would tell people off for checking me out, but I've had a pretty bad week." I was turning red now, and could feel it. I mumbled slightly, but she grinned at me. "Hey, forget about it. Anyway, the reason I am no longer wearing a wedding ring is because I got divorced."

"Oh!" I blinked, wanting to first say congratulations but caught myself. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. The son of a bitch finally signed the divorce papers. So, I'm a divorcee, who works as a music teacher, and has a part-time job in the local bar. Hey, it goes to show you, teenagers aren't the only ones with problems."

"I guess not, er, Miss Laylee."

"Please, call me Jean. I don't want to feel like an adult right now." She stood up and stretched into the air, the movement lifting her shirt slightly. I shook my head, trying to ignore the flash of bare skin. 'Get a hold of yourself, Roxas, she's a teacher.'

"So, Jean," I said, testing out the feel of her name, "looks like we both have problems, eh?"

"Yeah, while you get your life back together, I just keep messing up." She sat next to me, placing a hand on my knee.

My heart raced slightly. "What," I swallowed, "what do you mean, you keep messing up?"

"This is what I mean." She leaned forward and kissed me, and in my complete shock, I didn't try to stop her. "I'm sorry, Roxas," she laid her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. "I shouldn't have done that." I went to put my arms around her, hoping to be of some comfort in my confusion, but she pushed away from me. "I'll write you a pass to your next class."

"Okay," I nodded, not looking her direction but frowning at the floor. What just happened? She handed me a slip and whispered 'I'm sorry.' I left the room, not quite sure what to say, or think, or even feel.

By the time I got to my next class, we only had a few moments left. That's when I realized I had band next period. Maybe I should talk with her after class.

"Where have you been?" Olette whispered, as I took my assigned seat between her and Pence.

"I ran an errand for my music teacher." I leaned back in my chair, in thought, and Pence and Olette glanced at one another.

"We thought Marluxia had maybe killed you or something." Pence gave me a concerned look.

"Naw, I barely spent any time with that bastard. He really only wanted to talk." I glanced around the classroom, and found my brother staring at me. I gave him a small smile, and he frowned at me. I forgot we had English class together. He would probably want an explanation at lunch.

The bell rang and I waited for my two friends to pack up. Sora headed my direction with Kairi behind him. "Hey, why were you late?" he asked, a slightly accusing tone in his voice.

"I was running an errand for a teacher."

"Oh," he looked at his feet, "so, we'll see you later?"

"Yeah."

"Bye, Roxas!" Kairi waved at me, and I waved back.

"Ready to go?" I asked them.

"Yeah," Pence nodded.

"I'm starving," I muttered. "Thank god it's lunch."

Olette smiled, "Yeah."

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Jean and I managed to get through band practice as normally as possible. I only knocked over a music stand once. So, I think it went well. Of course, I stayed behind after class.

"I must have been cursed with bad luck." Jean sighed. "I swore today you didn't have band. Tells you where my mind is. Can't even keep my own class schedule straight."

"Yeah, well, it slipped my mind too. But maybe it's a good thing we had class today." I bit my lip, not sure what to say to her.

"Roxas, my personal life is a train wreck right now. I'm sorry for taking advantage of you in my weak state. I like you, I do. I've always been quite partial to you, in class and out of it. You came to me with your problems, so I tried the same."

"It's okay," I shrugged

"No, it's really not. I could lose my job over this, and it's not right to begin with."

"I'm not going to tell anyone, if that's what you think."

Jean looked surprised. "Oh no, I know you wouldn't do that!"

"Um," I stared at my feet, slightly confused, "so what's the problem then?"

She sighed. "The problem is: I still want you."

"What?" I looked up, shocked. I didn't expect that. My nervousness kicked in right about now.

"You see, it's not appropriate. I know that, and I know you appreciate our friendship, and that's mutual." She tentatively raised a hand to the top of my head, fingering my hair. "I know this can't go anywhere."

I reached out to her other hand, interlocking our fingers. "So, what's the problem then?" I whispered, not looking at her, but our hands. I knew it was an invitation, but I was weak too, and beyond caring.

"Roxas," she whispered, her breath catching, "you don't know what you're saying."

"Yes, I do."

"What are you doing later?" she replied after a moment.

Oh, that's right. I was meeting Pence and Olette at the Sandlot. "I sort of made plans already." I sighed, and let her release our hands.

"It's probably best that way." She stepped away from me. "Good bye, Roxas."

"Bye." I left the classroom in a bit of a daze, and somewhat sad.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

"Hey, we thought you might have forgotten." Olette ran over to me, grinning. "Come on, the match is about to start."

"Who's up?" I asked.

"It's Setzer versus Rai." Pence pointed to the two people in the center of the Sandlot. "Should be a good match!" He did a little hop and I grinned.

"I'm sorry guys." I said suddenly, wondering how I ever could have given them up.

"That's all we wanted to hear." Olette smiled, taking a hold of one of my hands and not even needing to ask what it was I was apologizing for.

"We missed you." Pence gave me a pat on the back. "And we'll always be here."

"Thanks."

"Hey, what are friends for?" Olette had tears in her eyes, but she smiled and shook her head.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

This had to be the coldest Saturday ever, I mean, I was freezing, my hands were numb, and there was frost on the windows. Burr, I hated being cold. Seriously, where was a fire when you needed one? "Sora," I whined, "go light a fire."

He rolled over and glared at me with a bleary eye. "You dumbass, where are you going to light a fire in your room?"

"Okay, that's it." I threw the covers off us. "I'm going downstairs and using the fireplace."

Sora shivered. "Ugh, won't you wake Pence?"

"He won't mind. Besides, the couch is right in front of the fireplace, he'll just be nice and toasty." I winked at my brother, who grumbled, but followed me out of the room. Sora was not much of a morning person.

"Should someone wake the girls?" he questioned me.

"Naw, let them sleep. Besides, you wouldn't want Mom to see you walking in or out of a room where three girls are sleeping." I grinned.

Sora grimaced. "It's my room." But he didn't pursue it further. We just located the matches and some firewood that had been in the garage for years. "You do it."

My brother handed me the matches. "It's really not that hard to light a match." I swiped one against the side of the box and it flared up. "See?"

Sora merely pouted at me in response, unable to retort due to the early hour.

By that time, Pence had awoken and stared at us poking the fire. "Mph, what time is it?" he asked, groggily.

"A bit after eight," Sora replied.

"'Is early," he muttered.

"Yup. But I was bloody freezing upstairs. And that was under covers too!"

"Oh, um, I just remembered. I left the window open." Sora looked sheepishly at me. "Oops."

I glared at him for a while but decided it was not worth getting in a fight over. We soon heard giggling coming from the landing. Kairi, Namine and Olette waved to us from the stairway. "Hey!" they called out.

"Hi." Sora smiled up at them.

"I still can't believe your mother let us all spend the night." Pence shook his head. "Unreal."

"So who's hungry?" Sora looked at us. Everyone shrugged and settled around the fire. Olette grabbed the remote and turned the television on.

"Anything good on in the morning?" she asked around.

"Let's watch cartoons!" Namine suggested, and we surfed through the channels trying to find Saturday morning cartoons.

"I used to love watching these in the morning." Kairi smiled at the screen.

"Um, seriously, anyone want food?" Sora tried again.

"Yeah, want to see if Mom's awake?" I asked, knowing full well that Sora couldn't cook.

"Sure, alright." He reluctantly headed back upstairs.

"I'd love to stop time right here," Olette murmured, in a daze in front of the television. "Everyone is together and happy."

"Yeah." Kairi leaned her head on Namine's shoulder. "It's nice."

I yawned and shifted on the couch. It was a nice feeling; and one that would never be repeated again, but replaced with another sort of happiness.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

"So, how are you, Roxas?" Sora asked me as we walked through town to school.

"I'm okay, I guess. You?" I didn't want to make him worry any more than he already did. Besides, I really didn't believe that he would understand about Jean and I, or the lack there of, for that matter.

Sora put his hands behind his head and stared up at the cloudy sky. "I'm okay too. Nothing particular going on in my life."

"Well, that can be good," I sighed. It was going to be a while before my life calmed down again. Sometimes, I thought it never would.

"Hey, Roxie!" Oh god, I knew that voice.

Sora and I looked up the hill and spotted Marluxia with a couple of his "friends." Vexen and Larxene grinned at me from either side of him. Sora frowned and glanced at me, "Just ignore them," he muttered in my ear. I let my brother pull me past them and into the station. Luckily, a train had just arrived and we wouldn't have to wait around with the others.

We chose seats in a crowded area, hoping they wouldn't follow us. They didn't, thank god. I mean, I could tolerate them one on one, sort of, but as a group…I dunno. Besides, Larxene scared me more than any of them; except for Marluxia, but he was in his own category.

Sora watched me, most likely looking for signs of a mental break down. Well, no need to worry about that, brother. I'm completely—shit, there's Larxene. She casually took a seat a good few feet away from us. I shook my head, trying to cool my anger. I didn't even understand why she scared me so much. Maybe it was because she was the only girl in Marly's group. Or the fact that she was a sadist.

The train came to a stop. It was time to get off here, and run as fast as I possibly could to school. Sora got my message, and we practically sprinted out the door. By the time we got to class, we were both completely breathless. I clutched at my side, trying to make the ache go away. We ended up taking seats in the back together, laughing slightly. I think this was the first time Sora and I had sat together in our chemistry class.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Mondays were always dreary. The day went by so slowly and everyone was tired from the weekend. Er, okay, maybe not everyone. Marluxia seemed pretty energized. Or maybe it was just the adrenaline rush from stalking me.

I sighed. He'd been following me all day. Even into my math class, which was a complete disaster. My teacher just looked at him and he was all like 'I have a free period now, think I can listen in on this class?' And then the teacher was all like 'Oh sure, Marluxia, why don't you take a seat by Roxas over there.' I nearly killed myself on the spot. Apparently, my math teacher really liked Marluxia. The weird thing is Marly was actually quite apt at math. Seriously, who would have thought?

I tried to focus all my attention on taking neat and clean notes. But it was a hard task with Marly giving me all his attention. This class was hard enough as it was. Pre-calculus; I hated math.

We finished notes early, and the teacher gave us time to work in class. I tried out the first problem and became instantly confused. Honestly, trig was the worst thing ever. What was the point?

"Want some help?" I looked over at him to see that he was actually serious. "Well?"

"Uh, yeah, okay." I scooted my desk closer to his and moved my book so he could read the problem. Maybe the teacher put Marly next to me on purpose.

"Okay, so what you want to do with this…"

It was strange, I thought, zoning out to his voice and not really hearing his explanation, to have him helping me here. You'd really never imagine him being in some advanced calculus class. But really, he knew exactly what he was doing. Not to mention, I was learning from him, once I had tuned back in to what he was saying.

The bell rang and we moved the desks back to their original spots. "Thanks, you know, for the help," I muttered, not quite knowing how to handle this.

He shrugged. "Well, it's not really that hard." Marly grinned at me. I was surprised when he exited the classroom before me and headed in the opposite direction. I didn't understand him at all.

"Hey." I looked up and saw Jean suddenly in the hallway and right in front of me.

"Oh, hi." Awkward. Really awkward.

"How was your weekend?" she questioned.

"Uh, good. You?"

She shrugged. "Horrid, but what can you do."

"Yeah."

"So, I'll see you for class tomorrow." She gave me a smile and walked off.

I sighed. I just didn't understand people at all.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Sora and I were quiet during the ride home. He was probably worried about something. Me, maybe.

"I heard Marluxia was stalking you at school today."

"How do you know that?" Damn, so he was worried about me.

"Olette told Kairi that she saw Marluxia following you. And Kairi told me."

"Girls," I muttered, shaking my head.

"So, what did he want?"

"To help me with my math homework," I shrugged. Sora just stared at me, disbelievingly. "No seriously, he came into my math class."

Sora nodded slightly. "Okay, so he…helped you with math?"

"Yeah, then he stopped following me."

"That's strange."

The train came to a halt at Station Heights and we got off. I didn't know what I'd do if I saw Marly again.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Today, Tuesday, would be the end of my life as I knew it. I was not joking either. Goodbye hometown, goodbye school. Goodbye Marluxia.

I managed to concentrate during history today. So did Marluxia, apparently. Maybe he was giving up on me? I hoped so. I really did. Pence, Olette and I didn't need him trying to break us apart. At the end of class, I saw him leave and meet with his friend Lexeaus. Okay, maybe I was starting to miss his ever imposing presence. I had gone most of this semester without dealing with him, and suddenly he was back in my life again. But now he wasn't. Or maybe he was trying a different approach. Trying to confuse me on purpose. Anyway, I needed to stop thinking about him.

My English teacher asked me a question. I looked up and stared at him. I had no idea what he just said. "Um," I managed to choke out.

"Anyone want to help him out?" I flushed. I should have been paying attention instead of dwelling on Marluxia—probably doing exactly what he wanted me to be doing.

Sora raised his hand, directing the attention away from me. Thanks, brother. I probably should have listened to what they said. But I didn't. Damn it, Marluxia. What did you do to my mind?

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

I was so relieved by the time band class started. We were practicing to play during the next school assembly. There were some pretty talented musicians there. Band was the one place I could forget about my life. I loved this class. The atmosphere, that is. Jean's presence probably was a part of that. For some reason, I kept grinning during the entire period.

When the class was over, I stayed behind as the bell rang and my classmates headed out the door in a rush of chatter. We were silent for a moment, until Jean nearly jumped me right then and there. I dropped my bag in surprise, but didn't push her away. "My weekend sucked," she muttered, holding me to her.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, not sure what to say.

"No need to be."

The rest was like a blur to me. I only remember how it ended. The door to Jean's classroom burst open and the Principal walked in. At that point, Jean and I were making pretty good use of her desk. We didn't hear him come in, and even if we had, we would still have looked horribly disheveled with no means of talking ourselves out of the situation. The only lucky thing about the situation was the he had walked in before she and I had actually really gotten anywhere. So, anyway, my life pretty much ended right there. I wished I could say it was game over, end of story, but since when had anything ever gone my way?

"Miss Laylee! Roxas!" Diz, the Principal, shouted. "What the hell is going on here?"

Really? I thought that would have been obvious. We both sort of stared at him in shock.

"My office!" He turned out the door and we silently followed. What had I gotten us into now? I'm sorry Jean.

Diz stood over us behind his desk, looking all impressive and imposing-like. "Jean, I know you are having personal issues, but to think! You take advantage of a student, especially one with a record like Roxas!"

I could see she was trying not to break down on the spot. I thought I would be the one on the receiving end of punishment. My heart went out to her. There must have been something I could do!

"…on your record. We're going to have to let you go. We can't have our students being corrupted—"

"Wait!" I stood up.

"Roxas, we'll get to you later, right now—"

"It was my fault." I glanced over to Jean whose eyes had widened. She shook her head.

Diz stared at me. "What are you saying?"

"I…" oh god, and here I go, "I came onto her. I knew she was having problems at home, and I'd always liked her. So, I took advantage of her, not the other way around. She was actually trying to stop me when you came in, 'cause I had taken her by surprise when I had made a move on her. It's my fault." I stopped and stared at the floor.

"Roxas," Jean tried to get my attention.

"Do you understand what you are saying?" Diz looked between us. "Jean, is this true?"

I glanced at her, my eyes showing her that it was okay. I wanted her to let me take the blame. There was no way I was going to let my own weakness cost her this job. I needed to help her now. She gave me a quick nod, looking as if she was about to cry. "Yes," Jean chocked out.

"Roxas, I'm going to have to expel you." Diz said without a second thought, while he was searching around his desk for something. "I'm afraid you've had far too many counts on your record, and I've tried to be lenient with you…but this is the last straw. Jean, if you're going to press charges—"

"No! No, I don't want to do anything like that. But expelling him, Diz?" Jean questioned. "Surely that's a bit much…Maybe suspend him? He wasn't thinking. You know his history, he merely made a mistake. I don't think expelling—maybe dropping him from my class…"

Expel me? I swallowed, not really listening to Jean's desperate attempt to save me. Expel me? I never thought that would happen, even with the amount of time I used to spend in this office. There I go again. Think before you act next time, Roxas. A little late though; heh, god, I was going to be in so much trouble. My mother was going to kill me. Marly was right. I messed up again. What was I going to do? How was I going to face my mother? And Sora?

I stumbled to the door and let myself out. They didn't even notice my leaving. Diz's secretary stared at me, and picked up the phone. Maybe she was calling the police to finally come get me. I got outside his office, feeling dizzy and like I was going to pass out. I heard the secretary on the phone. Oh god, she was speaking with my mother!

"Roxas!" someone shouted. So they finally noticed. I sprinted down the hallway; I needed to get away from here. Just let me run again. Please, just let me…just let me…

Somehow, I'd gotten to the train station. I didn't remember how, I didn't really care, I wanted out. The train arrived, and I boarded it. Where would I go? Maybe I should have thought about that. And then I remembered: Marluxia.

I left at the next station, Marly lived nearby. Why should I care if he was once a part of all that was bad in my life? I just didn't care anymore.

He answered the door right away, which meant he was home alone. He never answered the door normally because he hated dealing with people. "Roxas." He stared down at me, not quite surprised by my presence. I stumbled inside and he had the grace to look confused. "Hey, you look like hell. What's the matter?" I didn't flinch or even pull away as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You were right. I messed up again. I didn't think about the consequences, or what I was doing. I'm so stupid. I didn't know what would happen."

"Hey, what happened?" He steered me towards the couch, where we sat down, and he had all his attention focused on me.

See, this was what I always liked about Marly. He could be a complete jerk and boss everyone around, but when it was just us, and he wasn't trying to impress me, and he was actually concerned, he became a completely different person. Funny. Or maybe it was just my deciding to view him differently as the occasion dictated.

"Roxas?"

I didn't look at him when I said it. "I just got expelled from school."

"What?" He was shocked. Whatever he thought I was going to say, this was not it. "What did you do?"

I shook my head. "It's more what I didn't do." God, I hoped I wouldn't cry. Not now. I felt weak as it was. Please, don't let me cry. Marly always knew I was weak. That was what he liked about me. "Can I stay here? I don't want to go home. I can't face them."

He pulled me onto his lap, and I didn't try to stop him. Maybe I just had an insatiable need to feel close to someone. "Yeah, you can stay here. As long as you like."

"Just you and me?"

"Yeah."

That's when I fell asleep. I promised myself once that I would never let myself fall asleep around him ever again. But it was too late. I didn't care anymore. Let him take advantage of me if he wanted.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

I didn't know where I was, but it felt nice and warm. I snuggled closer to the warmth and I could hear breathing…breathing?

My eyes snapped open and I blinked slightly, trying to adjust to the light. That's when I saw Marluxia's form wrapped around me. He was still sleeping peacefully. I noticed we were in his bed. He must have moved me from the couch, and put me in different clothes. I sighed. I didn't want to know. Really.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall back to sleep. It didn't quite work, since Marly had begun to wake up. "Hey," he yawned.

"Hi." He gave me a lopsided grin. "What?" I mumbled.

"What time is it?"

"How should I know?"

"There's a clock on the night stand, Roxie." I grumbled at him, but shifted in the direction of the table.

"It's seven thirty-two." That's right. There was school today. He probably should go. To think, I momentarily forgot about the expulsion.

"Okay. Thanks." Marly pulled the covers closer to him, and shut his eyes.

"Um, shouldn't you be getting ready for school?"

"And leave you here? Not today." He grinned and slipped his arms around my waist, drawing me to him. "Besides, I have you right where I want you."

"Marly," I muttered rather dangerously.

"Don't worry, I won't violate you. It's too early for that." He winked, and I let out a breath.

"Fine."

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

We must have fallen back asleep for a good long time, because the next thing I remembered, it was nearly eleven-o-clock and the phone was ringing. I pushed Marly off the bed, and he fell with a thud.

"What was that for?" he whined, rubbing the back of his head.

"Get the phone." The ringing stopped. He glared at me from the floor. "Get the voicemail then."

"Fuck you." He grumbled and pushed his bedroom door open.

"Later!" I yelled at him.

He reappeared at the doorway, with the phone attached to his ear. "You better keep that word." He smirked at me, then turned off the phone.

I glared at him, with no intention of keeping that joke of a promise. "So, was that your dad?"

"No, the school."

"Oh."

"Asking about you."

I looked up at him, startled. "What?"

"Ha. Got you." He grinned. "It was just the normal machine-sent message you get when you don't show up for school."

"Have I ever told you-?"

"That you love me?"

I blanched. "Hardly."

He sat down on the edge of the bed. "Well, I don't need your love, babe."

"Did you really just call me 'babe'?"

"Hmm? Yes. I'm hungry." He headed out the door again. "Hey, Roxie, get out of my bed, and come eat something."

I shook my head. I was not exactly hungry, but I followed him into the kitchen. He stared at the inside of his fridge, idly. "Hey, how long do you think it will take your family to find you?"

"I don't know. I don't care."

"Oh come on, you always care. You always have. Remember the first time I kissed you?"

"You mean the first time you got me drunk and tried to take advantage of me?'

He shrugged. "Sure. Call it what you will. But you said to me, 'I don't think my mom would approve of that.' Remember?"

I stared at him. "I remember the passing out part afterwards."

He chuckled. "You always care, Roxie, no matter what condition you're in."

I sat down on a stool. "Whatever."

"Hmm, you're cute when you pout."

"Eat me," I muttered.

Marluxia turned away from the fridge and raised an eyebrow at me. "Well, I might take you up on that. Considering we have just about nothing else in here."

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him after that.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

We managed to survive the early afternoon without hurting each other. I thoroughly whooped him playing video games. He said he let me beat him. Which, I was worried, he might have actually done. I didn't want his lame form of pity though, it only made me feel worse. Whatever.

"Hey, if you're going to be staying here-"

"I have to pay rent?"

"No, you have to let me dress you like a cat. We can get you cute little ears and a pin-on tail. I'll even buy you a collar. It'll say 'Roxie' on it." He grinned at me.

"You're joking, right?"

"Maybe. Besides, my dad will be home tomorrow, and he might let me keep you if he thinks you're my new pet."

I glared at him. "Right. He wouldn't buy that."

"I could even give you catnip!"

"I don't like cats," I grumbled.

"Aww, poor kitty."

"Seriously, enough with the cat stuff."

He pouted. "Roxie."

"What?"

The doorbell rang. I let out a sigh of relief. He was looking at me like _that_ again. The interruption was nice.

"What do you want?" I heard Marluxia growl at the door.

"I know he's here, so out of my way."

Oh god, I knew that voice: it was Sora. What was he thinking?!

"What are you going to do about it?" Marly taunted.

"Move, before I get angry." He sounded angry already, if you asked me.

"You know, I would like to see you try to get past me."

"Don't tempt me right now."

Oh dear. If I didn't step in, someone, namely Sora, could get hurt. "Hey, leave him alone." I sidled up to Marly's doorway.

"Roxas, what are you doing?" he hissed at me.

"Leave us," I muttered at Marluxia.

"Roxie," he almost sounded like he was begging me for something. What, I wasn't sure.

I turned to him. "Please."

He paused. "Okay." What? That was easier than I thought.

"Roxas." Sora was giving me that look. The 'I'm disappointed in you, but I want to hug you' look. "We've been so worried. Mom's been beside herself, and Pence and Olette have been looking all over town for you." He was then giving me the sad puppy-dog eyes. I sighed, but knew that expression would make me crumble.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't face you guys."

"So you come here?" Sora glared in the direction of Marluxia's living room. "Get your things, we're going," he suddenly said, sharply.

I swallowed. "Sora."

"No. We are going. Now."

I didn't move.

"God damn it, Roxas. I'll drag you home if it comes to that."

My retreating figure headed back to Marluxia, who decided not to leave us for long. "What did you do with my things?"

"They're in my room. I'll get them." He returned after a moment. "You don't have to go with him." He glared in Sora's direction.

"No, I do, I've got to face them some time."

"Roxas." He gave me the most pathetic look I'd ever seen on his face before. 'This is the end' it was saying. I nodded, and let Sora drag me out of his house. I didn't look back, but I felt him watching.

"What happened yesterday, Roxas?" That was Sora's concerned voice. Oh good.

"I don't even know. Things happened and suddenly, I hear him saying 'expelled.' I freaked out. I didn't know what to do." I shook my head, and looked into the sky, trying to focus on anything I could find. Too bad; it was a cloud-less day.

"I understand what you're saying, but still. You should have come to us." I didn't reply, still searching the sky. After a moment of silence, he tried again. "Is it true? Did you really, er, seduce your band teacher?"

That brought me back. I stared at him with wide eyes. "How do you know about-?"

"I was with Mom when she went to talk to the principal. So, don't worry. No one else knows…so it is true?"

"Not exactly. It was really the other way around. But I let her. I wanted her to. It's my fault, either way."

He stopped. "Wait. So, shouldn't you not be expelled then?"

"Um, technically. But I didn't want her to take the fall. It would have done way worse damage for her."

"Roxas," Sora stared at me. "God, honestly. You martyr." He started to laugh, and I just stared.

"What?"

"Heh," he became serious again, "you sacrificed yourself."

"Yeah, but I still have to deal with it."

"Yes, you do."

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

It wasn't a pretty sight. I don't think I had ever seen her so angry. Her words were ringing in my head. Of course, I told her the same version I told the principal.

_Your father would be so disappointed._

That hurt. She knew just how to get to me. The worst part was when she left the room and called Cloud. They were on the phone for nearly an hour. Then she handed it to me, and I had to listen to my perfect brother's ranting. We had a family session with Ana in a couple of hours. I didn't know if I would last that long.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Sora and I were basically quiet the entire time. I think he only came to keep me from hyperventilating and passing out because of the stress in this room. Mom cried a whole lot. Ana seemed disappointed in me. Great. And when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did.

"I've thought about what to do about this. I talked with my eldest son, Cloud, last night and he gave me a few ideas. I've been in contact with several people today, and I finally have a solution."

"What is your plan for Roxas?" Ana asked.

"I'm sending him to a boarding school."

"What!" I stood up, shocked. No way! No way, I don't think so.

"Roxas, think about this." Ana said to me. "Some place new. Without distractions. A new environment may do you good. Why don't you just hear her out?" I could start over. I sat down, in thought. I could start over? This may actually be a good thing.

"Roxas, I know you may hate me for this-"

"I don't hate you, Mom," I muttered.

"And you won't be by yourself, of course."

I wouldn't? The answer hit me just as it hit Sora. "What!?" He stood up this time. "Mom, I don't want to leave my friends because he messed up again."

Oh, Sora's not going to be happy with me anymore.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

"So, what did you two do to get here?"

Oh, don't get me started Riku. It's a very long story. One which I didn't have the ability to re-tell.

"Most people here aren't attending by choice."

I heard Sora sigh. That's true; most people wouldn't want to be shipped off to an all boys' boarding school. It certainly wasn't my first choice.

"Fine, keep your secret," Riku shrugged and we followed him obediently. Sora gave me a look and I just shook my head.

A new school; it would be good for me. I hoped, desperately hoped, for the best. Besides, who wouldn't want to go to school on a private island?

~end chapter two.

A/N: Muhahaha. Maybe by now you are starting to see that I can be very mean…aka, I like foreshadowing. It's my friend. Also, my characters like to withhold information from the readers for a long time, and just let you wonder about them. But I do always follow through on revealing things! When the time comes! (This is mostly a pre-warning) Any who, I'll shut up now. Next up, Sora's chapter 2, and *finally* we arrive on the island. *cough* insert LOST reference here. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Or am I?


	3. Part 1, Chapter 3, Sora's Chapter 2

A/N: Hiya! Sorry it took so long to post this. Just got back from SacAnime (where I was dressed as Guy and Jade from Tales of the Abyss—check it out if you don't know it!) ANYWAY…this chapter is primarily necessary exposition and isn't *that* exciting…and Sora's spacey and vague. But bear with me, 'kay? Stories are supposed to build up, no?

Chapter Three; Sora's chapter two: His Name is Squall

~O~

Riku's so-called tour of the school was basically this: took us to our dorm room; showed us the bathrooms; pointed out dining schedules; and then brought us to the Administration and Counseling building. Then he left us, but not before handing us a map. 'Said he had band practice. Roxas perked up at that.

So we were standing in front of this building, not knowing exactly what to do. Roxas took the first hesitant steps inside. I took a breath, just trying to focus on the air around me. Somehow, it felt lighter. Then I too took my steps forward, and into someone who was exiting the building. "Sorry, I didn't see you," I muttered, looking at my feet, embarrassed that I had just walked into another person.

"No, I should have seen you," a male-what can you expect-voice replied. I looked up to find an older, but not too old, in fact young even, man smiling down at me. "You must be one of the new boys."

"How'd you know?"

"Oh, everyone knows." He grinned, and I found myself fascinated by those lips, which was odd, I must say. Never before had I been 'fascinated' with another person's lips; let alone a guy's. But they were pretty nice looking—oh god. I was staring. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Um, my brother's inside. I should…"

"Yes, well, I hope to see you in class."

"Class?" Don't tell me. He's a teacher.

The man laughed, brushing brown locks out of his eyes. He had a scar, I just noted. But in no way did it take away from his appearance. "Yes, class. I'm a teacher, for English, Literature, Creative Writing; the lot. So, I may be seeing you in class."

"Oh," I managed to choke out. I couldn't believe I was staring at a teacher, checking him out. Oh god. I had never done that before. To anyone, let alone some random guy. That was weird, right? I shouldn't be checking out a guy, right? This island was doing something to my mind.

By the time I got inside, Roxas was already looking over his schedule. "Hey, what kept you? You didn't get lost again, did you Sora? Because I know even you aren't that challenged."

"Thanks," I glared at him. "Where'd you get your-"

"Go talk to that guy at the counter. He'll show you to the councilors. I'll wait here for you."

I blew a strand of hair out of my eyes. 'The guy at the counter.' Honestly. There were no girls on this island. There was no way to be in any contact with the female sex. Yes, I do believe it was a guy at the counter. I huffed; I'm really not this bitter. Really, it was the air. It had to be…making me light headed.

The guy at the counter took me to my councilor, who seemed overly enthused to see me. Probably due to the lack of work he must have had. Either that or he mistook me for a girl. Well, it's happened.

"Now, before we get to the final selection of your classes, Sora, is there any subject or thing you are interested in?"

Say art. I had been in art since I was little. Art, art…"Creative Writing," I blurted out. Oh dear god. What the hell was I thinking? Oh yes, art. So where did that come from?

"Ah, yes, there are openings in several of Mr. Leonhart's classes. Now, you do have to take the normal core classes, but that leaves you with electives. Should I set you up with a Creative Writing class and a Modern Literature class?"

"Uh, yeah. Sounds great." Well, I was always was interested in literature. That was probably be a good thing, since it looked as if I was heading in that direction. I don't know what it was, but walking into that guy had suddenly changed my life in an instant. Maybe I would find out who he was, and why he had left such an impression on me after one chance encounter. No one had ever affected me on first sight before.

By the time I met up with Roxas, I could feel myself glowing. It was the strangest thing, and I didn't understand it. Maybe it was destiny. One look from him sent me whirling down a new path. A brighter one. Though, my sudden change may have been brought on by the air here. Seriously, I feel lighter.

~O~

It took me forever to get up that morning. Roxas had to basically drag me out of my bed. "Come on, Sora. We have classes to go to. If you make me miss breakfast, I swear to god— "

"Alright. Okay. I'm up." I rolled over, turning my back on him.

"God, Sora. Wake up." He pulled the sheets off me.

I grumbled, "Alright!"

He watched me like a hawk until he was sure I was changed and ready to go.

"What do you have first?" I asked, once we had gone downstairs and made a sweep through the dining hall.

"English, you?" We took seats at a table, setting down our trays that were loaded with cereal and other usual breakfast foods.

"Chemistry," I replied, taking a spoonful of some sort of oatmeal.

"Did you say Chemistry?" We looked up to see Riku standing before us with two other guys, all of which were caring their own trays.

"Do you mind?" one of the others asked, looking as if he wanted to join our table.

"Oh, um," I glanced at Roxas, who nodded, "go ahead."

"The name's Hayner, and this is my, uh, roommate, Seifer." He indicated the older looking blond next to him. Why is it that everyone seems to have blond hair? Well, okay, Mr. Leonhart didn't. Nor did Riku for that matter. And I didn't know why I was suddenly noticing that.

"So," Riku took a sip of orange juice, "I heard you have Chemistry this year. God, that class is so dull. Mr. Mayson does nothing but grow older and more boring."

Hayner shook his head. "I have Chem too, first thing in the morning. I can show you; um…"

"Sora, sorry. I'm Sora, and this is my brother Roxas."

"Cool name," Hayner nodded.

"Yours isn't half bad either," Roxas rolled his eyes at the boy. Seifer grinned. "So, you're a grade older than us, right Riku?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah, so is Seifer. We already suffered through Chem. Although, our class wasn't nearly as interesting as this year's."

"What's so interesting about this year's?" I questioned. At the thought, Hayner grinned while Seifer looked slightly irritated.

"Mr. Mayson has a T.A. this year," Hayner sighed, "and he's certainly intriguing. Only problem is, he doesn't do nearly as much teaching in the class. Although, I heard a rumor that Mr. Mayson is 'letting' him plan this semester's class."

"You have no idea how lucky that is," Riku whined, as a bell rang, ending our breakfast.

~O~

"Settle down, settle down." A gray-haired man in specs and a suit shushed the class. "Everyone, in your seats so I can take roll."

"What's the point in taking roll?" Hayner rolled his eyes and indicated for me to sit next to him.

I took the seat and raised an eyebrow at him in question. "Don't all teachers take roll?"

He huffed. "No. Seriously, there'd be no point. It's not like we have anywhere else to go. If people aren't in class, it's their deal."

"Right, we're in a boarding school. I nearly forgot."

"Heh, yeah. At first, it felt like I was just at one of those summer camps away from home."

"Except it didn't end?"

"Exactly."

"Quiet down!" The man glanced in our direction, his eyes momentarily lingering on me with no recollection.

"Sorry I'm late, Mr. Mayson. I was getting supplies for my next class."

Hayner poked me with his elbow. "That's him: Axel. He's a bit of a pyromaniac, and is always doing demonstrations in class. Especially with fire."

"Wow, he's…"

"Intimidating, yes. Just, Mr. Mayson feels that he should still be teaching the class, so Axel doesn't get to do much. Most other teachers who have a T.A. basically shove all their stuff onto them."

I stared at the young man with fiery red hair; he must have felt my stare since the next moment he was returning my gaze. I shook my head and looked away. There was something unnerving about his smirking green eyes.

"Today, we will be learning how to balance chemical equations," Mr. Mayson droned on and began writing on the white board.

"This does not sound good," Hayner muttered.

"No, it's actually not bad." I diligently started copying down notes.

"Really, you know how to do this stuff?"

"Yeah, we already covered this in my last class, I mean, before this school."

"Well, that's handy."

~O~

The bell rang and I packed up my things. Hayner waited for me, questioning what my next class was. "Um, history with Mr. Sonal."

"Mm, that's a good class. Mr. Sonal is pretty eccentric."

"When do you have history?"

"The class after next, but now I go to Pre-Calculus."

I looked over at him and added, "Yeah, my brother has that class. Say hi, will you?"

"Oh, sure." He started to go his direction, when I remembered I had no idea how to read a map.

"Hold on!"

~O~

I managed to find Roxas after second period. We had a short break before third period. Roxas and Hayner were in some sort of conversation about some band's new CD. I wasn't really listening to them, as you may have guessed. We met up with Riku and Seifer, who led us all past the science building where we all then lounged under an enormously large oak tree. I got the impression that this was their usual spot.

"So, are you two ever going to tell us what you did to be sent here? Unless you're one of those weirdoes who actually wanted to be here." Seifer looked between us. Roxas ignored the question, while I tried not to look him in the eye. Eventually, he gave up pestering us. "You're no fun."

"Don't you guys get restless here?" Roxas stretched and leaned against the trunk. "I mean, surrounded by guys every day. Don't you miss seeing girls around here?"

"You get over it," Riku shrugged.

"Besides," Hayner glanced at Seifer, "there are other ways to deal with, ah, well, you know."

Roxas grinned, "Oh sure, if you go for that sort of thing."

"Do you?" Riku gave him a look.

"Do you?" Roxas shot back.

Riku frowned and folded his arms. "No. Some of us know how to resist such urges."

"Liar," Hayner muttered.

I stared at the four others and suddenly felt slightly left out. I wasn't even sure exactly what they were talking about.

The bell rang, indicating it was our time to head to the next class. The others casually took their time to get off the grass and stroll towards the classrooms.

"Meet you after fourth period?" Roxas stopped me.

"Uh, sure."

"For lunch, Sora," he gave me a look.

"Oh, right," I nodded, giving him a small smile. On my way to Calculus, I hoped desperately that this class was behind what our school had done. I wasn't exactly all that math-oriented; which was sort of ironic, since I was in the highest level of math for my grade. I sighed. This place could have been worse.

~O~

After math, I made sure to ask the teacher how to get to the English class. He straightened out my map-issue, and showed me where to go. I probably wouldn't have found my fourth period class otherwise. It was in another building altogether. Come to think of it, so was Chem.

I glanced at the building on the map. 'Arts Department' it said. Well, English is technically a sort of art. That's when I realized that Mr. Leonhart was the teacher. Oh, and I had the next three classes with him: English, Modern Literature, and Creative Writing all in the exact same place. I certainly hoped we would get along.

~O~

I entered the room, and immediately thought of a theater. The desks were built into the chairs that were in escalating rows, like some movie theaters. Briefly, I wondered if this was what college classrooms looked like.

Hayner spotted me standing in the doorway. "Hey, come sit next to me. I didn't know you had English now."

"Yeah." We walked down steps and went into a middle row. Mr. Leonhart noticed me and nodded. I flushed slightly, and looked down at my feet. I wasn't quite sure why I was reacting this way. All he did was notice my presence. I took a deep breath as the bell rang.

The next three classes with him; I had better get a hold of myself.

"Alright everyone, we have an entire semester left, so you all can come down to the front and pick up our next book."

The class shuffled and headed down the aisles. "No way!" someone whined, "do we have to read this?"

"As some of you have already found out, yes we are reading _Hamlet _this year. So, get this though your heads now. Unless, of course, you all want to read more Charles Dickens?"

"No," the class collectively murmured.

"That's what I thought." I reached the front of the class and grabbed a copy of the Shakespeare play. "Sora, I hope you haven't read this in your last school." He smiled down at me.

"No," I shook my head. It was kind of a lie, as while I hadn't read it for school, I had read most of Shakespeare on my own for fun. But for some reason, saying yes to his question seemed like it would have disappointed him. My screwy logic probably. I'm sure he wouldn't have actually cared.

"Oh, that's good," he winked.

Hayner had to pinch me before I remembered to move. "So, seems like Mr. Leonhart likes you already."

"Oh, we met earlier," I shrugged, trying not to think about it.

"Well, it's good he likes you. He's not so fond of me."

"What'd you do?" I glanced at him.

"Who says I did anything? I'm friends with Riku, who is a complete jerk to most teachers. Including Mr. Leonhart here."

I watched our teacher passing out more books. "He doesn't seem like the judging type."

Hayner looked at me suspiciously. "If you say so."

"I don't—"

"Forget it," he muttered.

I frowned. What did I do now?

~O~

Roxas stared at me as I tried to pass out on my bed. "You okay?"

"Mphf," I muttered, head pressed down onto my pillow.

"So, how was your first day?"

I lifted my head slightly. "Anxious. I'll get over it." Or not. I had three classes with Mr. Leonhart. Gah, I need to find some other name to call him by. Like his real name maybe. Thinking 'Mr. Leonhart' over and over in my head was beginning to be a mental mouthful. Ugh, what is my problem? "How was your day?" I asked, in hopes of distracting myself.

Roxas smiled, "You know, I think I may just like it here."

"You seem to get along with Riku and them pretty well."

"We all have our electives together." He paused to look at me. "They like you too."

"Well, I think I upset Hayner," I huffed, blowing strands of hair out of my eyes.

"Yeah, he mentioned that to me."

"Who, Hayner?" I bit my lip, beginning to feel badly for somehow offending him.

"No, Riku. He mentioned to me in passing that Hayner seemed a little pissy after his English class."

"Oh." Right. Hayner probably wouldn't tell my brother he was angry with me or whatever—hang on. That's it. Riku! I stood up and scrambled off my bed.

"Where are you going?" Roxas stared.

"To find Riku." I paused, "Um, where would he be?" Heh, yeah, that's useful information.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "In Hayner and Seifer's room probably. Riku doesn't live in the dorms."

"'Kay, thanks." I managed to locate Riku, who was just leaving his friends' room. "Hey."

He gave me an unreadable look. "Hey."

"Um, can I ask you something?" I fidgeted slightly.

"Shoot." He crossed his arms and surveyed me.

"What's Mr. Leonhart's name?" Okay, he probably will be wondering why I needed to know that. I inwardly sighed.

"It's Squall." He was still staring at me.

"Er, thanks," I turned and headed back to my room. I glanced over my shoulder, and saw Riku was still standing there, staring at me. Oh well, let him wonder. At least I knew his name now. Squall…why do you fascinate me?"

~end chapter three

A/N 2: I guess when I originally wrote this chapter, I felt the need to vent about how I *hate* with a passion…how KH calls Squall 'Leon.' I hadn't even played FFVIII at that point, but it still bothered me for some reason. *Shrugs* So there you have it. His name is Squall. Got it memorized? (. yeah…I just did that.) Next up! Roxas's chapter~ This pattern of switching between the two of them…yeah…that's gonna change too soon. *gasp* So look forward to more Axel run-ins in the next chapter!


	4. Part 1, Chapter 4, Roxas's Chapter 2

A/N: Have another chapter~ 'Cause I'd rather be living in my fantasy world right now, than trying to deal with the real world…Anyway, as promised, here's some Axel for you! And some more exposition.

Chapter Four; Roxas's Chapter Two: You Burn Me up Inside

~O~

We'd been at Destiny Island for a week now. I could honestly say I loved it here. There was no Marluxia, although I did sort of miss him. I shook my head. No thinking about him! Anyway, I really liked Riku, Hayner, and Seifer. They were pretty cool, and interested in music like I was. I'd never met anyone who had perhaps even more of a passion for music than I had; and Riku seemed like he did. I also met this other guy in our band class who was, well, strange but nice. His name was Demyx and we had Chemistry together. I just started sitting next to him. We both weren't science people. I mean, Chemistry? The T.A. also seemed to have it in for me.

"Hey, Blondie, pay attention," the red-haired man shot my direction. The class laughed at my expense. Oh well.

"Yes?" I called out from my seat.

His green eyes pierced into mine, taking me somewhat aback. "Would you like to come up to the front of the class and demonstrate this problem?"

"Um, actually, no. I wouldn't," I sat back and stared at him, challengingly. Mr. Mayson wasn't in class today, or else I wouldn't have been like this.

The guy gave me a smirk, before turning his attention on some other poor soul. Okay, so most people actually think this guy is cool. Which I am sure I would have agreed with, had he not picked on me since the beginning of the semester.

The bell rang and I made for the door, but was stopped in my tracks. A hand wrapped around my wrist, and a wave of heat suddenly seemed to travel across my body. It's all I could do to keep from gasping. "Hey Blondie." Oh god.

"Um, yes?" I turned in his direction. He still hadn't let go of my arm.

"Congratulations."

"Erm, on what?"

"You've been here a week and you're already on the verge of failing."

I stared open mouthed, "I'm failing?"

He finally let go, taking in my expression. "Well, yes?"

"What do you mean, 'yes?'"

He put his hands behind his head. "Well, um, you kind of looked upset after I said that."

"Of course I'm upset!"

He looked slightly confused. "Erm, you're friends with Riku's group, yes?" I nodded. "Well, they never seem to care when they hear that. Probably because they can get Riku to manipulate the system for them or something."

"Well, I wouldn't know about that. That just sounds like a bad rumor to me. And anyway, I care. I just don't understand science. Besides, it's not like I'm motivated to do this—erm—work."

He cocked his head to the side. "Not motivated?"

I stared, "Um, yeah. You hate me. Not exactly inspiring confidence in me to do this."

He blinked, "I don't hate you. In fact, I was going to ask if you wanted to do an extra credit assignment."

"Oh. Well, it sort of seemed like you—"

"Forget it. Got it?" He handed me a stack of papers. "I was worried the new kid had no ambitions, or thought he could coast by because of his new friends. Especially since you seemed to fit in with their arrogant attitude, what with your back talking and all. So yes, I thought my pushing might have gotten you to try harder, you know? Guess that backfired, huh?"

"So you—"

"I get fired up over anything. I saw a kid struggling, trying to use sarcastic remarks to hide his lack of understanding, and thought maybe if I pushed a few buttons, you would push back and try to prove yourself by proving me wrong. My bad, didn't think it would shut you down outside of the classroom."

I took the stack of papers. "Thanks, I guess? For attempting, in your weird way—'cause I'm pretty sure you've just insulted me and my friends several times—to help me…uh…" I furrowed my brow, trying to remember what his name was.

"Axel." He raised an eyebrow, seeming to read my mind. "Got it memorized?"

"Thanks," I nodded, snorting at him. Weirdo.

"See ya, Blondie." The bell rang; he smirked. "Damn it! I'm late."

"You know, I had a feeling there was something about you. I guess I subconsciously knew how entertaining you were going to be if I provoked you."

I gave him one last fleeting glare before I took off running to my next class. Whatever points he had just earned from me, I was immediately taking back. The guy was a cocky jerk. I'm sure his act about trying to help me was some way of pulling one over me.

~O~

I listened, just barely, as Riku complained about his father's new guest at their house here. His rants eventually led to school related subjects which reminded me of my suffering Chem grade. I groaned, and Riku looked up at me.

"I know it's horrible, right?" His green-blue eyes locked with mine earnestly. I should have listened. He had taken a liking to me, primarily because we both into music probably, but also since Hayner and Seifer were a bit annoying when it came to each other, and he was probably relieved to have some escape from their sickeningly romantic staring at each other when we weren't in public.

"Yeah," I nodded, unsure of what I agreed to.

Riku sighed, "Look who's coming over to join us." He shifted against the base of the tree we happened to be located beneath, looking a little uncomfortable for some reason.

"Who? Demyx? He's cool," I shrugged.

Riku shook his head. "Yeah sure. He's just annoying. There's something about him that irks me, and I can't quite put my finger on it."

"Hey guys, what's up?" He flopped down next to us, with his crazy grin and weird hair. Our older friend muttered, while I replied 'nothing.' No one was talking, but that was alright. Today was tired anyway. I closed my eyes, taking in the warm feeling of the sun.

"Oh no, Roxas, your favorite person is headed this direction," Demyx warned me but I didn't bother opening my eyes.

"Hey Blondie, don't you have work to do?" My eyes snapped open. Damn, it was Axel.

I glared up at him, "Leave me alone, Axel, we're not in Chem-class."

He squatted down in front of me so we were eye to eye now. Funny, I never noticed those diamonds under his eyes. For a split second I wanted to reach out and touch them. Luckily, I thought better of that impulse and kept my hands to myself. "Yes, and if you wish to stay in Chem-class—"

"Not particularly."

"—then I suggest you take up my tutoring offer." He raised an eyebrow, irritating me more. I didn't reply. "I'll take that as a yes." He pulled me up, along with himself, by my wrist. Instantly, I felt the same warm sensation as before, but tried to ignore it. He lead me towards the science building as I glanced back at Demyx and Riku. Demyx was looking rather pleased and stuck his tongue out at me. Riku, on the other hand, was laughing. Axel noticed my gaze. "Nice friends you've got."

I didn't even bother saying anything to him after that comment. He was just trying to get a reaction from me, and I wasn't about to give him one. I don't know what it was about me that was inspiring his twisted charity work. Ugh, why me?

During the next few weeks, as I began having tutoring sessions daily, I managed to still learn nothing more about Axel, or why he had picked me out of everyone in the class to be the object of his entertainment. He, on the other hand, was observing me like mad.

"You know, Axel, why don't you tutor anyone else?" my blue eyes gave him a questioning look.

He whacked the back of my head with a rolled piece of paper. "No one is so in need as you, Blondie," he smirked, and I got the feeling he was playing with me.

"Sure," I muttered, as he took a seat across from me. I handed him my latest assignment.

"You know, you are improving."

"I would hope so. I'm here every day." That only reminded me of the fact that it was a Friday afternoon. "And now I'm bored. No more."

He considered me for a moment, his head to the side staring at me with his bright green eyes. "You know, you're right."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, um duh."

He stood suddenly. "Come on, let's go somewhere." His hand was extended and he was standing over me looking like a giddy kid.

I nearly laughed. "Go where?"

"The Arcade," he said, seriously.

This time I did laugh. "The Arcade? No, really? Does this island even have an arcade?"

He blinked at me. "Wow, you don't know about the Arcade, and you've been here for what, a month?" He shook his red hair. "This is sad. It's not an arcade, it's just called that. Basically, it's our entertainment center. I mean, there are other lounges and small game rooms, but the Arcade is the best one and only open weekends and Fridays."

"Oh." I had no idea. The campus here was still a total mystery to me. Besides the few buildings my classes were in and the dorm rooms, I hadn't bothered exploring the rest. And from what I could tell, those few buildings were a small fraction of what was on the island.

He extended his hand again, and this time I took it. Axel seemed relieved. "We can take our train system to the Arcade—you do know about the train, right?"

I glared, "Yes, it's hard not to." The train ran through the entire island; traveling from campus to campus and to the housing districts.

Axel and I boarded at the train stop right outside the science department. He held onto my hand the whole ride. I didn't even think to not let him. It was only a short trip, but I liked the feeling of his fingers interlocked with mine. Marly never held my hand. Couldn't expect that though. By the time we arrived at the Arcade, I was looking at Axel just a little differently. He was tutoring me. Just me. He wanted to help. And here he was holding my hand. Maybe, just maybe, he had other reasons besides my Chem grade for doing so. I felt myself smiling at the thought.

"So, Blondie, we going to stand here all day, or are we going to actually enter this building?"

I turned towards him, smiling, watching his expression. "Lead the way." He nodded and pulled me through the set of automatic doors.

~O~

Sora looked up as I burst through our dorm room door. "Hey. You look happy," he smiled, "what happened, did you burn down the science building?"

I threw my pillow at him and he laughed. "No, I didn't. In fact, I think I was just on a date."

Sora jumped off his bed. "A date? With who?" He was a bit confused.

"Ah. Well. I think Axel. He sort of, might have, just taken me out on a date. And you know, I think I'm okay with that." I stared up at the ceiling, trying to retain the image of Axel bowling. It was a great sight.

Sora sat on the edge of his bed staring at the floor. My exact opposite. "So, you mean, you might like Axel…who is a guy, while you're a guy?"

I stopped my staring at the ceiling to turn to him. "God, Sora, don't tell me you're like that. It may not be socially accepted everywhere, but liking a guy when you're a guy isn't wrong."

Sora looked affronted. "No, I don't mean that I'm against it, I've just never been around it."

I gave him a disbelieving glance. "Then you must not open your eyes. It's everywhere. Here especially. It's not unlikely, since there are no girls."

Sora bit his lip. "I guess, but I've never thought about it. So, I mean, do you go both ways or something? I know you like girls."

I sighed. I never imagined having this conversation with my brother. "What do you think, Sora? Given my history, what do you think?"

"Oh. Well, I always knew Marluxia had his way with you, but I wasn't quite sure that was exactly what was going on."

Marly. I closed my eyes and turned towards my wall. Somehow, I felt as if I'd betrayed him. But I couldn't let him control my life. I didn't know Axel was going to like me, if that was indeed the case. I didn't even suspect my liking the fact he might like me. Marly; it had been a while since I had thoroughly thought of him.

~O~

"Hey, Roxas, here you go." Larxene shoved a glass into my hands. I gave her a grin.

"Thanks." I raised the glass to my lips, but found that Marluxia had taken it from me the next instance.

"Larxene, stop giving him this." He patted me on the head, and took a sip of it.

"Fuck you, Mar, get your own."

He rolled his eyes. "This is way too strong for you to handle, Roxie. Drop it."

"Damn it, I'm not some kid. I'll just go get more."

"Not on my watch." He managed to pin me to his living room wall with just one hand. "After they leave, then you can," he whispered.

I sneered at him, while pushing off the wall. "What, so you think you can keep me on some sort of leash now? Just because the last time you let me drink, I didn't end up making out with you? Well, sorry." Last time he let me get a little too close to Vexen and now regretted it. I turned away from him and began to walk over to Lexeaus.

But I didn't get too far before I found myself being steered into Marly's room. When I heard the lock click, I realized just how badly I had pissed him off. "You forget who you belong to. Me, remember? They get it. Now, you need to understand that fact as well." He pushed me onto his bed. "Don't forget that I'm the one who saved your sorry ass. So, do what you're told."

I tried to keep the contempt from my voice. "Fine."

He sat down next to me. "Trust me, the moment you leave my protection they will be all over you. They'll ruin you, Roxie."

"These are your friends you're talking about."

"Yes, I know. I also know who they are." He placed a hand on the side of my face. And all of a sudden I was crying again. Marly let go of me and left the room. By the time he came back, I was curled up on his bed. "Hey, I kicked them out. You know, this is exactly what I was talking about; if they saw you like this…" he trailed off.

"Yeah, I know. I'm weak."

Marly rolled his eyes, "Uh, yeah. Exactly."

I grumbled, "You don't have to agree with me like that."

He hovered over me, chuckling slightly. "Maybe I like that about you." As he leaned closer, he whispered, "It makes you easier to control."

I could get angry over that, but I was too far gone to care. So what. Let him control me. "I'm tired, Mar."

He backed off. "God, Roxas. You're always tired. You always have some excuse. Whatever, move over." I climbed under the covers, leaving space for him. I closed my eyes, and he wrapped his arms around me. Marluxia was always clingy…in certain ways…when it came to me.

~O~

"Hey, Sora," I turned to look at him once more. He'd been staring at me this whole time. "Are you okay here? I mean, I know you don't exactly think of Riku, Seifer, and Hayner as your friends. But you're okay. Right?"

Sora nodded, smiling a little. "Yeah, actually, there's this guy who's in all my classes, except electives. I've been talking with him lately. I think we may become friends." He stood up and stretched. "As long as you're happy here, that's all that matters."

"Good. I mean, that you're okay too." I sighed. His happiness was important to me too. Especially since he was here for me. Right, here. I needed to let go of the past. Marluxia was the past. It was time to move on with my life. And if Axel wanted to be a part of my new life, then I was okay with that.

~end chapter four.

A/N: Ever notice how things get so much more exciting when Marly shows up? Heh…yeah. I know I shouldn't have a favorite of my characters…but Marluxia's special. So I can't deny he's my favorite :P Anyway, next up Sora. And we meet Sora's lil friendy~ Guess who it is…


	5. Part 1, Chapter 5, Sora's Chapter 3

A/N: Okay, okay…this time…things really actually start to happen. Tee hee.

Chapter Five; Sora's Chapter Three: Personal Revelations

~O~

I never really thought about how a teacher affected your opinion on a subject. Like English with Mr. Leonhart. I was absolutely enjoying his classes. Okay, so maybe it wasn't just the classes. He was…well I don't exactly know how to describe him. He just had this presence about him. Or maybe it was just me. Hayner was always glaring in this class. It didn't help matters that he would mutter off-hand comments under his breath the entire time. But that's okay. I didn't think there was anything wrong with Mr. Leonhart or his teaching.

"Sora?" I looked up to see my friend, Zexion, standing in front of me with one of his art books. "I thought you would be here. The art room is crowded. Is it okay to work next to you?" He was hovering over me, shyly trying to hide behind his silver-gray hair.

"Yeah, of course," I gave him a small smile and patted the seat next to me. I usually spent my time in Mr. Leonhart's classroom after school. Recently, I'd been writing short stories. I'd just been motivated. I glanced out down the rows of seats to where Squall was grading papers. It seemed to me like he too had been spending more time here after school. I returned to my writing as Zexion flipped through his sketchpad. I thought I would miss art more, but I'd been getting so caught up in my writing that the only things I'd depicted were related to my stories.

As Zexion and I became absorbed in our respective work, a comfortable silence fell over the classroom. The two of us were used to the silence. We both were rather anti-social. So we were silent together.

"How are you two doing?" I jumped slightly in my seat, startled. I didn't notice Squall had even moved. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he smiled, and in a way it was as if he was glowing. I could feel myself smiling back.

"That's okay," I brushed a few strands of hair behind my ears and closed my notebook. Zexion glanced at me for a moment before shaking his head. "I'm just working on some writing. It's nothing for class."

Squall looked over at Zexion who flipped his book shut and pointed to the cover: Sketchpad. So, Squall turned his attention back to me. "You said writing?"

I blinked, "Oh, yeah. It's just a story I've been working on."

He continued to give me a look. "Sora," he practically whined, "I'm an English teacher. When you say writing, I want to know everything."

"Heh, yeah. Of course. Sorry, I momentarily forgot." I flushed slightly and sat up in my seat. "So, it's just this story about a guy who loses his father, and how everything around him is falling apart and he thinks there's nothing he can do." I paused and stared down at my notebook. "But then he meets someone who shows him he can make a difference." I nodded my head, indicating I was finished with the summary. Squall was giving me another kind of look, there was sadness and something else in his eyes.

"Hey, I'll see you tomorrow." Zexion suddenly stood up, looking directly at me with an understanding glance as he flicked his eyes in Mr. Leonhart's direction. I silently thanked him.

"Sora," Squall took the seat where Zexion was, "did you lose your father?"

I opened my mouth, hesitantly. "No, well, he's in a medical center right now. He has cancer. It's kind of far away from our home though. But the best specialists are there…apparently. My brother works there, so he's not alone or anything, but…" I didn't continue, and he didn't push me further.

He sighed and stretched out his arms in front of him. "You know, when you finish that story, I'd love to read it."

I nodded, "Alright." I need to get writing then. My pen seemed to be burning in my pocket now. Like I said: motivation.

He stood, and held out a hand for me. I took it and he pulled me up from my seat. "I'll see you tomorrow, Sora." I heard the dinner bell ring. Oh, right.

Zexion was waiting for me outside the building. "You didn't have to wait up for me," I muttered sheepishly, although I was rather pleased by it.

He shrugged, "It was nearly dinner by the time I left you anyway. I knew you wouldn't be in there for long."

"Why did you leave in the first place?" I asked. He knew to leave, and I was grateful for that. But I didn't understand why I needed him to give Squall and I some privacy. I mean, he knew about my father's condition.

"Sora, I thought you would rather tell him without me there."

I nodded, "I appreciate your insight on how I'm feeling, but I don't even understand why I needed to have you gone there."

A light breeze blew by, ruffling our hair and Zexion stopped walking. "Sora, when it comes to Mr. Leonhart, you're very particular. If you don't understand why, then I'm not going to clue you in."

I sighed, "Fine…I guess that's fair. I should figure it out myself, I know."

He grinned, "Come on, let's go."

~O~

"Hey, you're back late." I looked up as Roxas entered room. "I didn't see you at dinner."

"No," he shrugged, "I lost track of time. Axel keeps me busy."

"Oh. How is that going?"

"We're still in the get to know you phase. So, we don't really do anything besides talk."

I yawned, and checked my watch. It was still early. "So, I'm guessing you want more than just talk."

Roxas went a little pink. "No. I mean, I'm not used to someone just trying to figure me out. With Marly, he just seemed to know me, and he wasn't hesitant at all when it came to physical stuff."

I coughed slightly, not wanting to think about my brother in any…physical sense, and returned to staring at my laptop screen. I was soon immersed in my typing. Roxas was finishing his homework while I wrote. I figured if I wrote at least ten pages a day, I'd be done by next week. That may sound a little ambitious, but I already had the entire story line laid out, so it was just a matter of writing it. Of course, things were never that simple.

There was a knock on our door. Roxas got up to answer it. "Hi Riku. What are you doing here?" Roxas glanced at something. "Oh, come in."

I saved my story and set my laptop aside. "Hi Riku," he nodded at me. My eyes dropped to his side, where I noticed he had a bag clutched tightly in his grasp. "What's up?"

The silver-haired boy sat down on Roxas's bed. "Is it okay if I stay with you two tonight?"

I looked over at Roxas, who was waiting for my approval. "Yeah, sure," I frowned a little, confused, but didn't bother to ask about it.

"Thanks. It's not like I could bunk with Hayner and Seifer." He shook his head while Roxas grinned. "But my father is going out on business tonight and tomorrow night. So that leaves me alone with…our house guest." He frowned, "I don't exactly want to stay around there."

Roxas nodded and I looked between the two of them, still perplexed. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but whatever. I glanced at my watch again; eight-o-clock: it was still early. Roxas and Riku turned their attention to some papers Riku had in his bag. It was something band related I guessed. Roxas and Riku were trying to get a group together. Not that they needed to really. Their band would probably just end up being everyone who they normally hung out with. But I suppose it was necessary to try to be more organized.

There was usually a talent show at the end of the year, which was in three months, so they wanted to enter it as a band instead of doing solos. I doubt I'd enter the talent show. I knew a couple of people who were going to be doing skits for it. I'd rather watch though. Being the center of attention was never something I particularly cared for.

It suddenly struck me that this year would be over fairly soon. Okay, three months wasn't exactly soon, but after all the college prep things we'd been doing, and tests coming up, this year and next would fly by. Okay, now that I thought about it, the story I was writing might not be done by next week. In fact, it was not exactly a short story and we had so much work to do this year. I might only be able to write a little, if at all, once school work weighs us down more.

"Hey, Sora?" I looked up. I must have zoned out for a while because it was nearly ten. "Can I sleep with you tonight? I want to give Riku my bed."

"Oh yeah, sure." The three of us changed in silence and headed to the bathroom to brush our teeth. By the time we got back, I was already tired. Roxas flicked off the lights and crawled under the covers with me. We snuggled closer to each other, almost unconsciously, grinning a bit. When we were younger we slept in the same bed all the time. Especially when Roxas had nightmares.

"'Night," Riku called out.

"Good night," we echoed.

In moments we were all asleep. I had forgotten how well I slept next to my brother.

~O~

Zexion and I took seats in the front row before class started. Mr. Leonhart was in his office looking over papers, while we waited for the rest of the class to saunter through the doorway. Today was a dead day; Mondays usually are, but still. The entire school seemed out of it. I idly doodled on my notebook a letter 'S'. I zoned out as my pen etched it deeper into my notebook. "'S' for Sora?" I looked up to see Zexion staring down at my engraving.

"Um, yeah," I hastily wrote out the rest of my name. I hadn't really thought about it. I was just used to writing 'S'. Zexion laughed slightly. He was still watching me. I looked over to glare at him, but found myself glancing down at his sketch book. "Oh." He saw where my eyes had fallen, and snapped the book shut. "It's really good."

He didn't look my way, but hid behind his hair again. "It's just a sketch."

"Of who? He looks familiar." I swore I had seen that figure before. "Yeah, I think that's the guy that hangs out with my brother."

Zexion nodded, "Yeah. He does—Demyx—he's my roommate; has been since freshman year. I don't even need to see his form to draw it. I've got all the angles memorized."

I grinned at him, "Sounds like you—" but I never finished that sentence as our class began piling into the rows. Although, I was sure I got my answer. Z looked a bit pink in the face. He likes his roommate? Roxas was right; it was everywhere, especially here.

"Good afternoon, class." I started, and looked up. Right. Squall's beginning class. The bell rang as our group murmured a reply. "I've got your essays graded. Could I have some volunteers to pass these back?" He glanced across the crowd and a few hands went up. Zexion sighed as I raised my hand to help out. "Hey, Sora," Squall grinned down at me, and handed me part of the stack of essays, "good job on yours." I beamed back at him and had to stop myself from skipping down the row as I returned the essays to their respective owners. Sure enough, at the bottom of my stack, was my own with a large 'A' circled on top in red. There was even a comment: 'very nice work!' And a little smiley face next to it. As I took my seat again, grinning like an idiot and knowing that he probably put things like that on all of the essays, I couldn't help put hope it was special for me.

~O~

"Sora," Zexion whined at me, as we walked through the dining hall.

"Hmm?" I followed his gaze to where my brother was sitting. Seifer and Hayner appeared to be animatedly telling some story. Roxas and Riku were grinning at each other and, oh right, Demyx. He seemed to be a part of their group too now.

We took seats a couple of tables over. Zexion kept looking over at them. "You know, he's been trying to get in with Riku and them since we first started school. Your brother must have been his ticket in." He sighed and began to pick at his food.

I took a sip of water and returned my gaze to their table. "Well, that's good news, right?"

"Sure," he mumbled. "If that's all it was. Everyone knows Demyx likes Riku." I coughed, choking on my water slightly while he laid his head on his arms.

"Oh really?" I coughed again, trying to breathe, "I hadn't noticed." God, it was everywhere. I'm really blind, aren't I? Seemed like everyone here had some object of affection.

"You wouldn't have noticed. You've never really been around him."

"I'm sorry," he shook his head, "well, I mean, Riku doesn't like him though, right? So don't you still have a chance?"

Zexion blinked, and looked up at me. "Um, I never really thought of it like that."

I smiled, "Well, there you go."

"Yes, well, thanks for that." He paused. "Just don't expect me to be giving you any hints."

"Hints about…oh." I closed my mouth. It wasn't really that big of a deal. So I acted weird around my English teacher. I didn't need to have a real reason why—wait. Wait a second. I stood up slightly panicked. "I'll see you later, Z."

He gave me a weird look, "Alright."

I raced up to my room and closed the door behind me, my heart racing now. I acted weird around him. I always had, ever since I ran into him that day when he told me he was an English teacher at this school. I gave up art to be in his classes. I didn't even know him! I threw myself onto my bed. No way. No way! I'm not—I don't. I even asked Riku for his name. I shouldn't have needed to care what his name was. Ever since I first saw him, his presence had made me do things I would normally never do.

I heard our door open and looked up to see Roxas. "Hey, you okay? You left the dining hall a bit—" he took in my pale appearance. "You feeling alright?"

"No," I managed to choke out the word.

"You want me to get you anything?" I shook my head. "I'll be in Seifer and Hayner's room if you need me." He grabbed his book bag and glanced once more at me before leaving.

I sighed. Okay. I have to just deal with this. So what. Not a big deal. Except it was a big deal. I was in love with my English teacher! And I didn't even realize it. Zexion noticed right away; it must be obvious to anyone who hangs around me. Oh god, oh god, oh god. He's a teacher. He's a he! Breathe. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that, right? No. Nothing wrong. So what, I had a crush…apparently. How could I not even notice?

There was a knock on my door. "Yes?"

"Hey, it's me. Thought I should check up on you."

"The door is unlocked."

Zexion pushed it open. "You don't look so good."

"How long have you known?"

He looked at my expression and sighed, "A while. It's not a big deal, Sora."

"It is to me!" He sat next to me. "How could I not even realize it myself?"

"You must really like him."

"I…maybe. I don't know. I don't know how I should feel...I feel kind of guilty."

"Don't. Sora, whenever he's around, you glow. And I think he likes you too."

"How would you know? I mean, why would he? He's older, and more experienced, and could be with anyone he wanted. There's no way he could like me."

Zexion shook his head. "First you're upset and confused, and now you're afraid he doesn't like you. You're a mess of random emotions."

I glanced at him. "I've never really liked anyone before. I was caught completely by surprise. But really, look at me. Why would he like me?"

"Why wouldn't he? I mean, even people in our class know you're his favorite student. He's always there after school when you are—"

"It's his classroom."

"He makes a point to talk to you—"

"So what."

"He has this smile he gives only to you—"

"I doubt that."

Zexion stood up. "Fine, forget it then. Go on thinking he has no feelings for you. Just let your crush be that: a crush. Besides, it's illegal, right?"

"Z," I tried to get his attention, but he had left me in a huff.

~O~

"Hey, I brought you your homework."

"Mh."

"He was worried when I said you were ill."

"Whatever."

"You're pathetic; you do realize that, right?" Zexion glared down at me in my curled position on my bed.

"Yeah, I know. I just couldn't get up and face the fact." I sighed. He sat down next to me with his head in his hands.

"Hey guys," Roxas and Demyx popped their heads in through the doorway. "How are you, Sora?"

"Fine."

"Good enough to go to school tomorrow," Z replied. I glared some more.

~O~

I managed to make it through my first few classes. Of course, everyone believed I was still sick because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I was always early to his class; right now, I was staring at his door. Just had to go in. Go in. Open the door, Sora. Push it open. Damn it, open the-

"Sora?" Fuck. My heart was racing and I could feel myself going pale.

"Hi," I turned around to find him carrying a couple boxes of books.

He smiled at me, and set them down. "So, sick yesterday? You look a bit, well, under the weather."

"Oh, yeah. I hardly made it today."

I helped him with the boxes, as we headed into class. He brushed stands of brown hair behind his ears, looking at me with sympathy. "Well, I hope you're okay."

"I am now." Heh, hopefully he didn't get that. Zexion was right, I thought while I grinned up at him: I'm glowing. "So, what are we reading next?"

He laughed, "Did you look in the boxes?"

"Nope," I was a little preoccupied. Oh my god. Did I really think that?

He pulled out a book and threw it at me. "_Siddhartha_."

I nearly didn't catch it. "What's it about?"

People started pouring through the doorway. "You'll have to read it to find out."

"Alright," I shook my head and sat down next to Zexion, who rolled his eyes.

"You seem fine today."

"Hmm, well, I'd certainly say so." God, what was with me today? The entirety of this class, all I did was watch him. Easily done; but I was really just watching his movements, and little habits. The way his hair hung over his face. His expressions when he was contemplating ideas. How when he thought the class was busy, he would sometimes stops working at his desk and trace the scar, that crossed his face from his right eyebrow to under his left eye, with his slender fingers. Normally, I forgot it was even there.

The class ended, dragging me away from my thoughts. "You can borrow my notes," Zexion handed me his notebook; "I'll see you after electives."

"Thanks," I grinned at him and he just gave me a look plainly saying 'you've got it bad.' 'So do you,' I thought as I saw another Demyx sketch in the margins of the lined paper.

Okay, so I was obsessed too. Erm, sort of. I mean, it wasn't like I was going around telling people, and stalking him. Definitely not. As long as I was not annoying him, or pursuing him…there was nothing wrong with that. I leaned my head against my arms. There was something I never thought of. I was going to probably remember him for the rest of my life. But who was I? Just one of the thousand of faces who would go through this school. Another name that would eventually be forgotten. I spent the rest of my elective classes in a depressed state. Liking someone takes a lot out of you.

The bell must have wrung, but I didn't hear it. I'd just been sitting there in the same position for a while, in a daze. I didn't even notice when Squall sat down next to me. He must have let us idle there in silence for a good long time. When he spoke, his voice was soft, just like a whisper, but I could hear it clear as day. "Is something wrong, Sora? You seemed out of it during class."

"Maybe. It's not important though."

His eyes conveyed a look of concern. I'm pretty pathetic, aren't I? "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really," I sighed, but moved from my position to sitting upright. "Years from now, do you think you will remember me?"

He blinked in surprise. "Of course. Why?"

"I dunno, just thinking. Why would you remember me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" We stared at each other for a moment. He could tell I wanted an exact answer. "Can I just leave it at that, Sora?" His expression became an unreadable one and he dropped his gaze from mine.

"Alright," I nodded and smiled slightly. He got up suddenly and headed down to his desk. A few moments later, Zexion took a seat. "Thanks for the notes." He made a sound in his throat as a reply, and took his notebook back. I ran a hand through my hair, "And thanks for waiting to come to class," I murmured.

Z smiled, "Of course."

I glanced down the rows to Squall, who looked my way. Our eyes locked and a calming sensation warmed my insides. 'I will remember you.'

~end chapter five

A/N 2: Okay, okay…that was a little corny, but I can't help it sometimes. Anyway, as promised, stuff happened in this chapter. And you got to meet Z. And Sora is…well…poor Sora. SO, next chapter…it ain't a Sora or a Roxas chapter. *gasp* Yeah, that's right. It's a surprise ;)


	6. Part 1, Chapter 6, Riku's Chapter 1

A/N: Hey, so…remember how this fic is M…? Yeah, WARNING…that's about all I'm gonna say for you. Also…surprise, Riku's chapter! And some other surprises…I have to be vague here. Sorry! (No, I'm not) I'll just say this: my Riku chapters are usually…kind of intense. So enjoy ;)

Chapter Six; Riku's Chapter One: My Light in the Dark

~O~

All my life, I'd tried to please my father. I did well in all my classes. And every challenge that crossed my path, I took on with flying colors. When he learned of my interest in music at a young age, he constantly pushed me to be better than my best. Always go beyond what you think you can do. But still, it wasn't ever enough. Having me best everyone wouldn't bring mother back. She left because she couldn't stand him anymore. Father tried to control the both of us. So one day, she up and left; leaving me here to deal with him. I guess that was where my anger came from. I took it out on the people who I knew couldn't do a thing about it.

"Hey, I'm coming in so you two better not be-" I pushed the door of my two best friends' room open. Hayner and Seifer gave me innocent looks. "Oh goodie," I murmured. The two of them were cuddled up on Seifer's bed. They grinned at me with their patronizing eyes. They seemed to be saying 'You know you want to'.

I sat down across from them on Hayner's bed. "So what have you two been up to…besides the obvious."

"Not much," Seifer shrugged.

"Oh, did you find out if we can practice in the Stadium?" Hayner sat up, looking at me expectantly.

"Yeah. Father booked us. Some other bands are using it too." I sighed, "Oh yeah, Demyx wants in on the band."

"I kind of like that guy," Seifer glanced at Hayner who nodded, 'He's cool'.

I stood and folded my arms. "He's okay, but he's so annoying. Always hanging around and…forget it. You all like him. Even Roxas. So…fine. I need to be home to practice." I headed for the door.

"You look tired," Seifer called out.

"I am. But the violin is my top priority right now." I didn't look back at them. They wouldn't understand, especially since I had been playing the instrument for almost forever.

"You've always played well," Hayner said, worriedly.

"Well is not good enough," I whispered. "Besides, our guest is a master violinist. Father won't have him leave if I can't match him—and I want him gone."

"Ansem's still here?" they chorused, "he's amazing."

I turned sharply, my eyes flashing, "Sure he is." I slammed the door and stood stiffly outside their room.

"What was that about?" I heard one of them say.

I can't stand him. I can't stand him at all. He graduated from our college-campus music department. He'd been my father's favorite for a long while. My father's favorite; even I couldn't take that place.

"Hey Riku." I looked up to see Roxas.

"Oh, hi," I ran a hand through my silver hair and walked towards him. "So, what's up?"

"The usual," he shrugged, "putting off homework."

"Yeah," I shoved my hands in my pockets, "I'm putting off practicing."

Roxas looked sideways at me. "I'm sorry that music is like a chore to you right now."

"I don't want it to be."

~O~

I crept through the house—or rather mansion—and silently slipped into my room. But before I could sink onto my bed and into a deep sleep, I was caught.

"You're father called. He'll be home tomorrow night."

I looked over to one of the corners of my room. Ansem was sitting there with his hands folded. "What are you doing in my room?" He makes me so infuriated!

He sighed and stood. His orange-ish eyes glowing with an intimidating gleam. His silver hair was the same shade as mine and my father's. He would be like a member of our family—by looks—if only his skin was less tan. "Riku," his silky voice called out to me. "Come, you need to practice," he extended a hand, expectantly.

I hesitated. What if I just told him off? He wouldn't like that. Besides, he sucked up to my father even more than I did. He'd do what he was told, and that was to tutor me. So I reluctantly placed my hand in his grasp. He smiled wickedly and led me towards the music room. We entered and he shut the door behind us.

"Close your eyes," he whispered in my ear. I did so. I could feel him tying cloth over my eyes. He dropped his hands from my hair and let them slide down my arms with a little squeeze. "Why don't you just listen to me play for now, Riku? Let's see what you can hear."

I murmured a response, knowing exactly what he was doing. There was something about the way he played that drew me in, like it was a trap ready to catch me. I was always rather agreeable with him after I heard his music. It was hypnotizing to me. Regardless of how he made my skin crawl, I couldn't deny that he was a genius.

~O~

I didn't sleep much that night. When father was away on business and left me alone with Ansem, my instincts told me to be afraid. There was something about him that just set me off. I dimly noted that Demyx did the very same thing to me, which was a strange coincidence as they were so different from one another.

"Can't sleep again?" He was standing in my doorway. God, I can't even have privacy in my own room?

"No," I rolled over away from him, so I was facing my wall. "And neither can you, apparently."

He closed my door behind him, "Or maybe I am just in sync with you." Ansem paced over to me and sat on the edge of my bed, placing the back of one hand on my cheek. "Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing." I followed his instructions without a second thought. My eyelids began to feel heavy. The darkness was sweeping over me and I could faintly hear him whispering, though I couldn't make out the words he was saying. They were probably not all that important anyway. In moments, I was asleep.

~O~

I woke to find sunlight streaming in through the large windows of my room. Normally, I had the curtains drawn. Ansem must have opened them.

"Good, you're awake. Your father called earlier; he should be back some time tonight." Our guest appeared in my doorway again, and I had an odd sense of déjà vu.

I slipped off my bed and yawned, stretching my arms into the air. He was watching my every movement with a peculiar, unrecognizable gleam in his eyes. I stopped to stare at him, "What?"

He smirked, "You've got a nice body."

My mouth dropped open. "What?" I choked out, just staring at him. That's not what I wanted to hear from a male house guest who was five years older than I was, and was tutoring me. Nope, definitely not. One more reason to stay way away from him. Ansem ran his eyes over me once more before leaving the room. Once he was out of sight, I began to tremble slightly. Out of anger, or something else, I wasn't so sure. The thing I did know was that I didn't like him. Not at all. He thought he could just move in here with my father's approval and start dictating my life. No, no, no. Not if I had anything to say about it.

I left home in a flourish of slamming doors, and met up with Roxas, Seifer, and Hayner at the dining hall. Demyx appeared by our sides, and I was too angry to even be annoyed by him. "Say, you don't look so chipper," Demyx noted.

"Chipper?" I rolled my eyes, "no, I wouldn't be. I'm tired of having that guy in my house."

"He can't be worse than your father," Seifer pointed out.

Hayner inclined his head in agreement, "You always complain about your father."

"I always thought Ansem was this great musician." Demyx glanced between us.

"Oh, he's exceptionally talented, and he constantly reminds me of that. I probably would hate him more, if he wasn't so damn good," I growled. Roxas nodded, knowingly. "But whatever," I sighed. Demyx was giving me a pathetic look. I didn't want him feeling sorry for me. "Well, I'll see you later." I headed towards my Stats class earlier than normal. Lately, things in my life had become un-normal. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised by this.

I took a seat in the back of my class and sunk into the chair, while I pulled out my iPod and stuffed my headphones into my ears in the hopes of escaping the real world through my music. I pressed the play button, not looking at what it was on, expecting to hear something from my latest playlist. But instead, I found myself listening to a piece Ansem composed not too long ago. My eyes snapped open, again annoyed. He had stolen my iPod and put his own stuff on it? Really? I growled under my breath and yanked my headphones out. Talk about an invasion of privacy. I was about to just turn off the iPod and glare at it for a while, but I had a sudden lapse in sanity and hesitantly returned the ear buds to my ears. I found myself becoming enthralled by his music, despite myself. What could I say, I may have hated the guy, but damn…he knew what he was doing. And that's exactly what my father recognized when Ansem was only a freshman. I'd never mentioned it to the others before, but I met him when I was younger—much younger. He probably didn't even remember. But then again…he just might. When I first started school here, he was already in the school's college program. I used to play solos in the end of year talent show. He was always there. During run-throughs, and occasionally when I was playing alone in the school's practice rooms, I heard him lurking near the doorway. For all I knew, he'd been watching me all along.

"Riku," I blinked, bringing myself out of a certain trance. My math teacher stared me down and I just glared up at him. "If you could put down your headphones, class is starting."

"Whatever," I muttered, taking them off and setting my head on the table. His music was ringing in my ears. What do you want from me, Ansem?

~O~

"So, this band of ours," Roxas glanced over our group. "Anyone know what it's called?"

Demyx pouted and poked my shoulder. "Well, I've had tons of ideas—"

"No," I cut him off. "We need a good name." He sighed and looked across at Hayner, who shook his head.

"Why don't you come up with a name then?" Seifer stared me down with an eyebrow raised.

"Fine, but don't go blaming me if you don't like my suggestions."

"I actually have an idea that—"

"No one cares, Demyx." I grabbed my bag and left the band room. I walked a couple of halls before running into Ansem. "Why am I not surprised?" I muttered crossly, as he walked up to me.

"Your father wanted me to find you." Somehow, he made that sentence seem…well…I couldn't really think at the moment as he was sliding a hand down my arm and taking mine in his. "Shall we?" he whispered in my ear, his breath sending shivers down my back. Ansem brushed a thumb across my lips. "Riku." I was finding it difficult to breathe all of a sudden.

"Riku?" I dropped my eyes from my captor's gaze and looked over my shoulder. Demyx was standing behind me with a slightly confused expression as he glanced between Ansem and I. I felt myself become more pale.

"What?" I managed to find my voice. Ansem still hadn't dropped my hand yet.

He looked down, "Nothing, we just didn't want you leaving in a huff. Um, so, I'll see you later." Demyx brushed past us and turned down another hallway.

"Friend of yours?" His smirk was unnerving.

"Sort of," I replied, nonchalant.

"Hmm, alright. So, where were we?"

"Going home. You said my father wanted to see me," I pulled away from him, making him slightly displeased.

"Yes, I guess I did say that. Well, we best be going then. The sooner we get back, the sooner I can have you all to myself." He started to walk again down the hall. I kept up with his pace, but made the mistake of glancing down one of the other halls. My eyes went slightly wide as they caught Demyx's. He was listening to us. I quickly looked away. There was something reflected in his eyes that I couldn't understand, but caused a pain in my chest.

~O~

"There you two are."

I nodded, "Father."

"I believe you were looking for this, Sephiroth." Ansem tilted his head in my direction briefly, before leaving me in my father's study.

"How are you, Riku?"

I took a seat across from him and he leaned forward on his desk, watching me. "You didn't ask me here to find out how I've been."

He sighed, "Riku, I just wanted to catch up with you; I've been gone for a few days now—"

"Father, can you get to the point. I have work to do and I want to get some practice in." I folded my arms and looked away from him.

He sat back in his chair, surveying me. "Fine. You have things to do. But I must say this: I've been getting a couple interesting messages from your teachers. Apparently, you've been falling asleep in class, back-talking—"

"So what else is new?" I rolled my eyes.

"Riku. This attitude is going to get you in trouble."

"No, really?" I stood, "thanks for the talk, Father." I gave him a fake smile and left the room. I didn't want to deal with him right now.

"Were you ever a nice little boy?" Ansem had his arms folded and an amused smile on his lips.

I shrugged, "Maybe. Look, I have work to do right now."

"Go on then."

I walked past him and towards my room. The good thing about my father being home was that Ansem usually left me alone. It was a couple hours before he bothered me again.

"Your father has a meeting in the morning, so he won't be here for breakfast."

I gave him a look, "Your point? I try not to ever be here for meals anyway."

He closed the door behind him. "Yes, I know. But tomorrow, you're having breakfast with me. Come on, I'll make it; I'm a decent cook you know."

"Um, well."

"It'll be fun. I promise. Besides, I feel like I hardly see you."

I pushed my chair away from my desk and the pile of economics work. Letting out a sigh, I gave him a skeptical look. "We see each other every day. For hours."

He had somehow inched closer to me and was twisting strands of my slivery hair between his fingers before I knew it. "Let me do something nice for you, hm? Riku…" Ansem locked our eyes and my train of thought slowed to a halt.

There was something hypnotic in his gaze, "Alright," I heard myself saying, "but it better be good."

~O~

"Go away," I muttered, pressing the pillow against my ears. The phone was still ringing loudly. I had fallen asleep on my bed trying to finish my homework.

"Riku," my father's voice echoed down the hall towards my room. "Riku. You're friend is on the line. Pick up."

I grumbled, 'my friend,' how specific. But I picked up the phone anyway. "Hello?"

"Riku?"

"Unfortunately," I mumbled, mostly to myself, and rubbed at my eyes.

"What?"

"Never mind. Yes, it's me…um, Demyx, you called?"

"Heh, right. We need to talk. Now." He sounded serious, which made me a little nervous.

I shifted slightly on my bed, and swapped the phone to my other hand. "Now's not so great, Demyx."

"I don't care. Meet me anyway. At the tree near the science building." There was a click as he hung up, and I sat listening to the dial tone on the phone for a moment. I pushed off the bed and grumbled my way out the door. This wasn't going to be a happy conversation.

"Where are you going?" Ansem whispered. I nearly jumped; he had a habit of lurking in shadows and appearing when you least expected him.

"I was just going out. I'll be back." I slipped out the door and began the walk down to the science department. I should have brought a jacket, but I wasn't thinking; damn, I'm freezing.

"Riku!" Demyx jumped up from his seated position at the base of the tree and gave a short wave.

I frowned and jerked my hand in what might have been a wave back. "So, you wanted to talk?"

He blinked, looking as if he forgot what this was about momentarily, his expression changing to one of enragement. "Yes," he glanced away for a moment, "god, Riku. You're such a hypocrite."

"Um, excuse me?" I tried to keep a sneer from crossing my blank features. "What the hell are—"

"Shut up. I'm not finished." I must have looked somewhat taken aback, my mouth hung open and all. Demyx flushed, and even in the dark I could see the red creeping up on him. "Look, you give Seifer and Hayner such a bad time because they're together. You have this attitude like you're so much better than the rest of us. You do know that Roxas is seeing Axel now, right? You aren't ragging on him yet." He stopped and took a breath.

"Do you have a point, Demyx?" I muttered, not looking him in the eyes. The fact was, I thought I knew exactly what his point was going to be, and I didn't like it, not at all.

He moved a little away from me. "You're a hypocrite. You bad-mouth us for liking other guys, and then I see you with that Ansem guy hanging all over you. Weren't you saying you hate him? What is that? Just a cover?" He brought his eyes timidly back to mine.

I just stared, unable to speak. The silence was unnerving. I coughed slightly and was suddenly reminded that it was cold out. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"You're right. I am a hypocrite. But I'm not with Ansem, I do hate him." I shivered, and rubbed my arms. But my shaking wasn't from the cold. "I hate him," I murmured, "but for some reason I'm drawn to him."

Demyx made a 'tutting' sound. "Riku, he's like seducing you. Okay, do you get that? Eventually, you'll give in and he'll get what he was after to begin with. I see it in your eyes, you're cracking. It won't be long before you break."

Now I was the one blushing. "He's not seducing—"

"Riku," Demyx whined, "don't make me say it all again." I didn't respond. "Has he kissed you yet?"

"No," I said, somewhat forcefully.

"Good," Demyx moved closer to me, and in my curiosity, I merely watched him. Watched as he placed a hand on one side of my face; watched as he leaned up on his toes; and when he kissed me, I was no longer watching. But he broke it off quickly. Smirking, he retreated and began walking away.

"Demyx!" I called after him. He turned back. "Um, you said you had a name for the band."

"Euphony."

I smiled, and shook my head, laughing a bit to myself. "That is a good name."

"I know."

~O~

On my way back to my room, an eerie sound caught my attention. And like a moth to a flame, I was inexplicably drawn to it. I followed the sound to the music room, where I found Ansem's lone figure. But instead of his signature violin, he was playing my old flute. I hadn't touched that since…no; I don't want to think about that.

He finished the song, which happened to be something I had never heard before, probably something he just composed on the spot, and turned towards me with a grin playing on his lips. He was clearly pleased that I had shown up, and looked as if he'd known I was going to appear…that he had somehow been summoning me. "Riku," he motioned for me to enter the room. That's when I realized I had been standing in the doorway with a somewhat vacant look on my face. I closed the door behind me without a second thought, but didn't move any closer.

"That was the first instrument I ever played," I whispered, refusing to turn my eyes towards him, for fear he'd see what was hidden behind them. The fact that he had touched my flute to begin with felt like such an invasion to me. That particular instrument was sacred, even I couldn't pick it up.

"I know," his back was to me, as he placed it ever so gently in its case. "You stopped playing it once your mother left."

"What?" I let out a breathy gasp. "How do you know that?" I swallowed and tried to move backwards, but soon remembered that there was a door behind me. Ansem seemingly glided closer to me; so close that he was trapping me between his arms, now on either side of my head, his palms pressed against the door, and was looking down at me; so close that his legs were brushing against mine and I was finding it hard to breathe again. I was caught in his gaze, and my knees began to weaken. If he moved away, I'd surely fall. And I was only now noticing his intoxicating scent. I couldn't describe it, but if I had one word, it would be darkness. That doesn't even make any sense.

"I know everything about you." His silky voice whispered in my ear. I let out a shaky breath, trying to swallow as my skin began to burn.

_He's like seducing you_, Demyx's voice rang in my head. Seducing me? Is that what this was? _I see it in your eyes…it won't be long before you break_.

Ansem brought one hand to the side of my face, caressing my cheek with one slender finger before he placed his other hand in my hair and pulled me even closer to him. And as he brought his lips crushing down against mine, I crumbled into his arms with a whine. For a moment, I wondered about Demyx, but then I remembered he was only trying to prove a point. Besides, I thought he had something going on with that artist roommate of his. But all thoughts of Demyx rushed from my mind when Ansem thrust his tongue into my mouth and I moaned before I could hold it back.

Maybe it was just Ansem; or maybe, like all the other boys on this island, I too had fallen victim to this—this, whatever this was.

We broke apart eventually, from lack of oxygen. I was breathing heavily and shaking. Ansem, as always, appeared in control of everything. "What do you want from me?" I managed to choke out the words in barely a whisper.

Ansem still had his arms around me, knowing full well I was in no condition to support my own weight. "I thought that much would be obvious: I want you." I shuddered at the full implications of what he was saying. "Goodnight, Riku." He pressed a kiss against my ear and let me go, exiting through the door without making me move somehow, and left me in the music room alone with my thoughts. I was now trembling all over, trying to fight back tears as I felt the flush that covered my body scorching me. My body desired him despite the fact that I hated him. I was being betrayed by myself. Involuntarily, I let out a dry sob.

My knees gave out and I fell in the dark.

~O~

"So, this emergency band meeting can now start." Seifer cleared his throat as Hayner chuckled. "Honestly, Riku, you're the one who calls the meeting and then shows up late."

I had the grace to look embarrassed; this was nothing compared to the mess I'd be in if they knew why I was late.

Sora coughed in the corner, and we all turned towards him. "Sorry, but I still don't know why I am here."

"Right," I nodded, "okay, the show will be upon us in what, a month? We have to get this together."

"Well, we did already decide on a name," Demyx shrugged and the rest of the band nodded. "So, we have our songs composed—I don't see what's—"

"Our songs suck," Roxas pouted in his corner next to Sora. "Well, no, I mean our lyrics suck. The songs are awesome. I think we're all in agreement about that."

"You have an amazing voice, so who cares about what the lyrics are. We can't just write three new sets of lyrics. I mean, we spent forever on them already. Seriously, who would have thought the damned lyrics were going to be the difficult part? I would have thought getting our five members to agree on a genre would have been the harder." Hayner folded his arms and glanced at Seifer, who muttered an agreement.

"I care about it. And that's why I've decided we need a re-write. Roxas agrees with me, and as our lead singer his say is probably the most important. So, since we are clearly inept with the words part of writing a song…we thought we'd bring in someone who isn't. Because while our music is decent—regardless of it being rather clichéd and too pop for my tastes—I'd like to at least impress people as much as we can." I glared at the rest of the group, challenging them to protest. No one did. There were only a few grumbles from Hayner and Demyx about how there was nothing wrong with pop. "Yes, yes," I waved a hand at them, "I know. I listen to it too. That's not the point right now, however. Well?" I looked over at Sora.

"Damn, now I know why I'm here. Guys, I have my own writing I need to work on," Sora refused to look at his twin's pleading face. Roxas eventually managed to get his attention. "Gah! Okay, fine, I'll help re-write, but I haven't even heard any of your music, so you'll have to include me during practice and such."

"Not a problem," I handed Sora a disc. "That's a recording of our songs, with the lyrics and without them." I passed him a folder, "And here is a copy of the lyrics."

Sora frowned, "Alright, I'll try to re-write your three songs, but don't expect me to do a better job than your originals. I'm the back-up plan, got it? I mean, it's not like I know anything about music."

"Thanks Sora!" Roxas threw his arms around the other boy's neck. "Don't worry, you just need to know how to write. And you've been doing so much of that lately, out of all of us, I have no doubt you're the best writer." Sora grumbled, and the rest of our group grinned.

I stood up and stretched out my limbs, "Alright, see you losers later." I exited the band room and let out a sigh.

"Riku."

I nearly jumped out of my skin, "You know, Demyx, if I didn't know better, I would think you're my stalker instead of Ansem."

He grinned, and put his hands behind his head, "Well, what makes you think I'm not stalking you?"

"Um…" I turned back to give him a puzzled look, but continued walking down the hall at my normal pace.

Demyx kept on following me, "Well, since we're on the subject of Ansem…" he trailed off, as I began to glare at him. "Oh come on, Riku. You've stopped annoying the rest of us with your constant complaints and whining about him, and since I know what's been going on—"

"Demyx, what are you getting at?" I all but growled at him. I had stopped walking and had my arms folded.

He took in my defensive posture and shook his head, his eyes dulling before my own. "You gave in, didn't you?" His whisper almost killed something inside me. Demyx stared at his feet, refusing to look up at me.

"I…" but what could I say? Truthfully, I did give in. I no longer pulled away when he touched me—I craved it; I didn't tell him off for showing up where ever I was—I wished for it; and when he kissed me, I didn't stop him—I kissed back.

"You don't love him, Riku."

"So what," I shrugged, pretending to not care.

"Riku!" he finally looked up at me. "This is going to get you hurt. All it is, is lust. At least on his part. I won't even try to explain your submission."

It's all I could do to fight back my urge to yell at him. But I noticed wet streaks down the sides of his face. "Demyx?" I stared at him, my mouth slightly open, and my eyes widening with surprise. Had he been crying?

He blinked, and rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. "It's nothing," he mumbled.

"Riku!" a voice called out from the end of the hall. I turned sharply to see Ansem with one eyebrow raised and an expectant look that beckoned to me. I gave Demyx one last glance and moved towards Ansem. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Demyx lean against the side of the wall and slide down it, helplessly, to the floor, his shoulders shaking.

Something inside me cried out to him, an instinct was telling me to run back, but Ansem reached out and placed a firm grip on my wrist. He pulled me outside, and away from Demyx.

~O~

There had been rumors for weeks; countless rumors, but seeing as how I was the headmaster's son, no one decided to personally involve me in this little prank. So, besides being offended that my father accused me right from the off, the fact was I had nothing to do with it.

Sephiroth stared at me from across his desk; his arms folded—so stiffly, he really did make a good show of it—and his eyes glaring daggers at me.

"I swear I wasn't even out of the house last night." I mimicked my father's stance, but shifted my eyes in Ansem's direction. He should vouch for me; he knew I wasn't out last night. I was with him all day, and night for that matter. And no, that was not meant to be taken as a disguised message about the nature of our relationship; I was merely saying he made me practice longer than usual.

He seemingly understood my look. "Riku didn't go out last night; I kept him in the music room 'til late."

My father nodded. Why is it he trusts Ansem, and not me? If he knew that his perfect former student was entertaining thoughts of fucking his son, he wouldn't trust him. Now, that would be an interesting conversation. "Riku, you may not have been directly involved in this escapade, but given your friends' records, I'm betting they had something to do with it." He leaned forward, his eyes gleaming. "So you haven't heard anything, or know anyone who may have been involved?"

I sneered, "Well, you seem to think that my friends did it. And we all know you're never wrong—oh wait! I think there was that—"

"Riku." Ansem put a hand on my shoulder, trying to stop my outburst. I shrugged it off, but didn't continue.

"Disconnecting the entire island's electricity is a high offense, to say the least! My accusations are justly aimed at those who you associate with. Tell me, Riku, are you even aware of what is written in their records?" Sephiroth was seething, but I had to admit he was actually right on one count. I didn't know what was in their files. How could I? "Let's see here," my father pulled out a stack of folders from a drawer in his desk. "Your friend Hayner is a known prankster, got into a bit of a mess his freshman year—"

"Everyone knows about that! Two years ago, come on—"

"Seifer apparently has a bullying issue. Oh, well, it appears that in junior high he got into quite the fight—"

"Oh please, he hasn't touched anyone since then. He isn't going around harassing people or anything—"

"Even your new friend, Demyx, seems to have his fair share of issues—"

"Are you keeping tabs on me?" I stood up, outraged. "I mean, why do you have all their files on hand anyway?"

My father continued as if he hadn't heard me. "It says here that he has been caught shop-lifting several times."

"Tell me, Father, why is it that you allow people with these sorts of records into your school?" I was shaking, enraged by him bringing up all the flaws in my friends.

He surveyed me, curiously. "I'm about giving these kids second chances."

I let out a hollow laugh. "Funny way of showing it. Besides, the things you said about my friends, all of that is in the past."

"I believe that I've got one more," he picked up the top file from his stack and slowly opened it. "This one's my favorite. Did you know that Roxas was kicked out of his old school for coming onto a teacher?"

"What?" My mouth, suddenly dry, dropped open.

"Yes, apparently she had been in quite the vulnerable state at the time. He took advantage of her in her weakened condition. Oh, and that's not all. There are several little insights in here. Hanging around suspected drug users; bullying and threatening other students; bringing a weapon on campus; countless detentions and suspensions; declining grades…I could go on, Riku, but I think I've made my point. If you find out anything about our recent electrical issue, let me know."

Sephiroth had stunned me into silence. The effect he was going for, I'm sure. Otherwise, why would he have read confidential files out loud to me? Was he trying to get me to spy on my friends and snitch on them? Use me to keep tabs on the people who didn't have great records, just like he was keeping tabs on me apparently? Because now all I could think about, was what else was on Roxas's file? This person my father had described, it was not the Roxas I knew.

I quietly left his study and slipped outside. In my stunned state, all I could think about was how I wanted answers…for so many things. So I decided I would start by confronting Roxas. Had he really done all those things and more? Luckily, I didn't have to search far. Roxas and Axel were lounging under the big tree near the science building.

What would I say to him? 'Hey Roxas, did you used to be slightly psycho at your last school?' Oh, that would go over well.

"Hey, Riku!" Roxas waved and threw the book he had been reading at Axel. The red-head glared at me.

"Hey," I sat down next to him, hearing Axel sigh. "So, do you know anything about who shut off the electricity?"

He shook his head, "No," Roxas laughed, "but it was kind of funny. Oh darn, can't have school 'til it's fixed. I mean, they even got the backup generator? Who hates school _that_ much? Too bad they're making such good progress on the repairs. Axel was telling me it'll be done tonight probably. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted."

I pursed my lips. "Not if you have my father accusing you."

"You aren't in trouble, are you?" his blue eyes began to shimmer with concern for me.

"Speaking of trouble…" I trailed off, wondering if I should really bring this up. "So, did you actually sleep with a teacher, or were you caught in a compromising position?"

Axel looked over at me. "What the fuck, Riku?"

"How do you know about that?" Roxas questioned, meekly. Axel glanced between us, startled.

"My father decided to accuse all of my friends of being involved in this prank. So he pulled your file and read some of it to me." I ran a hand through my silver hair and sighed. "So really, did you?"

"What happened there is strictly between me and Miss Laylee. Records can lie, Riku. You can't believe everything you hear or read." He glanced at Axel, who was staring, worriedly, at him.

"'Records lie'," I muttered. "So all that other stuff about you hanging around suspected drug-addicts, bringing weapons on campus, threatening students, is that all a lie too? Who are you, Roxas? Because you don't act like that."

He laughed and shook his head. "Funny, you can read off facts, but that doesn't mean anything if you don't understand the circumstances. You know what's ironic? Here, you and your other friends are the ones that people think are troublemakers. I think it's a little hypocritical that you're getting all 'holier than thou' on me." He paused and looked at me with blazing eyes. "My father was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't handle it well. So yeah, I got into some fucked up shit. We were in junior high, but there was this group who people were so sure was into drugs and all that. I got into a little mess that year, but this group covered it up for me. So I stuck with them. And those students I so called 'threatened' were my two best friends, who I couldn't stand to be around. I was on anti-depressants, but I stopped taking them. I was pissed off. But my mother eventually sent me to therapy and I backed out of that little group. I'm not proud of what happened. I've spent this year trying to get over it," Roxas stood up suddenly, "and I brought a knife on campus on a dare." He shook his head and walked off, leaving Axel and I in stunned silence.

"I didn't know," Axel murmured. He glanced at me, "But you didn't have to be such a jerk about it, Riku. God, he's been through a lot, and if he didn't tell us, it was because he wasn't ready to. Who knows how much damage your little outburst caused?" He pushed himself up from his seat under the tree, and headed in the direction Roxas had gone.

"Shit," I muttered. "I just fucked things up, didn't I?" Hoping desperately that Roxas would speak to me in the near future, I stood and decided to go back home, regardless of the fact that my father and Ansem were there still, before I ended up doing or saying something to someone else that I would regret. "Damn it, damn it, damn it," I chanted. Roxas had pretty much become my best friend, and what did I do? Yell at him about the past; a past that had nothing to do with me, or who he was now. I let my father's little stunt get to me. I'm such an idiot.

I threw myself on my bed, and brought down my fist against the mattress with a thud. "You should let it go," Ansem whispered from my doorway.

I lifted my head and glared at him. "I was such a jerk to my friend. I don't know if he'll ever speak to me again."

"Sure he will." I got caught in Ansem's hypnotic gaze and felt myself falling into his glowing orange eyes. "Whatever it was, I'm sure he'll come to forgive you. After all, who would want to let you slip out of their life?" He was having such a calming effect on me, strangely not pissing me off, that I wanted to just believe his words were true.

"Riku, get out of bed. I don't want you sleeping all day." I grumbled at my father, who stood behind Ansem in my doorway. "I have to meet with a couple potential students' parents in a few hours. I won't be back tonight." He stalked off to his room, but I continued to glare at the spot where he had been standing.

"Riku," Ansem whispered my name before smirking and turning around, leaving me to stare open-mouthed at the vacant spot in my doorway. There had been something in his eyes: concern, deep admiration, and a blaze that lit the burning butterflies in my stomach. My father was going to be gone tonight. The wings of the butterflies beat furiously inside me, and I began to feel my face burning while my breath came in short gasps. I was going to be alone with Ansem tonight. If he tried anything, I don't think I would be able to stop him.

And if he did, would I want to stop him? The short answer: no. The confusing reason _to_ stop him: Demyx. He had looked crushed, utterly defeated. By what? Me? But I wasn't even with Demyx, and neither of us had made any sort of gesture to make me think we could ever be together. So what sort of reason would I have to stop anything from happening? I had no reason.

_You don't love him, Riku._ I shook my head, trying to rid it of Demyx's voice. Who needs love? So what if Ansem and I were rushing things. In the end, did it even matter?

By the time I had come to this conclusion, I had traveled from my room to the music room. I closed the door behind me and picked up the black cloth blindfold that was lying on top of the piano in one corner of the space in front of the floor-length windows. I tied it around my eyes and let out a sigh, embracing the darkness. I stood there in silence, just listening to my breathing and trying to calm my heart.

I didn't even hear him enter the room moments later. He slipped his arms around my waist. "I'd love to see you all tied up," he whispered, licking my ear. I felt my flesh begin to burn again, the heat in my cheeks making me feel light-headed. I made to remove the cloth around my eyes, but found my wrists caught in his grasps. "Keep it on."

"What, do you have some sort of bondage fetish?" My voice was barely audible, but even Ansem could hear the shaky words come off my lips.

"Care to find out?"

I didn't reply, finding myself somehow mute. Ansem wasn't deterred by this: no answer didn't mean no.

He led me out of the room, my wrists still locked between his hands. I stumbled, blindly following him to his room, I assumed. I heard a door snap shut behind me, and the unmistakable click of a lock. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you." I shuddered at those words. "Five years, Riku. Now I finally have you in my grasp." Ansem suddenly bit down on my neck just below my ear, and I let out a gasp. "I won't be able to stop myself."

"So don't," I murmured, trying to fight the fear by sounding confident. Whatever happened to me now didn't really matter. I didn't care. He wanted me, and I just wanted to be wanted.

I was roughly pushed down onto his bed, and I found myself once again clutching to Ansem as his weight settled on top of me. His lips burning against my skin while his hands trailed lower and lower across my body. He slipped one under my shirt, reaching it around to my back and clawing down it. I arched against him, soon losing myself in the friction between our bodies. By the time he brought his lips to mine, after thoroughly marking my already exposed skin, I was overwhelmed. I think I was becoming addicted. I didn't want it to end yet. Didn't want him to stop pushing his tongue through my willing lips. Fuck air, who needs to breathe?

"Riku," he slurred my name, as if he too was drugged. The sound of his voice alone was enough to make me shiver in his arms with anticipation. He chuckled softly in my ear, pleased by his effect on me. He moved his other hand to the hem of my shirt and slowly peeled it off over my head. He brought his hands back to my head and fiddled with the knot on the blindfold. I felt the cloth removed from in front of my eyes, and I let myself open them to stare directly into his. If I had had any chance of breaking free of this before I had done so, it was most certainly gone after that. I was in his trance, and the heat in the room had reached the point of being agonizingly unbearable. I could tell he felt it too. He was done holding out, toying with me. He wanted what we had come here for. And he had succeeded in making me ache for it.

"Riku," Ansem held my arms down above my head. "I want you to witness it, when I take you. You're mine, and I'm going to claim that right." No turning back now. I merely nodded, still staring up at him, and unable to do anything else. "Now tell me, Riku." He moved his lips to the sore spot under my ear where he had been extra liberal with his biting of it, and sucked on the skin there. The action made me visibly wince. "Tell me you're mine."

I gulped and let out a breath, "I'm yours."

He moved his hands down to rest on my hips. "Hmm, well you certainly will be." And in a series of motions that became blurred to me, he had removed both of our remaining clothing.

His weight against my chest was almost not enough to still my shaking while he used his legs to push mine apart. And more swiftly than my mind could register it, Ansem had slipped a slicked finger…than another…and another…inside of me. I think he was trying to explain to me what was happening, but all I could register was the pain…oh god…

I didn't know it was going to be quite like that. And it wasn't as if I went into this completely oblivious. I had had some idea what to expect. Believe me, I had gone to certain lengths to maintain my…denial, perhaps that's what it had been? While it was true that Demyx had been the first male to kiss me, he had not been my first kiss…and this was not my first…alright, it was my first like this.

And just as I was wondering why anyone would ever want to let another person do this to them, suddenly there were no fingers…No, all too quickly, there was something else. I clutched to him, biting my lip and probably causing it to bleed, along with his back where my nails were digging into his skin. "Relax," I finally understood him saying to me. I wanted to spit back that I was having just a little trouble trying to do that, and if he had any suggestions, I was all ears. But I didn't need to say it; he seemed to read my mind. "Master the pain, Riku, you're tougher than this. Believe me, it will get better. Much better."

I let out several gasping breaths, nodding slightly and trying to calm myself. Slowly, painstakingly, I was able to pick up the pace, and could move with his rhythm. Not long after we found our harmony, the pain began to subside into something else…waves of something else that was much greater than anything I had experienced before. Crescendos of ecstasy were crashing down on me. I became dimly aware of the sound of moaning...his or mine, I wasn't sure whose it was. I was ensnared, and ready to hand over any control over myself that still remained.

My eyes slid out of focus, and I let myself go as the darkness took me.

~end chapter six

A/N 2: Well, what more can I say? I'll leave you with that. Next up, another surprise chapter.


	7. Part 1, Chapter 7, Axel's Chapter 1

A/N: 'Cause apparently I feel like being super productive and posting a lot of Part 1 all at once. (That'll change…I have to go through Part 2 completely—and part 2 is at least twice as long as part 1—before I begin to format that for this site. Although, Part 2 probably doesn't need as much done to it as Part 1 did. But I shouldn't make any promises. I like to think I've become a better writer since I originally wrote 1 & 2 in 2007/2008. And don't even get me started on Part 3…which I am currently writing still…and have been on and off since 2008. Yeah…about that. ahem) Right, ranting a bit. Moving on. SO here's Axel's chapter! Axel's crazy…

Chapter Seven; Axel's Chapter One: Curiosity is like an Obsession

~O~

To say I was pissed, would be a huge understatement. The nerve of that kid! I may not have known what was wrong with Riku, or how it could possibly have excused him for his behavior, but whatever it was couldn't possibly be reason enough for him to throw that all in Roxas's face.

I managed to catch up with my blond friend in no time, thanks to the fact I was noticeably taller than he was and had longer legs. "Hey, forget what that jerk said. He was just upset and took it out on you."

Roxas shrugged and continued to walk along the path to the dorms. "I know Riku, it doesn't bother me." He refused to look up at me, and therefore I could hardly believe he was telling me the truth.

My green eyes narrowed. "Roxas, I can see something's wrong."

He stopped and turned to me. "Look, I didn't want any of this to come out. I thought I was leaving all that behind. But I guess it was inevitable." His blue eyes lowered from my gaze. "I'm not worried about what Riku is going to think. He'll get over it and I doubt he's going to say anything to anyone."

I tilted my head to the side, curiously watching him. "So, what is it then?"

"I don't want you to hate me. I know I haven't ever told you anything about me or my past." I opened my mouth to reply, when he reached up and placed a hand over my lips. "I need you to know I wasn't purposely hiding anything from you."

"I won't hate you, Roxas." He's shocked from my words and the utter seriousness of my tone. "I just want to know you."

He shrugged and looked down at his feet. "Yeah, well, I don't want this to be one more reason for you to stay away from me."

"Stay away from you?" I frowned, confused.

"Well…It's like you're afraid to touch me or something. I mean…" he flushed. "We haven't even kissed." I felt my own face turn crimson, and let out a nervous laugh. Roxas glared. "I don't think it's that funny."

"No, of course not." I stopped, blinked, and looked at him with a far-away smile. "Is it too much to ask that this be more than purely physical? I wanted to really know you. Maybe the reason why I haven't had the courage to initiate anything is because I think we might actually be something serious here. And I don't want to ruin it."

Roxas looked embarrassed. "Yeah, I know. I'm just not used to it." He returned his gaze to mine; a curious flare catching my attention. "But you don't talk about yourself either."

Oh right. This does go two ways. I had just been so caught up in who he is or was or whatever, to realize he didn't know anything about me. 'You don't hear him complaining,' my inner voice mocked me. And what exactly did he mean by he's 'not used to it'? What sort of relationships had he been in before?

"This isn't getting us anywhere," he whispered, and took a hold of one of my hands. "Can we pick this up later?" I nodded; he was right. Roxas wasn't about to tell me anything, and I knew I wouldn't give out my own past until I found out his. "See you tomorrow," he murmured and pulled his hand from mine.

I watched his retreating figure as he slowly made his way back to his dorm building, all the while thinking: if you won't tell me, maybe I should just go find out for myself. _Who are you, Roxas?_ Riku's words came back to me. _That's between me and Miss Laylee._ Who was this teacher? What kind of trouble did you get into, Blondie?

A thought formed briefly in the back of my mind. Curiosity. And like wildfire, it began to get out of control, and before I knew it had spread out to become a crazy idea that I was seriously starting to consider. What was that old saying? Curiosity killed the cat? Well, Roxas, you've made me curious, and if it comes to that, then so be it. I'll go seek out your past on my own. Besides, don't felines have nine lives anyway? I think I'll risk it.

At that time, it was merely a hypothetical thought, but when I saw Sora walking towards the dorms, I felt it flare up. I could make it a reality. And truthfully, it wasn't the craziest thing I'd ever done. "Hey, Sora!" I waved to the surprised boy, who stopped in his tracks and looked my direction.

"Hey, Axel," he blinked at me in wonderment. "Are you looking for Roxas?"

In a way, yes. "No, I actually wanted to ask you something." I must have looked nervous, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.

The brunette smiled. "Yeah? What is it?"

Now, how was I to sound un-suspicious and merely curious? Of course, curiosity was what had gotten me into this mess, wasn't it? "Where did you and Roxas used to live?"

"Twilight Town. Why?"

Ah ha! I knew I must look even more ridiculous at this point. A triumphant gleam flashed in my eyes. Sora looked mildly worried at me. "And what school did you go to before here?" It was all I could do to stop myself from bursting out laughing. It wasn't funny. It really wasn't. It was horrible, and completely behind his back…and for some reason, when I get going on something, I can't seem to stop myself. And this was starting to turn into one of those times.

"Axel…" he trailed off, starting to get suspicious. He folded his arms. "Should I be writing all this down for you along with addresses and maps? I'm guessing you don't want my brother to know about this."

Shit. He was catching on. Smart kid. "Um, well, you see…"

He sighed. "If you're going to be snooping around in his past, at least do it properly."

Busted. "Sora," I whined, "I don't want to judge him; I just have to know...anything. Anything at all."

Sora frowned, but looked sympathetic. "I know, my brother never makes anything easy for anyone. Okay, I'll tell you what you need to know about who to ask or where to go. But that's it." He glanced around. "Just don't go mentioning me, or that I had anything to do with this."

"Cross my heart." I drew my fingers across my chest in the shape of an X. "But I just need the where; I want to figure things out on my own." Besides, I have one name I'll be sure to track down.

Sora was scribbling something quickly on a page in his notebook. He tore it out and handed it to me, "Here".

"Thanks." I made a motion to move away, but he stopped me.

"Be careful. Roxas won't like the fact that you'll be disappearing and then coming back from investigating him."

"Yeah, I know," I whispered. Nine lives. I still have a few left, I think.

"Oh!" Sora looked up at me as if he'd remembered something important. Cute, really. "Be on a look out for a guy named Marluxia."

"Mar…"

"Marluxia." There was urgency in his voice, and his eyes widened ever so slightly.

I nodded, "Okay," but thought nothing more of Sora's weird reaction. I could feel Sora's eyes watching me as I headed to the dock.

A boat would be leaving in a few hours, and one of its stops was relatively close to this Twilight Town.

My hand clenched into a fist around the paper instructions from Sora. I knew what I was doing might seem like it was unforgiveable, but I couldn't help it. I need to know who you are, Roxas. Or, at least, who you were. I promise, when I get back, I'll tell you whatever you want to know about me.

~O~

I took the train to Twilight Town and a sudden feeling washed over me as I stepped off the platform. Had Roxas once been standing here, looking out across a crowd the way I was? Had he taken the same steps I was currently walking? It was an eerie thought, but it somehow made me feel connected to this strange town.

It was dark out, as it should be, considering it was only three in the morning. I shifted my pack on my shoulder and headed into the town. Since I only had one real lead, I'd have to wait until school was out to begin my mission. There really couldn't be anywhere else to look for a school teacher, except a school. I wondered briefly if she would even talk to me. I was a complete stranger, wasn't I? But maybe we had enough in common for her to at least tell me something.

I didn't encounter anyone as I took slow strides through the streets. Out of curiosity, I walked down a side alley and came across what looked like some kid's hang out spot. I flopped down lightly in one of the chairs and made myself at home. Idly, I took out my lighter and flicked it open, playing with the fire. I had about half a day to burn.

~O~

I glanced away, slightly embarrassed but mostly amused, as a group of girls passed by me, giggling. "High school girls," I muttered, as the group looked back over their shoulders at me. I winked and continued down the hall.

I got that same sense of wonderment again. Roxas had probably walked these halls, maybe even spoken with one of those girls.

A couple holding hands passed my direction. "Hey," I stopped them. The boy stared at me strangely, while the girl suddenly began to smile. "Would either of you know where I can find a Miss Laylee?"

The girl nodded. "Keep going down this hall. Last door on the right." She blushed and looked down. Her boyfriend scowled.

"Thanks," I grinned, unaware that someone else had been listening to this brief exchange.

~O~

A woman looked up from her desk as I entered the room. "Can I help you?" She narrowed her eyes, obviously not recognizing me.

"Yeah, actually," I took a seat, casually, in front of her desk and glanced around the room. I blinked my green eyes rapidly as a picture on one of the walls caught my attention. Abruptly, I stood and moved towards the photo to examine it. I shook my head, removing strands of my red hair out of my eyes.

"Excuse me?" Miss Laylee stood up from her desk and went over to where I was hypnotized by the sight of a younger looking Roxas, along with his teacher and band mates.

"This…" I glanced at her, and then returned my gaze to the photo. He looked so happy.

A faint smile appeared on her face. "We came in third place for the county's battle of the bands. That was last year."

"I rarely see him smile like that," I murmured, finally dragging my eyes away from it. Whether she knew who I was talking about, I wasn't sure of; regardless, she mentioned Roxas to me anyway.

"This was one of the few times he was able to forget about everything, and just live in the moment." There was an unmistakable fondness in her voice. Perhaps she had been talking to herself more than to me.

"I want to ask you about him…and what happened."

Her eyes went dark all of a sudden, "Look, whoever you are, I think you should leave."

"Wait," I placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm a friend of his."

Jean sat back on the edge of her desk. "Oh? I don't think he would like a friend of his digging into his past. Besides, if you're friends, why not ask him about it."

My eyes gazed earnestly into hers, and she seemed slightly surprised. "He won't talk about it. Look, I'm already going to be in trouble with him. At least give me something. Please. I just want to know anything."

She sighed, seeming to sympathize with how pathetic and desperate I must have seemed. "How can I know that you're really a friend of his, or that he trusts you remotely?"

"Well…" hmm, that's something. How can I prove myself? I didn't know what she wanted to hear, so I hoped that if I started talking about my impressions of him, I would somehow manage to get her trust. "He pretends not to like it when I call him 'Blondie.' But I think he secretly likes that I took the time to give just him a nickname. And he didn't want me to know about his past, for fear I would hate him for it. Which I'm actually going to take as a compliment, because that must mean that my opinion really matters to him. Otherwise why would he care, right? So maybe, just maybe if I'm lucky, he might actually feel a fraction of what I've started feeling for him. I don't think he knows just how special he is, or how much he's worth. And if he's been through as much as it sounded like he had been, I think he deserves the world for it."

Her eyes lit up, and had started to form tears. "That's my Roxie!" I inwardly let out a sigh of relief. "How is he?"

I folded my arms behind my head. "He's doing really well actually. He's nearly hopeless in Chemistry, but I'm trying to help him with it. He's still into music, and is getting a band together for the end of year talent show."

"I'm happy for him." She ran a hand through her hair before brushing away stray tears that had fallen. "And clearly you're someone who means a lot to him, and must have his best interest at heart…deep down… but I don't think it's my business to go retelling everything he's been trying to get over. Roxas—it's been difficult for him."

I sighed and sat down again. "Fair enough. But tell me one thing. Just one random thing."

"Hmm, alright, I suppose that's okay. Depending on the question." She sniffled, trying to recompose herself.

"Favorite color?"

She laughed. "I've actually had a discussion about this with him. He thinks the idea of 'favorite color' is ridiculous. He prefers black and white."

I gave her a small smile. "Thanks; I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing."

I made to leave, and had my hand on the door. "Wait!" I looked back. "Red. If he had to choose a favorite color, he said it would have to be red. Because the human eye is naturally attracted to it." She grinned at me, and I let out a small laugh. Shaking my head, I gave her a short wave and exited her room to the hallway.

"Hey, red-head." I jumped in surprise and turned to look at a guy with pinkish-brown hair, who was fairly close to my height. He was scowling at me, with narrowed eyes. "What's this about you asking for info on Roxas?"

"I know him from Destiny Island."

He stared. "From what?"

"Destiny Island School for Boys. I'm a friend of his; Axel." I held out my hand. He stared at it for a moment, looking to be seriously considering it, before he hesitantly grasped it firmly with his own.

"I'm Marluxia." Marluxia? Why was that name familiar—hold on; what did Sora say? Something about a guy named Marluxia. He smirked and put a hand on his hip. "So you want to know more about Roxas?"

"Yeah."

"Then follow me." He began to walk off before I could question him. I stared momentarily at his back, before running to catch up. He might be my lucky break. Considering the offense he took from my asking around about Roxas, he must have been an old friend.

~O~

I followed this Marluxia back onto the train for a short distance, and then down another road in Twilight Town. He turned on me the second we entered his house. His eyes bore into mine as he stared me down against the door. There was a frantic sort of flicker in his gaze, and for a moment a cold wave of fear rushed up my spine.

"What was the name of the school? Destiny something? What was it?"

"Destiny Island School for Boys," I replied, rather quickly and startled. I think I would have said anything to get him to give me my personal space back at that moment. He muttered it under his breath for a bit, and moved away from the doorway. I followed him into the kitchen where he flitted about, opening pantry doors, glancing into the fridge, and eventually shoving mugs of water into the microwave. I was getting dizzy just watching his hectic movements.

"Tea, water, coffee? Anything? Do you want anything?" He brushed by me, running fingers through his hair, and peered into more drawers.

"Are you on something?" I was staring at him with narrowed eyes, suspicious, and not convinced that had I given him an answer he would have followed up on my selection—especially since he seemed to have already made my choice for me before he asked. "You're kind of manic-y right now." He had just picked up a pair of scissors and was almost hypnotized by them. He blinked at me, then reached for a box of tea, slicing through the outer plastic, and pulled out a couple tea bags just as the microwave let out a 'beep'.

"Maybe. Tea?"

"Uh, yeah." I put a hand to my forehead and shook my head. Maybe he was bipolar or something. I didn't have enough to go off of to come to any conclusion to explain his actions. It was possible that he was one of those drug-addicts that Riku had mentioned. Or just a fucking spazz. But didn't Sora warn me about him? Hmm.

Marluxia shoved a glass in my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen and into the living room. We sat down on opposite ends of the dining table. "So? Tell me about him! How is he? Is he okay? He hasn't off'd himself? You can drink that you know. I haven't poisoned it. Not like I would. Does he ever mention me?"

I narrowed my eyes again as he rambled on. He was on edge, and it was sort of making me nervous. Not for myself, but for Roxas. If my Blondie had been spending time around this guy, it meant I had something to be concerned about. Even from across the table, I could see that his pupils were dilated. There was definitely a strong possibility that he was on something. "Uh, he's okay." I managed to finally get a few words in. "No, he never mentioned you, and he never mentions anything about…well, the past."

This quieted him. He took a sip of tea, and seemed to be calming by the second. "You just don't get it," he muttered, "he's probably not okay. He may appear it, but it doesn't mean much. Roxas has to have someone he can really lean on. If you're coming here asking about him—it just confirms it. He's alone."

"He's got friends; his brother; he's in a band. He's not alone. Whatever it was he needed to be away from…Look, he's thriving at this school."

Marluxia let out a cold laugh. "No. He's a charity case. The principal at our school even tried to fix him up. He was always talking to Roxas like he was a kid who didn't understand the rules. Oh, Roxas made sure to use that to his advantage. He's clever, but he's weak. If you haven't seen him break down, then he's still acting around you. He needs—"

"He's got me!" I stood up out of my chair, my hands slammed onto the table-top. This guy was really ticking me off now. How dare he talk about Roxas like…like that.

He let out a sigh and crossed his arms. "What are you to him?"

"I'm his…his friend," I murmured, sitting down again.

"Hmm, is that so?" He glared across the table at me, "Look, he fell in with this group after a bit of a crisis—"

"His dad's diagnosis—"

"Well that, along with…ah, no, never mind. That's confidential."

"What is?"

He shook his head, smirking to himself. "I can't tell you that." Marluxia was clearly pleased that he could hold some kind of secret just out of reach from me, and looked almost peaceful in that knowledge—as if he suddenly had come to the conclusion that I wasn't a threat to him. "But anyway," he continued, "this group had access to—you know—things like hard liquor and a whole number of other substances. It's because a couple of them have older siblings with connections. And this girl, Larxene, well, her family just has this reputation. But I never let him get too deep." I made note of his sudden switch to saying 'I,' but didn't comment on it. "I didn't care much what happened to the others. I was watching out for him, and myself I guess. You see, I'm smarter than the rest of them. I saw exactly what was going on with him." He cut himself off to examine his fingernails for a moment. "Don't let him fool you. He can act as tough as he likes, but on the inside he's on the verge of tears." Marluxia smirked. "Watch him close enough and you'll learn how to play on his weakness. To help him, of course."

"Well, thanks for the talk." I stood and smiled with fake politeness. This guy irked me and all I wanted to do was get out of there. I was pretty sure he had some sort of superiority complex at this point, and I didn't feel like trying to get into an argument with him that would only serve to upset me all the more. Not to mention, I hated the way he talked about Roxas. The Roxas I knew wasn't weak. Not at all.

Marluxia showed me to the door. I nodded to him, walked as quickly as I could away from there, and boarded the next train out of Twilight Town.

I felt that this trip had brought nothing but a pain that I knew something went wrong for Roxas and he was desperately clinging to whatever came along. I wanted to help him work through it, I was going to make it my mission. But I knew I was still unaware of the true horrors in his past. Perhaps if I started working with him on what little I did know, he would one day be able to open up to me enough to let me truly help him. Otherwise, I was afraid that he'd be stuck at a standstill if he couldn't come to terms with his personal demons, and be unable to move forward. I didn't want to see him fall. All he needed was for someone to hold his hand through it.

~O~

"Fucking hell!" I saw him raise his hand, but didn't flinch away as he swiped it across my face. It stung a bit, and I knew it would probably only get worse from here. His fists clenched and he turned quickly away. "You just up and left without a word. Aren't relationships supposed to be about communication?"

"Supposedly, but we haven't quite got that part down. That's why I 'up and left.'"

Roxas looked back at me over his shoulder. "So we're back at this again?"

I smiled bitterly, "Ah, no. You see, I've gone and done something stupid. Tremendously stupid, actually."

"Yeah?" He raised an eyebrow in curiosity, seeming to be more interested in what it was I had done, than his anger with me. I nodded and threw myself back against my bed, grateful again that I didn't have a roommate in my college dorm. He scooted closer, and leaned over me, our eyes focused only on each other. "What'd cha do?" He twirled my fire-red hair in his fingers, waiting for me to answer.

"I went to Twilight Town." An involuntary grin spread across my face, while a look of horror donned his. "Saw a teacher-friend of yours. We had a nice little chat."

"How dare you." He appeared moments away from striking at me again.

"She didn't really say much." I shrugged, "She missed you. You two must have had something." He stayed quiet, so I continued. "'Did come across an old friend of yours. I've got to say, he was psychotic. No offense, but I didn't like him. He had these skewed views on you and…I don't know. He just gave off this vibe," I trailed off, breaking eye contact with him as the memory of Marluxia surfaced.

"Who are you going on about?"

"That guy—what's his name—Marluxia."

Roxas's eyes widened and he pushed himself off the bed with a yelp. "You were talking to Marly? No. No. No." He clutched his head in his hands.

"What?"

He turned to me, a fire in his eyes. "What the hell did he say to you? Well?"

I sat up, apprehensive. "Not a whole lot. Just acted odd, you know."

He shook his head. "No, what did he say about me? What did he tell you?!" There was the frantic look, which was reminding me of Marluxia now.

"Stuff."

"Like?"

"God, Roxas, you're shaking!" I pulled him towards me and wrapped my arms around him tightly. "What is it? What happened between you two?"

"I don't want to talk about it. He's just…he reminds me of all the bad things in my life," Roxas mumbled.

"We won't talk about him then. Okay?" I tried to give him a smile. He merely nodded and buried his head into my shoulder.

"I never wanted you to know about him."

"Well, I don't actually know anything about him."

"Good. Axel?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk about you now?"

"Yeah." I tightened my hold, wanting to just draw him into me. "What do you want to know?"

"Tell me you've messed up. Or done something awful. Or maybe ruined someone's life. I hate feeling alone in my misery."

"Hmm, okay. I can do that."

He pulled back, locking our eyes. "Really? So you're not 'mister perfect'?"

I flopped back on my bed and he followed suit, curling up next to me. "Nope. Everyone has problems, Blondie; it's a part of life. Hell, messing up is a part of human nature. You know, we grow from it, learn new things, experience this existence called life."

"You're stalling. So, what did you do?" His face expressed an eagerness that shouldn't accompany the foretelling of dark, painful secrets. Alright, I over exaggerate a bit. I just happened to like dramatizing everything.

"I hurt people. My family, who eventually did try to help; my friends, who I pushed away and shut out until I didn't have any left; but most of all: me. I hurt myself in ways that so many others do. It's sad, knowing there are more like me, going through exactly what I went through." I groped in my pocket and drew out my lighter. I flicked it open with a 'clicking' noise and a small flame erupted. Now I really was stalling.

"You hurt yourself?" I could tell without looking that he was doing that blinking thing with his eyes. The curious head tilt and swift eye movements. "You mean, like, what, cutting? Or something?"

I let out a humorless laugh. "No, not that. I hate marring my skin—I even freak if I get bug-bites."

"Then—"

"I was depressed. I felt ignored by parents who could buy everything but my happiness. The only relative that gave me any attention really was my Uncle, and he lived really far away. Soon my depression changed into something else, and at one point I even…became anorexic. I holed up in my room, refusing to eat. I withdrew from my friends, and barely spoke a single word to anyone. My parents did eventually try to convince me to get help. They were stumped and didn't understand what was wrong, or why something could possibly be wrong. My mother even broke down into a crying hysteria—the most emotion out of her I'd ever seen concerned with me. She was normally blind to me and solely focused on her own unhappiness, that she refused to acknowledge, and therefore pretended she was happy most of the time. You see, my father worked a lot and had to travel more often than he was home. So when he was, he usually wanted to spend time with my mother or his friends and thought just handing me a credit card and sending me off to go buy things was what was going to make me happy. And my mother, she had her society friends, and went to a lot of functions where she learned to drink a lot. She cured her unhappiness by going on shopping binges. So I felt alone most of the time. Then by cutting out my friends, I ended up ensuring I was alone. And eventually, life felt rather meaningless."

Roxas swallowed, and though I didn't realize it, my story was having more than one effect on him. He didn't seem to quite know what to say except, "But you got better."

"Mhm, and now I live off a trust fund and haven't seen any of my family—by choice—since I left the clinic I was put in. They've convinced themselves that I'm going to be perfectly fine now, and 'normal,' and therefore that is all they need to be concerned about and can pat themselves on the back for being great parents now. I don't care anymore, I am way beyond that." I laughed a little to myself, "I'm perfectly content now with the fact that they just want to send me money to show me that they care."

Roxas looked almost upset by my words now. "That's so sad."

"It's okay, I mean, what do I need with them anyway when I have you," I grinned at him. "No, but seriously, I made peace with that ages ago. It was a waste of my effort to be so torn up by it when it wouldn't ever get me anywhere. So that was the end of it for me. And ever since cutting ties with them, not that they know of course, I've never been happier."

"O…kay. I guess? As long as you're sure you're fine."

"Oh yes, trust me. It was a long time ago. Basically like it happened to someone else as far as I'm concerned. So don't worry about me."

Roxas shrugged, giving up trying to be consoling since it wasn't getting him anywhere. He frowned suddenly, "Hey, you said you hated marring your skin. So why the hell do you have tattoos?"

"Heh, these things?" I touched one with a couple fingers. "Just call them a promise to myself. They're there to remind me."

"Remind you?"

"That I'm okay now." I smiled at him, and then began to make faces until he cracked a smile too and seemed like he was alright with leaving the subject alone. I returned to playing with my lighter while he took a moment to stare out my window, looking wistful. Inwardly, I sighed, wondering if I should have gone more into detail about everything in my past, but also glad I hadn't. Perhaps when he's ready to share more with me, I'll return the favor and expose all of my…self to him. But for the time being, there were things that he didn't really need to know about me. Honestly, I was okay. All of that was far in my past and really had nothing to do with who I was now. As far as I was concerned, they were things that never needed to be dredged up ever again.

Distracted by my own thoughts, I hadn't noticed the flash of movement that resulted in Roxas suddenly throwing himself on top of me. In my utter shock, I dropped my lighter. "Damn it," I glanced up at him, "you're lucky it closed, we could have set the carpet on fire."

He shrugged, flippantly, now straddling my waist. "I always thought you were thin," he murmured, slipping his hands beneath my shirt and ghosting his fingers across my stomach. "But you're okay now. And you're right, that's what matters. The present. You're a healthy—relatively speaking—freak science major, and involved with someone four years younger than you and most definitely under eighteen." He smirked, his blue eyes full of laughter, while I grudgingly smiled up at him.

"Well, you're right on two counts." His features faltered, and he opened his mouth slightly. "Yes, I am better. My parents got me into a nice costly facility, after they found me unconscious in the hallway and managed to take me to the hospital. Also true that while you are under eighteen, it won't be for long. I don't see your mother hunting me down for it. But you're wrong about my major. Well, not technically, but I T.A. for Mr. Mayson's class because I like Chemistry and happen to purposely have free time during his Chemistry classes. Besides, I get a kick out of high school kids."

Roxas glared down at me. "So you T.A. for fun? You're a psycho, did you know that? Not to mention, a perverted college student who likes younger boys." He made a movement to grab one of my pillows, as if to hit me with it.

I was quicker, this time, and clasped his wrist with a hand. "I don't like 'younger boys'," I stuck out my tongue, "well, not in the plural sense; only you. But you're feisty, so that's—"

I never finished that sentence or much of my train of thought after it. I was more preoccupied with not thinking and slacking my hold on his wrist, moving it to around his waist. His lips burned into mine, making me question briefly why I hadn't kissed him before. All my reasoning seemed so far away and trivial. Then my eyes snapped open—when had I closed them?—and it was as if I am suddenly awake again. His lips had left my mouth and were now attacking my throat, while his hands moved across my body once more but lower…lower…

A thought flickered through my mind: I wanted him. In a sense, I always had, but right now it was a different meaning; one I was not ready to latch onto. I pried him off me before things escalated. "Shouldn't you be in band practice with Riku and them," I murmured, trying to ignore his pouting look of confusion.

"Probably." He slid off the bed. "Funny." He glanced at me.

"What's that?" I didn't look up at him.

"We finally move beyond just talking, and actually even manage what you wanted from the start—to know one another better—and you go throwing me out of your room." He crossed the small dorm room and paused at the door, turning back to see me picking up my silver lighter with care. "Do you smoke?"

I looked up, startled. "No, you know that."

"Then what the hell is with the lighter?"

It was my turn to shrug, looking indifferently. "Maybe I just like playing with fire."

He let out a frustrated sigh. "You know, you never did tell me what your major was."

I stood up from my bed and stretched my limbs in the air. "Psychology." The word slipped from my tongue rather eloquently, and I smiled as his mouth dropped open.

"You're a psych major?!" Roxas stared at me, incredulously.

"Yup," I just nodded.

"Axel," he was glaring again now.

"Hmm?" I blinked my green eyes, innocently at him.

"You've been playing mind games with me, haven't you?!" He was practically screeching. Well, now that was a thought.

~end chapter seven

A/N 2: Yeah, sooo…my characters are definitely holding out on some vital information about themselves. They like doing that. Really, I can't control them. They do what they want. Seriously, I swear this thing writes itself. I'm just the tool it uses to get it all down. Heh. Well, next up is the finale to Part 1. So, lots to look forward to ;P

9/18/12: Response to review from 'nobody.' Yes, it is definitely eff'd up that Axel went and did that. Hopefully that gets across the point that Axel isn't all that innocent in this. He's by no means a knight in shining armor. So I'd have to agree with all the points you made. Roxas *should* be more upset with him. But unfortunately, Roxas is kinda used to the way Marluxia would treat him so…what Axel did just doesn't leave as much of an impression as it should. As for Sora so easily going along with Axel's scheme, well…Sora's naïve. He likes Axel with his brother. Far more than Roxas being with Marluxia. And secretly, I think he was hoping that if he helped Axel out, he'd be helping his brother out somehow. Hope that all makes some sense. I would have made an edit to make their thought processes more clear, but unfortunately this is only from Axel's POV—so I can't.


	8. Part 1, Chapter 8, All POVs

A/N: So this is the end of Part 1 (I *will* post part 2 on this same fic, since they're all a part of the same fic). This chapter changes perspectives quite a bit, but I do indicate who it is—so don't worry, it'll be obvious. Some surprise guest appearances in this chapter, so have fun with that! Heh. *Disclaimer, the song 'In the Shadows' belongs to The Rasmus.

I'd also like to thank all of you that have stuck with my story thus far. Hope I can continue to entertain you through this. And sorry I rant a lot in these author notes. But this fic is my baby, and I hope I don't offend anyone by saying that my main characters (anyone I've written in first person from) all carry parts of myself in them. This story originates from my own real life struggles, depressions, and being unable to cope with the world. These characters are me (emotionally, if not exactly situational-y)—I'll be perfectly honest about that here—just in kh form ;) So I'd like to say right now that the reason I never posted this story was because it was just too personal. Therefore, I thank you now for putting up with all its craziness, and yes…some OOC. Much love, Rini.

Chapter Eight; All P. : Curtain Call

~O~

~*~Sora~*~

He brushed strands of hair from his eyes, oblivious of my staring. The scattered papers on my desk long since abandoned. I had meant to ask him for a few pointers on the song I was rewriting. Of the three, it was their only love song, and the one I felt the least capable of writing. So I had dropped it and took up my usual hobby of staring at Squall. He glanced up from his work and smiled. I just continued my gaze, blinking a bit more than normal. I dropped my eyes back to the papers, willing the words to come; they didn't. I sighed again.

"Did you write this?" Squall appeared at my side suddenly. I jumped and turned to him with wide eyes.

He was indicating the original version of the song. "No, I didn't. But I'm revising it."

"It's interesting. But I was going to say, if it had been yours, that you could do better."

"Such encouraging words." He rolled his eyes at my smirking. "No, but really, I'm having trouble with it."

Squall sat down next to me, still looking at the lyrics, "Hmm, what seems to be the problem, besides the obvious."

I let out a breath and searched through my notes, not wanting to look at him when I said it. "It's a love song."

"Yes, I see that." He paused, "How's that the problem?"

I blinked wide blue eyes up at him. "But that's just it. How do you write something you know nothing about?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but the words seemed to die on his lips. I wondered what he was thinking. "I'm sure you know love, Sora. Your family loves you. Your friends care for you."

I shrugged, "Family, friends, that's all. It's not the love I'm writing. This is different. But how can I write it when I've never been with anyone."

"Haven't you ever had a crush on someone?" I didn't answer. "Those feelings are real too: the want to be with someone so desperately, the hope that they too could possibly return those feelings. Just because you have no relationship experience doesn't mean you haven't felt love before."

"I guess that's true." Most definitely, actually. I knew exactly how that felt. It was the way I felt for him. "Thanks, I think you've just helped a whole lot."

He placed a hand over mine and gave it a squeeze. "Good."

My eyes fluttered shut at the contact. I bit my lip as his thumb brushed back and forth across the back of my hand. He must not have realize what he was doing. "Sora." I wasn't sure if he was really saying my name or if I had imagined it. It was probably the latter.

The door to the classroom creaked open. Squall removed his hand and my eyes snapped open. We turned to look towards the door; Zexion was standing there waiting for me. I looked back at Squall, "Thanks for, you know, the help."

"I didn't do much," he shrugged.

I stood and gathered the papers together. After a quick smile at Squall, I headed off up the stairs to Z. I followed him out of the room, silently. Once we were outside, I turned and scowled at him. "You usually have great timing, but Z, that sucked."

He looked at me, curiously. "Oh, did something happen?"

"No," I mumbled, "just a little thing, you know, it probably meant nothing."

Zexion shook his head and sighed dramatically, "Sora, how many times do I have to tell you? Everything he does around you is on purpose."

"I find that hard to believe. He's only being nice, that's all."

"Fine, you know what, I give up." He ran a hand through his hair. I pouted; he scowled. "You're hopeless, Sora."

"Maybe."

~O~

That night, I stayed up later than usual. Roxas tried to convince me to go to sleep, until I snapped and yelled at him that I was working on his damn song and that he should just shut up. He left me alone after that. So it was late when I finally finished writing and stretched out my arms, contentedly. Two songs down, one to go.

I crashed after that, still in the clothes I had worn that day. The minute my head hit the pillow, I was out in a deep sleep.

"_Do you think they will find us?" I giggled a bit while I watched Squall unlock the door to his apartment._

"_No. Not here they won't." He was quick to pull me inside and lock the door again. The room was like a blur, as my attention was solely fixed on him. The only things I noticed were the black satin sheets he pushed me down onto. "It's been unbearable watching you in class where I can't have you."_

"_Then shut up and kiss me already."_

"_I never thought of you as the aggressive type," he grinned as he removed his shoes and socks._

_He pulled off my own as I said, "Well, you bring out a whole variety of emotions I never thought I had."_

_Squall crawled over me, a predatory look in his eyes. "You're right. We should save the words for the classroom." He bent his head lower towards my ear and whispered, "Until, of course, I hear you screaming my name."_

_I reached a hand up and tangled it in his brown locks as I leaned forward and claimed his lips with mine. The desire and want I had been feeling since I met him was poured into that kiss. I was dimly aware of teeth pulling on my lower lip, begging for entrance. I parted my lips ever so slightly, but it was enough for his tongue to slip into my mouth. I felt a burning in the back of my throat that yearned for more._

_His hands crept underneath my shirt and grazed along my skin. I arched against him, wanting to just feel his weight on me. Squall removed his lips from mine and trailed butterfly kisses down my neck. I gasped as he nipped at my skin. He was soon stripping me of my shirt, and I felt oddly comfortable with my exposed pale skin. I moved a hand to the hem of his shirt as he flipped our positions, earning a yelp from me, although I was rather pleased by my new arrangement of straddling him. I helped him remove his shirt and threw it to the floor along with our previously discarded articles of clothing. With a devilish grin, my hands slid across his chest and rested on his belt-buckle. He sat up suddenly, but pulled me onto his lap. The look in his eyes seemed to ask 'Are you ready for this?'_

_My response was to lean forward, encircling his neck with my arms, and pressing my lips once more against his, where they belonged. Apparently, it was a suitable answer as he began working on my belt while our tongues dueled for dominance; his won out, but I was no less pleased. After all, he was all I wanted._

_He was somehow able to remove me from my jeans without me leaving my position on his lap. Now only in my blue plaid boxers, I felt Squall was overly dressed. I once more reached for his belt, but was again deterred by his lying me flat against his mattress, and straddling my waist. I propped myself up on my elbows and watched as his hands found their way to the sides of my waist and fingers were sliding beneath the fabric. He slowly removed my last piece of clothing and sat back to admire my body._

_A flush spread across my face and I averted my eyes. He leaned over me again and kissed my lips briefly before trailing kisses down my neck. But he didn't stop there; he continued his movements lower and across my chest, then my stomach, and then he stopped and looked up, making sure I was watching him. My mouth opened to form an 'O' as I realized just what he was about to do. He lowered his head and I clenched my fists on the sheets. "Oh god." I let my eyes roll to the back of my head._

I awoke suddenly, breathing heavily and sweating. Roxas was still asleep, and I let out a sigh of relief. I wiped the back of my hand across my forehead and felt slightly uncomfortable in my tangle of sheets. "Shit," I muttered. But try as I might, I couldn't stop myself from remembering my dream about Squall. If I was going to be honest, I would have to admit that maybe I didn't want to forget. In fact, I might have liked it even. But let's get back to reality here, Sora; it'll never happen.

I was in a foul mood all day. Roxas seemed to think it was because of my lack of sleep. I wish...

~O~

"God, Sora, how can you listen to this stuff?" Roxas entered our room with a slightly disgusted look. "It's so…pop-y."

"You have a problem with pop? That's funny. Especially since you're going to be singing pop songs for this talent show." He muttered something about that being different, and there were varying degrees of what was acceptable pop. I refused to let his opinion effect my now positive mood. I was nearly done with their last song, albeit having trouble coming up with a second verse. But still, it was something.

He flopped down on his bed and glared across the room at me. I ignored his look and continued scribbling down ideas. "I hope you aren't going to try to make our song sound like this…stuff."

"_Relax_, Roxas. All I'm doing is changing the previous words. Besides, can you get your voice to go that high?"

The two of us paused as the singer hit a particular note. Roxas made a face. "Let's not find out."

"Fine, your loss. Anyway, do you think you could help me with the second verse? I have the rest of it nearly figured but…" I trailed off and chewed the end of my pen.

Roxas blinked. "You want my help? But you're the writer. Our whole band worked together on the lyrics, and you saw how that turned out."

I looked over at him. "Don't be so down on yourself. I mean, the originals were good. The ideas behind them were even better. I'm just making it flow better…or sound better…or occasionally changing a few words here and there. Whatever. Ultimately, you're the one who is going to be up there singing them. Shouldn't your heart be in it too?"

"Well, I guess so."

"You 'guess so'?"

"Alright; I mean yes." He folded his arms, but stood and walked over to my desk. "What do you have so far?"

I rummaged through the papers and plucked one from the stack. "Here, that's the first verse…it, well, it sort of hit home." I bit my lip. The CD I had playing finished its last track.

Roxas's eyes moved quickly across the lines. He glanced up, and I swore I saw tears forming. "Sora, this…" He passed back the paper and put a hand over his mouth, unable to continue. After a few shaky seconds, he lowered his hand. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

"I feel it too, Roxas. Sometimes I think you forget that we're all dealing with it, even if we don't show it," I whispered; he nodded.

"I wish Mom could hear this when I sing it."

"Yeah."

He sniffled and looked away, feeling a bit awkward by our moment. "So you really have to speak from the heart when you're writing."

"Um, yeah. That's what you should do, but sometimes it's hard to find that place inside of yourself. Other times it just comes out way too personal, and is something that really can't be shared with anyone else." I cleared my throat, hopefully assuring him that the change in topic was okay.

"Sora…I think I can help then." I handed him my pen; he took it, while looking as if he was arguing with himself. Eventually, he nodded and began to write.

I sighed. This little session brought up some painful memories for the both of us.

~O~

~*~Axel~*~

"_The Complete Idiot's Guide to Psychology_."

Roxas jumped and glared over his shoulder at me while I was doing my best trying not to laugh. "Don't sneak up on people, it's not funny."

I launched myself over the row of seats and sat down next to him. "No, of course it's not. But what's with the book?"

He closed it and shoved it in his book bag. "Nothing. Just, you know, you're a psych major so I thought I would—"

"Read up to make sure I wasn't playing around with your mind?" He glared. "Trust me; if I'm playing games I'm not doing it on purpose." He considered this for a moment. I tilted my head to the side. "Do you want to know why I got into psychology?"

He nodded, but glanced over to the rest of his band, who were setting up on stage. Riku was currently yelling and making wild hand gestures at Demyx. The other boy had closed his eyes, plugged his ears with his fingers, and had started mouthing words at Riku. Roxas snorted and looked back at me. "Yeah, I'd like to know."

I sighed. "Well, I wanted to understand myself. I wanted to know how my mind worked, and you know what, it helped." A grin formed on my lips. "But don't let me start preaching to you on the subject." He rolled his eyes. "It's a..fairly…good book. Well, especially if you really didn't know anything about it."

His forehead creased. "What?"

"Your book. It's probably a good read for you."

He looked skeptical. "Why would you know whether or not it's good? Shouldn't you be reading text books or whatever?"

"Heh. Yeah, I know. No, but a friend gave it to me. A gag gift of sorts."

"Ah." Silence. "Um, so what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, actually."

He shuffled his feet. "Yeah, I figured that."

I bit my lip. "Right."

Roxas stood. "Look, I should probably help them. I still haven't got the lyrics down completely."

"Oh." I stood and gave him a small smile. He looked away and headed down the aisle. "Oh, fuck this." I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me. He locked our eyes, confusion written all over his. His head was cocked to the side and his lips were parted slightly. I brushed strands of his hair behind his ear and left my hand on the back of his head. I leaned down and kissed him full on the lips, momentarily forgetting the four other boys in our midst. I felt him smile into my lips as he responded to my kiss.

"About time," he whispered and his eyes glowed brightly.

"Get a room!"

"Shut up, Hayner!" he snapped back. I grinned down at him. "Hey, so I'll see you after the show."

"Yeah, I'll be there." He made to move again. "Roxas. I'm sorry for—"

"Forget it," he shrugged.

"Okay." I let him walk down to the rest of his group. I gave a short wave and headed outside.

I took a deep breath and began the walk back to my dorm. Suddenly, I stopped and looked around as something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Was that? No, it couldn't be.

~O~

~*~Squall~*~

I groaned and drew another red 'X' across the page. We covered that rule last class. I made a point on it even. Well that's what I get for trying to help my students study. There will always be those who just don't listen. Not Sora though. A smile crept upon my lips.

"Whatcha doing?"

I looked up, startled to see Sora peering down at me. His elbows pressed down on my desk and his head in his hands. A pink tongue flicked out to wet his lips. I cleared my throat and brought my eyes back to his. "Grading the final." I closed the booklet in front of me as he leaned closer to see whose it was.

"Have you done mine yet?" I inwardly cringed. "Well?" He blinked at me with innocent eyes.

"Yes I have." I returned my eyes to the pile of tests. The fact was, that his was the first test I graded. Oh kill me now. I shouldn't have this much interest in a student. Not that I'm interested, he's just interesting. He catches my interest in a completely professional way.

"So?" he prompted eagerly, leaning still closer.

I folded my arms. "Uh-uh. You'll just have to wait until grades are posted."

He dropped his head onto the desk. "No fair."

I laughed. "Not fair? If I had told you it wouldn't be fair to all the other students who have to wait."

"Oh, who cares about them?" He waved a hand, indifferently. I rolled my eyes. He looked up at me, pouting. "Trust me, by this time tomorrow you'll have already told me my grade."

"Don't bet on that." I shook my head.

He removed himself from my desk. "We shall see."

Kid, you'll be the death of me yet. That would be quite fitting, actually. "How's your story?" Nice change of subject.

"Oh. I haven't picked it up in a while. Um, writers block." I could tell he was chewing on the inside of his cheek.

"It happens."

"Will you be at the show tonight?"

I leaned back in my chair. "Oh, I don't know. I have all these papers to grade and such." He glowered at my sarcasm. "Well, maybe if you save me a seat, I might turn up."

He smiled. "Okay."

I opened my mouth to reply, but ended up losing my balance and the chair and I fell to the floor.

Sora rushed to my side. "Are you okay?" He said it between fits of laughter. "Sorry, I've never seen something so funny."

"Glad to amuse." I rubbed the back of my head. "Ow. That's a first for me."

"I'm sorry." He smiled sympathetically and put the chair back up. "It's just—"

"Yeah, I know. Most teachers aren't caught falling out of their chairs in front of their students."

"I didn't think most teachers fell out of their chairs, but whatever." He was the one being sarcastic now.

"Stop it, you." I winced and stood up.

"If it's any consolation, I fall out of my seat a lot." Sora nodded enthusiastically. I narrowed my eyes; he's mocking me.

"Well, I know you're not brain dead, considering—" I stopped myself.

"Considering?" His eyes widened.

I rubbed at my head. "Nothing. I just went a little brain dead myself."

"Hee hee. I did well, didn't I?"

"No. No, I didn't say that." I shook my head.

He faked hurt. "So I did badly, didn't I?" Tears began to form in his eyes. I'm mildly impressed.

"I didn't say that either." I sat back down, eyeing the chair warily. "You should consider a future in theater."

"Nope, I want to be a novelist."

"Good."

He smirked. "I did well."

"I'm not going to speak to you anymore." I shut my mouth and stared pointedly at my papers.

Sora shrugged. "Fine. But you better be at the show tonight."

I tapped my fingers on my desk. "Yeah, okay. I'll be there."

~O~

"'Scuse me, 'scuse me. Hey. Can I—"

"Yeah," Sora smiled and patted the seat next to him. On his other side, Zexion raised an eyebrow. "Thought you might not show up."

I half shrugged. "I was only kidding." He blinked at me. "I was also joking about saving me a seat."

He flushed. "I didn't do it on purpose. Besides, you could have taken a seat anywhere."

Oh. Busted. "Right, I know." I drop it. "So what have I missed?"

He chuckled and Zexion grinned. "A couple skits and a magician."

I faked disappointment, "Damn, I love magic shows."

Sora stuck his tongue out at me. He then turned suddenly to the stage. "Oh, they're starting."

The band took their places on the platform. Roxas reached for the mike and adjusted it. He turned back to the others; Riku nodded and gave the signal. The music soon started up.

I glanced over at Sora, whose eyes were slightly wide, and saw him tapping out the beats of the song along with the band; his lips moving along with the words. I grinned, knowingly. "You wrote their songs, didn't you?" I whispered.

Sora turned to me, still mouthing the words. He smiled, serenely.

I shook my head. "You did a good job."

"Really?"

"Mm-hm." I looked back to the stage.

"The next two are even better," he said, fondly.

"So you worked out the issue with the love song?"

He went quiet and licked his lips. "Yeah. I worked it out." He paused and turned slowly to me, lifting his bright blue eyes to lock with my own. "Thanks to you."

I swallowed and my heart skipped a beat. I looked quickly away, feeling a flush creeping upon me. I clutched at me chest with wide eyes. Oh god. Why did he make me feel like this? I knew I was attached to him the moment I heard his name, but that was different. Now though…why did I react this way? My thoughts drowned out the music and all I noticed was my own breathing and the beat of my racing heart. This semester with Sora had done something to me. It was like I was addicted to his presence. At first I passed it off as an attachment to this bright, shy boy who reminded me of the better, and more painful, times in my life. But now…

~O~

~*~Roxas~*~ (_song: In the Shadows, by The Rasmus_)

I closed my eyes and listened as the sound washed over me. I let out a breath. My heart began to race and I suddenly felt more alive than ever.

"_No sleep."_

My eyes flickered open.

"_No sleep until I'm done with finding the answer. Won't stop."_

I scanned the crowd and rested my gaze on Sora.

"_Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer."_

He smiled.

"_Sometimes. I feel like going down I'm so disconnected."_

I knew he was feeling what I was feeling at this moment.

"_Somehow. I know that I am haunted to be wanted."_

My eyes shifted to the row I knew Axel was sitting in. He was watching, completely drawn in.

"_I've been watching, I've been waiting, in the shadows for my time. I've been searching, I've been living for tomorrows all my life."_

I glanced, involuntarily, to the exit in the back of the stadium. And I nearly dropped the mike.

"_In the shadows."_

I almost forgot to breathe. My heart raced even faster.

"_In the shadows."_

It was all I could do to keep my hands from shaking. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Not here. Why?!

"_They say."_

I nearly forgot the words.

"_That I must learn to kill before I can feel safe. But I."_

Marluxia. What was he doing here?!

"_I'd rather kill myself then turn into their slave."_

Our eyes were locked, and he smirked.

"_Sometimes. I feel that I should go and play with the thunder."_

The people melted away and all that was left was him.

"_Somehow. I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder."_

I somehow dragged my eyes away and blinked rapidly, bringing my gaze back to Axel's.

"_I've been watching, I've been waiting, in the shadows for my time. I've been searching, I've been living for tomorrows all my life."_

In a split second, my eyes returned to the back of the building. But he was gone.

"_Lately, I've been walking, walking in circles, watching, waiting for something."_

Where was he?

"_Feel me, touch me, heal me, come take me higher."_

I know I saw him!

"_I've been watching, I've been waiting, in the shadows for my time. I've been searching, I've been living, for tomorrows all my life. I've been watching. I've been waiting. I've been searching. I've been living for tomorrows."_

I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.

"_In the shadows."_

I searched the crowd, desperate to glimpse him once more.

"_In the shadows."_

I felt faint. It was all I could do from falling right there on the stage. I needed to see him. Where are you?

"_I've been waiting."_

I wished I could run off now, but I stayed put as the band finished the song and the music died down. An eruption of clapping was heard through the Stadium.

We headed backstage as another group took over. Riku was grinning like mad, and Demyx looked like he was about to burst. "We did it, guys," Seifer whispered.

I couldn't get Marly's image out of my mind. "Hey guys, I'll see you later." I left them in a state of confusion.

~O~

~*~Riku~*~

I was still feeling euphoric and the others' moods matched my own. It was a rush of chatter and laughter as the sets came down and everyone packed up.

"Face it. We rock!" Demyx pumped his fist in the air.

"Yeah!" Hayner and Seifer chorused.

"I feel like I'm on top of the world!" Demyx yelled and spread his arms wide.

"Or high," I suggested.

He pouted, and then pounced on me, knocking me to the stage floor. "Aw, come on, Riku."

Hayner and Seifer shared a look and watched, amused, as I tried to push Demyx off me. Oddly enough, I was finding it slightly difficult. "Get off, Demyx." I couldn't help but laugh as he started tickling me. "I give, I give!" I stilled and he stopped.

I heard someone clear their throat. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Demyx and I both looked around to see Axel staring at us with an eyebrow raised. It was a few seconds before I realized Demyx was straddling my waist. I pushed him off me and he pouted again. "What do you want, Axel?" I couldn't say how relieved I was to know it wasn't Ansem who had caught us in that position.

"I'm looking for Roxas." He glanced around, hoping to see him. "We were supposed to meet here."

I stood and brushed myself off. "He left in a hurry a while ago."

"Oh." I could see his disappointment; I sympathized. "Did he say where he was going?" I shook my head.

"He just sort of left," Demyx put in.

"It was a little odd though." Seifer folded his arms; Hayner nodded.

"Well, if you see him…"

"We'll tell him you're looking for him."

"Thanks," he moved, but turned back, "you guys were amazing."

Demyx threw an arm around my shoulders. "Weren't we?" I rolled my eyes, and shoved his hand off of me.

"Congratulations on your performance, Riku. I'm glad to see you can play nicely with others." I swallowed. See what I mean? He shows up out of nowhere with no warning. At least I expected it this time. "I wish to speak with you," his eyes darted across the other boys, "alone."

"Yeah, sure," I muttered, "outside." Demyx's eyes grew dark as he watched us leave.

"Ah, the quiet." He took a deep breath of the warm night air. "It's a nice night, no?"

"Yeah." I rubbed at my arms, although it was hardly cold.

He moved closer, so he was barely inches away from me and I could inhale his scent. My eyes closed as he placed a hand on the side of my face. "Riku, I—"

"Stay away from my Riku!" My eyes snapped open and Ansem and I both looked over at Demyx, whose fists were clenched and was breathing heavily.

Ansem raised an eyebrow and gave him a once-over. "'Your Riku'?" There was laughter in his voice.

"Demyx?" I gave him a look that said 'what are you doing?'

He stared into my eyes, unblinking. "You don't love him, Riku. You never will. This thing between you two isn't going anywhere."

Ansem narrowed his eyes. "I think you should stay out of other people's business."

"If it concerns Riku, it is my business," he protested.

My captor was curious now. "What sort of claim do you have on him?"

"I have no claim. But unlike you, I'm going to be here for him."

"Who's to say I won't—"

"Don't you get it?" Demyx yelled. "You make him act like someone he's not! This submissive, weak-kneed Riku isn't real."

I was affronted by his comment. "What do you mean by 'submissive' and 'weak-kneed'?"

He glared at me. "Shut up, Riku!"

Ansem put up a hand. "That's enough." The two of us stared at him. "You're right." My mouth dropped open and Demyx looked shocked. "Take care of him, won't you?"

"You know I will," Demyx whispered. Ansem nodded at him and gave me one final look, before he left us standing there.

I was having trouble accepting what just happened. I glanced over, feeling awkward about the silence and my proximity to Demyx. He looked as if he was noticing me standing there for the first time. He took a couple steps away from me, blinked, and promptly fled from the scene. The only thought running through my head was 'what just happened here?' It was a bit surreal for me. I think I'll deal with this later; when I have had ample time to recover.

~O~

~*~Sora~*~

"Well, I think that went well, don't you?" I beamed around at Zexion and Squall. The former appeared to be in some sort of trance, while the latter nodded, but looked distant. I frowned.

Squall glanced at me every couple of seconds. I pretended not to notice. "I should probably go. It's getting late and I still have work to do."

"Oh yeah, of course." I half-smiled. He made a sound in the back of his throat as a response and walked off.

Z and I continued our meandering towards the dorms in silence. Or at least until I decided on opening my mouth. "Let me guess. Demyx?'

"Hm?" He blinked and looked over at me, his eyes still sporting that glazed appearance. "What did you say?"

I smirked. "So I was right."

"What? Right about what?"

I put my arms behind my head. "You zoning out thinking about Demyx."

He flushed. "I was not."

"Liar."

"Yeah? Well so what. How about you and Mr. Leonhart? Huh? You totally were saving that seat."

"No, I wasn't," I mumbled.

"I still say he likes you."

"Shut up." Zexion stared at me with an annoyed look. His eyes moved from mine to a spot behind me. He tilted his head in curiosity. "What? What are you—" I turned and began to grin widely. "Cloud!" I waved my hand. My brother lifted one of his in response.

"You know him?" Z glanced between my brother and I.

"Yup. That's my older brother, Cloud. I wonder what he's doing here."

"Maybe he came to see the show in your mother's place." Cloud stopped in front of us. "I'll see you later, Sora." He nodded at Cloud.

"I'm so glad you're here! Did you see the show? Wasn't Roxas great? How are you?"

He sighed. "Sora, I'm not here because of some talent show."

I blinked, confused. At this close distance, I could see the bags under his eyes. He also looked paler and thinner than normal. "Cloud?"

"Where is Roxas?"

"Probably in our room. Why? What's going on?"

"Sora—"

~O~

~*~Roxas~*~

I tripped over my feet as I stumbled out the backstage door of the Stadium. He had to be here somewhere. God, I needed to see him again. Where are you, Marly? You can't keep doing this to me! I tell you I'm leaving and things get normal again. And then you go and slip yourself back into my life. I can't take it. It's one or the other, Marly. My eyes darted frantically across the grounds. He had to know by now that I'd chase after him. Are you hiding?

I didn't even know how he could be here. Oh god, what was it about him that got me like this? It was like the more my mind cleared up and I was able to think straight again, my heart yearned for him more and more. He was like an addiction that I'd tried to give up, but the smallest dose drew me back in. I want to drown myself in you. Why now? Marluxia, why now? The tears that threatened to come were pouring down my face. A small sob escaped my lips. I stood still, paralyzed by this feeling that I couldn't explain and had only dimly felt before. It was stronger than ever now

"You've always been weak, haven't you…Roxie?" Arms slipped around my waist and I closed my eyes. My hands moved to rest upon his. "I've missed you." He nuzzled my ear.

I felt helpless as silent tears still fell from my eyes; my sight was blurry. I leaned back against him, our chests rising and falling as one. He was safety. "I tried to forget about you; to move on with my life. But, honestly, Marly, you can't keep doing this to me."

"Doing what?"

"You know what." I shifted in his embrace and encircled his waist with my arms. I held on as tightly as I could and pressed an ear against his chest, finding comfort in the sound of his heartbeat.

"You sing beautifully. I never knew." He whispered and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

"What are you doing here?"

'That friend of yours told me the name of your school."

"Friend? Who are you talking about? None of my friends have met you."

"That red-head. He came to Twilight Town." He looked down at me. "Didn't he tell you?"

My heart nearly stopped. Axel. Oh fuck. What was I doing? I squirmed in his hold and pushed away. It took a little effort, but I managed to get him to release me. "I'm so stupid. God, Marly, you blind-sight me. I can't think clearly around you." I took a couple of steps backwards and rubbed at my eyes, trying to dry my tears.

Marluxia smirked. "Ah, that's what I thought." He stepped towards me. I nearly tripped as I moved backwards. He grabbed my wrist, steadying me. He didn't let go though. "He isn't just a friend, is he?"

"No, he's not." I tried to yank my arm out of his grip, but to no avail. "Let me go. I'm serious, Mar. I'm in a relationship."

"Funny how you just forgot about that fact. I had to remind you." He let out a laugh. "The guy can't mean much to you if the mere sight of me does this to you."

I shook my head. "No. No. It's something else. You affect me because of our history together, that's all. Now let me go. Please?" I was on the verge of tears again.

"No," he whispered, dangerously close to me now. I couldn't move. The cold of fear rushed up my spine. "Don't you remember? You belong to me. No one else." He brought me closer to him with his hand on the back of my neck. My free hand gripped at the fabric of his shirt. I closed my eyes as he dipped his head and captured my lips. I didn't fight it. The warmth of his mouth drew me in and all thoughts stopped. This scene was an all too familiar one. His tongue licked at my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, willingly. My heart raced even faster. It'd been so long since I'd been with Marluxia like this. I knew I wasn't stopping it and was responding eagerly, but I couldn't help it, because I felt it: I belonged to him. His grip slackened on my wrist and I slipped it away from his hand and rested it on the side of his waist. We broke apart, and I instantly knew my face was flushed and lips were swollen. "You can't resist me," he whispered.

"I know."

"Roxas?" Oh fuck. Marluxia let go of me and the two of us turned towards Axel. He had an unreadable expression on his face. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I didn't need to try hard to figure that out. He must have seen us, or he could just tell from the obvious state we were in. "What's he doing here?" I swallowed, unsure of how to reply. Why was it I kept messing up when things finally got good again?

"What's it to you why I'm here? The damage is already done." Marluxia moved towards Axel, looking intimidating, in my opinion. "I don't like it when other people touch what's mine," he hissed, dangerously.

Axel looked repulsed. "He's not a possession of yours. He's a human being with his own free will, regardless of the fact that you're manipulating him."

"So? What's your point? Maybe he likes being manipulated."

"You disgust me. I can't see how you think like that. Who are you?"

Marluxia faltered, suddenly at a loss for words. He stared at Axel with a puzzled look. He then glanced between the two of us. "I've got to go."

He was off again before I could protest. I watched him go, and then turned my eyes to meet Axel's gaze. I had 'guilty' written all over me. I suck. "Axel…" I tried to say something. Anything. At this point, it couldn't possibly get any worse even if I did say the wrong things. But I couldn't find the words. There was nothing, and I felt empty. Axel stared at the ground, not uttering a sound. I wished to cry again, but I had no more tears.

"Roxas." The two of us turned to look up the hill at the new voice.

"And who might he be?" I heard the edge in Axel's voice.

"He…he's my brother. I have no idea why he would be here though."

"You certainly seem to be having a series of reunions. Maybe I should just go."

"Wait!" But it was the second time I had to see someone walk away from me that night. I turned my attention back to Cloud, who was now on my level. It was also the first time I noticed Sora standing beside him looking like a drone and mute. His eyes were dulled and the emotion was erased from his face. "What's going on?"

"He's gone," Sora muttered.

I glanced at him, hoping he didn't mean what I thought he meant. "Cloud? What's wrong?" I was starting to hyperventilate.

"It's father." He took a deep breath. "He passed away last night."

"No," I shook my head in disbelief. "No. You're lying. He's not dead. This is some sick joke. He's not. He's just not."

"He's gone, Roxas," Sora said it again, with more force this time. "He's not coming back. Ever."

"Shut up!" I clapped my hands over my ears and fell to the ground, still shaking my head. "You're wrong. You have it wrong. It's a lie. It's not him."

"We've been expecting this for some time, Roxas. It was going to happen, we all knew it. There's no use pretending." Cloud looked pained as he said it, "I watched him fall to pieces."

"It's not fair," I murmured, hot tears once more caressing my cheeks. "It's not fair!" Cloud placed a hand on my back saying 'I know' over and over again. "I never even got to say goodbye," I whispered. I looked up to see Sora silently sobbing into his hands; he had cracked.

Cloud lifted me to my feet and I threw my arms around him. I had always hated him for being the closest with Dad. It was only fitting that I now found comfort in him because of that. Sora took one look at us and ran off. "Sora!" Cloud shouted, but he didn't turn back.

~O~

~*~Squall~*~

I didn't hear the classroom door open, or the frantic footsteps down the stairs. But I did hear a muffled 'thudding' noise that brought me out of a trance. I stood up from my desk and looked towards the door that separated my office from the classroom. For a moment, I thought I'd imagined the sound—after all, who else in their right mind would have been in a classroom at this time of night—until I heard a voice: Sora's voice.

"Squall?" I heard heavy breathing and short gasping sobs. "Squall?"

I slowly made my way towards the door. I'd never heard him say my name before. In fact, I didn't know he knew my name. I wondered when and where he learned it, but pushed those thoughts aside and opened the door.

He was crouched by my classroom desk, gripping onto it for dear life. His face was streaked with tears and his breath was coming in shaky intervals. He looked up as I entered the room. "Squall?" He tried to stand, but had to lean on the desk for support. The sound of my name on is lips, while unfamiliar, clicked something inside me. It was like this situation suddenly came alive for me. The things I was feeling now must have been real. All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and hide him from the world.

"What happened, Sora?"

He reached one trembling hand out to me. I took it and he stumbled into my embrace. He gripped at my forearms for support and jerked his head in the direction of my office. "Can we—"

"Yeah," I nodded. Anything. Whatever you need I'll give to you. I should have felt surprised by that admittance, but oddly enough I didn't. I honestly wanted to give everything to this boy…or young man, I should say.

I closed the door behind us and he fell against me again. I held him to me as his shoulders shook silently. After a while, he gulped in air and tried to speak. "My father just died. I found out not even an hour ago. My older brother came to tell us." He bit down on his lip and shook his head, trying to stop any more crying fits.

"Oh Sora. I'm so sorry…I don't really know what to say." I closed my eyes and pressed him against me even tighter. I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. I understand better than anyone what the loss of a loved one can do to a person.

"You don't have to say anything," he whispered into my chest. "I just…"

"Whatever you need, I'm here for you. I swear it."

His arms slunk around my waist and he clung to me like I was the only thing left in the world. "I just want to be close to you right now." The two of us slid to the floor and I pulled him into my lap and tightened my arms around him. His eyes were closed shut, trying to block tears.

It was now that it hit me. Here, with him in my arms crying his eyes out. In his pain, I could see my own truth: I felt for him. In ways a teacher shouldn't. We didn't act that way. We were close and too touchy for it to be normal. Like now for example. This wasn't acceptable. I wanted to be with him. It was ironic in more ways than one that he was what I had been searching for. But it could never happen. I was positive he had some semblance of feelings for me, but that was not the problem. He was a minor; I was an adult in a position of authority over him. This couldn't happen. What we were doing, albeit innocently, would have to remain secret. I couldn't risk it, although arguably I already was.

It had been one hell of a year, hadn't it? Hopefully it wouldn't get any worse. Seeing Sora for his senior year would mean severe discipline in my self-restraint. But I didn't want to worry about that for the moment. No, all I wanted was to hold him close and to never let go. For now, I'd forget about everything else and concentrate on what mattered most. But I knew, if Sora asked, my resolve would crumble and I would willingly give into temptation.

~*~End chapter eight, and part one of Destiny Island School for Boys

A/N 2: And that's the end of Part 1. I will get Part 2 edited etc asap~ So bear with me! (Btw, it'll be on this fic)


	9. Part 2, Chapter 1, Sora's Chapter 1

A/N: So, as an apology for not having Part 2 ready….quite yet…here's chapter one of it. I still have maybe…half? of Part 2 to finish editing. Real life crap gets in the way of my editing . So here's a peace offering. Teaser chapter for Part 2.

~O~

Destiny Island School for Boys

Part 2: Sora and Roxas's Senior Year

Chapter One; Sora's Chapter One: Aftermath

~O~

"And miles to go before I sleep," I murmured, quoting my favorite poem by Robert Frost. This setting is all wrong. It should be cold, raining, maybe snowing; everyone wearing their modest black clothing; and there's supposed to be some meaningful music playing in the background, like Amazing Grace or something of equal beauty. But it's the hottest day of the year: a blistering summer's day in Twilight Town. The groups of people surrounding the lowering casket are in short sleeves, and mostly white clothing.

My mother had her head pressed against Cloud's shoulder. Roxas took shaky deep breaths, his eyes no longer capable of crying. And I stood there mute, flanked by Kairi and Namine, each holding onto one of my arms, unable to let me go.

I wished I could think of some significant memory of my father and me, but honestly, there weren't many. He was always so close to Cloud. Or Roxas, on the few occasions we saw him. I was always so distant. But then again, so was he. Even before his treatments, he had been busy with his work. Maybe we were more alike than I knew.

Instead, my thoughts returned to that of another man in my life. One who I had hoped to escape from, fearing my summer days would be spent dwelling on those last few moments alone with him. Of course, in my reality, the things I dread usually turn up eventually. My feelings had only grown stronger. I wished Z was here to talk to. He would listen to my rants about Squall. I must be the worst person ever. Here I am, at my own father's funeral, and I'm thinking about my English teacher. Life is so unfair. At least I can appreciate that.

The girls leaned their heads on my shoulders. The minister had finished with his final words. It's weird how a complete stranger could list my father's good graces and I, his own son, was speechless. All I knew was that I loved him; maybe that had to be enough because it was all I had.

~O~

I don't know how long I'd sat in that position: head against hand and elbow propped up on the desk. My eyes were locked on my laptop screen and the blinking cursor. All my energy had been poured into my story since we got home. I couldn't focus anywhere else because if I did, I might break. I have to be strong for them. Cloud would be going back to Hollow Bastion in a few days and Mom and Roxas were both a complete mess. Someone had to take over, and that would be me…again. I could only hope that Roxas wouldn't slip up like last time.

Speaking of which, my brother had entered my room with a sour look on his face, when my thoughts had turned to him. He sat on my bed with his arms folded and eyes downcast. "What?" I muttered, still staring at the screen.

"Can you believe he's just going to leave us now? What about Mom?"

I sighed. Roxas was back to not liking our older brother. "He has a life and work to get back to. Not to mention Aerith. You know, his wife?"

"Tch, so? Our dad died. Okay? Died! Am I ringing any bells here? He should be here with us." He scowled across the room at me, when I didn't agree. "God, Sora! Why aren't you grieving? Did you feel the initial shock, but somehow get over it the next day? Why aren't you doing something? Reacting, acting out, something? What is wrong with you?"

I tore my eyes away from the laptop and brought them icily to his. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"Yeah? Your father dies and you use it as fuel for your story!"

"Shut up!" I stood up, so the two of us were on each other's level and facing one another vehemently. "Don't you get it? This is how I'm dealing! Just because I'm not some volatile force like you are, doesn't mean I'm not suffering from this. Can you honestly think after everything, that this doesn't affect me?"

"Yes!" he shouted back, rage licking at his eyes. "I honestly can. You sit up here with your nose pressed against that screen for hours on end. You don't act like this is causing you any pain."

I stared at him, disgustedly shaking my head. "At least I'm not numbing myself," I whispered.

He opened his mouth, but made no sound; my words stung him. "How dare you. You have no idea what you are talking about!" he finally said. "This isn't like last time, I won't let it be."

"You know, I think I preferred it, last time, when you hardly paid me any attention." I returned to my seat, not catching his expression. "Just because I'm not acting out, doesn't mean I'm not dealing. Maybe you would know that if you remembered my reactions the first time around."

His only reply was the slamming of my bedroom door. "God damn it," I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut for a brief moment and then blinking rapidly. I let out a breath and began typing once more.

~O~

"Do you want us to leave?"

"No." Even though I can't see them, I know they are glancing at each other.

"We'll stay as long as you like," Namine conceded. She and Kairi were sitting on my bed as I typed away. I had nothing to really say to them, but their presence was comforting. They seemed to understand. But I didn't want them to just understand though. I'm not sure what I wanted, to be honest. I was at a loss most days, as to what I should do with myself.

Kairi started humming a tune. I heard a rustling noise and turned around to see her looking through my school bag. "Do you mind?" she said, pulling out one of my binders.

"Go ahead. It's just school work." I shrugged and resumed my activity.

She and Namine flipped through the contents of the binder with curiosity. "You still doodle on everything." Namine's voice was light and I was relieved by the normal conversation topic. The two of them had been so afraid to say anything to me.

There was a knock on my door and the girls said, "Come in," in sing-song voices. They were still looking through my school things when Pence and Olette entered the room.

"Hey, we'll see you guys later, okay?" Pence said.

"You're leaving?" I questioned.

"Roxas is going to try to sleep, so we thought we should let him," Olette explained, while leaning on the doorframe.

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Yeah." They smiled and exited my room.

I hit the save button and shut down my laptop. I turned around and saw them scrutinizing a scrap of paper. "Who's Squall?" Kairi squinted at the name, unsure if she read it right.

I scrambled out of my chair and nearly tripped as I snatched the paper away. "No one!" I squeaked.

They blinked in shock at my reaction. "Oh, who is it? Who is it!"

It was all I could do to fend off a blush while they squealed. "Just a guy from school, erm, a teacher actually."

"Oh," they looked confused, and glanced at one another.

"So why did your teacher give you his phone number?" Kairi asked, slowly. Namine was grinning at me, and it was slightly unnerving.

"Um, well, he's an English teacher and I, um," my eyes swiftly scanned the room, trying to come up with a convincing lie; they landed on my laptop. "Oh, he said he would help me if I was having problems with my story."

Namine's face fell. "Oh. Well that's nice of him."

"Heh, yeah." I put a hand behind my head and laughed nervously.

~O~

I had always been nervous about using the phone. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's just one of those things. I told myself I wouldn't use it. I didn't want to be like those people who stay up late staring at their phone, tying to work up the courage to call the one who casually told them to call some time. Here I am though, staring at the phone and mentally beating myself over the head with it. Just pick up the phone. Call him. Be like 'hi, how are you?' He wouldn't have given you his number if he didn't want you to call. Right? Right.

I took a deep breath, grabbed the phone, and dialed his number. It started to ring and I began panicking. "Hello?" He answered all too quickly, and I was so startled that I hung up and slammed the phone back onto its stand.

Seconds later, the phone rang, and I felt like one of those people in scary movies where the phone is always a messenger of death. "Hello?"

"Sora?"

I let out a sigh of relief. "Hey, Z…how did you get my number?"

"In this day and age it is all too easy to track a simple phone number down," he replied, smoothly.

"You sound more confident on the phone," I noted.

"Yeah? Well, it's better than dealing with actual people."

"I disagree."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing." I couldn't think of anything to say, so he continued. "So, did you call him yet?"

My jaw dropped open. "You know, I really should be used to this by now, but honestly Zexion, I swear you're psychic or something."

"So you did call?" I pouted at the sound of surprise in his voice. "Seriously, I don't need to rag on you multiple times? You actually did it?"

"Uh, yeah. Sort of," I poked my pillow, sheepishly. "He answered, and I freaked and hung up."

"You 'hung up'!"

"Well yeah-"

"No. That's no good. Bye, Sora."

"What?"

"I'm ending this conversation, and I won't call back until I think you've called him, and actually said something!" There was a click and then the dial tone took over.

"God…damn it already." I threw the phone down in frustration. I folded my arms and glared at it.

'_Whatever you need, I'm here for you. I swear.'_

Squall's soft voice washed over me, followed by an instant calm. "Okay," I whispered to myself, and redialed the number.

He let it ring for a bit, before answering. "Hello?" The sound was persuading me to speak.

"Squall, it's Sora."

He let out a breath. "Hey, Sora," he paused, "did you call me earlier?"

"No," I said, swiftly.

"Oh." There's silence on the other end. We both knew I was lying. "Never mind then…So, how are you?"

"I'm-" I was going to say fine, but that was untrue as well. "I've been better."

"I can imagine. I wondered whether or not you would call. I thought you might not."

"So did I." Sighing, my next words came out whispered, "But I couldn't stop thinking about…what you said."

"I say lots of things. Any one thing in particular?"

"No."

"Oh."

The silence was frustrating me. "You know what, fuck the pretense, Squall. I don't want to make up reasons for calling you. I wanted to hear your voice. That's it."

"Sora! I'm…well, I'm shocked, actually. You've never spoken to me like this."

I shifted the phone in my hand and laid back against my bed. "Sorry. No, I take that back. I'm not sorry. It's so…difficult not being able to be near you."

I heard him swallow. "Sora…" His voice was pleading, but I didn't know what for.

"Don't," I muttered, "don't pretend you haven't missed me. You've been waiting for me to call."

"Words are dangerous between us when we're distant. If only for my sake, can we stick to topics that don't involve the both of us?" I heard Roxas's door open. "Sora? You still there?"

"Huh? Yeah. Hang on a second." I leapt from my bed and went into the hallway. "Roxas, where are you going?" I had followed him to the front door.

His eyes flashed. "What's it to you? Or can I not go outside unsupervised?"

"No, that's fine. But where are you going?"

"Out. Between you, Pence, and Olette I haven't had a second to myself. Can I go now?" His bitter tone scared me, and I was afraid of what he would do if I tried to stop his leaving the house.

"Go then." He slammed the door. "Squall?"

"Yeah, I'm here. What was that about?"

I frowned and stared at the spot where my brother had been standing. "Nothing. Roxas has just been acting like…it's nothing. He's just angry about-"

"Your father?"

"Yeah."

"And how are you handling it?"

"Oh, well, I've been working on rewriting my story. I'm nearly finished, I think."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not quite yet." I started walking back to my room. "I still would like you to read it."

"I'd like that."

My end of the conversation was slightly lagging after that. The truth, was that I was worried. Something I had seen in my brother's eyes reminded me about before. The last time we were hit with tragic news related to my father, Roxas had gone from depressed, to switching off between vulnerable and angry. I feared at that instance, that he was slipping back into that state. I didn't want to see him hurting anymore.

~end chapter one

A/N 2: Well, that's the intro for Part 2…are we nervous yet? Heh heh…Next chapter…it's a surprise who the POV is from. ; )


	10. Part 2, Chapter 2, Marluxia's Chapter 1

A/N: *cackles* Okay, well there it is. A Marluxia chapter. Heh heh heh. Ahem. Anyway, some background trivia about his character. Originally, Marluxia was only going to appear in chapter two of part one. But then he decided he wanted to show up again, so I was like 'fine, fine.' Then I was going to just stick him in the last chapter of that part, and possibly have him die tragically, therefore traumatize Roxas even more…but he was like…No, I don't wanna die, I wanna be an effin' main character. And so, a chapter from his POV was born! Enjoy~

~O~

Chapter Two; Marluxia's Chapter One: Puppet Master

~O~

The only sound I was aware of, was the ticking of the clock behind me. Nearly the entire eighth grade History class was asleep, and even the teacher appeared to be bored by his own lecture. The minutes seemed like hours, and we'd been sitting in this stupor for long enough that my hand had become the most entertaining aspect of the class. I flexed my fingers and spread them widely before relaxing them again. I'd been staring at my hand for the last ten minutes, at least.

My eyes drifted across the other student and landed on one in particular. There were shadows under his eyes, and his once cheery disposition had been clouded by depression. I felt a sneer forming on my lips. God that kid used to annoy the hell out of me. He and his perky friends were always too happy for their own good. It drove me insane. I liked him better this way: quiet and retreated inside himself. It was preferable to the constant bubbly laughter that used to surround him and his brother.

I dimly recalled the reason for his drastic change in behavior: something to do with his father getting ill or what not. My eyes flickered over to his brother, who looked bored, but seemingly normal. Interesting.

A movement caught my eye. Larxene, on my left, had reached for something in her bag. She made a face at me. I glanced down at the paper on her desk. So typical. She'd been drawing stick figures that were supposed to resemble our teacher; they were all dead-looking or suffering from some sort of violent torture.

The bell rang, and the class sat there for a second, slowly coming to an understanding that another hour of hell was up, and school was out for the week. Larxene, Vexen, Lexeaus and I pushed through the swarm of students leaving the room. "Finally. I thought I was going to die in there." My friends nodded in agreement.

"Let me know next time and I'll help you with that," Larxene grinned, widely. Vexen rolled his eyes.

Roxas and his twin brushed by us, and for some reason I couldn't help but yell to him, "Roxas." He turned, confused by my addressing him. "You might want to see your doctor. I think your anti-depressants aren't working." I smirked as a look of horror crossed his face. We laughed and walked in front of them. I heard Sora's voice, and the words caught my attention.

"Roxas, do I have to watch you take them? I knew you'd stopped. I'll tell Mom."

"Shut up, Sora. I'll take them when we get home."

They hurried by us again and Roxas glanced back and looked at Larxene, who stared blank-faced.

~O~

The four of us were lounging in my living room, and by four I mean us guys including my father. Larxene was who knows where. Dad was sitting with me on the couch, staring blankly at the television screen. Some made for TV movie was playing, but none of us really cared about it. I had even given up mocking it. There's nothing to do in this town, I can't wait to get out of here.

"Well, I should be getting back to the Hospital. Mar, you know how to reach me." My father, who everyone said was just an older-looking version of me, addressed me. He worked at the local hospital, was fairly high up there too. From what I could gather, he basically ran the place. Dad and I didn't talk about his work all that often, since when he was home he preferred taking a break from it. I think maybe he didn't want me to have anything to do with it for some reason. So his spare time was usually spent with me, even if that was doing something stupid like sitting on the couch with my friends and me.

"Yeah, I know. See ya." He always said the same thing to me when he left the house.

"That would suck to be surrounded by sick people all the time," Lexeaus suddenly spoke.

"Not everyone at a hospital is sick. Some are just injured," I muttered, eyes still locked on the screen.

"Same difference."

The doorbell rang, and I made no motion to move. Vexen sighed and got up from his chair to answer the door.

"Hey, what have you losers been up to?"

"Larxene," I greeted her. She smirked at me and ran a hand through her blond hair.

"Where've you been?" Vexen questioned.

"In the park across from the school," she shrugged and took the place my dad had been sitting in. "God, today has been so boring. What are you watching?"

"What were you doing in the park?"

"Oh my god, honestly. Are you my mother now? I don't have to tell you what I was doing, Vexen." She glared at him.

"Please, as if your mother ever asks you that." Vexen retorted.

"Shut up, you two," Lexeaus murmured, before Larxene could respond to the taunt.

"Is there seriously nothing else on?" She settled on returning her attention to the television.

"Nope."

"Well, since you're all boring me now, I guess I'll just share the latest gossip." She glanced around to see if we were listening. We were, which tells you how bored we must have been. "You know that guy in our class, Roxas? Well, guess who just sold him some E? God, can you believe that not even a year ago we were calling him a goodie-goodie. Ha."

I stared at her in disbelief. "So that's why you were late and in the park?"

"Yup," she grinned, seemingly proud of herself.

"Are you stupid!" I stood suddenly, struck by what she said. "You idiot." I headed towards the doorway.

"Whoa, where are you going?" Vexen jumped up after me.

"I can't believe you, Larxene," I called out over his shoulder. "Don't you know that he's probably on anti-depressants? He could die!" I yelled, gesturing with my hands.

She looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Ecstasy mixed with certain other substances can be fatal! My Dad's seen it happen."

She blinked at me, not quite comprehending what I was saying. "I—"

"How long ago did you meet up with him?"

"I don't know. I went home before I came here."

I growled to myself, "You idiot," before grabbing my keys and heading towards the door, "now if you don't mind, I'm going to the park and hoping to not find one more dead body," I said through gritted teeth, and slammed the door in their faces, frustrated by too many things at once. He may have annoyed the hell out of me, but there's no way I was letting him die. Of course, I could be over-reacting, but when it comes to a possible life or death situation, I'd prefer to err on the side of caution. And there was nothing I hated worse than people stupid enough to throw their lives away.

I got to the park after a short train ride and began my search for him. It was a small park and didn't take me long to locate him. My breath caught in my throat, relieved to find him conscious. As I moved towards him, I noticed he was staggering and I quickened my pace when he fell against the side of a tree, luckily not hitting his head. But by the time I reached him, he had just passed out. "Oh fuck," I muttered, pulling my cell phone from my pocket. "Dad. I need your help." He must have actually taken those meds he had promised to right before meeting Larxene...

~O~

Time was at a standstill as I waited in my father's office. I was aware of nothing, yet everything, all happening at the same time. My heart was beating at a constant fast pace; my breath was the only sound in the too quiet space. The one thought I had, was that this kid couldn't die. Not on my watch. I had no reason to want him alive, except for a nagging fear that it was somehow going to be my fault if he did die. Fucking Larxene. Shit. If she hadn't opened her big mouth we might have read about his untimely death in the morning paper: Suicide; Teen's Depression over Ailing Father's Health Sends Him Overboard.

My father entered the room and closed the door behind him, pushing his back against it and his hands pressed on either side. His expression was unreadable. "Dad?" I didn't move from my seated position, but lifted my head to look his direction. "How is he?" I held my breath.

"He's alive." Oh thank god. I let the air pass through my lips once more. "Damn it, Mar." He slammed a hand down against the door. I glanced at him, startled. "I don't want you dealing with these sorts of things. Kids your age should be playing games and teasing girls. But drugs?"

I flinched. "If I had known, I swear I would have stopped it before he even took them."

"Don't think I'm blind to what your friends get into, Marluxia. And that girl, her family is always causing trouble." My wide eyes began to narrow. "Be careful, Mar. I'm not going to just pretend you won't try it like everyone else. But can't this stuff wait until, I don't know, high school? You're all too young for this." I didn't answer. "He would have died," he whispered.

"What? You just were saying-"

"I know, but if you hadn't found him when you did. If you hadn't called me. Mar, he could have died."

I stared at my hands. It was a lot of information to be confronted with. If he had died, god, his family wouldn't have taken it well, to say the least. Oh god, his family! "Dad, can you do me one more huge favor?" I tentatively smiled.

He sighed. "Marluxia, I know what you're thinking. The answer's no. I've already done you enough of a favor by covering this up thus far. I should have informed his mother the second he was brought in." My expressions didn't change and I stared, statue-like, at him. "No. I mean it. You have no idea how many rules I'm breaking right now by keeping this boy's… accident…off the record. Now you promised me that you'd inform them yourself as soon as he was stable." I still stared at him, adopting what must have been a sickening pout because he was suddenly groaning and looking away from me. "…you know what, fine! I'm already taking care of it without their knowledge, what more could I possibly do? But you owe me. Big time." I grinned.

~O~

My father and I managed to convince Roxas's mother that we were taking him camping with us, where there wasn't going to be any cell phone service, and that Roxas had fallen asleep at our house, so we came for his things. She was suspicious at first, considering she had never met me before or heard any mention of my name. And really, the whole thing was absurd and we were highly unlikely to be able to pull it off. However, if anyone could have accomplished the impossible, it would have to be my father. He had a way of doing that. In the end, my father's charm won her over. Well, that and promises to have Roxas at least call before we took off.

It was Sora who wasn't all too convinced, and was at a loss as to how Roxas and I were suddenly on friendly terms. Luckily, it wasn't him we had to convince. I had to admit, that even I was surprised that we'd somehow managed the impossible. Shit, I mean, the whole thing was ludicrous. But when Dad wanted to, he could get anyone to agree to anything. He was gifted. Poor woman probably never knew what hit her. In the end, we got what we came for: an excuse for his disappearance for a few days. Father was going to take care of all the paper work, pull some strings, and make sure nothing could possibly get out.

And the entire time he was making good on his favor to me, neither my father or I bothered to voice the one question that should have come up. Why was I making him go to such lengths for some kid I didn't even know? Even bothering to protect this secret from his own family? I wasn't about to process that myself.

~O~

Roxas was asleep when I was finally allowed in his room. He had been conscious enough earlier to be convinced to go along with our plan, and have a short conversation with his mother over the phone. It hadn't taken much for my father to get him to play along, probably because Roxas was so out of it and very eager to not have his mother find out. He'd fallen back asleep after that. It was strange to see him lying in a hospital bed, linked up to several different monitors. Watching him sleep, I was suddenly forced to realize that I was doing all this for a total, nearly, stranger. Didn't he annoy me to the point where I wanted to push him off a bridge, along with the rest of our class for that matter? What was I doing? How come I cared what happened to him or not? Could it be that maybe he wasn't such a prat like the rest of them? No. Sheep don't change. Unless he had always been a wolf tricked to believe he was one of the flock.

Sheep? Wolves? What the fuck am I rambling about? Holy hell. Roxas, you confuse me to the point of near insanity. I tried to drag my eyes from his sleeping form, but something about his peaceful face kept me from looking away. For a boy he was quite…"Pretty," I mumbled to myself. After hearing my own words, my face burnt scarlet. I sat down in the chair beside his bed, wide-eyed and paranoid that somehow everyone I knew was going to burst through the door and laugh at me. Did I just think another guy was pretty? I swiftly glanced over at him. Yep. I did. Not only did I think it, I said it.

I swear, until I figure out what this means, I'm not letting him out of my sight ever again. Is that coming on too strong? Maybe so, but who cares? Besides, I was bored with all the others; it was always the same thing. And I thought Roxas needed something new in his life too.

~O~

His eyes flickered open and it took him a moment to realize he was not alone. "Marluxia? What are you doing here?"

"Didn't my dad tell you already? Anyway, I think that's beside the point. You're an idiot, you know? I mean, what were you thinking?"

"I dunno," he averted his eyes. "I can't believe you of all people are asking me that."

"And that's supposed to mean…?"

He sat up a bit, looking more alert but still frail. "We…we're two different types of people. I'm not like you. I don't know why you'd even want to help me. And this was just some accident; a fluke. It'll never happen again."

"The hell it won't," I stood and moved towards him, so I was looking down into his eyes. "If I hadn't been there, you'd be dead right about now." He swallowed; he knew it too. I let out a cold laugh. "Or your mother would be killing you. So yeah, thanks to my dad and I, she and your brother don't know shit. The way I see it, you owe me. Well guess what, it's time to pay up."

His bottom lip trembled slightly. "So that's why you're helping? You want something from me? To 'pay up'? With what?" he squeaked.

"With yourself."

"I…I don't get it, Marly."

I blinked at the sound of the nickname, and began to grin. "You're going to start spending your time with me, or I tell everyone in town what really happened the weekend you and I supposedly went camping with my father. It's quite simple really."

"You're blackmailing me?"

"And you're acting out because you're insecure and weak. Admit it. This entire thing is because you're just a scared little boy who is afraid he's going to lose his father. So instead of coming to terms with reality, you try to ignore it and stop thinking altogether. Well let me tell you, there are better ways to do that." My face was mere inches from his and we both seemed to be holding our breath.

"You're right," he whispered, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth. He started sobbing. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry. I was mesmerized by it; he's the kind who looks beautiful even when he's tear-streaked with swollen lips and puffy eyes.

"So do we have a deal? It's either me, or going back to friends who will never understand, try too hard, and get on your nerves in the process."

He bit his lip, locked his eyes with mine, and nodded. "Okay."

I returned to my chair, pleased by the arrangement. "Good. Now first things first: start actually feeling what you feel."

"What if I don't feel anything?"

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard." He knew I was right.

"I'm angry."

"There you have it."

He finally looked away from me. "Just because we have this deal, doesn't mean I like you…because I don't."

~O~

The rest of my group sat in a stupor at the lunch table while I watched Roxas's interactions with his friends. Olette was speaking swiftly and clinging to one of his wrists as they walked.

"Since when have you been hanging out with Marluxia?" Pence questioned.

"Does it matter? It's not like you would know. You're not with me 24-7; although, it's beginning to feel like it," Roxas muttered. "Just leave me alone. Okay?"

"No," Olette shook her head. "He's mean, Roxas. We've never liked him and he hates all of us. I don't understand this."

He pulled his wrist free from her grip and walked at a faster pace, glancing around as if to see how many people were watching him. His eyes only found mine, and he grimaced as he continued to walk towards our table. "Happy?" he murmured as he took a seat next to me.

"Ecstatic," I grinned, and laughed a bit as Vexen and Larxene glanced sideways at us.

"What's he doing here?" Larxene leaned towards me but didn't take her eyes off his.

"He's one of us now. Get used to it."

"Cool," Lexeaus murmured. "Are we going back to your place after school, Mar?"

I nodded, "Sure." At least he wasn't questioning it.

"Oh! We should make him go through an initiation ceremony or something."

"I'm pretty sure he's already gone through one, Larxene," I said icily. Roxas sighed.

~O~

High school. The one-way road to higher education. Or so they want us to think. Really, it's just four years of hell. The lucky ones get out early, while the rest suffer mind-numbing days walking in trances and going to unheard of lengths for a little extra credit. Well, that's assuming we don't just drop out. Safe to say, none of us were looking forward to it. Okay, that's not true. There would always be the occasional freak that loved it to pieces and hoped college would be just as much fun. But no one cared about them anyway. So what was with the rant on our impending doom? We had just graduated from eighth grade. Looking back, it seemed so insignificant; at the time it represented the end of an era.

I glanced over at Roxas, who was leaning against the side of my bed and laughing with Vexen. God, I'm glad to have him here. It certainly made things more fun. Like the other day, the four of us were looking for him on campus and caught the tail-end of a fight he was having with his, I hesitate to say 'old,' friends. The end result was Roxas slapping Olette across the face. I think he was more shocked than she was. He caught one look at their faces and fled. It was hilarious.

There was a school graduation party going on, but why the hell would we want to be there? The longer we sat, the more I wanted everyone else to leave. I wanted to touch him; to run my fingers through his hair; to kiss those pink lips. Not that I hadn't done it before, but those always were at times where he could shrug it off as accidental or would pretend it had never happened. But I wanted it to get through to him.

When it got to be a reasonably late hour, I kicked everyone else out. Roxas had told his mother he was spending the night at a friend's after the party. Of course, this had just been an alibi so he could stay out later. But who says you can't use these things to your advantage?

"Are you scared?

I blinked and looked at him. "Of what?" There were so many answers to that. Especially right now.

"High school." He sat down on the edge of my bed. "I think I am."

"No surprise there."

"No, I suppose not." I reached a hand out and traced my fingers down his face to rest them under his chin. "Marly?" He was giving me that look. The one that said 'what are you doing?' while simultaneously screaming his innocence.

I clenched my free hand into a fist. I wanted to take that innocence away. I wanted to be the one who saw that last bit of it flicker then fade into nothingness. I'd seen its light dim, but it was still there. It pissed me off. And I'd never bothered to consider why it did. "Come here," I whispered out the order.

"What?" he asked, breathlessly.

"Come closer." I saw him hesitate before he crawled over to my side. He leaned his head on my shoulder. "Do you need me?" I questioned, not really sure what it was I was asking. I think the question was more for me than for him.

"Where would I be without you?"

"A whole lot better off, maybe. Or just bored out of your mind," I teased, tugging on a strand of his hair. "Don't worry about high school, Roxie. We'll make it bearable by any means."

He pouted. "I hate it when you call me that. It sounds like you're addressing a pet."

"Well, you do belong to me. And we both know I'm the one on top in this relationship." I leaned down and tilted his chin up with my hand.

"What relationship?" There's an edge in his voice that was unmistakable. I chose to ignore it.

"This one," I said as my lips brushed against his. I felt him try to pull away, but I snaked my other arm around his waist.

He managed to turn his head away from mine. "You've got to stop doing that, Marluxia."

"But you need me," I whined.

"Not like that."

"I don't believe you."

"Let go of me," he said through clenched teeth.

"No," I shook my head.

"Marly, this isn't right."

"If you truly think that, you'd be doing something about it instead of letting yourself get into these situations. Besides, aren't you tired of reasoning things? Just let it happen."

"No."

"Sorry, wrong answer." I used my weight to pin him to my bed. I looked down on him, smirking all the while. "Come on, Roxas. One more chance."

"Before what?" he whispered.

"You lose." He considered it for a few seconds, then leaned forward to kiss me. "That's what I thought," I murmured against his lips.

~O~

It was sort of funny, but I began to notice that the closer I got to Roxas, the more unstable he became. Maybe that was why I started making sure he never went too far with things. To balance it out, he made sure never to let things between us get too far. But believe me; I pressed the limits on that one.

I was lost in thoughts like that during lunch while our group made sly remarks or nasty comments about the posers a few tables down. Roxas was playing with a small pocket knife, flicking it open and closed, with a bored look on his face. He was still doing that when Pence and Olette stopped by our spot. They stood before him, trying to get his attention. "What?" he muttered after a moment, still not looking their way.

"Could you put that away?" Olette indicated to the knife.

He cast his eyes in her direction. "No." He now had the knife pointing at the two of them. "If it makes you uncomfortable, then you might want to get on with it."

"Can we speak to you alone?" Pence glanced around.

"Sorry, while he might be willing to speak to you on his own, I'm not about to leave him unsupervised," I said to them, slightly sarcastic. "It's for your own good of course; you never know what he'll do with that thing."

Unfortunately, at that moment the principal walked by and mistook the scene to be some sort of violent showdown. "Roxas! My office after school. And hand it over." Diz extended a hand while Roxas, glowering, gave him the knife. "Are you two alright?" Pence and Olette glanced at each other and nodded.

"Fuck," Roxas muttered, after they all have left. "That'll be the second time this week that I've been in his office."

I shrugged. "Not like you'll get in too much trouble for it. He'll probably try to explain that 'weapons aren't allowed on campus because you might hurt someone accidently,' and of course, 'if you had known that, you wouldn't have brought it.'"

"Oh ha, ha. Tch, you're right though. He talks to me like I'm a two year old."

"And you're not?" Larxene questioned, cheekily.

"Oh you're funny," he sneered.

"I think I'm going to spray-paint the boy's locker rooms after school and write obscene things about P.E. on them," Lexeaus suddenly said.

I raised an eyebrow. Wow, non-sequitur anyone? I burst out laughing and people at neighboring tables turned to look at me.

~O~

"What? What is it?" He brushed past me and kept walking. I closed the door and followed him into my room. He stood there, staring at the ceiling. "Roxas?"

"I got suspended." He was still staring up, determined to not look my way. I could tell he was trying not to cry.

I put a hand on his shoulder; he turned towards me and pressed his head against my chest while linking his arms around me. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to comfort him. "What happened?"

"You know that kid, Tidus?" he murmured, his voice partially muffled by my shirt. "I got into a fight with him."

"Really? You don't look beat up."

"Well no, I wouldn't. Some teacher had to break it up after I threw the first punch."

"What made you do it?"

He didn't answer at first, seemingly unable to find the words. "He was annoying me, so I made a comment about his girlfriend." I chuckled at that. "He…didn't quite appreciate that, so he…he just said something back that set me off."

I pulled away and pouted. "Come on, Roxie. You're killing me here. What did he say?" I lead him to my bed, where I lied down and he curled up next to me. He's still quiet. "I'll force it out of you if I have to."

Roxas sighed. "He said, 'at least I don't fuck guys.'"

I laughed, but there was no feeling behind it. "Well, did you tell him that you actually don't fuck guys? You shouldn't get worked up over things that are untrue about you, or people will start to believe them."

"It wasn't his saying it to me that ticked me off," he muttered. "It was how he said it. Like it was some big crime."

"And it's not?"

"I know what you're getting at Marly, so don't. I'm okay with the fact that I obviously go both ways…one more than the other."

I smiled coldly, "Right. But you just won't sleep with me."

He let out a breath, "No, I won't."

"But you're not adverse to other things." I reached down and hooked a finger around one of the belt-loops on his pants.

Roxas swallowed. "No…I'm not."

~O~

I really should have seen it coming. It's sort of funny that way. He was reckless and emotional and his semi-sudden change was bound to be noticed, and then questioned, eventually. But it was too soon. I didn't want to lose him, and I even pretended like it wasn't happening.

I really should have seen it coming. Especially that night. He was completely wasted, and I tried to get him to stay with me, but he left. From what I could gather, he went home to find both his mother and brother still awake and waiting for him. Apparently, Pence and Olette had stopped by his house that night and the whole thing had spilled out.

We couldn't reach him all weekend. I know I failed to convince the others that I wasn't concerned. Come Monday, he started avoiding us and we didn't even see him during breaks. It wasn't until the end of the week that I was able to track and corner him. "Why do you keep ignoring me, or just plain avoiding me like the plague?"

"Let go of me." I glanced down to see I had a grip on his wrist.

"What, so you'll run?" Our eyes were locked, and I was desperately searching his for clues. "Tell me what's going on, Roxie."

"Don't call me that," he whispered, finally looking away. "You need to let me go."

"I just said-"

"I don't only mean my wrist."

"Excuse me?" I was taken aback by his words.

"Don't you remember? We're two kinds of people. This…this isn't me. I don't do these sorts of things."

"Uh, yes. You do," I said, stating the obvious.

He snorted, "And you think I would if I hadn't been hanging around you? Well I'm sorry, but I'm no longer indebted to you."

"You'll always be in my debt," I hissed angrily. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm stopping with all the shit in my life!" he shouted, startling me. "Don't you get it?"

I laughed. "That's not possible, Roxie. You're too far gone. You're in knee-deep; you can't pull out that easily. Do you think people change over night?"

"Yeah, I do. I changed for you."

"No you didn't." I released his wrist and stepped back. "I feel sorry for you if that's what you think."

"I'm going now. So this is it. Good bye, Marluxia." He turned his back on me and continued walking towards the train station near the school.

I stood there watching his retreating form, wondering how he could just walk away. After everything. It was a moment before I laughed and shook my head, smiling. He'll be back. I may lose him for a time, but not forever. He still needs me, whether he realizes it or not, and no confrontation from his family about his attitude, behavior, and well being is going to change that.

~O~

I was startled out of my reverie as the doorbell sounded. I grimaced, remembering my dad wasn't home, so I should actually answer the door. I opened it and blinked a bit. My jaw dropping slightly in surprise, as I stared. Everything stopped at that instant and I almost forgot to breathe. I really shouldn't have been surprised, but he just has that affect on me. "Roxas," I murmured.

~end chapter two

A/N: And there you have it~ Look forward to a Roxie chapter next! (btw, actually finished all the edits on Part 2…so I may be able to update faster.)


	11. Part 2, Chapter 3, Roxas's Chapter One

A/N: Eep, sorry it's been a while, guys! Combination of being really busy, really lazy, and on the wrong computer…You know how it goes. Thanks for your patience! Here's Chapter Three! Hope you enjoy! Also, I heart Marly's dad. ; )

~O~

Chapter Three; Roxas's Chapter One: Don't Fight Fate

~O~

I wet my lips, waiting for him to speak. The look in his eyes suggested he had a lot to say, though I was sure I wouldn't want to hear any of it. I was quiet, tried of everything, and had run out of words and tears.

"What are you doing here?" he finally broke the silence. Funny, our positions were reversed again.

"Mar. Roxas, it's nice to see you." The two of us were startled by his dad's appearance from behind me.

Marluxia eyed both of us warily. "Dad, why are you home right now?"

"Don't worry; I'll be out of your hair in a bit." He led me inside and closed the door. "I'm just grabbing a file I left here, and then I'll be gone." He turned to me, smiling. "Roxas, how do you like that new school of yours?" Marly groaned at that.

I glanced at him before addressing his father. "Um, it's good. I really like it." Pausing, I turned my gaze to my feet. "It kind of clears the head, you know?"

"Good!" his father's smile brightened, and I suddenly felt a pang in my chest. "I was just saying to-"

"Dad!" Marluxia gave him a look, "Would you shut up, please?"

"Mar…" They had their eyes locked on one another, sending silent messages.

"I know," Marly nodded.

His father sighed. "Well, I'll just get that thing…and leave you two." He disappeared down a hallway.

"Gee, that was hostile." My recent loss of a father may have been making me overly sensitive about this.

He shrugged. "Yeah, well he doesn't mind. Besides, it was broaching on a subject that I don't particularly care to bring up right now." Marluxia averted his eyes, so I wouldn't be able to read whatever it was that was clearly etched into his features.

"'Scuse me, boys." His father brushed past us again and headed towards the door.

"Bye," I called.

"Whatever," Marly mumbled.

I glared, "You could be a little nicer to him. I honestly didn't mind the questions."

"Sorry," he said, but obviously didn't mean. "So what are you doing here?" he repeated.

I tapped my feet, impatiently. "Can we go to your room? I don't like just standing here."

"Are you ever going to tell me?"

"Yeah."

"Sure then," he turned and I followed him to his bedroom. He took a seat on the edge of his bed, watching me with unblinking eyes. I closed his door and stepped towards him.

"Well," I cleared my throat, "you probably heard, but my Dad kind of just died." I was trying to pretend it was only a fact that I was reciting and not a life-altering pain I was suffering from.

"So, what, another bad thing happens in your life and you need to lean on me again?"

"No—yes! God, Marly." I threw my hands up in frustration and turned my back on him.

"So why weren't you here sooner?" he whispered. I started at the sound of his voice and turned to look at him. Was that hurt I heard, or did I imagine it?

I blinked and tilted my head to the side, trying to read him. But I was never good at that sort of thing. "It was the first chance I had to get away." I moved and sat down beside him, placing a hand on one of his legs.

He glanced at it, then at me. "Don't you have a boyfriend?" He failed at stopping a sneer from forming on his lips at the words.

I sighed and partially close my eyes. "I really don't think that's an issue right now. Or don't you remember? You know, what were you even doing there?"

"Does it matter?" He was beginning to sound irritated. "Look, what do you want?"

"I want you," I said, quietly, not looking him in the eye.

"Really?" I could hear the disbelief in his tone. To be fair, I can't blame him for that.

I slipped a hand into one of his and locked our fingers together. He stared, transfixed by our conjoined hands. "I need you…and you need me too."

He gave me a small smile, shaking his head all the while. "Why do I feel like our roles have just been switched?"

"I'm offering myself to you." His eyes widened a bit. "Isn't this what you've wanted?" His obvious skepticism was understandable.

"And you're really not going to try to stop me if things go too far?"

I bit my lip. "No, I'm not." This is what I want. Everything leads back to Marly whether I'd like it to or not. I can no longer deny that. I'm obviously not over him yet. I never realized, before, that he was so closely connected to other parts of my life; parts that I didn't want to get over.

"I don't believe you."

"Then prove me wrong," I challenged.

"You're just doing this because you're upset," he rationalized.

"Maybe I am. Do you care?"

He thought about it for a moment. "Hmm, no. No I don't." That's right, Marly. Make me forget. Take me over.

He moved his free hand to tangle in my hair. His lips locked on mine and I sighed into them. That's right. Lose all sense of thought. Let him take control of me again.

When I realized I needed to breathe again, I noticed that I was on my back and pressed against his bed. What I once feared, Marly's ability to make me completely unaware of myself and my surroundings, I now craved more than ever. He's my real drug; my addiction. I guess we were more alike than I thought.

A small moan escaped my lips when he slipped a knee between my thighs. Marly tugged on the hem of my shirt, and I helped him remove it from my body. His hands danced across my chest. I took a hold of one of his hands, and he stopped kissing my neck to lock our eyes. I saw he was wondering if I was going to stop him. I smirked and brought his hand to my lips. I parted them, and slipped his index finger into my mouth. I watched for his reaction. He swallowed, his eyes widening, but he grinned back as I proceeded to his next finger.

"You're such a tease," he groaned, after I'd finished. He threw off his shirt, and stared down at me from where he was straddling my waist. In one swift movement, I reached up to his waist, gripped it tightly, and pushed him down on the bed. He let out a gasp in surprise. His bewildered eyes catching my smirking ones. I'd missed the feeling of his body against mine. Our legs were in a tangle. I couldn't tell whether I was hearing his heart beat or mine; it was racing.

I dipped my head to brush my lips across his. He placed a hand in the small of my back and lifted his head slightly, wanting more. His tongue slid across my bottom lip and I let it enter my mouth. I barely noticed his other hand working on my belt. Eventually, we had to break apart when he became more fixated with freeing me from my pants.

"Are you sure?" he said, somewhat breathlessly. This was the last chance he would give me to run. But I wasn't going anywhere this time.

"Yeah," I nodded, "for once, yes."

"Good." He reached for a drawer in the table besides his bed. I could more than guess what he was grabbing.

~O~

"Morning," I said, somewhat groggily. Sunlight was streaming through the blinds over his windows, completely defeating the purpose of blinds. The world hadn't ended, so I took it as good news.

"Is it really the morning?" he glanced over at the nightstand and squinted at the clock. "It's too early." He slumped back against me. "I'm not moving."

We're both silent, trying to be re-claimed by sleep, when a muffled 'ouch' and clanging of pots is heard in the other room. "What the hell was that?" Marly grumbled, threw the covers off, and stumbled out of bed.

I stood and stretched, then dropped my arms, prepared to follow him from the room. Then I remembered: Sora. "Shit."

"What?" He'd inched from the doorway, looking back at me with concern.

"My brother is going to kill me. I didn't tell him I'd be gone all night." I let out a disgruntled noise. "Hopefully he hasn't got someone searching the town for me as we speak."

"Forget it. If he hasn't shown up here already, then I wouldn't worry about it."

"Yeah." I stood beside him and took a hold of his hand. "Marly?"

"Hmm?"

"Are we good?"

He smiled and kissed the top of my head. "Yeah, we're good. Now let's go see what kind of disaster my father has created in the kitchen."

I'm thrilled when he doesn't drop his hand from mine. Marly was never a sentimental kind of person, but I think I get to him. Or something. But I'm sure this gentle behavior of his is bound to run out soon. Or maybe it doesn't have to. I was partially plotting as we entered the kitchen.

"Sit, sit." We were shooed to the dining table. "I'm making French Toast! You like French Toast, right?" his father glanced my direction.

"I love it," I nodded, and then looked over at Marly who was watching his dad, confusedly. "What's up with him? Does he normally make you breakfast or act so cheerfully at seven in the morning?" I whispered.

"Only on things like holidays," he murmured. "Maybe he's trying to be nice about, well…what with your father…" he trailed off.

"Oh, right." Marly's dad had always liked me more than he had liked the others. It was a nice gesture, I guess.

He sat glasses of orange juice in front of us. "They'll be ready soon." He stood there smiling and looking between us.

"Thanks, Dad," Marluxia said, slowly, concerned by the odd behavior.

"So how are you two doing?" he asked, as he moved back to the kitchen.

"Fine," I murmured.

"We're good. Um, Dad, did you have a reason for getting up early and, oh I don't know, cooking?"

"Not particularly," he called. "I just woke up this morning and suddenly felt different." He re-entered our line of sight with a plate stacked with French toast. I noticed the syrup and powdered sugar on the table for the first time. "Has that ever happened to you?"

He was still smiling in my direction, and had his hands on top of Marly's chair. Marluxia gave me a sideways look. "Sugar, Roxas?"

"Uh, yeah. I can do it, though." I sprinkled it lightly on top of my toast.

"So, you two must have gone to bed relatively early. You're usually awake when I get home."

A look of comprehension passed across Marly's face. He looked at me pointedly. His father must know somehow. No, but that's ridiculous. "I slept fairly well last night, how did you sleep, Roxas?"

Marly had his fork suspended in mid-air. I tried to send him some sort of message, but he was frozen, waiting for my response. I hate being put on the spot. "Um, fine…" I sighed, "You know, don't you."

He got to his knees and threw his arms around his son. "Oh boys." Marly's eyes were wide and he'd dropped his fork. "You're all growing up!"

"Well don't cry about it," Marly choked, trying to push his dad off and breathe. His father finally released him and then turned to me, repeating the action.

I patted him, awkwardly, on the back. "Dad, you're embarrassing me," Marluxia grumbled. "I mean what makes you think we've done anything. Roxas has spent the night several times before. I mean, maybe we've already been…uh…" He trailed off, unable to continue.

He finally let me go, and I sunk lower in the chair. This has got to be one of the most uncomfortable conversations ever. I could just imagine what my mother would say if she had found out. He took a seat at the table. "Well, I went to check on you all last night and from your positions…"

"Positions?"

"Oh don't look at me like that. Besides, you were asleep. But judging by the state of things…" he trailed off and hummed to himself while taking some food off the plate.

Marly and I looked at one another. "So, you're okay with it?"

"It wouldn't change anything if I wasn't." He casually poured a load of syrup on his toast. "Roxas, he was nice to you, right?"

"Yeah," I squeaked, my face turning a deep shade of red. Marly was reduced to a fit of laughter.

~O~

"Do you remember when you said I was the bottom in this relationship?" The two of us were lounging on the couch in his living room. My head was pressed against his chest while his legs were draped over mine and he was playing with strands of my hair.

"What relationship?" he grinned, quoting me. I rolled my eyes in response. "Roxie, if you were there, then I remember it."

"Hmm, I'm worried that I've turned you into a softy."

"Never." He rested his chin on top of my head. "So why bring that up?"

"I've decided to start acting the part," I said coolly.

"What exactly does that mean?"

I shifted so that I was sitting up and we were on eye-level. He looked perplexed. I cleared my throat, "I won't sleep with you again until you do something for me."

He blinked. "What, you're demanding things now?"

"Yes!"

"I can't believe this." He glared sideways at me. "So what exactly do you want from me?"

"I want you to start hanging out with me."

"Um, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Ah, no. You seem to be missing the point. I'm hanging out with you right now. I've tried hanging out with you and your friends, but look how that turned out. So, considering I can't very well stay away from you, you should hang out with me."

"I'm lost."

I sighed, annoyed. "It means you coming over to my house and being around my brother and my friends."

He pushed himself off the couch. "Oh fuck, Roxas."

I shook my finger. "Uh-uh. What did I just say?"

Marly groaned, aggravated. "You know what, fine. But you'll regret it. Trust me."

"Oh I better not regret it, Marly. Because then you would be in a world of pain."

He sat back down next to me. "I think you've been the one manipulating me all this time, not the other way around."

I shrugged. "It's possible." I stood suddenly, and he looked up at me strangely. "So, ready to go?"

"What, now?"

"Well, yeah. I kind of need to check in. You know, I'm surprised Sora hasn't busted down your door and dragged me home yet." My brother must be working on his self-restraint.

~O~

"Sora?" I called out as I opened the front door to my house. There's no response. Marly shrugged when I glanced back at him, worriedly. "Sora, are you home?" As I stepped further inside, the sound of muffled music caught my ear. Maybe he's just listening to something in his room and couldn't hear me.

"You know, I've only been in your house once; without you, oddly enough. I want to see your room." He looked around curiously.

"I doubt it's changed any."

"But still. It's the idea of it."

I raised an eyebrow as we ascended the stairs. "I don't like you getting ideas on me." He smirked. "Sora?" Yep, that's definitely music I'm hearing. It seems Sora is in his techno phase again. I knocked on the door. "Sora, I'm home—oh, you're on the phone."

He put a hand over the voice-piece. "Hey. You're home. Good, I was getting worried what with you not being here this morning." His eyes shifted to Marly's. "And you brought Marluxia. Great." There's sarcasm dripping off his words. "Everyone should be over a little later. I hope that's okay."

"Yes, that's fine."

He smiled pleasantly, though it looked very forced. "If you don't mind." He indicated to the phone.

"Right," I nodded and backed out of the room. "Well that went fairly well."

"It is unfortunate." I rolled my eyes and lead him to my room. "And I was so looking forward to a fight." He wrapped his arms around my waist and closed the door with his foot. "So, how completely uncomfortable will your friends be when they see me?"

"Probably just as uncomfortable as you will be." I leaned back into him and sighed. "You'll just look like you are totally fine with it all." I heard the doorbell ring and grumbled a bit. "Okay, well, here we go." I let out a breath and followed Marly back out the door into the hallway just as Sora was leaving his room. He gave me a look that was most definitely a smirk. It was odd. I'd never thought of Sora as sadistic, but I got the distinct impression that he was going to enjoy my suffering.

Marly and I slowly descended the stairway. My sweating palms made squeaking noises as they slid down the railing. Sora and the others were chatting in the kitchen. Kairi's giggling was followed by Pence's laughter. It sounded like they were all in on some joke.

I entered the room quietly and leaned against the side of the counter, hoping they wouldn't notice me, but Marluxia's presence was hard to miss. The group collectively turned their eyes upon us, and I suddenly felt like the joke. Great. They were mostly speechless. Kairi and Namine kept glancing at Sora, trying to understand if this was okay or unexpected. Olette appeared slightly pained, and I could hardly blame her. I was rather cruel with her and Pence while I was around Marly. The sad thing was, I had started to realize, I may only have been acting out like that to get Marly's attention. Rather pathetic, isn't it?

I felt a strong arm slip around my waist as Marly pulled me back against him. "What are you all staring at? This isn't some elaborate showcase. We're not on display." My lips twitched to form a small smile, appreciative of his breaking the constricting silence.

"What's he doing here, Sora?" Olette glanced at my brother, and I felt a twinge of anger at her. Why did she have to ask him? I'm right here! Hello?

"I had nothing to do with it," he shrugged. "Although, I kind of figured this would happen."

"And I love it when people speak about me as if I'm not in the room," I called out, rather loudly. My eyes flashed and I felt the grip around my waist tighten.

"Hey, they have every right to be upset-"

"Mar?" I'm surprised by his words.

"And so do you, Roxas. It's your life, and ultimately it's you who gets to decide how to live it." He glared across at them. "Frankly, if what you want is for all of us to play nicely, then I guess I will try to do it, because I'm not letting go of you and they don't want to lose you either."

"If it's…if Marluxia is what you want in your life…I can give it a try too, Roxas: to play nicely." Pence folded his arms and sighed. Next to him, Olette nodded meekly. The other twins shrugged; they wouldn't make a fuss if Sora didn't.

Sora cleared his throat. "As long as none of us have to deal with all that crap like last time, and everyone behaves, then I'll shut up about it." He turned to look directly in Marluxia's eyes. "But I don't believe for a second that people can change just like that."

"You know, I once thought the same thing," Marly countered.

This was going to be one awkward day. These few minutes alone had taken years off my life. I can't even imagine what hours will feel like.

~O~

We managed to survive the rest of the week without disaster. No one was quite comfortable with being in the same room as Marly and I. He was more tense than usual too. Pence nearly had a heart attack the one time he walked into my room and found the two of us making out on the bed. He knocks now. Sora seemed to be handling it surprisingly well though. He watched us more than anything. Quiet and observing. He had never really been around us before, so he must have been a little more than curious. If he wasn't keeping tabs on us, he was off in his room talking on the phone.

Kairi and Namine were the ones who enjoyed seeing us around the most, especially if Marly and I were in close positions. Namine would grin and Kairi would giggle. Fan girls. I mean really, what is it with girls and gay guys? One day they had managed to corner Marly while I had gone into another room. Olette chose that particular moment to have it out with me.

"Why do you like him?" I blinked and turned to her. She was sitting at the kitchen table, and I hadn't notice her when I had entered the room.

"I…I don't know." I frowned, and tried to find a reason she could appreciate. I took a seat next to her and placed my hand on top of hers. "I just need him. It's because he knows me better than anyone. He's seen me at my worst. He knows everything about me."

"And Pence and I don't?" She's doing her best to understand.

"No. And that's not your fault. I cut myself off from you."

"We tried to help."

"Exactly." I looked down at the table top. "You remind me of happier times. He reminds me of all the painful moments in my life."

"Well that can't be fun. Why would anyone want to remember all that?"

"Well sometimes it does hurt to be around him, but that doesn't make it go away. This want. This need to be near him. Can you possibly understand the feeling of wanting to be with someone despite what everyone would say? Even though it's risky, and potentially dangerous, it's worth those risks?"

"I…" she bit her lip and seemed to be contemplating something. "I might just understand that."

I tilted my head to the side and stared at her curiously, but before I could ask about it, we're interrupted by Sora bounding into the kitchen. "I finished it!" His eyes were all glow-y and bright. It took me a moment to understand what he meant.

"Oh," I said, somewhat disappointing him. He was probably looking for a better reaction than that. But I couldn't give him what he wanted when I completely disapproved of him writing some story about our father's death. I mean, should he really look that happy about it?

~O~

I must have fallen asleep, while we all watched some movie on T.V., judging from my horizontal position on the couch and my bleary eyes. Voices caught my attention and I strained to hear the words.

There's a huff, followed by a, "You know, I don't approve of you."

"Like that's a shocker."

He laughed. "Right. That was a bit of an understatement on my part."

"Look, I don't have time to listen to some speech about why I'm so awful and a bad influence on Roxas."

There was a sound of shuffling feet. "Wait. I have something to say to you. Okay, so, as much as I don't like you. No. Don't say anything yet. What I have to say is…you calm him down. I don't know how you do it. But I appreciate it. Whatever your influence on him, you're helping out. So…thanks."

"You're welcome. It's not like I'm trying to though," he added, saying it rather quickly.

They moved into the living room and I shut my eyes, pretending to still be asleep, as my brother and Marluxia returned to the room.

~O~

I yawned and stretched as I walked down the stairs towards the kitchen. Mom had been in Hollow Bastion with Cloud, so it had just been Sora and I. Or it would have been, if our friends weren't here every waking second. I was a little shocked when I entered the room and found only Kairi and Pence at the table. The two of them were concentrating on a game of chess very intently.

Sora looked up from his seat between them and smiled. "Where are Namine and Olette?" I questioned.

"Shopping," he shrugged.

"I offered to go with them, but they said it was a bonding experience," Kairi answered for him, but didn't look up as she moved a piece forward on the game board. I know nothing about chess, but it looks like she is winning.

I sat on the empty seat and stared down at the game. "Did you say 'bonding experience'?"

"Well, when you and Sora switched schools," there's an euphemism if I ever heard one, "we sort of all decided to hang out. It was less lonely." Pence bit his lip and considered his options. He took Kairi's pawn with his queen.

Kairi grinned and moved her own queen in a new position. "Check"

"This was Cloud's chess set, wasn't it?" I suddenly said. I knew we never had one.

"Yeah," Sora nodded, giving me a curious look, "why?"

I shrugged. I couldn't remember seeing it before. The only other person in our family that played, had been our father. I wondered briefly if our brother had left it here for us.

~O~

Summer had almost come and gone and school would be starting shortly. Seeing Riku and the others would be a nice change though.

I felt a pang in my heart. From out of nowhere, guilt seemed to overpower me. Axel. He would be there. It was all I could do to keep the tears from my eyes. I don't know why I was reacting this way, to the mere thought of him—I hadn't let myself think about him all summer. He'd probably ignore me. Or would he just be resentful? We're broken up, aren't we? That was obvious, right? Or…did he expect that the summer would clear our heads and things would go back to norm—the way they were before. I ran a hand through my hair. No, he wouldn't think that. We're nothing anymore…nothing. I felt tears coming on again. I don't understand this. I'm with Marly now. Of course, I'd be away from him for an entire school year, not including breaks. Axel wouldn't try to win me over, would he? Will he?

A knock on my door erased those thought from my mind. I rubbed the tears away from my eyes before answering it. "Come in." Sora creaked the door open a bit. He stood there shyly before entering my room. "What's up?"

"Nothing really. I just…" he sat down beside me on my bed. "I sort of feel estranged from you. I mean, our friends have actually been a total distraction."

"Yeah, and if they aren't here, you're either writing or on the phone."

"Sorry," he smiled, sheepishly.

"Who have you been talking to anyway?"

"Oh you know," he's slightly evasive, "just Z, is all."

"Hmm," I grinned, "are you and Zexion-"

"No!" he edged away from me. "Definitely not. I like—I mean Z likes…we're not…like that." His face was a deep shade of red.

I blinked rapidly. "You like? Who? Who is it? Sora!" I grabbed a hold of his shoulders and shook him, trying to make him tell me. The two of us fell into a fit of laughter. It subsided after a few moments and we sighed. Who do you like Sora? I stared at him in wonder, but before I could ask again the doorbell rang. We hopped up and raced down the stairs. For the first time in months, I felt this sense of real happiness. Isn't it strange how small chance events in your life can spark things you weren't even trying to feel?

Marluxia was at the door with a bored expression on his face. "Can you believe we have school in like a week?"

"Yeah. That's…" I trailed off and glanced at Sora who took the hint and silently backed into the hallway so that Marly and I were alone in the living room. "It'll be difficult, of course, but we'll have breaks. I'll make sure to come home and visit." He gave me an odd look that I couldn't read. "I'll miss you though."

"What are you talking about?" His arms were folded and he was looking at me as if I was missing something.

"Uh, school," I said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm going to be away. For school." Is this ringing any bells?

Apparently it did, because Marly suddenly had the glow of comprehension cross his face. "Oh, right. Actually, it's kind of funny that you should mention your school."

"Huh?" I said, perplexed. "What about it?'

~end chapter three

A/N: Yeah, so…next chapter will be from a new character's POV…er, don't hate me for it. You'll see what I mean. . If you have a problem will people being a little…OOC…well, I have to apologize for next chapter in advance. Hopefully you can forgive me for that—because there's a reason this person will probably be OOC…Other than that, next chapter it's back to school time, kids! Oh, also, I've kind of started a livejournal? I don't really know how that kinda thing works, but I guess I'll use it as a "live" "journal" Isn't that the point? Link's on my profile. There's not much there. If you want to keep up with me, or see how progress on the story is going, I'll write about it there!


	12. Part 2, Chapter 4, Aqua's Chapter One

A/N: Erm, yeah. Remember when I said 'don't hate me?' Yeah, this is what I meant. Aka, do you remember when I said I was writing this originally in 2007/8? Well, if you know KH well enough, you'd know that, erm, Birth by Sleep did NOT exist at that point. Her character in this story was created from nothing, and all I had to go off of was a name and face. Therefore, yes, she's going to be a bit OOC. Can't be helped. I had this idea of a female character for a while, and decided I'd use Aqua instead of a random OC. Also…I honestly thought that Aqua was a boy before her name existed…she looked like one to me . Okay, so that's my disclaimer. Bear with me?

~O~

Chapter Four; Aqua's Chapter One: Zero Tolerance

~O~

"Zero?" I glanced up from my magazine to see a tall, silver-haired boy standing over me.

A smile formed on my lips. "That's me."

"Oh. Um…never mind."

"What?" I blinked blue eyes up at him innocently.

He frowned. "It's just…you know what, forget it. I'm Riku. The Headmaster will be with you shortly. His one-o-clock is running overtime." He sat down on a chair across from me.

"So," I crossed my legs and set aside the tabloid, "are you the Headmaster's son, or just his secretary?" My smirking made his look turn icy.

"His son. And I resent that."

"Resent being his son, or called his secretary?" I tilted my head to the side and smiled while tossing my hair over my shoulder. The effect was slightly lost by the short length of my blue hair.

He laughed slightly and shook his head. "Take it how you will. Anyway, I must say you are the most intriguing prospect student I've ever met."

"Hmm, but of course," I blinked. "Hey, what do you mean 'prospect student'?"

"I thought that part would…" he ran his eyes down my body, "…be obvious."

I folded my arms against my chest and glared at him, offended. "Well, I've already been accepted to this school, so I don't exactly appreciate-"

"—papers lie though." Riku quieted and looked away, as if he had suddenly remembered something painful. "Anyway, misinformation, you know."

I sighed, "Whatever."

"Do you really think you'll be able to stay?"

I smirked, "Oh, you betcha!" I winked and waved my index finger. "In fact, I can guarantee that when I walk out of that office, the first place I'll go is to my dorm room."

Riku shrugged, "If you think so." The door beside me opened, and I nearly jumped. "The Headmaster will see you now," he smirked at me.

I huffed and glared at him, but stood up, grabbed my magazine, and entered the room. A similar-looking silver-haired man was waiting for me. I took a seat and smiled while folding my hands on top of my knees.

"Aqua," the Headmaster, Sephiroth, inclined his head in a sort of greeting. "Well, why don't we cut to the chase?"

"Zero."

"Excuse me?"

"You can call me Zero."

"Ah. Yes." His lips strained to smile. "That is how we got into this mess, isn't it." He pulled out a file and flipped it open. "On paper, using such a gender-neutral name, you appear quite male. A word of advice: use your real name when filling out official forms."

I scooted forward onto the edge of my seat. "Well, you must have done your homework, seeing how you called me 'Aqua' and all; I'll just get to my point. I actually am legally called 'Zero'. You must have seen that. It's my middle name."

"Yes, well, regardless of the legality of names, you must have noticed our school's name?"

"Yes, I have."

"And that we are a boys' school?" His eyebrows were raised and he was waiting for the obvious answer.

I nodded, "Yes, I did note that part."

He stared at me, thoughtfully, and leaned back in his seat. "Not to be sexist-"

"Oh, well why not? This is an all boys' school you are running. Surely, you should be as sexist as you want," I said this as politely as possible. Personally, I had no problem with single-gender schools.

I think I may have offended him. His expression had darkened. "Right," he said, sharply. "You're absolutely right. And in saying so, I must again address my point. You are a girl, Aqua, not a boy. This is a boys' school. Do you see what I am getting at?" his voice increased an octave.

"Quite, actually. I am very much aware of the situation." I sat up a little taller in my seat.

"Yes." He seemed unsure about why I hadn't left yet. "Then could you mind telling me why your application clearly states you are of the male gender?"

"My mother filled out those papers."

"Look, I don't mean to sound harsh, but is your mother insane or something?" Sephiroth gestured with his hands. I've noticed people do that when they are annoyed, angry, or are trying to get a point across.

"Well…" I shifted awkwardly in the chair. This was my ticket into this school. I knew this would somehow come up. "She is, actually." He blinked, startled. "Not really, though. Just, she has some psychological issues."

"Does she now?" He was pretty skeptical.

I sighed, looking more and more melancholic. Play it up. "I should probably start from the beginning. It's a bit of a story." I let out a breath.

"Alright. Go on."

I closed my eyes before I spoke. My voice, barely a whisper, caused him to lean forward, trying to catch my every word. "When I was much younger, I had a twin. He and I looked so alike, that had I been a boy we surely would have been identical. You see, we were both at that age where the distinctions between the sexes aren't very obvious." Slowly, my eyes flickered open. "But he died. He had always been a sickly boy, and one day, he just collapsed. My mother went into shock; then denial. After a while, we thought she was starting to cope better."

I didn't even notice the tears in my eyes. "But she wasn't." My hands clasped tightly over my knees. "She started thinking I was my brother, and it got to the point where she no longer saw me as 'Aqua', but as 'Zero'."

His eyes were locked on my form. I could tell he was speechless. "Do you have any idea what it is like to have your own mother not even recognize you? My identity has been erased from her mind. To her, I am sweet little Zero. You know, I have to sneak over to friends houses to watch girly movies. When I wanted to buy girl things, I had to bring my father. And let me just say, he has no fashion sense." I laughed, lightly, and brushed stray tears away. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get all weepy on you."

"No, no. That's quite alright." He smiled gently at me.

"So do you see why I have to stay?"

"Ah, well. We're just not oriented towards women. I mean, the dorms for example, have communal bathrooms. You would also be sharing a room with a boy."

I shrugged. "As long as there are stalls in the bathroom, I'm completely okay with it. Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many times I've been in a man's restroom. And the whole roomie thing isn't a problem. To tell the truth, I'm more uncomfortable around girls."

"Wouldn't you be lonely?"

"The majority of my friends at home are boys."

He paused and gave me a look. "I have to take in consideration for the boys as well."

I bit my lip, trying to suppress a giggle. For a second, I swore he was going to say 'my boys'. For some reason, that was funny to me. "Of course you do."

He nodded. "Yes, and as much as I may like you-"

"'May' like me?"

Sephiroth cleared his throat. "As much as I may like you, this is still a boys' school. Meaning you would be one girl in amidst a large amount of male students. This could make them a bit uncomfortable; or they might even try to show off for you. They're quite competitive here, and the lengths they are willing to go to impress a girl-"

"I doubt that will be a problem," I shrugged my shoulders and spread my hands out. "Aren't they all gay anyway? Really, what sane girl-loving boy would willingly go to an all boy school?"

He chose to ignore that bit. "Wouldn't you feel out of place, or just nervous? I'm not so sure this would be the best idea. You'd be a distraction to the boys, and frankly, the sexual ramifications of having a girl on campus-"

"Excuse me?" I cut short his monologue. "Look," I said with a bit of attitude, "to answer your first question, I would not be nervous. And as for me being a 'distraction', you won't even need to worry about that."

"But-"

"Do I have to spell it out for you? You see, I'm just one example of how nurture can affect a person. Do you get the picture?"

"I'm afraid you've lost me."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Okay, I'll just say it: I-am-not-attracted-to-the-male-gender!"

"What?" He leaned forward, his head slightly tilted to one side.

"I'm a lesbian."

"Oh." He was quiet. Insert crickets here. "So…"

"Look, it will devastate my mother if you send me home. She won't understand. It will confuse her, and I'm afraid of what sort of reaction she will have."

"Right, well-"

"I'm not letting you kick me out. You can't; you just can't," I whispered.

He folded his arms and inhaled. "Welcome to Destiny Island."

"Thank you." I stood and grinned, while grabbing his extended hand. "You won't regret it, Sir. I swear."

"No, I better not."

I let myself out of his office, and closed the door behind me quietly. Riku stared at me, waiting for some hint as to how it went. I smiled and winked.

His mouth dropped open. "No fucking way!"

'I'm just that good', I mouthed at him as I backed out of the room.

~O~

There were a couple of boys already at the dorm, and as I walked through the hallways, they kept giving me double takes. It was amusing at first; they all would be going about their business and merely glance when I passed, but then a few of them stepped out of their rooms to stare at me. I hate feeling like I am on display. It was safe to say that I was relieved to get to my dorm room.

The door was already open a crack, so I gently pushed it and peered around the frame. My roommate was preoccupied with unpacking and didn't notice me until I shut the door. He turned quickly, startled by the sound, and even more startled by me. He gave me the one over and shook his head. "Figures. I come to an all boy school and my roommate is a girl."

I put a hand on my hip. "Figures. My roommate is more of a girl than I am," I retorted, smirking slightly.

He laughed. "You know, I think we are going to get along just fine."

"Sure. As long as you're not some stuck up prat." I extended my hand; he shook it. "I'm Aqua, but you can call me Zero."

"I'm Marluxia, and I'd prefer to call you Aqua. The word 'zero' just has too many negative connotations, don't you think?" Marluxia raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged. "Yeah, well I'm used to it."

"Ugh, don't tell me you're one of those."

"One of what?"

"One of those people who just go around feeling sorry for themselves."

I gave him a look. "Uh, no. Most definitely not."

He sat down on his bed, watching me carefully. "Good. 'Cause that would have sucked."

~O~

"Aqua, wait up!" I stopped in place and turned back to see Yuffie running to catch up with me. "Can I walk home with you?" she said through deep inhales of air.

"Sure." I smiled at my friend. "So, what's new with you?" We continued the trek down the sidewalk towards my house. I was wearing the gender-neutral clothes of blue-jeans, a collared shirt, and a large sweatshirt. Yuffie, as my one remaining female friend, was quite used to my clothing choices.

She seemed to have a bounce in every step she took. It was good to have a giddy person in my life to keep me from completely losing it. "Nothing too much, Aqua-licious." She grinned wickedly at me and stuck out her tongue.

I blanched. "I can't believe you said that, honestly." I made a discontented sound in the back of my throat. "Act more your age, Yuffie."

She pouted at me. "If I'm acting the way I'm acting at my current age, then I do believe I am 'acting my age'. Besides, we have forever to mature and grow old." Yuffie blinked her dark eyes at me and tucked her short black hair behind her ears.

We were approaching my house and I sighed. "You know, you look like a boy more than I do," I said as we walked up the driveway.

"Maybe, but I definitely don't dress it."

I rolled my eyes and turned the knob of my front door. "Yeah, you like things that are short and tight."

"Shut up, Zero," she glared at me, playfully, as we stepped inside. Yuffie was always so good about shifting from Aqua to Zero when she was at my house. Even her persona changed to accommodate my role-swapping.

"Yuffie, it's so good to see you!" My mother came shuffling quickly into the hallway. "How are you, dear?"

"I'm great," Yuffie smiled.

"And what about me?"

"Well, it's always nice to see you too, Zero." She patted my shoulder. "How was school?"

"Fine," I shrugged.

She returned her attention to Yuffie. "Do you think you will be staying for dinner? We would love to have you."

"Oh yes, please," Yuffie nodded, politely.

"Good, well, I'll leave you two then." She headed back to the kitchen.

"You're so good with my mother." I collapsed onto my bed and let out a sigh. "You know, she keeps asking me about you. She sort of has this wild idea that you're my girlfriend. Unofficially, of course. I'm sorry if that weirds you out. She's just-"

"Don't worry about it," Yuffie shrugged, almost indifferently, as she swiveled back and forth in my chair. "I understand that it must look that way to her. We're too friendly."

"Yeah."

"We can be, if you want." I looked over at her, curiously. She'd stopped spinning the chair and had her head cocked to the side, watching me.

"What do you mean?" Surely she didn't mean what I clearly heard her say.

"Well, you can tell her we are going out, if you want. Take some pressure off of you."

"Yeah," I began, thinking it was a fairly good idea, "if you don't mind acting couple-like every now and then. Just for show, of course." I sat up and hung my legs over the side of the bed.

Yuffie rolled the chair forward so we were knee-to-knee now. "I don't mind one bit." She leaned towards me and closed the distance between us. It was the first time I'd ever had another person's lips on mine, and I was surprised by how safe it felt to be kissing this other girl, my friend. She pulled away and smiled. "Does it have to be for show?"

"Yuffie?"

She took hold of my hands. "Does it scare you? It used to scare me. But then I realized it didn't really matter, as long as I had someone."

I was quiet for a bit, and I could feel her grow more worried by the minute. It didn't really frighten me. I had sort of known for a while that I wasn't going to be able to openly like boys. Then that hadn't mattered. Somewhere along the way, things changed. "No, it doesn't have to all be for show." I flushed at the statement and Yuffie smiled. I wondered, briefly, if this would work out. Maybe for now, it didn't have to matter. For once in my life, can't I have something that is solely mine? Not my mother's and not my brother's. Yuffie could be it for me. I smiled back, almost shyly, as I leaned forward to kiss her. It was chaste and short; the former because of the innocence of new beginnings, the latter because my dad walked in only seconds after. People in my family have this horrendous habit of not knocking.

He was so surprised that he slipped up. "Aqua?" Our eyes turned towards him. I paled; Yuffie giggled nervously. "Dinner's ready." My dad blinked and retreated from the room.

"Well, that could have been worse."

"Yep." Damn. My mom is going to be unbearable at dinner.

~O~

"Is it really morning?" The first day of school started: my first coherent thought after I'd awoken. Marluxia was still sound asleep, so I dressed in quiet before he got up.

Sometimes, I think that my life has been one long dream, and that one day I'll wake up to find that none of this ever happened. Zero will still be alive, and I…I'll be Aqua. Like before. But my memories of that era were beginning to fade. Just like the ocean-sides that are slowly eaten away by water.

I shook my head to rid it of such thoughts. Whether this was a nightmare or not, it was my present life. Besides, there were some things in this life I wouldn't trade for anything.

~O~

"So, how long have you two been together?" My mother was so happy, she might have burst.

"Honestly, since right now," I mumbled and picked at my plate.

"Oh how adorable!" She turned toward my father. "You see, Honey, you were there for the beginning!"

"Yes, I suppose so." He glanced at me as I sank lower in my seat and grumbled 'Mom'.

Yuffie smiled as my mother ranted on. "I've been saying for a while that you two would make such a cute couple."

My girlfriend, (I struggled to think the word), took my mom's hand. "That was my thought exactly. I just had to be sure of Zero's feelings first."

"Oh, I could have told you, dear."

My father scooted his chair closer to my place at the table, while my mom and Yuffie chatted. "Aqua," he whispered, "it's okay with me. I don't want you to think I'm upset. Given the…circumstances, I'm not really surprised by this."

"Thanks, Dad." My attention returned to the others' conversation when I heard my mother mention the upcoming school dance.

"I hope you'll be able to drag Zero to it. He always refuses to go. I can't imagine why, though. I loved to go to school events when I was your age."

Yuffie caught my eyes. "Oh, I doubt Zero will ever change his mind about…well, anything."

"Look, Mom, Yuffie and I don't really want to publicize our relationship. Can you understand that?"

"Oh. I see. If that is how you feel…" I knew she would be disappointed. My mother's the type who loved to talk to any and everyone. That was why I wanted to make it clear to her that we were trying to keep it a private matter. This was something I didn't want out there, where it would be judged, criticized, or pitied: which was the last thing I would ever ask for.

~O~

It took me awhile to get comfortable with my relationship with Yuffie. The funny thing was, I was trying to find the line between our friendship and this new situation and I couldn't see it. So I had to recognize that I was actually comfortable with her. Odd how things like that happen. Life is strange sometimes.

The two of us were lounging in my room listening to music and taking a break from homework. I was doing the over-thinking bit, while Yuffie read some sort of magazine.

"Hey, Yuffie?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think we would have been together if things had been different?" She looked up at me from her position on my bed. "You know… if Zero was still here."

She closed the magazine, aware of that look in my eye. The questioning and doubting I do all the time was so routine to her. "Yes."

I leaned back against the headboard and folded my arms. "How can you be so sure?"

She shrugged, "Because I believe in destiny, and you're a part of mine."

"You believe in things like fate?"

Yuffie sat up, so we were on the same eye level. "It sure beats the hell out of believing in nothing. I think it's important to believe in something. In its own way, it gives us hope."

I frowned and looked skeptical. "I dunno. I mean, do you believe then that some guy's fate is to become a serial killer?"

Yuffie pouted. "Aw, come on. You know I don't mean that."

"But that's just it. I don't know what you mean."

"Hmm, how should I put this," she twirled her hair in her fingers, trying to word a complex thought into a sentence. "Well, I guess I would say that I don't believe in coincidences, and also that you have to rely on gut instinct. If something feels like the right thing, then you have to go for it."

"So, follow your heart basically," I murmured. "I like that."

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Well, if you want to be all cliché about it."

~O~

"Hey, Marluxia, wake up," I shook my roommate in a vain attempt to get him up. "Breakfast. Aren't guys supposed to want to eat all the time?"

"Gee, thanks for the stereotype," he grumbled. "I'll be down there in a bit. You can leave so I can change."

"Yeah, yeah." I stopped at the door and turned around to make sure he was moving, "As long as you aren't just falling asleep again. Wouldn't want to miss the first day."

Marly stretched, yawned, and stumbled out of bed. "I wouldn't miss it. Besides, I have someone I need to see."

I blinked in surprise and began to feel disappointment wash over me. "Oh, I thought you were new to this school."

"I am, but my boyfriend goes here."

"Right," I sighed. Figures. "Boyfriend." So I guess I am alone after all.

He grinned. "I hope you weren't thinking there was any possibility of us getting together."

"Uh, no. You're so full of yourself," I slammed the door. I don't know what's gotten into me. So what, I'm back where I started. There's nothing wrong with that. I'll meet people…eventually.

~O~

Everyone was staring. Or at least it felt that way. I sat alone, picking at my breakfast, trying not to think about the attention I was receiving. It was like they'd never seen a girl before. Well, judging from where they're coming from, they all might not even know what a girl is. Great. I feel like an alien; a freak.

"Mind if we sit here?" I glanced up to see two boys holding trays. I nodded. The speaker smiled tentatively, while his friend tried to avoid looking me in the eye, all the while casting glances in my direction in curiosity. I grinned and shook my head. They're kind of adorable.

"So you must be the girl Riku was talking about. I thought he was joking," the less-shy of the two continued the conversation. He was a brunette with deep blue eyes.

"Yeah. That's me. I'm…Aqua."

"I'm Sora. And this is Zexion, but I call him Z. My brother and I were the new kids last year."

"I'm not his brother though. Just in case you were thinking that," Zexion murmured, finally looking me directly in the eye.

"You've got great hair," I blurted out. Sora chuckled while Z turned pink. "No, really," I leaned across the table towards them, "it's like three different colors at once: blue, silver, and grey. But not old-person grey. I like it."

Sora blinked, "Blue?" He looked at Zexion, narrowed his eyes, and examined his friend's hair color. "I don't see any blue."

I shrugged, "It's just what I see."

"Thanks," Z looked away again.

I pushed my food around, and then decided I was no longer hungry. "So, why did you two want to sit with me? Pity for the new kid?"

"You looked lonely," Zexion smiled a bit at me, I returned the gesture. "We both kind of understand how that feels."

"Everyone gets lonely," I said. "But don't think I don't appreciate it." I grinned and glanced towards the doorway. Marly had just shown up and was trailing after a smaller blond kid. "Oh, there's my roommate, Marluxia. He's new too."

Zexion glanced over to where I was looking, while Sora grumbled. "So Marluxia is your roommate? Watch out."

"Huh?" I looked over at him, interested in what he may know about my roomie. "You know him?"

"Yeah, the blond boy there, that's my twin brother, Roxas…Marluxia's boyfriend."

"Oh," that's right, he mentioned a boyfriend. "I take by your tone that you don't like him?"

Sora folded his arms, "Not really, but if he keeps my brother from going psycho…then whatever."

I frowned, "'Going psycho'?"

"Their Dad just passed away."

My blue eyes widened, "Oh, I'm sorry Sora."

"It's not like we didn't know it was coming." He looked away from me, and seemed like he didn't want to speak about it further.

I returned my gaze to the table where Sora's brother and Marly were sitting. A crowd of boys were all surrounding the table now. There was another one that I recognized. "I thought Riku was in college."

"He is. Heh, that's what he gets for having all his friends being younger than him. Except Seifer. That's the taller blond on his right. They both are at the college here on Destiny Island." Sora took a sip of orange juice, "Seifer still lives in the dorms here. He managed to convince the headmaster to let him stay here until his roommate, Hayner, gets into college next year. That's the third blond, on Seifer's right. They're together. Literally, they are like always doing everything together."

"Who's that guy on Riku's left? The one with the weird hair?" I heard Zexion whine slightly. I glanced at him to see he was pouting. Sora looked to be struggling with trying to grin and be sympathetic all at once.

"That's Demyx. He's Z's roomie. So, naturally, Z is totally in love with him."

I giggled as Zexion groaned and set his head on the table. "Let me guess, Demyx is so in love with Riku that he has no idea Z is into him?"

"It's not funny," Z mumbled.

"No. I'm not saying it is. It's just so typical." I ran a hand through my hair. "Riku seems a bit-"

"Like he's hyper aware of Demyx and doesn't know how to deal with it? Yeah, I saw that too, and I don't know what that's about. They all hang out with my brother, but I'm not exactly in league with them."

"Hmm, well it's obvious what's going on. Something must have happened between them. That guy, Demyx, is trying to act like nothing happened, and Riku is trying to understand things." I noticed Zexion looked more and more glum as I was talking. Poor guy. "Hey, it was just a theory. Besides, he doesn't look like Riku's type. I can totally see you with Demyx. That would be cute."

"You don't have to be all nice. I mean, you don't even know me. I know I have no chance with Demyx."

"Have you tried?" I got no response out of him. I looked back at Sora. "So, since I've gotten all up and personal with Z, it's your turn. Any guys you like here?"

"What makes you think I like anyone? Let alone a guy?" I saw Z roll his eyes.

"Heh, I just figured you were gay."

"You shouldn't assume."

I shrugged, "But it's true." He pouted. "Yeah. Hmm, so, let me see…you know, you and Riku would look cute together. Oh, that's good. You seduce him, and then Z can move in on Demyx!"

The three of us laughed over the thought. "No. I don't like Riku," Sora said after a bit, "I don't even know him really."

"But you like someone?" I prompted. He was about to reply, but stopped when the bell rang. Breakfast was over and we had to be getting to class. It was a little disappointing; I rather liked talking with these guys.

"What class do you have first?" Z asked.

"English, you?"

"Hey, would you look at that. We both do too," he poked Sora, then looked at me, smiling. "You'll have your answer soon." I blinked. What does English class have to do with Sora liking someone? Or did he mean they would tell me in the class, since we have it together? No, there was a definite look there. Maybe…I followed them out of the building and began to laugh. This boy must have a crush on his teacher. That's so cute…and a little sad.

~O~

"Yuffie. Hey, what's up?" She had entered my room quietly, and by the look on her face, she was clearly upset over something. I stood and pushed my chair aside. "Is something wrong?"

She nodded, not looking at me but the floor. Yuffie threw her arms around me. "I don't want to, Aqua. I really don't. But it wasn't my choice, I swear."

I tensed at the sound of my name. For her to address me like that, it must be serious. "You don't want what?"

She let me go and turned her back on me, "My Dad got a job offer. It pays a whole lot more, and the benefits are good. He's going to take it."

"Well that's good. Isn't it?"

She shook her head, "It's not here, Aqua. We have to move."

"What?" No, I can't be hearing this correctly. "You're moving?"

Yuffie turned back to me, "Yeah."

"Soon?"

"Yeah."

"No," I shook my head. This can't be right. "No, you said this was destiny. How can it be if you're moving away?"

"You were my destiny, but-"

"But what?" My voice was but an angry whisper, "How can you still believe in destiny when you are moving away from me?"

There were tears in her eye, "Obviously, you are meant to be with someone greater than I am."

"How can you say that?"

"How can I not? We had our time, now you deserve to find the true one for you. If it wasn't true, then fate wouldn't choose to take me from you." We were both in tears now, but mine were mostly from anger. I don't think it was her I was angry with though.

"What does that mean? I have to find someone for me now? And what were you?"

"I sought you out. You didn't go looking for me. You have to find the one you want."

"I want to be with you though."

She took my hands, "It's hard, and we may not always understand why. But it will all work out in the end. I promise. I'll never forget you because you're important to me. But we aren't destined to end up together forever."

"I don't believe in destiny," I whispered.

~end chapter four

A/N2: Well, hope I didn't offend too many people? It was about time we had a girl as a main character. I'm just gonna let next chapter's narrator be a surprise for now. Just to keep you on your toes!


	13. Part 2, Chapter 5, Roxas's Chapter Two

A/N: Okay, so I'm queen of corny titles…if you hadn't noticed. They're…always…cheesy for some reason. *shrugs* Speaking of titles, bet you can guess what to expect in this chapter ;) Fun times ahead. Which for me usually means a lot of drama and stressing out my characters. I can't help it…Oh! On a side note, I noticed *sadly* that I lost a few followers recently, so to those of you still putting up with my story and I, just wanted to say thank you! You make my day!

~O~

Chapter Five; Roxas's Chapter Two: Fire and Flowers Don't Always Mix

~O~

"Hey guys," I sat down at a table filled with familiar faces. They were all eyeing Marly, warily. "Oh, this is Marluxia…my boyfriend."

"Ha! Would you look at that," Demyx grinned.

Riku glanced between us, "What about Axel?"

I saw Marly clench his fists. "We're over. It just didn't work out."

"That's too bad. Erm, for him. It's good for you," Hayner quieted, obviously intimidated by Marly. Seifer chuckled, amused by Hayner's expression.

"So, that's Demyx, Riku, Hayner, and Seifer," I pointed to them as I spoke. "They're the rest of the band."

"I'm sure we're all going to get along just fine," Demyx, the only one who didn't seem wary of Marly, said enthusiastically. Riku looked skeptical, and I couldn't blame him for that. Marly following me here was a little weird.

~O~

"Riku, Seifer!" Hayner waved to our two older friends. They were waiting for us at the Science Building.

"Hey, you lowly high schoolers," Seifer teased.

"We thought we'd visit during your break," Riku nodded his head in the direction of the tree we normally hung around.

I looked up the sloping hill to the tree, and stopped in my tracks. I could feel the color drain from my face as I caught a certain red-head's green eyes. "Oh fuck," I muttered, beginning to hyperventilate. How could I be so stupid to think that I wouldn't see him at all when I came back here?

"What do you think he wants?" Demyx asked quietly.

"I don't think we need to even guess at that." Marluxia put a hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to speak with him."

"No," I shrugged his hand off, "why should I care, right?" I started to walk towards him, and the group followed.

Axel stood when we got within a couple feet of him. "Hey, Blondie, we need to talk."

"As far as I'm concerned, you don't need to do anything with him. Leave." Marly: direct as usual.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Yeah. So, as I was saying, I need to speak with you. Alone."

"He's not going anywhere alone with you."

"Cool it, Marly." I placed a hand on his chest and stepped towards Axel. "It's fine. We'll just be over here," I looked back and stared into his eyes, "right where you can see us. Okay?"

Marluxia averted his eyes. "Sure, whatever."

"So, do you need to ask him permission to do everything?" Axel asked, once the others were out of earshot.

"No, I don't," I huffed, "and what's it to you anyway?"

He sighed, "Look, I still care about you, that's what."

"Oh, that's rich." I folded my arms. "You break up with me then think you can fuck with my mind by saying you 'still care'?"

"I'm not trying to mess with you." He put his hands on my shoulders and locked his eyes with mine. "I thought about us a lot over the summer."

"You could have called."

"I was too upset with you, with him…with myself."

I pushed his hands off of me. "Yeah, well it doesn't matter anymore. You're not exactly my boyfriend, so you can stop trying to fix me, or whatever it was you thought you were doing."

Axel put a hand on his hip. "You know, I didn't actually ever break up with you."

"You kind of made that damn clear when you fucking walked away from me!" I yelled, outraged by his claim. "You walked away; you didn't even hear me out or try to contact me after. What else would I think but 'we're over'?"

He made to open his mouth to respond, but I cut him off. "You know, I was still yours, even when Marly kissed me…even when I kissed him back. I was still yours, and I was ready to fight to prove it to you, for you to forgive me. I needed you." Tears prickled at my eyes. "Marluxia and I have a history. When he showed up, I freaked. I needed to know why he was here. But he split after that, and moments later I heard my Dad had just died. When my brother told me the news, you know who I wanted to be with right then? You. Not Marly. But you never gave me the chance."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I was too angry to think straight." Axel glanced over at the group. "What is he doing here anyway?"

"He came here to be with me."

Axel snorted. "No. He came here so you wouldn't be tempted to leave him again to be with me."

"I'm not some sort of object that you two can swap around."

"I know. Besides, you shouldn't even be with him. You yourself once told me that he reminded you of all the bad things in your life. Do you really want to be stuck in the past with all those painful memories?"

"He and I belong together."

Axel shook his head. "How could you know? You're just a senior in high school. You have your whole life ahead of you. He may make you feel safe, but he can't make you happy. What are you going to do if he just leaves you someday?"

I bit my lip. "He won't"

"No, he probably won't. He's just as stuck on you as you are on him. It's not healthy for either one of you. But you and I, we are destined to be together. I felt it the first time I saw you."

"How would you know?" I mocked him, "you're only a senior in college. You have your whole life ahead of you."

He stared down at me for a while, and it made me a little self-conscious. "I'm going to fight until I get you back. I messed up the first time-"

"No, really? You were too damn self-righteous. You kept thinking I was this fragile person who could break at any second. Admit it, you wanted me but didn't act on it because you didn't want to feel like you were taking advantage of me. Well you wouldn't have been." I broke our eye-contact. "You lost your chance…now, leave me alone, Axel. I have Marluxia, so you need to go away."

"I won't leave you. Not now, when I think you need me most."

"No. I needed you before, but you weren't there for me."

"I will be this time," he pleaded, and it hurt me to see the sincerity in his eyes.

"No. You need to stay away from me."

"Give me one good reason," he glanced over at Marly, "and I don't mean him."

"You want a reason? Well here's one: you have to stay away from me because a part of me still wants you."

"Roxie!" I heard Marluxia call to me.

"Why?"

I looked at him, curiously. "You say you want me back, but you're surprised that I might still like you? That's pathetic, Axel. But you want to know why? It's because you set me off. Keep me challenged…you burn me up inside." I gave him a fleeting smile. He didn't try to stop me when I turned away from him and began to walk back to my friends.

"You okay?" Demyx asked, rather cautiously, when I had returned to them.

"Yeah, I'm…" I stopped, suddenly realizing there were tears running down the sides of my face.

"I'm not going to let him get to you," Marly murmured and wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey, Marluxia. Can I speak with you?" Riku jerked his head to the side, and he moved a bit away from the group. Marly handed me off to Demyx and followed Riku. I watched them, but couldn't hear what they were saying.

"You're not the one making him cry, so you're okay in my book."

Marluxia folded his arms and eyed Riku. "I guess I shouldn't be offended by this."

Riku ran a hand through his long silver hair, sighing as he did so. "No, this is just how I am. You could say I'm a bit protective of him as well…I don't want to see him hurt."

"You seem to care a lot about him."

"Yeah, well, I made a mistake last year and misjudged him. I won't be doing that again…I've never seen him cry."

The two realized they'd come to an understanding, and Marluxia began to relax a bit in Riku's presence. "He cries a little too much for my liking," Marly admitted, "but it's one of those things; it just means he trusts you if you see him falling apart."

Riku nodded to himself. "Thank you, Marluxia. I'm glad to at least know he can trust me then."

~O~

_A part of me still wants you._ I was sprawled on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Don't worry Axel: this is news to me too. I thought I could just get over it; that this relationship never made a big impact on my life. I guess it had. I figured if _you_ could walk away like that, then so could I. But you didn't either. Damn it. This isn't fair. Not to Marly, not to Axel, and not to me.

I sat up and crossed my legs, while glancing over at Sora's side of the room. He wasn't there though. He and Zexion were hanging out with that new girl, Aqua or something. It's not like I could rant to him about this anyway. I needed to make up my mind on my own. What is it that I want? Marluxia means protection, shelter from the world. Axel means the unknown. But I can't hide from reality forever. Maybe Axel was right: Marly and I are in an unhealthy situation. We depend too much on each other. Or I depend too much on him. Marly…he just has control issues. We're both clinging to something.

I grumbled out loud and clutched at my head. All this thinking was hurting too much, and I felt the beginnings of a headache coming on. I shouldn't be left alone with my thoughts right now. I don't know what I'm thinking anyway. I'm just letting Axel's psych-stuff get to me.

Or…what if he's right? Okay, that's it. I slid off my bed and grabbed a jacket. I'm off to consult the guy who has made me crazy since day one.

I scrawled a note to Sora, just so he didn't get too worried. As I fled the dorms, I wondered briefly what Marly was up to. He most definitely wouldn't approve of this. But so what, I used to love to disobey him. I clenched my fists. I'm done being obedient and submissive. If he is what I want, I'll stay on my own terms.

~O~

Axel was surprised, but glad to see me. He let me in without a word, just a cocky smile that made me roll my eyes. "I'm just here to talk. I'm still with Marly, but I want to figure things out. I want to understand why I am with him…and why _we_ didn't work. If you can't handle this, then I'll leave." My expression was completely serious, versus his somewhat amused one.

Axel laughed a little. "Whoa there, Blondie. Don't underestimate what I can handle. I handled you, didn't I?"

"Tch, not well. You more went around handling me. In the literal sense as well." He flushed at my words.

"Hey, then in that case, I should be able to be on a strictly talking friendship with you. It's not something new or unusual."

I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow. "That's true. And since you aren't in charge of my grade, I know I can argue with you a bit more."

"Hey-"

"You know, maybe that was a part of it."

"Part of what?"

"Why we didn't work."

"Huh?"

"You were in a position of power and authority over me. That was too similar to Marly's original role with me. Also, I think you let that get to you too. You had power over me, so you didn't want to get too close, or you would have felt like you were taking advantage of me." I pondered this while Axel looks a little amazed.

"I'm glad to see you thinking about these things. That's good," he whispered, almost like he was proud of me. "You've grown up. If only a little."

"Yeah, well, throw enough psycho-babble at me and some of it sticks." I shrugged. "I'm glad I came to see you. I think it helped."

"You were the one who thought up all of that. Don't thank me for your own discoveries. And really, Roxas. I haven't been trying to psycho-analyze your mind, or anything of the sort. You're kind of paranoid, you know that?" He smiled fondly, as I scowled in disbelief, and then suddenly stroked the side of my face.

"Axel," I murmured. I knew I was continuing to let him get closer to me, without protesting it. He was a little too close to me now, for it to be an acceptable friend-distance. Why am I just letting him touch me? Get me worked up…? Say something, Roxas. But of course, I didn't.

Time appeared to slow down, so every sound or movement was accentuated. His fingers were still brushing against my skin and my pulse quickened with every touch. He shouldn't make me feel this way: this burning sensation, like I wanted to drown myself in him. I don't think we'd ever even had a moment like this before; and if we had, neither of us went for it.

But Axel had to change things up. He leaned his forehead against the top of my head, and closed his arms around me. I didn't stop him, partly out of curiosity, but mainly because I was caught in the moment. This was still innocent enough, right? I took deep breaths, just trying to inhale his scent; his being. I was captivated. Things between us weren't like this before. It's somewhat startling. Why is he affecting me so much now?

He moved slightly away from me, but didn't let go. Our movements became blurred to me so that I couldn't tell whether it was him or me who initiated it. All I knew was that my blood was boiling and his hot mouth over mine was burning the back of my throat. His fingers dug into my skin and I let out a moan.

The sound froze us both, and suddenly I had a vision of Marly and I in the same situation. I can't be doing this again. It sure says a whole lot about me if I continue this pattern of kissing the guy I'm not with. I pushed away from him, and he let me go. "I've got to find a new habit," I muttered.

Axel shrugged, "Probably. But since I was the one on the other side this time, I can't say I'm complaining."

"Yeah, neither did Marly."

"Are you going to tell him?"

I frowned. "What's to tell? It's not like it meant anything."

"Bullshit."

My eyes widened slightly. "I can't do this right now." I gave him one last look before stalking out of his room. I don't know why I bothered going to see him…I really need to stop lying to myself. I got what I was after, and it didn't bring the answer I was looking for. I can't have both of them, but I go crazy either way.

By the time I got to the high school dorms, I was resigned to the idea that maybe I needed to let them fight it out instead of trying to meddle with things myself.

I stopped in front of my door and blanched. I just had a vision of me as a princess and Marly and Axel preparing to duel over my hand in marriage. Damn. That image will be stuck with me now: me in a pink, frilly—but my thought stopped there. Marluxia was sitting on my bed, holding the note I left for Sora, who wasn't back yet. Shit. Why had I thought it was a good idea to leave an exact note to my brother in the first place? I could have just written that I'd gone out and would be back later. But no, I had to-

"You went to see him?"

I swallowed and closed the door behind me. Mentally kicking myself for leaving such a detailed note for Sora about my whereabouts. Marly looked as if he was trying to control his rage. "Yes," I whispered.

"That was actually a rhetorical question, Roxas," he snapped, and I flinched. "Why'd you do it?"

I didn't move from my spot against the door, fearing the distance between us. "There were too many things left unsaid. I needed to-"

"No, actually, you didn't need to do anything!" Marly stood, but didn't come near me. "You two are over, what more can there be?"

"He's still my friend."

"Oh, like I was?"

"Excuse me, but when were we ever friends?"

"Therein lies my point."

"Nothing happened!" I stepped towards him, but he looked away. "Marly, I'm here. I'm yours. Get over it."

He returned his gaze to mine. "I don't want you near him."

"That's not for you to decide." I folded my arms and lifted my chin, looking set on my decision. He narrowed his eyes, but didn't try to override my ruling. I sighed, feeling a little defeated, and moved towards him again. He let my arms fall around his waist, and I rested my head against his chest. "Hey, no worries, okay? I went back to you for a reason, right?"

He let out a breath. "Yeah. Of course. I'm just over-reacting. A little jealous."

"You're always jealous and overly protective—or should I say possessive—when it comes to me."

He cracked a smile. "Yeah, maybe so. I just don't know what I would do without you."

And isn't that the problem? I'm feeling slightly guilty now.

~O~

"Hey, Roxas." Sora was up before me, and I stared at him in confusion.

"When did you get in?"

"You were asleep. I didn't want to wake you." He hummed as he packed up his school bag.

I grumbled, "Why are you in such a good mood?"

Sora rolled his eyes. "Because I'm happy, Roxas. Why else? Now don't go asking why I am all happy, unless you want to sound like a depressed guy or something." I kept my mouth shut.

"So, you've met Aqua, right? We're all in Economics together, so you must have."

I nodded. "She's in choir with me."

"Oh yeah. I forgot you were taking that this year."

"Marly is too," I said, somewhat offhand, as I dug through drawers to find clothes.

Sora laughed. "I can't see him singing. Do you two have the same exact schedule?"

"No," I pouted. It was close though. Only our last period was different.

~O~

Marluxia and I were sitting near the edge of the water, watching the sunset. It felt as if time was standing still for a moment, as if it too were as in awe of nature's beauty as we were. And there weren't many things that could quite Marluxia so suddenly.

The sound of crashing waves brought a smile to my lips. I suppose this is the most romantic moment I've had with Marly. Neither one of us speaking, just reveling in the comfortable silence. My cheeks began to match the color of the sky, and I grinned at the thought. Marly and I…merely existing in a peaceful state, if only for a moment. I'm at a loss for words, fearing that if I break the silence the magic will be lost. God, I swear I am not a hopeless romantic.

Marly was twirling a wild flower in his fingers. He was watching it with a smile. I wondered what he was thinking, smiling to himself and not saying a word to me.

"Do you ever wish you could see the world through someone else's eyes?" So much for silence.

He glanced up at me, surprised by the question. "Sure. Why do you ask?"

I shrugged and looked back across the water. "I just would like to know what it looks like: the world. Sometimes, I think I don't see it the way everyone else does. Like color. I wonder what the sky looks like through your eyes; the scent of that flower; the feel of sand squished in between your toes. Do other people hear the sounds I hear?"

"You're certainly introspective as of late. What's with all the questions?"

"I…I don't know very much about the world around me. I don't know who I am. Shouldn't that be the one thing I do know?"

Marly shook his head. "No. Life is just one long trip you're taking to find yourself before you die. Few do. In some respects, we're all wondering the exact same thing."

"You know, my brother likes someone." He glanced at me, unsure what this had to do with anything. "It's kind of sad, but I don't know anything about him. But I'm supposed to, right?"

He shrugged, unconcerned. "I wouldn't know. It's not like I have any siblings. It's just me and my father."

"I don't expect you to have all the answers."

"There was a time when you didn't want answers. Or questions for that matter."

"Heh. Yeah, there was."

"I'd ask what happened to that guy, but I think I already know."

So do I. It was consequences catching up to me. It was Axel changing my perspective of things. It was my father's death on top of an unstable pile of events that came crashing down on me all in one night. It was all of those things and more.

That night, when Cloud and Sora broke the news to me, I'll never forget it. But where had Sora run off to? While I saw my world falling apart, he ran away. I never questioned it at the time, maybe because I didn't care, but now I wanted to know. I'd like to be aware of the world around me, instead of living in this closed off space. But can I do it?

"Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"You want to know a secret?"

I blinked and snapped back to reality. "You've been keeping something a secret from me?"

He grinned. "Well, it's not like you don't keep things from me."

"No way. I'm an open book to you." Of course, after the words were out of my mouth, I realized they were untrue. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. What's your secret?"

"You've got to promise not to tell anyone. Or laugh…" I nodded. He's leading me on here, trying to drag it out. "And it's more like a personal goal than a secret."

"Okay, okay. Get on with it."

"I want to be a better person."

I stared, unblinking; was that it? Well, I guess over the years he has improved. "Well, that could be-"

"I'm trying, though. It's completely against my nature, and I don't always succeed." He let out a breath and returned his gaze to the flower in his hand. "I'm trying for you. You're all I've got."

"That's not true," I whispered, touched by his confession. "You've got Larxene and them."

He smiled, coldly. "Oh please, you know just as well as I do that I could care less about them. Besides, no one ever has Larxene. And believe me, I don't want to."

I laughed, despite myself. "That's true."

We suddenly heard footsteps coming closer to our spot, and I quieted my laughter. "Hey, there you guys are. Do you mind?"

"Go ahead." Marly shrugged, while I patted the place next to me on the drift wood we'd been sitting on.

Demyx took a seat and ruffled his hair. "I'm glad it's nearly the weekend."

I rolled my eyes. "Demyx, it's still the first week of school. Are you tired of it already?"

He sighed. "It's not school. That's a nice distraction. It's…never mind."

I stared at him curiously. Why do I get the feeling that this is about Riku. "You know, Demyx, maybe you should just talk to him."

"Talk to who?" We all looked behind us, startled. Riku was standing there, grinning with shadows under his eyes. "So, what's this little powwow about?"

"Well, you of course." Demyx's eyes widened slightly as I spoke. "Everything is always about you, Riku."

"Of course it is." He laughed and placed his hands on top of Demyx's shoulders.

I tried not to grin at the gesture. I could almost see Demyx's heart leaping out of his chest. They drive each other crazy. If they ever got together, I bet they would be just as sickly cute as Seifer and Hayner.

My eyes drifted back to the water, and I suddenly felt a strange sense of apathy kick in.

The sky was darkening, and I feared the sleep to come. I know tonight I will dream of Axel. I had been all week. Ever since that kiss.

No. No. No. I've got to stop this.

~O~

I woke with a start, breathing heavily, with my cheeks flushed. I wiped the sweat off of my brow and threw the covers to the floor. The rush of cool air against my skin did nothing to eradicate the burning. Sora was fast asleep in his bed, curled up close to the wall. It's a good thing I didn't wake him. I need to make up my mind before my subconscious does it for me.

The rest of the night, I lied awake, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise in my mind. By the time my brother woke, we had to rush to grab a quick bite before school started.

I was so tired for the first few periods that I had to lean on Marly the entire time, so I wouldn't fall asleep on my desk. He didn't mind, of course. If anything, he was very much in favor of this arrangement.

The feeling of being disoriented was another perk of getting no sleep. Note the sarcasm. This was actually a problem for me. Three guesses why. During breaks and after classes, when we were all hanging out underneath the shade of the big tree near the science building, my attention was solely on Axel. I was so out of it, I could hardly register what I was doing.

He had taken up residence some distance from our spot. It was far enough away that we couldn't hear one another, but it was close enough that I was able to trace his every move. The way his hands would run through his fiery hair when he was concentrating. His teeth chewing on his bottom lip while he was reading. His long legs stretched out in front of him. I was completely mesmerized; and Marly noticed.

My lack of sleep was clouding my judgment. Really, what was the big deal in observing a person? Oh yeah; he was my ex, and my current boyfriend was watching me stare at another guy.

Apparently, this was ticking Marly off. There he was, trying to work, but he kept getting distracted by my not paying attention to him. So he did what any protective boyfriend would do: he confronted Axel.

Let's just say that it took me so off guard that I didn't even bother to go after him. All I could do was return my attention to Marluxia, who muttered something along the lines of 'that's it', got up, and stalked over to Axel.

The two of them gestured wildly at each other. I'm sure there was some dramatic word play going on, but Marly wouldn't tell me what was said when I asked him latter.

Axel looked up, startled by Marly's figure pacing towards him. "Why do you insist on hanging around wherever Roxas is? Don't you think it's a little pathetic? He's with me. Move on, and go away. You're an irritation." Marluxia nearly growled the lines at him. "He's never going back to you."

Axel gave him a look that clearly said he wasn't intimidated by Marly's tough act. "You wouldn't be coming after me if you didn't feel threatened."

"'Threatened'?" Marly laughed. "Yeah right. He left you for me, so I have no reason to be concerned."

"Do you actually believe what you are saying, or do you hope if you say them they will come true?" he asked, curiously, while shaking his head. "I only want what's best for him."

Marly sneered, offended. "And what do you think I want?"

He considered Marly. "I don't know; and I don't think you know either."

"You know nothing about me," Marly spit out, vehemently.

Axel shrugged. "You're right; I don't. Just as you know nothing about me."

"I don't need to."

"'Know thy enemy'," Axel quoted, a little amused now by Marly's growing anger.

Marluxia swallowed and tried to calm himself. "It looks like we're in the same place we started at." Nothing had been accomplished; not that he thought anything would be. It was just fun to yell at Axel. "But that's just fine with me. I'm the one with Roxas."

The small smile that had begun to form on Axel's lips vanished in a second. "Yeah, for now." He stood up, so he was looking directly into Marluxia's eyes. "I'm going to find out what makes you tick," he whispered, "and when I do, I'll use it to show you that you and Roxas should not be together." Marly narrowed his eyes at that. "And you'll agree with me," Axel finished.

"Never."

Axel rolled his eyes, regaining his amused expression. "Never say never. Unless you know the future."

Marly turned on heel after one last glare at Axel. When he returned to our tree, he pointed at me. "You, me, we're going."

I jumped up right away to follow him, giving the group a fleeting wave. "Hey, you seem upset."

"Do I?" I'm quick to catch the sarcasm on that.

I was trying to defend myself as we burst into Marly's dorm room. We didn't even notice Aqua, who looked up, startled, and slinked out of the room saying, "Would you look at that, I suddenly have to be somewhere."

"Marly, I don't feel anything for him! You're getting worked up over nothing!" I yelled.

"'Nothing'?" He refused to look at me. "You call that 'nothing'?"

"Yes!"

"No. You know what, I think you want both of us, and that's just not possible." His remark caught me off guard. Is that really true? "I'm not going to be noble and tell you to choose between us. You've already done that." He returned my gaze. "Remember?"

"Of course. That's what I'm trying to tell you!" I placed my hands on his chest. "Honestly, I feel nothing for him."

"Then prove it." I could tell from the look in his eyes that he didn't believe me.

I pushed him back with my hands, and he fell into a sitting position on his bed. I gave him a small smile and caressed the side of his face. I leaned in to kiss him, but before my lips reached his, he stopped me. "Not like this." He stood and folded his arms, making sure he was out of reach from me.

I stared at him, open mouthed and startled. Did Marluxia just turn me down? Has hell frozen over?

It was at that very moment, I decided to consciously make the effort to stay with Marluxia. He had surprised me. This wasn't just something physical for him. He…really loved me, perhaps? And he'd never once abandoned me. That had always been what I'd done. He'd even followed me to the islands twice now. Watching him, with his back turned to me, his eyes cast to the floor, and his arms folded defensively…it was the first time he'd seemed vulnerable to me.

"Okay, Marly, I swear to you that I will try to not let Axel get to me anymore. You're right. I chose you for a reason. I can ignore him. I _do_ want to be with you."

He glanced back at me, his eyes looking almost doe-like at me. "You'll more than try, right?"

"Yes," I nodded. "You really are what I want." He cracked a smile at that, and I hesitantly reached out a hand to touch his shoulder. Right then, gazing into his eyes, I honestly meant what I said.

But that night…I still dreamt about Axel.

~end chapter five

A/N2: Yeahhh, so this chapter was just dripping with the drama. My story's just one big on-going soap-opera. But you don't mind, right? :) Didn't think so! Next chapter: look forward to Sora getting really embarrassed…heh *winces and covers an eye* It'll be fun :P


	14. Part 2, Chapter 6, Sora's Chapter Two

N/A: I currently don't have internet, so my updating with probably be sporadic. (Like it wasn't already…ha.) So I'm taking advantage of this brief opportunity of it! This chapter is…strange. On several levels. It's kind of…really embarrassing. I cringe. I have loads of sympathy for my poor characters. Eh heh…Enjoy. :)

~O~

Chapter Six; Sora's Chapter Two: The Gravitational Pull

~O~

English. First period. I'm not really a morning person, in case anyone hadn't noticed. Anyone meaning Squall. For him, his caffeine has kicked in and is giving him more edge than I'm used to him having.

So partly asleep, and partly not being able to pay attention, I was doing what any English teacher would generally approve of. Unless, of course, I was ignoring their teaching. I was writing. It was just a pointless story that my muddled mind was playing around with. Naturally, the protagonist was a young, sexy guy by the name of Leon.

_Leon ran fingers through his shoulder length chestnut hair and smirked. His foe: a fiery dragon whose scales glinted dangerously in the morning sun. Leon was not worried through. He was a renowned Dragon Slayer after all. No, this was just another day on the job. Well…not exactly._

_He let out a hearty laugh that set his dark eyes aglow. This particular dragon was guarding a tower that held the captive son of the king: Prince Air; a younger man whom Leon had eyes for. That and a couple fantasies he was dying to play out. Oh, the prince would be very grateful indeed. He would owe his life to Leon, and the Dragon Slayer knew just how Air could repay him._

I was not quite sure where this story was coming from, but I knew exactly where it was going. Which wasn't intentional, by the way. That's just what happened when I put my pen to the paper. As any writer can tell you, what you set out to write isn't always the end result.

_With one final plunge, Leon drove his sword straight through the dragon's heart. The creature staggered and flapped its wings as he pulled the weapon, now drenched in thick, dark blood, out from the beast's body. The Dragon Slayer sprinted to one side of his foe, as to not be crushed by the weight of the beast, when it hit the earth with its dead body. Wiping sweat from his brow, Leon glanced behind him to the tall tower where Prince Air was being held captive._

_Up in the tall tower, Air gripped onto the edge of the one large window in his room. He was stunned by the Dragon Slayer's efforts. Finally, after months of imprisonment and loneliness, Air would be rescued._

_The sound of rattling metal against steel was heard outside his door, and moments later, Leon burst into the room. Air turned slowly towards the man who had saved his, and countless others', life. The Prince was no stranger to the Dragon Slayer, who the king had honored for his strength and valor. Air admired Leon, to say the least._

_And it was in one look that something sparked between them. Leon crossed the room in a single stride and wrapped Air in his arms. The Prince breathed in his scent and pressed his head close to Leon's chest, hearing his heart beat._

"_My savior," Air whispered._

"_Tell me, my dear Prince, how do you plan to thank me?" Leon replied in his silky, lust filled voice._

"_Anything you want. Just name it."_

"_Would that include you?"_

"_I did say 'anything', did I not?"_

_And before he knew it, Air had been carried over to the tiny bed and stripped of nearly all his clothes. "Do you want me, my Prince?" Leon asked, while straddling the younger boy._

"_It was always you I wanted," Air breathed heavily._

"_Well then, I-"_

"Sora?" I don't know how many times Squall had called my name. The next thing I knew, my toes were throbbing because the kid next to me stomped on my foot to get my attention.

I winced. "Huh?" Squall had his eyebrows raised and arms folded. I smiled tentatively.

"Might I ask where you've been the last twenty minutes?"

"Um," I glanced around to see other students staring at me, some of them shaking their heads, amused. Others just smirking, glad to see the teacher's pet picked on for once.

"Of all the lessons to tune out of, I wouldn't have expected it to be one on _Macbeth_. Or does Shakespeare bore you, Sora?" He spread his arms and shrugged. "Anyone else tired of Shakespeare?"

There were no replies; it was a rhetorical question, so that sort of figures. "Good. Now, can anyone tell me why they think Lady Macbeth…?"

I drowned out the rest of the class and sank lower in my seat, my face still tinted with red. Squall's attention was no longer focused on me, and for once I was grateful.

~O~

The class began to pour out into the hallway, but I stayed behind. The remainder of the period had got me worked up and upset.

"Sora." Squall didn't look up from his desk when I approach. For some reason, I got the distinct impression that he was trying to ignore me.

"What was that about?" I said, only slightly above a whisper, as I knew the next class would soon be drifting in.

"What was what?" He finally looked up at me.

"Oh come on, you know what. Even the other students were shocked. You're not supposed to yell at your favorite student. It's like an unwritten code or something."

"Firstly, I call on any student who isn't paying attention. Maybe that should be a lesson to you. And secondly, teachers shouldn't have favorite students. It's unfair." Something in his tone of voice made me feel like he was being short with me…and I was a little confused as to why.

I continued to push the subject, becoming slightly more frustrated by his cold demeanor. "Yeah, but they do anyway. Besides, it's still early. I don't function well until around lunch time. So it's not like I wasn't trying to pay attention. You've never had me in the morning." My ears turned slightly pink. "I mean, in morning classes. I mean, there's a difference between me in the morning and in the afternoon. You'll notice eventually; my day starts and ends with you. My schedule that is." I took a breath. "And I'm ranting," I pointed a finger at him, "so stop smirking at me. I'm shutting up."

"Now would be a good time too." The class was beginning to fill up. I couldn't even remember hearing the first bell. "So, what was your point?" Squall looked back to the work on his desk.

I grumbled, frustrated. "You didn't have to attack me during class. You could have said something later."

"Come on, Sora. That would be special treatment."

"Your point?" Why was he acting so…so unfriendly towards me?

"You should get to your next class now, Sora. I wouldn't want you to be late."

"Yeah," I turned my back on him, feeling a spark of confused anger flare up within me, and muttered, "especially if I were a girl," before walking off. I didn't need to see him to know he was frozen with his mouth slightly open in shock. I guess I succeeded in fully getting his attention. Honestly, I don't know where that came from either.

~O~

"You want to talk about it?" Aqua questioned me while sipping her diet soda.

"No," I shook my head and stared at my plate.

Z glanced between us, over the book he had been reading. "Sora, we were there; we saw it. You must be upset."

"Sure, but why should I be? I'm just another student to him." Apparently. I poked my food with a fork. I'd thought that after everything, we'd sort of…become more than just teacher and student. Like he was my friend, at the very least.

"God!" Zexion snapped his book shut and slammed it down onto the table. "Would you get over this 'woe is me' crap for just two seconds?"

Aqua stared at her soda, smiling slightly, while I stared with wide eyes. "Z?"

He leaned across the table and whispered, "Why can't you just accept the fact that you are more than just a student to him? So he ragged on you once. Big deal. It would be suspicious if he didn't. Maybe he's trying to pretend you're not special to him, and just over-did it a little because he has a guilty conscience. He likes you, Sora. You like him. You should be doing it like bunnies already."

Aqua choked on her drink and started to giggle. "I don't know what's funnier. You saying 'doing it like bunnies' or Sora's face." I glared at her. "What? He's right, you know."

I pouted, still feeling a little hurt by Squall's seeming indifference to me. "Maybe, and I'm saying maybe, he does like me. A little. Either way, I already messed it up because of that fit I threw after class." I laughed dryly. "I don't know which is worse, my acting like a spoiled brat throwing a fit because he wasn't nice to me once, or my referring to our non-existent sex life."

"What's that now?" Aqua raised an eyebrow. Z just rolled his eyes and picked up his book.

I sighed dramatically, "He was trying to cut me off from starting another argument in front of his next class, which, of course, would have been bad, and I see that now, but it felt like he was just brushing me off."

"Naturally," she nodded, "and you were too hurt to see that."

"Uh-huh. So, he says I should go because he wouldn't want me to be late to class. But he didn't say class, he said something like 'I wouldn't want you to be late,' and I don't know why I said it but…you can probably guess." I groaned and set my head on the table, embarrassed.

"Hmm, yeah, I see where this is going."

"What did you say to him?" Z asked, suddenly. I thought he was ignoring me.

I shrugged. "Oh, I just said something like 'especially if I had been a girl' or something stupid." I trailed off. "Maybe he didn't catch onto what I'd meant by it…" I groaned again, shutting my eyes tightly, "But I think he did. He looked a bit shocked by what I'd said. Ugh, I'm so stupid."

Aqua started laughing again. "Yeah, he probably was quick to catch that."

Zexion frowned, "Wait, I don't get it…"

Aqua stifled a giggle and looked at him. "The implications, Z, were that…you know, if Sora were a girl…and um…late, you know, that would be a bad thing. Basically, Sora threw him an offhand comment about the fact that the two of them, well, under normal circumstances, would probably be sleeping together with the way they normally act around one another."

I turned red again. "Okay, how about we drop this now. Really, I don't know why I even said it. It was stupid, and didn't even make any sense…and he probably thinks less of me now for it, so…"

"Look, you can smooth things over after class. I'll take Z and we'll stay away from his classroom after school. That way you two can kiss and make up."

"Except for the kissing part," I muttered.

She shrugged. "Then you two can go back to torturing each other with coy smiles and hinted words and deep longing and-"

"Okay, you can stop now-"

"And sleepless nights lying awake think only of each other-"

"Aqua-"

"Sighing one another's names-"

"Seriously, enough-"

"Moaning, doing unmentionable things to yourself, pretending the other were there-"

I cleared my throat. "No more from you. Really, cut it out."

"Actually, you can continue if you want," Z encouraged her.

She smiled wickedly. "You and me, Zexion. After school we will pick up where this left off. Because I was only just getting started." The bell rang and we stood with our trays. "Better bring lots of paper, since you'll have to record all of them for Sora."

I groaned. "You guys are killing me, you know that right?"

"No," Aqua smirked, "the one who is killing you is Mr. Leonhart. And if you aren't already dead, you will be. Have fun in electives, Sora."

~O~

Have you ever noticed that telling someone you're sorry is one of the most difficult things to do? You need to really mean it, for starters. In this case, I honestly did mean it. I'm sorry. For what I said…for what I didn't say. For my actions. Weeks from now this whole thing will probably look like a miniscule event. Meaningless actually. But we live in the now. And right now, something has to change.

Squall had been ignoring me this whole time. Believe me, I can tell the difference between him actually busy with something or another student, and what he was currently doing right. His eyes refused to look my way or even near me. I gave up trying to get his attention the previous period. During the short break between classes, I knew better than to try to reason with him.

After: that was all I was waiting for. He couldn't escape me when school was out. All the other students will have left, and it would be the two of us…alone. But here I find myself in the endless circle. I'm right at the beginning again. How do I say I'm sorry? I had roughly fifteen minutes to come up with that answer. Looks like I have a whole of thinking to do.

~O~

Squall was sitting at his desk, pretending to work. I was trying to muster the courage to bring the subject up. But I didn't even end up having to. After a while, Squall spoke. "Where's Zexion? Isn't he normally here with you?"

"Well," I fidgeted in my seat, "I doubt he will show up today."

He looked up, for once, and an unreadable expression crossed his features. "Did you get into a fight with him?" I bet he was actually thinking 'did you get into a fight with him too' but didn't want to say as much.

I shook my head and cast my eyes towards the floor. "No, he is probably with Aqua. She's not the type to hang around school after hours."

"Oh. So why aren't you with them?" Duh. Hello?

"Because I am the type to hang around school after hours," I deadpanned. He cleared his throat and muttered 'right'. I huffed and slipped out of my seat. Time to get this over with. "Squall," I bit my lip and nervously gripped a side of his desk.

"Look, Sora, now's not the best—"

"I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have snapped like that." Our eyes locked. "Please forgive me for my behavior."

He sighed. "You should just forget it."

"But I can't," I protested, "I feel awful about what I said."

His brow furrowed. "Yeah, what exactly did you mean back there?"

"Gah, I don't know. It just came out. I wasn't thinking."

Squall lowered his eyes from mine. "Well, maybe you were right."

"What?" I tilted my head to one side, curiously.

"About me picking on you for not paying attention."

I drummed my fingers on his desk, thinking about Zexion's outburst at me during lunch, and suddenly wanting to test Squall. "You know, I have a theory about that."

He looked up again. "Hmm?"

"I don't think it was so much that I wasn't paying attention, but more that I wasn't paying attention to you."

"Isn't that the point?"

"No. You call on people who don't pay attention in class. You called on me because for once I wasn't solely focused on you." I pointed my index finger, accusing him.

He suddenly became interested in a paperweight on his desk. "Yes, well, how about I just don't call on you if you ever happen to not be paying attention. Considering that you and I will overreact after said incident, it might be better to just avoid that."

"I'll work on that," I said, slowly, aware that he hadn't confirmed or refuted my theory. "But Squall."

He sighed, running a hand through his brown hair. "Sora, haven't we had enough drama for one day?"

"I…I know. That's what I mean. Us; something has to change, 'cause this isn't working so well."

"I don't know what to say, Sora," he whispered. "I know though. Something's got to give."

"We don't have to figure that out today." I smiled tentatively, hoping for some kind of friendly gesture from him in response. He smiled back. "But Squall."

"Sora," he nearly whined, his tone sounding somewhat stressed, "what now?"

"Will you read my story?" I asked, somewhat sheepishly.

"Oh." His demeanor shifted right away. "Of course, I would love to."

I returned to my desk and dug a binder from my bag. "Any and all feedback, criticism, everything. I want to know. Even if you hate it."

"I couldn't hate it." He accepted the binder from me.

"Yeah, you say that now."

"Sora?"

"What?"

"Thank you."

I flushed, slightly embarrassed. "What for?"

"For letting me be able to see another side of you."

"I hope you don't mean this morning."

Squall laughed. "No, I mean…never mind. It doesn't matter. Just," he let out a breath, "we're okay again?"

I nodded. We are in trouble now, aren't we? If things hadn't been resolved, then a rift might have kept us apart. Now, we seem to have come out the other side intact and stronger for it. Zexion was right. I can't lie and tell myself there is nothing here. And isn't that just the problem, because we know what happens when students and teachers get involved.

~O~

"Hey guys."

"Sora!" Aqua jumped up from her bed and greeted me at the door. She smiled, tentatively wondering how it went. "So?"

I could also feel Zexion's eyes on me, so I moved over to where he was seated on Aqua's side of the room. "It…went," I answered lamely.

"Was it bad?" I shook my head. "Was it good?" I shrugged. Z glanced at Aqua. "So…are you back to where you started?"

"Yep," I muttered.

"Well, that's good, right?" She questioned.

Zexion answered for me. "It just means they both want more and they both won't do anything about it."

"That's crappy." Aqua put her hands on her hips, clearly upset by it. "I don't understand you people." She gave us a look. "You know what you want, so why don't you go for it?"

Z and I glanced at one another. "There are consequences."

"Repercussions."

"It might lead nowhere."

"People could get hurt."

"Oh my god!" She threw her hands in the air. "This isn't a matter of life and death! Don't you see? You're hurting yourself more this way. What if you took a chance and it all worked out?"

"Well…" I trailed off.

"'Well'?" she retorted. "Well what? If it works out, you get to live happily ever after. If it doesn't, then you're just back where you started."

Zexion shook his head. "It works that way in theory, but life isn't like that. If it was you in this situation, you wouldn't just…well; you wouldn't do it like that."

"Yes, I would."

"Really?" I questioned, sincerely curious.

Aqua looked at me now. "Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of even choosing one person from an entire school."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged and waved it off. "It's not important. I chose it to be this way." We heard what she was saying, but Z and I could see the sadness in her eyes.

~O~

I felt awful for feeling this way, but I couldn't help to. It's not that I don't like her, I honestly do; part of the reason this is such a problem is the fact that I do like her. Aqua had just made my life a little more difficult than it should have been. Maybe I just couldn't handle change, but this new situation just plain sucked. I also hated that this clearly indicated the type of person I was.

Alright, let me back track a bit. Last year, Z and I would both stay after school in Squall's classroom. It was the ideal situation really. I got to be around the man I was rapidly falling for, and the guy who I would soon call my best friend. Z and I needed each other so neither one of us were alone.

Now enter Aqua. Isn't there a saying about three's a crowd? Yes, I believe there is. She had managed to convince Z to leave me after school. They said it was so I could be alone with Squall, but really, I think Aqua didn't want to be stuck in a classroom. I got the feeling that she was finally allowed to be herself, and didn't want to be reigned in any longer. This put me in a bit of a quandary. Either I spend time with Z and get to better know our new friend, or I become a loner and torture myself by staying at Squall's classroom.

I chose Squall. So it was my own fault that I now felt left out by Zexion and Aqua growing closer together. It makes me wonder what else I would choose Squall over. Would I choose him over my own family? Then again, I already answered that question when I ran off to Squall after Cloud had told me what had happened with my father.

But why can't I act on these feelings when they are strong enough to override everything else? No, I know why. I want _him_ to choose _me_.

"Sora?" I brought my gaze off of the ceiling to Roxas, who had just entered our dorm room. "What are you doing?"

"Just thinking."

"You…you look kind of sad. Is something wrong?" He sat on the edge of my bed, looking at me curiously.

"No. Nothing's wrong."

Roxas considered my words, and then sighed. "You would tell me, right? If something was wrong."

"I…" I don't actually know. Would I? My brother and I weren't as close as we used to be. "Maybe." It's all I could say, even though I wanted to answer 'no'.

"We don't really know each other that well, do we Sora?"

"I think there was a time when we did." He frowned, knowing what I was thinking, about how that changed. "It's both our faults," I said.

"I suppose that's true. You know, Sora, you said something to me that I can't stop thinking about."

I sat up and folded my legs. "Oh? What's that?"

"You sort of mentioned that you like someone. So…" he looked hopeful, "want to tell me who?"

I shook my head, feeling slightly anxious. "Nope. Not happening."

His face fell. "Aw, come on. Why can't you tell me?"

"Because there is nothing to tell."

"Fine," he stood up, pouting but looking determined, "but don't think this is over. I'll get it out of you eventually. Mark my words."

"Consider them marked."

~O~

"You're by yourself again," Squall noted, after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yeah, and I probably will be tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that."

"Has Aqua convinced Zexion that students shouldn't be in classrooms outside of school?"

"Pretty much."

"Sora, not that I have anything against your company, but wouldn't you rather spend time with your friends?"

"I see them all the time," I shrugged, trying to sound ambivalent, "and that's what weekends are traditionally for. Besides, it's less of a distraction from my work when I am here." Such a lie. Squall is more of a distraction than anything.

"Well, as long as you aren't feeling obligated to stay here."

I grinned a bit. "Why would I feel obligated?"

Squall is almost startled by the question. "I wasn't sure whether you were the type to feel guilty if you left, leaving me all by my lonesome."

"No, I'm not. I mean, why should I feel guilty in leaving you by yourself?" I raised an eyebrow.

He sighed. "You know what, forget I said anything. I'm going to just focus all my attention on this stack of essays."

"You do that," I replied, flippantly.

"Because it really wouldn't matter to me, whether you were here or not, since I don't notice anything else when I'm concentrating on grading papers."

"Of course you don't."

"You wouldn't be hurting my feelings if you were with your friends."

"I know." I looked up at him. "I mean, you have too much work to pay attention to me."

"Exactly," he ran a hand through his hair, "you're not a distraction at all."

"Glad to hear it." He muttered something under his breath, which I couldn't hear. "Squall?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you gotten very far in my story?"

"Not too far. I have school work to grade and classes to plan."

"I expected that. No rush."

"It's killing you, isn't it?"

I groaned, "Yes it is."

He grinned. "Good, I wouldn't have it any other way."

~O~

I was walking, instead of taking the train, back to our dorms for dinner. It had been a while since I had just walked the grounds here to clear my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that my brother and his friends were still hanging around their usual spot. Then I noticed Axel several feet away from them. I had to roll my eyes. Axel was still keeping tabs on Roxas. I'd never had the overwhelming urge to talk with the red-head before, but something—perhaps sympathy-drew me to him. "Hey, Axel."

Axel looked up from his book. "Sora," he glanced over at my brother, "what are you doing here?"

I took a seat next to him. "Oh, I dunno. Just felt like talking to you." Or maybe I just felt sorry for him.

He frowned. "Did Roxas send you?"

"No, but that's sort of what I wanted to ask you about."

Axel set his book down and gave me his full attention. "What is it you want to know? If this is about staying away from him, then forget about it. You should aim that at Marluxia."

I laughed. "I have, actually. But then I changed my tune. Marluxia was there for him over the summer. More than I was…to be honest."

"Are you going to hold that against me too?" he huffed.

I shook my head. "Naw, that's not your fault. The truth is, I'd prefer you over Marluxia any day."

"Thank you."

"But that's not my decision."

He looked up, staring into the sky. "No," his voice was somewhat distant, "you're right. That's his decision. I'm still working on that though."

"Axel…are you in love with him?"

He took a deep breath, and then exhaled. "Yeah," his eyes found mine again, "yeah I am."

I was sort of stunned by his admittance. I hadn't expected him to flat out say it. "I understand. I'd rally for you, but Roxas would probably kill me if I did." I think for a bit. "No, I take that back; Marluxia would kill me for that…probably in my sleep."

I finally got Axel to laugh. "Yeah, I wouldn't put it past him to do that. Thanks for the almost offer. At least I know I have the family support."

"Not that it matters."

He smiled and stood, glancing momentarily to the vacant spot where my brother had been, before extending a hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me up. "Would you call me a stalker, Sora?"

"How about I don't answer that," I said, sheepishly tugging on strands of my brown hair.

Axel grinned. "Fair enough."

~O~

When I got back to the dorms, I didn't find Z or Aqua in the dining hall. Since I wasn't really hungry, I headed back to my room and decided to get a start on the next night's homework. I was busy on my laptop when Roxas entered our room.

"You weren't at dinner."

I glanced back at him. "No. I didn't want anything."

"Oh," he folded his arms, still standing in front of the doorway. "I thought maybe you were still with Axel."

"No," I replied slowly, suddenly hearing the bite in his voice. What now?

"Do you like him?"

"What?" I completely stopped what I was doing and focused entirely on my brother. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Uh, maybe because you say you like someone but refuse to tell me who. Then I see you all close with Axel-"

"'All close'? I say 'hi' to him once and we're suddenly 'all close'?"

Roxas moved over to his side of the room and searched through his drawers for something. I knew he was just trying to avoid looking me in the eye though. "I'm just telling what I saw," he muttered.

"Why are you so upset? I was only talking to him. You're way over-reacting." He didn't reply. I was suddenly hit with a thought. "Roxas, are you still in love with him?"

"No," he glanced sideways at me, sneering a bit. "I wasn't ever in love with him before, so how can I 'still' be?"

My forehead creased as I pondered that. "Are you in love with him now?"

Roxas pretended to not hear what I had said. He continued to look for something, moving from his dresser to the desk. Could he possibly have developed feelings for Axel while they weren't together? That would explain his jealousy, right? Besides, thinking Axel and I might be having something was more than slightly farfetched.

"Roxas?" His silence was my only answer.

~end chapter six

N/A2: Well that's that! Hope it wasn't too painful to get through. Besides being slightly embarrassing, I actually have a fondness for this chapter. Oy, a Riku chapter up next?


	15. Part 2, Chapter 7, Riku's Chapter One

N/A: Another Riku chapter. And you know what that means. It's probably slightly dark. *shrugs* They tend to turn out that way. There's something slightly uncomfortable in all of them. But that's a good thing, I think!

~O~

Chapter Seven; Riku's Chapter One: Boiling Point

~O~

I don't know how long Demyx was standing outside my door, knocking. It must have been a while, since he eventually gave up and began whining my name. "Ri-ku!" silence for a moment, then, "open the door." I was partly asleep, as he had awoken me with all the noise, but the conscious part of me wasn't quite able to grasp the fact that I should probably respond. Instead, I stared at the door in the dark.

Demyx eventually decided to try the door: it was open. He pushed it slowly, and slipped inside my room. "Riku," he said, after jumping, unnerved by my staring at him, "why didn't you answer me?"

"Didn't want to move," I mumbled and squeezed my eyes shut when he flicked the light on.

"Yeah, sure," he sat down on the edge of my bed. "You're worrying me here. What are you doing sleeping in the middle of the day? Are you sick or something?" Demyx moved closer, to place the back of his hand on my forehead. "You aren't feverish, are you just tired?" he withdrew his hand, but I clung onto it with one of mine. "Riku?"

"Your hand's warm," I brought it back down to one side of my face. He swallowed, unsure of what I was doing. I smiled, "Don't look so tense, Demyx. I'm only tired. Nothing to worry about."

"Riku, that's why I came to talk to you."

"What's that?" I sat up and his fingers brushed down my cheek to rest on the blankets just over my thighs.

"You've been acting odd. How long have you been this tired?"

I shrugged. "A while. What is with you and questions? It's not your job to look out for me."

Demyx half smiled. "I'm making it my job."

"I don't need a caretaker, I can handle my life on my own."

He sighed. "I know you can, but I want to be here for you."

"This is beginning to sound familiar," I muttered and brought my blue eyes to gaze intently on my hands.

"You can't replace him, Demyx. Nobody can."

He pushed off the bed, frustrated. "I don't want to replace him, Riku. You hated him, remember?" Demyx shook his head and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. "But that's beside the point now." He opened his eyes and looked back at me, "Riku, something is wrong. What?"

"I…I tried too hard. I wanted a backup plan, you know? In case things didn't work out."

Demyx cocked his head to one side. "'Back up plan'? What do you mean?"

I sighed, "Between my music and normal courses, I just couldn't handle all the work. I have more classes than anyone else in the music department."

"Yeah, you're also better than everyone else."

"Tch, yeah. But none of that matters if I can't even keep up. I tried to do more than I am capable of."

Demyx stared at the sheets, and didn't look up when he said it. "You tried to, or your father made you?"

"Does it matter?" I clenched my fists on the covers. "Besides, I'm worthless without Ansem pushing me."

"Don't you dare think that!" I looked up, startled at Demyx's outburst. He climbed on top of the bed, straddling me over the covers and placing his hands against my chest, pushing me back against my pillows and the wall. "Don't you ever think that, okay? You don't need him. You never did."

"That's a lie."

He growled. "Damn it, Riku."

I didn't push him off of me, partly because I didn't have the energy to, and partly because I doubt he would have let me. So, instead, I just avoided looking in his eyes; which was a pretty tough feat considering he was up in my face and all. "You don't understand, Demyx, I need to be practicing a whole lot more than I am now. But I can't because, oh that's right, I have to eat and sleep and do other work."

He sighed. "Okay, so you're stressed. Fine, but you don't need Ansem as a cure for that. He couldn't help with this."

"He would have found a way."

"Listen to yourself, Riku. This isn't you. But whatever," Demyx slipped off the bed, "if you want to pity yourself, go right ahead."

"Thanks," I deadpanned as he closed my door. "I think I will."

~O~

"_I don't think I can do this."_

"_Yes you can."_

"_I'm capable, maybe, but this…this is too much. What should I do?"_

"_Riku, if you really wanted my advice, then I would be with you right now." Ansem's glowing eyes came into focus and his scent entranced me. We were in his room, lights out and after dark, but my night vision was quite sharp. He stared down at me, an amused smile tugging on his lips as he twirled my silver-white hair between his fingers._

"_You are with me right now, and I do need your advice."_

"_Hmm, Riku, you know this is just an illusion, right?"_

"_Is that what we were?"_

"_Clever, boy. In reality, you would never be the one saying that."_

"_No. That is true. I hated you."_

"'_Hated'?"_

"_I…" I tried to look away from him, but found myself caught in his gaze. "Now that you're gone, I find I need you."_

"_Not me, Riku."_

"_But-" he placed a finger over my mouth._

"_I left because you no longer needed me."_

"_You never gave me a chance to stop you."_

_Ansem closed his eyes and kissed the top of my head. "Riku, we both know you wouldn't have stopped me."_

_I sighed. "Yeah, I wouldn't have. So what now?"_

"_Now you say goodbye."_

"_Goodbye," I whispered._

"_Not just to me, Riku."_

"_I know."_

"_It doesn't have to be permanent."_

"_I know."_

"_Tell that boy, Demyx, he better take damn good care of you."_

_I grinned. "He will."_

"_And Riku?"_

"_Hn?"_

_Ansem leaned in even closer and placed his lips near my right ear. "I have a phone; you can reach me at any time." He whispered the number to me before he disappeared._

I awoke in the middle of the night, the same set of digits repeating over and over in my mind. The phone on the nightstand begged for my attention, and before I could stop myself, I was dialing the numbers. With every ring, my heart beat faster.

"Hello?"

~O~

I pushed my way through crowds of high schoolers, looking for Demyx. Their bell had rung, and I wanted to catch him before he was caught up in work. He was just outside his Economics class, when I found him. "Riku? Don't you have a lecture right now?"

"As much as I am impressed by your knowing my schedule—and that is a yes, I do have one right now—I ditched. Whatever; so I came to find you."

Demyx appeared slightly skeptical, as he looked sideways at me. "You 'came to find me'? That's a change. What for?"

I gave him a look that clearly stated it should be obvious why I was here. "Let's go."

He laughed a little. "I have class, as in, the one through this door."

I shrugged. "Come on, Demyx, ditch with me. You know you want to."

"Riku," he ran a hand through his hair, "everyone I know is in that class, and me not showing up is a bit suspicious."

"So, who cares?" I could tell he was about to speak again, so I cut him off before he had a chance. "I'm thinking of dropping out of the music program."

His mouth opened slightly, but he didn't say a word for a moment or two. "So, where are we going?"

I grinned. "Where else?"

It was not long before we were outside and underneath the shade of our normal tree. "You're really dropping it? Just like that?"

"Yeah." I was flat on my back, staring up at the blue sky through the branches. "Just like that."

"It was your life."

"I'm dropping out of the program, not music itself. I think I'll focus on the general education requirements for a bit. Plus the business and economics courses my father wanted me to take. For now anyway. Until I figure out if I can…get back into the music. If that's really worth it to me. I just, I don't know what I want right now."

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked over at me. "I think I get what you mean. And yeah, if you've lost the passion for it, well…better to take a break and see if it comes back I guess."

"Exactly."

"But…wasn't it the other stuff your dad um, suggested you take, the real problem? What if you dropped those other classes, Riku? I mean, ask anyone here and they'd tell you that you should be doing the music thing still."

"Because…" I sighed and stared at my hands. "Because maybe I am afraid I'm not good enough to make it with just the music." I closed my eyes. "Clearly my father doesn't think so…if he's so worried about making me double major to have a backup plan for it."

Demyx looked thoughtful, brow creased and as if he was chewing on his tongue. "Maybe he thought you could handle that much stress and only encouraged it because he has unbelievably high expectations? If he didn't think you could do it, he wouldn't have wanted you to continue the music to begin with, right? Or bothered with Ansem? Riku, Ansem is like the best violinist in the world basically, right? What do you think that makes you?"

"Not good enough," I muttered, pushing back the tears in my eyes with sheer willpower. "I just can't right now, Demyx. I'll practice if and only if I have time now…and if I want to."

"What about the band?"

"…Like I said, if I have time."

Demyx sighed, resigned to give up on the subject. "Anyway, what did your father say?"

"Nothing."

"Really?"

"He doesn't know."

He smiled sadly, "Of course he doesn't."

I frowned. "And what is that suppose to mean?"

"Riku, why did you drag me out of class to tell me this? Why did you ditch school? I mean, shouldn't this be something you discuss with Roxas? You're closer to him than you are to me."

"Demyx…I just needed a day to myself. You know? I didn't want to think about work or class or anything. I know that sounds stupid, considering our topic of discussion, but still. I just wanted…" I let out a breath.

"A 'day to yourself'?"

"Yeah."

He bit his lip. "Riku?"

"Yeah?"

"A 'day to yourself' includes me?"

Oh. I felt as if the air had been knocked out of my lungs. I did say 'a day to myself' didn't I? God, that's pretty close to a confession. When you want to be by yourself, you shouldn't have someone with you. Pretty obvious, right? It didn't even cross my mind. I wanted him with me. His presence just felt right.

"Riku?"

I can't answer; I can't even look at him. I know my face isn't flushed, but the heat in my cheeks is unbearable. Why do I want him around? Why do I…want him? I swallowed and pushed myself up off the grass. He got up, slowly, still waiting for some sort of response.

"My father is leaving on business this afternoon, so he won't be back tonight. Come by later." I said it without even looking at him, and then walked away, leaving him stunned.

I didn't glance back, but if I had, I would have noticed the almost fearful look in his eyes and the way he wrapped his arms around himself. We both knew I had no intention of talking anymore.

~O~

I was more than just nervous. A whole lot more. I don't know what I was thinking. I had nothing I wanted to say to him anymore. I just wanted him around. Maybe silence would be alright.

But who am I trying to kid? I know he likes me; I've known for a while, ever since he kissed me, which is sort of obvious. I tried to ignore it. I didn't want someone to care about me. Or maybe I did. Maybe I pushed him away the first time because I was afraid.

God, I am giving myself a headache. This circular way of thinking just plain sucks. I don't want commitment. I don't want people rolling their eyes and saying 'I told you so'. But I think I crave his affection. I like that he likes me, for no apparent reason too. Can't I have him without having to tell anyone or act like we're together? I don't want to hold his hand, or kiss him in public, or have people judging our relationship.

I want to take him when no one is watching. I mean that metaphorically. What I mean is, can't I just have him when I want him? Now I sound shallow.

What the fuck. I don't care if that comes across as uncaring or unfair. The fact of the matter is, even if I recognize it as shallow or hurtful, I still would rather fuck him at night and ignore him in the morning.

I don't want strings. The more strings, the more people can manipulate you like a lifeless puppet. If there are no strings, then people won't leave you. Then you can't be hurt when they do leave. Besides, it's no one's business what goes on behind other people's closed doors. The way I see it, everyone wins. And it's not like I would be forcing him into anything. Demyx can still say no.

You know what? I don't think I have anything to worry about after all.

~O~

_I was startled by the phone ringing. I had fallen asleep with my head on top of my textbooks and was a little disoriented. "This is Riku," I managed to say into the receiver, squinting my eyes as I flipped on a light; it must have gotten dark while I was unconscious._

"_Riku? It's Demyx."_

"_Oh, hey." I was still trying to wake up and probably came across as a little less than enthusiastic._

"_Um, do you still want me to come by?" He sounded nervous and probably misinterpreted my tone._

_I grinned a bit; his uneasiness was giving me confidence. "Do you want to come over?" I heard him take a breath. "Demyx?" I questioned again when I didn't get a reply. I hadn't heard him exhale and was partly fearful that he would stop breathing._

"_Yeah," he finally said, though he still sounded unsure. "When do you want me? Um, to come by I mean."_

_Oh Demyx, what a question. And I mean the first one. "How's now?"_

"_Now is…fine."_

"_Good. The door's unlocked; you can let yourself in. See you in a bit." I hung up the phone, still grinning and rather pleased with the situation. I wonder how far he would let me take things. I turned the light back off and walked over to the window. I stood there, staring into the night, my thoughts plagued with images of Demyx. I wondered briefly if I was becoming just like Ansem. But I'm not him, and I don't need to seduce Demyx. He was the one who tried to seek me out in the first place. If anything, it's his own fault that I now wanted him._

"_Riku?" Demyx called my name from the hallway. I must have stood at the window, spaced out, for a while because I didn't even hear him come in. He knocked on my door, and waited for a reply._

_I opened it part way and leaned against the frame. "Hey." He smiled, fidgeting a bit. I couldn't blame him for that. It was a little eerie, the two of us in a huge house with no lights on._

_I moved away from the door and he slipped through the opening before I closed it. "Riku-" he wore a look of concern that I didn't want to bother addressing. _

"_Don't talk." He closed his mouth and cast his gaze to the floor. "Don't look so worried, Demyx. It's not like we're going to do something you don't want to do," I whispered._

_He swallowed, and even in the dark I could see his cheeks flush. "I mean," I took a step closer to him and he backed against the door, "this is what you wanted, isn't it?" He didn't reply, but looked up at me as I brushed my hand across his jaw and tilted his head up with one finger under his chin. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing myself against him. _

_Demyx closed his eyes and finally spoke, "Whatever you want, Riku," he whispered and rested his head on my shoulder._

"_Do you really understand what you are saying?"_

"_I-"_

"_What if what I want is more than you are ready to give me?" He bit his lip and clung to my shirt with both hands. "I mean, I know you've had limited experience, and you must know I've had more experience than I probably wanted."_

"_What do you mean?" he looked at me, worriedly._

"_Well, uh, you must know that I slept with Ansem."_

"_I…I wasn't sure." For a moment I was afraid he'd started crying; he hadn't, but it was close. "I kind of hoped that wasn't the case. I probably knew you had, but convinced myself that maybe you wouldn't let it get that far."_

"_Of course I let it get that far."_

_He blinked curiously at. "Why?"_

"_Why what?"_

"_Riku, you didn't like him. You even made a point of telling everyone you didn't like guys. Why would you just let him?"_

_I sighed, thinking about it for a moment. "Maybe I just wanted someone to take control over me. I wanted to lose myself in something that my father couldn't take from me. Do you think less of me now?"_

_Demyx shook his head. "No, I don't," he hesitated, "and I still want to be here."_

"_Hmm, that's good, since I doubt I would have let you leave." I removed my arms from around his waist and placed them on both sides of him, pushing him back into the door, so he was pressed up against me. "So tell me, Demyx, what do you want?" And as I heard my voice, it sounded strangely like Ansem's_

"Riku?" My eyes snapped open and I looked blearily at Demyx. He had a hand on my back and was smiling tentatively at me. I was sitting at my desk. I guess I really had fallen asleep here. Internally, I sighed to myself…So it had just been a dream. But it had felt so real.

"I let myself in. Do you want me to get the light?" Demyx was still trying to get my attention.

I didn't respond, but stood up from my chair without taking my eyes off of him. Demyx looked up at me, becoming noticeably nervous, as I had yet to speak a word. But I was lost in my own thoughts, replaying the dream in my head. My subconscious had confirmed what I wanted. That was something that didn't need to be voiced.

I tangled one hand in his hair, while pulling him towards me. His mouth opened slightly, a little stunned by my actions, and his cheeks tinted a rosy color. Demyx hesitantly draped his arms around my waist; his eyes seemingly asking for permission. He let out shaky breaths as I leaned in close to him. After what felt like an eternity, my lips brushed against his. It's light and almost sweet. As the guy who felt strongly opinionated about what I wanted from him, I'm apparently having trouble with the follow through. Ansem and I weren't exactly gentle, so this was new. One step at a time then. We'll get there eventually.

I slipped my tongue through his lips and brushed it against the top of his mouth. Demyx pulled me closer to him, deciding to take charge of the situation. As we continued to kiss, his tongue now caressing mine, he moved us back until we hit the edge of my bed.

We broke apart, breathing heavily, our eyes fixed on one another. "You don't have to be careful with me, Riku. I trust you to stop if I say no."

"You sure?" I turned us, so that he was the one with the back of his knees pressed against my mattress, ready to fall with a single push.

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have come out here tonight." I placed my palms on his chest and applied a small amount of force on him so he fell back onto my bed. He scooted back, and I crawled on top of him, kissing the side of his neck underneath his jaw line. He let out a breath before switching our positions, so that he was the one hovering over me, kissing me deeply and grinning whenever a small sound escaped my lips. "I like you like this, Riku." He reached a hand down to find the zipper in my pants.

I laughed a little. "Didn't you like me before?" Gasping suddenly, I let out a shallow breath. My eyes closed and the heat on my skin became even more intense.

"Yeah, I did. But now I've seen the way you react to my every touch."

"Says the guy with his hand down my pants—oh, don't stop." My body arched against his.

"See, that's what I mean," he whispered.

"Ah, Demyx!" My heart was pounding and my fists were clenched on my sheets.

"I also like the throaty way you say my name." His other hand buried itself in my hair and I leaned forward to kiss him again. "Touch me, Riku," he all but begged.

"You don't even have to ask. I want to hear you gasping my name." I sat up, breathing heavily still, after Demyx had released me. Seeing Demyx all over-confident was quite the turn on.

"I've wanted you for so long," he admitted. He watched, with curious eyes, as I inched towards him. I pressed myself against him, pinning him down to the bed, before making a move for the buttons on his pants. I slid them down past his hips, Demyx barely moving a muscle as he anticipated what exactly I was going to do to him. I then smirked, gave him one last fleeting look to see his flushed face, and lower my head down towards his body.

It wasn't long before I got my wish, and my name was echoing off the walls.

~O~

"Hey," I took a seat in the vacant spot next to Roxas. Everyone else was already working on their breakfast in a rather somber mood. The only responses I got were scattered mumbles of 'yeah' and a couple nods.

We seem to be falling apart. Or maybe the right words were splitting apart. Mornings were the only time we're all in the same place. Hayner and Seifer usually spent their free time together. Marluxia was always trailing after Roxas, so none of us spent much time alone with either of them. And when we did, there was usually an air of tension surrounding them. Then there was Demyx and I, which reminded me of the fact that I hadn't looked his way once since I sat down. I mean, what do I say to him? I've never singled him out, and if I did that would be suspicious, right? People would wonder. I can't avoid him either. I sighed to myself: I just can't win, can I? I mean, god forbid someone might want to keep their relations secret.

His eyes were burning holes in my skin. What do you want me to say, Demyx? 'Hey, thanks for the hand job last night. We should do it again soon. Why don't we find an empty classroom at lunch and go for the gold this time?'

Yeah. That would go over well.

I glanced over at him and immediately regretted it. My gaze returned to my food, and I tried not to think about his intense eyes…or last night and the feeling of being pressed up against him. I swallowed and took a breath. Luckily, the bell rang and interrupted my torment. Demyx was the first to leave, and rather quickly too.

~O~

I didn't have class for a couple more hours, so I dropped my tray off and left the building. I think I'll just take a walk by the water and try to sort things out.

"Riku!" For a second, I imagined it was Demyx's voice calling me. But when I turned to look, it was only Roxas. "Hey, mind if I join you?"

"Shouldn't you get to class?" I shoved my hands in my pocket and slowed my pace.

He shrugged. "I told Marly I would just be a little late. Heh, and believe me…getting him to go to class without me was…difficult. And hey, don't be a hypocrite. You and Demyx aren't the only ones who can ditch. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you. 'Cause I'm worried about you guys."

"What do you mean?" I muttered.

"Come on, you may fool them, because honestly it's not that difficult, but you don't fool me. Something is going on between you two. Something has been going on. I'm not here to judge you, and I'm not going to tell anyone. I just thought you might like someone to talk to."

I huffed. "Yeah, that and you didn't want to go to your science class."

Roxas smirked. "Sure, but that's only an extra perk I get for taking the time to listen to a dear friend, who needs advice and guidance."

"Mh-hm, that's it."

He sighed. "I know I'm not exactly the best person to be giving out relationship advice…but really Riku, what's going on with you two?"

"I…I don't know."

"I mean, we all know he likes you. That's never been a secret. I sort of figured you two would eventually end up like Seifer and Hayner."

I laughed, somewhat dryly. "Yeah, but you forgot one thing."

"What's that?"

"I'm me. So of course everything has to be blown out of proportion and the little things matter a whole lot. Plus, my father can't have any idea."

"Sure, that's a given." The two of us took seats on a bench near the Administration office. "So are you saying something has actually happened between you two?"

"I've been aware of Demyx's feelings for a while, probably longer than I even realized. But it was only recently that I decided to act on them."

"Act on his feelings or yours?"

"I-" Roxas raised an eyebrow and I frowned. "I guess I kind of developed some sort of feeling toward him, but I'm not quite sure what it is."

"Lust?"

I gave him a half-lidded look. "It's not that. Not that there isn't…you know."

"I know."

"I don't know the details of it. Yesterday was just one of those days. I wasn't thinking straight, and I was stressed by things, and it sort of led to…well, to me and Demyx alone in my room and…I think my reaction would have been different if it had been sex, but it wasn't."

"So you guys got close, but not that close."

"Yeah, and I don't know what to do about it. If I'm honest, I know I want more. But I don't want to act all couple-like or be all couple-like." I stood and glanced back at Roxas. "But I think I'm coming off as a little insensitive. Which I thought wouldn't bother me, but it does."

Roxas leaned his elbows on his knees. "So you haven't spoken to him since?"

"Not like I got a chance."

"Well," he stood up beside me suddenly, and gave me a look that seemed to be saying that I was ridiculous. "I think you should probably just lay out the rules with him. Explain that this is just casual and nobody's business."

"That's what I plan to do."

"And Riku."

"Yeah?"

"Try not to hurt him, because I think you actually might like him. If you didn't, you wouldn't care that much."

I folded my arms, skeptical. "We'll see about that one."

"We certainly will."

"Thanks for listening."

"Don't really need to thank me, Riku. Friends are supposed to."

I shrugged. "Just sort of felt like I should. So…how are you and Marluxia?"

"God, don't get me started."

~O~

Demyx slipped into my room, silently. He glanced around before his eyes rested on mine. "Riku, I think we-" I stopped him mid-sentence, capturing his lips with mine and pressing him back against the wall. He gripped my sides, bringing me even closer to him, and deepened the kiss by sliding his tongue into my mouth. We didn't break apart until we both needed to breathe. "So much for talking," he said between breaths.

"That's not what you really came over here for anyway."

"Actually, this time it was. Not that I'm complaining though. Where's your dad?"

I closed my eyes, smiling slightly. "At some meeting with some teachers. I didn't really ask. Point is: he's not here," I reached for his pants' zipper, "but you are."

Demyx's cheeks flushed. "Yeah, I am, but Riku-"

"We can talk later."

"That's probably not the best idea."

"So what," I muttered, dragging a hand through my hair, "there'll be plenty of time to talk."

"Hm, yeah you're right, I suppose." He leaned his head against my shoulder, deciding to give into the moment.

I want to just stay like this: close to him, without having to worry about being interrupted or discovered. This need I have to be near him, I may not fully understand it but I can't help but like it. Just knowing he's here for me. It's like he was created just for me. I don't want to share him. I want to hold him to me and feel his skin against mine; listen to the soft sound of his heartbeat; trace the features of his face with my fingers. I want all that, but at the same time I want to run from him and hide out someplace where no one can find me. I don't think I am ready to admit to the world that this is me. I know I'm not as perfect as I would like to be…or as my father would like me to be. Maybe…maybe what I'm really afraid of—the thing that scares me most—is disappointing him. With everything I do, I'm looking for my father's approval. He's going to be heartbroken when he finds out that I'm leaving the music program. It'll kill him if he finds out his son is…is with another guy.

Demyx must have sensed my inner-turmoil. That or he saw that I was on the verge of crying…on the inside of course. In the end, we ended up on my bed, tenderly kissing one another. This was one moment that we needed: just to be together. Nothing more.

It would have been nice if that was the end of this scene; if I could say we never ended up having that talk. But we did, and boy did it kill my mood. Demyx was rather upset by it too.

We were still kissing when my father got home. I heard him in the hallway before he came to check in with me, and by that time Demyx and I were an appropriate distance apart from one another.

My father, by merely interrupting us, had given Demyx an opening. The second he left, I knew Demyx would start in on me. This time, I had no way of stalling him. "Riku, I don't want to go another day with you avoiding me."

"Sorry, I just didn't know how to act around you."

"Well, normal would have been nice."

I sighed and collapsed in my desk chair. "Yeah, but what is normal now anyway?"

He looked hopefully at me. "Us. That's become normal, hasn't it?"

"Not around other people."

"Well why not?"

"I just don't want that, Demyx. You should know that better than anyone." I refused to meet his gaze.

He folded his arms and frowned at me. "That's one nastily dark closet you've got yourself locked in."

I turned back to look at him. "That's got nothing to do with it."

"No?"

"For your information, no it doesn't. I'd just rather not get my father involved."

"So you want to hide who you really are for the rest of your life?"

"Doubt my father will live for the rest of my life. But knowing him, he just might to spite me," I muttered.

Demyx hesitantly moved towards me, one small step at a time. He reached out and grabbed one of my hands, squeezing it slightly. "Why are you so afraid of him?"

"I'm not." I glanced at him, and then stared at the floor. "Besides, what makes you think this has anything to do with him? Has it even occurred to you that maybe I don't want a relationship? Maybe I just want something casual."

He dropped my hand, flinching a bit, and took a step backwards. "'Casual'? I don't want 'casual,' Riku. I want it all. I want the handholding. I want to be able to sit next to you at lunch without anyone thinking that it's weird. I want to be close to you outside of these walls. I'm sorry, but casual just won't cut it. If you don't want to tell your father, fine then. That's your deal. But your friends?"

"Demyx-"

"And what makes you think I would possibly consider 'something casual'? I'm not going to just sleep with you. Not like that."

I tried to cut in, "I never thought-"

He looked affronted. "Then what did you think? Riku, I may want you more than anything, but I won't sneak around with you. I just don't know how to fight you, to show you what I mean, or to get my point across. I've never really been good at that. Whenever I've tried to convince you with my words, I always fall flat. You beat me every time, Riku. I guess right now, I just don't have the energy to fight you like this anymore." Demyx cast his eyes to the floor, but I could still see the tears falling from them. "Walking out of here will be the hardest thing I've ever done." He swiftly turned on heel, glancing back at me once before he opened my door. "If you change your mind, you know where I'll be." He exited my room, softly closing the door behind him so that it barely creaked. But to my ears, it was the loudest slam in the world.

I banged my fist against the wall. "Damn it."

"Are you going to just let him walk out on you? And here I thought I knew you better than that."

My blood turned to ice, as I slowly turned towards the voice. "Ansem." There he was, leaning against my door, grinning. He slipped silently into my room like usual. This time, I was certain he wasn't a dream. "What are you doing here?"

He stepped towards me. "Now really, is that how you greet an old friend? What, am I not allowed to visit?"

I backed up, stumbling into my chair. "Don't come any closer."

Ansem stopped and put his hands up, in a surrendering fashion. "I understand. I'll keep my distance. We are a bit of a danger for each other, aren't we?"

"'We'?"

He shrugged. "You really don't know what you do to me, do you Riku? I almost didn't come, but I kept thinking of our last conversation."

My eyes narrowed. "A moment of weakness on my part, I'll admit. Bet my dad's thrilled to see you."

"Ever so, but you should be too."

"I should be what?"

"Thankful. Because I'm going to tell you something, Riku, and you better listen carefully. If you do not go after him, you will end up regretting it. I'm not just saying it either. I gave you up so you could be with that boy; don't go making me want to take back that decision. Get over yourself for once, Riku, and go get him back. Do you hear me?"

It took me a moment to realize he was right. A moment in which I tried to not only comprehend that Ansem was actually here, but that he was telling me to go after Demyx. _He_ was telling me to go after Demyx? In my mind's eye, I saw Demyx all over again. Pain stricken, tears caressing his cheeks, and his head bowed. There was a pang in my chest. I was hurting him. I had been hurting him for a while, without even realizing it. I was being stupid, and selfish, and letting my own fears get in the way of the first shot of happiness I'd been given in…well, forever.

I looked up at Ansem with comprehension. I would have stopped to ask him about why it was it took one look at _him_ to show me all of that, but I decided I'd rather not waste anymore time.

He nodded and I offered him a small but grateful smile while moving around him towards the door. I glanced back to see he was still watching me. "Will you be here when I return?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'd like it if you were there when I tell my father about-"

"I'll be there."

"And one more thing."

He smiled. "What's that?"

"I don't need you anymore."

"I know, Riku. I know."

~O~

I stood at his doorway, trying to collect my thoughts. My nerves weren't quite sure this was the best idea, but I had to do it. Through the walls, I could hear Demyx and his roommate talking. Even at this close distance, I felt utterly separated from him. I wanted to be the one there next to him.

Much to my surprise, I saw my hand ball into a fist and knock on his door. The chatter stopped and for a second there was no sound. Then I heard footsteps and I let out the breath I had been holding.

His bright eyes lit up the moment he saw me. "Riku. What are you doing here?"

Like he doesn't know. But after what I'd put him through, I guess he was going to make me say it. "Can I come in?"

He stepped aside and I entered the space, momentarily glancing at Zexion, who half-smiled at me. Demyx stood next to me, anticipating my next words. "You said you wanted it all, and I know I said…well, it didn't exactly…What I'm trying to say is, that you should disregard what I mentioned earlier because I think I want it all as well."

"Riku." He barely said my name before he threw himself at me.

Demyx kissed me hard, right there in the middle of his dorm room. Neither one of us heard the 'thud' of a book dropping to the floor, or noticed his roommate slink out of the doorway. We were too caught up in each other, which was normally the case after all.

Just being near him, I could already feel some of my fear melt away.

~end chapter seven

N/A2: Uh…so I don't have anything to say for once (yet I'm still doing it.) Next chapter, Axel.


	16. Part 2, Chapter 8, Axel's Chapter One

A/N: Hey all, sorry it's been a while since I posted anything. Life gets crazy busy like that. Ha. So, here's chapter eight of part 2. In which we realize Axel has other friends? *le gasp* Shocker, I know. Right?

~O~

Chapter Eight; Axel's Chapter One: Only A Matter of Time

~O~

'_Because a part of me still wants you.'_

It was all I could think about, and it was driving me mad. I know this was mostly my fault. I was upset and I let that guy get to me. And now, I was just going to have to get even and take Roxas back. But I'm not out for vengeance or anything. I stick by what I said: they shouldn't be together. And I wasn't just saying it because I wanted some reason to justify my role in breaking them up.

But hey, that part wouldn't suck.

I was sitting under a tree, some distance away from the two of them. I swear I'm not stalking them or something. I can't help it if we are out here at the exact same time. Coincidence? I grinned. Surely it was. But enough of this talking to myself. Or thinking…which I guess is like talking to myself. Ugh, what the hell. Shut up, mind.

I shook my head and stood, taking a deep breath. I knew thinking would only get me so far with the two of them. Action was our only true language. It was time I tried to really confront them and make them listen. This wasn't just for me, to get Roxas to come back to me. It was also for him. For Marluxia as well. In all honesty, I felt sorry for him. Or perhaps I was just deluding myself further; convincing myself that what _I _wanted was what was best. Because it wouldn't have been the first time I'd done that much.

"What do you want, Axel?" Roxas didn't even bother looking my direction as I approached them. At this point, it had become rather routine.

"Do you really have to ask him that?" Marly questioned. He does have a point. "So which speech will it be today?" He looked up at me, eyebrows raised. "Will it be the 'it's best for both your mental health sakes', or the 'I'm fated to be with him' one, or maybe the current favorite of 'Marly is such a bad person to be around, I'm better than him.'? Really man, you need to get some new material."

I shrugged. "Sorry, my writer went on strike, so it's been a tough week. But hey, I did have this wacky idea that I would use my own stuff for the time being. So can I speak to you alone?"

He glanced at Roxas. "That really is a new one. Personally, I think he's lost it." Marluxia looked back at me. "I think you're the unstable one that needs to stay away from Roxas. And I've said all I need to say to you."

"Great, I'll just stand here until you feel like talking to me." His jabs weren't about to get to me.

Roxas rolled his eyes, but I noticed a small smile. "Just get it over with, Marly."

He frowned, but stood up. "Fine. If it'll make you happy. I guess there's no harm in it." We moved out of ear-shot of Roxas before he spoke again. "Now what is it?"

"Do you think you could maybe stop following him everywhere like a puppy dog?"

Marly's eyes narrowed. "Insulting me will get you nowhere."

I groaned. "Yeah, obviously. Look, Roxas was my friend before we were anything. Okay, technically we were together, but we only really acted as friends. All I'm asking is that you at least give us some unsupervised time together." I looked into Marluxia's eyes, unsettling him a bit. "You of all people should know what it's like to miss him."

He sighed and folded his arms, looking at his boyfriend in contemplation. "Sure I understand, but leaving you alone with him is not an option."

I placed my hands on my hips, smirking. "What, don't you trust him? Aren't things between you two just perfect as can be, or are you hanging on a thread because he may really leave you at any minute?"

"We're just fine!" he snapped, looking back at me. And that's when I knew: got you. My expressions remained the same, but on the inside, I was grinning gleefully. Marluxia had exposed the crack.

I huffed, backing up several feet, my hands in the air. "Okay, if you say so. Then it should be no problem."

Marluxia's right eye twitched for a moment. He knew he was caught. If he refused my request, it would mean admitting he didn't have faith in their relationship. And that wasn't something he couldn't do in front of me. Therefore he was left with one option. Appear as if he trusted Roxas whole heartedly. "Fine. But if he returns to me emotionally scarred, then I won't ever let you near him again."

"Gee, thanks." Emotionally scarred? Yeah, like I'm the one who could emotionally scar him.

Roxas was surprised when I returned to him without his boyfriend in tow. "Wow, I'm impressed. What'd you do?"

I sat down causally beside him. "I do believe there was a time when I told him I would use his weakness against him," I said, offhandedly.

My blond friend nodded. "Yeah, I think you did. So what was it? How did you threaten him to allow you some time with me?"

"I didn't threaten him. You aren't good for threats."

"Me?"

"Yeah you: his weakness."

Roxas looked away from me and stared at his hands, almost sad. "How did you use me to get to him, then?"

"Really wasn't that difficult. I challenged his trusting you. But first I got him to sympathize with my need to see you, since I miss you as a friend."

"'As a friend' huh? I guess we were friends. We weren't more than that 'till the end."

"Mm, actually, that last bit isn't so true. We were more not too long ago, or don't you remember?"

His eyes widened. "Axel! Shush. Please." He glanced around, frantically.

I laughed dryly. "Don't worry, Blondie, since I am such a nice person, I won't go around mentioning it in public. So I take it you never told him."

Roxas paled. "No. I didn't. Besides, there really was nothing to tell."

"Then don't get worked up over it."

"Fine. I won't." He wouldn't look at me, and I was dying to remind him of the one line that'd been dancing around my head for far too long. But he was faster. "Got your lighter?"

I blinked in surprise. "Huh?"

He finally looked my way. "Your lighter. I feel like setting something on fire."

"Aww, that's almost cute."

"You 'aww' at my want of destruction? You really are a psycho."

"Then we really are a perfect match." He glared. "No, I'm just commenting on how my presence makes you want to lash out. It's almost flattering. Possibly defensive?"

"That's not it," he muttered.

"No, or were you really being metaphorical? Because if you want to set something on fire-"

"Okay, Okay!" he cut me off, putting a hand over my mouth. "No more." I was cackling to myself, pleased to see he was flushed in the face. Then I realized his hand still hadn't moved, and really, it was too tempting. I licked his palm. "Ew, Axel. Come on." He made a sound of disgust and wiped his hand against his jeans. "Why would you do that?"

I shrugged. "Why wouldn't I? It was right there, calling to me. Besides," I leaned in closer to him, whispering, "A part of me still wants you."

I could visibly see him go limp and pale again. "Axel…" I brought a hand to rest on the side of his face, and moved closer towards him, resting my chin on the top of his head. "We're out in the open, anyone could just walk by. Marly could show up. Do you expect him to honestly leave us alone?"

"Roxas, there's nothing wrong with what we're doing."

"So then, why does it feel like it? Why is it, whenever you are close to me, I feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing? If this is nothing," he rested his head against my chest, "then why do I feel guilty?"

"Because it could be more; because it has lead to more; because you let it become more. Roxas, I want to be with you. That's never been a question. And I think we both know that you want to be with me."

"But Marly." He clutched at my shirt and I wrapped my arms around his slighter form, trying to ignore the part of my mind that was telling me that right now, I was no better than Marluxia. I was being just as manipulative. And I was putting the one I cared about in unnecessary amounts of pain. But I ignored that little voice, like I usually did. Because I honestly believed that Roxas would be far better off with the likes of me, than with Marluxia. And when it comes down to it, my rash self tends to win any internal battles.

I clutched Roxas to me. "Marluxia. Even when he wasn't here, he was the one thing between us. Yes, before there were other variables, but right now he is still the one thing in our way."

"I do love him. In some way, I know that's true. It will always be true. But…sometimes that isn't enough." I felt wetness on my shirt, and knew he was crying. "I don't think I can leave him. I'm not ready to. I don't know if I ever will be."

"You're using him like a crutch. But you need to mend what's broken so you can live your life. Not continue like this, like you're on hold. I think, a good relationship should help to bring out the best in people. That the people involved in it grow from it. They support each other. Can you honestly tell me that you and Marluxia are growing as people from this?"

"I…I don't know. How can I know? I mean, I'm sure you're right about, well, everything. But I don't know what I should do. It's been difficult, but I want to try to really think about what the best thing for all of us is. So please, just don't give up on me," he whispered through tears.

I tightened my embrace around him, and closed my eyes. It wouldn't have been fair to push him any further. "It's a promise," I told him, kissing his hair as I did so. "I'm not about to give up on you, Blondie. You know me, stubborn. I give my all to whatever crusade I'm on. Recklessly or not." He laughed lightly against my chest, my heart feeling all the lighter with relief by the sound of it. After a moment, I let him go and he brushed the wetness from his face, trying to smile. "Hey, if he sees you like this, he'll hunt me down and skin me."

Roxas laughed a little more. "Yeah, you're probably right." He took a deep breath. "Okay, I think I'll be alright."

"Good."

"Axel, do you think you could put your crusade on hold for a while. Let me think things through for a couple days before I have you listing all the reasons why I should break up with him."

"Of course. I may even give you more than a few days."

He stood and looked down at me, as I made no motion to move. "And one more thing. Let me come to you next time. I've done it before, so you know I will. I have to do this on my own time."

"You really love him."

"Yeah, in some weird form, I do. Not the traditional hearts and flowers way, but it's there. So this is hard. But I think I'm starting to get why we can't have that." He shrugged and looked away.

"So, until next time."

"Yeah. I'll find you."

I clutched at my red hair with one hand. I knew if I stood up, I wouldn't have been able to just let him walk away from me. I would have held on for dear life. What is it about this kid that makes me crazy?

~O~

"Sora?"

The younger boy blinked and looked up at me. "Huh?"

I took a seat next to him on the train. "What are you doing? You seem out of it."

He sighed and grabbed the edge of his seat. "Nothing. I've just been sitting here, thinking."

I glanced up and down at the empty seats of the train. "You've been sitting alone in the train? What about your friends, I'm sure they're more interesting."

"Yeah, I know. I got on in the intention of returning to the dorms, but when the stop came up, I couldn't do it. I'm…I don't know. Normally, I would stay in Mr. Leonhart's classroom, but he has some meeting, so I can't be there. Then, I just didn't feel like bothering Zexion or Aqua. They're probably used to their routine, and I don't want to get in their way." He glanced at me. "I'm having an off day is all."

I smiled, sympathetically. "Yeah, I've had my fair share of those too."

Sora blinked rapidly then turned toward me. "Oh. How is that going, by the way? I barely see Roxas enough to get a grasp on his relationship issues, let alone ask about them."

I shook my head, amazed. "How do you do that?"

He tilted his head, curiously. "Do what?"

"One minute you're moping, looking all depressed, and the next you're all alert and fine again."

"Heh, practice. You may not believe this, but Roxas and I used to have quite the cheery attitude towards life." Sora bit his lip. "He sort of lost that, but I think he's doing better now. And me, I…I want that happiness again, but," his face contorted, "some days, these feelings I have really eat at me." He clutched at his chest but smiled at me. "But you've distracted me. Look at that, I asked you how things were going for you, and see where we ended up?"

I grinned and placed my hands behind my head. "Yeah, I see it. Well, things are turning around."

Sora pulled his legs up underneath him and gave me his full attention. "Really? You think you two will work things out?"

"Yeah, I think it's only a matter of time." He looked somewhat relieved. "Now what was it you were talking about? Your 'feelings'?"

His face fell. "Oh, you weren't supposed to ask me about that. Gee Axel; I was depending on you to be self-centered and only concerned with your issues."

I raised an eyebrow. "Sorry to disappoint. I'll work on that. Now out with it."

He slid his legs off the seat and returned to his earlier position of staring out the glass windows of the train. "I can't. Not specifically."

"Okay, un-specifically then."

"Well," he chewed on the inside of his cheek, "I've liked this guy for a while. But it couldn't possibly work out. Not that he doesn't feel for me, because I think he does, but…neither one of us has made any sort of acknowledgement of it. We act like nothing's going on. And it hurts. That is, when I dwell on it. The more time I spend around him, the more I feel like, like that happy-go-lucky kid I used to be. And then I'll remember that nothing's happening. And there's the hurt again. It's an endless cycle."

"You're waiting for him to make the first move?"

"Mm-hm. I guess so. He has…I should say experience; I would say more experience, but that would imply that I have experience, when I don't."

"Older?"

"Huh?"

"He's older?" Sora nodded. "What is it with you and your brother liking older guys?"

His eyes narrowed. "It's not like I'm doing it on purpose."

"Is it Riku?"

"No," he looked a little offended, "I'm not going to tell you anyway."

"Do I know him?"

He shrugged. "I don't know…so are you going to give me any advice?"

I laughed. "You want advice from me? You do know who you are talking to, right? Hmm, well okay, you asked for it."

"Okay, go on."

"Seduce him," I grinned, "besides that, I've got nothing."

"S-seduce him? Are you crazy?"

"Quite possibly. It is a good idea. Play up your innocence in blatantly sexual ways. Like innuendos or something. It'll drive him wild, trust me."

Sora looked mildly disgusted. "I'm not looking to become his sex-toy. I want a relationship."

"Suit yourself."

He folded his arms and narrowed his eyes at me, reminding me a lot of his brother by the look he was giving me. "Were you by chance speaking from experience? Because you sounded like it, and that can't be right. Aren't you mister moral and proper? At least you were with my brother. And I don't think that's the strategy you're using on him right now."

"Look, I was trying to keep it innocent with your brother for so many reasons, none of which I wish to get into with you right now. And yes, there is a chance that I was speaking from experience. My first time was with a guy who was a whole lot older than I was. But I was asking for it. Once, before we got together, I did this trick with a banana that-"

"Okay, no more!" He covered his ears. After he was sure I was done speaking, he removed his hands. "I'm not looking to seduce him, honestly."

I shrugged. "Alright."

"Do you regret it, your first time with that older guy?"

I shook my head. "No. It was still a bit awkward, but less so because he was guiding me." Sora had his hands folded tightly in his lap. "Why do you ask, does it scare you?"

"I…no, it's not really that. I just don't really want to," he blushed, "disappoint."

"I wouldn't worry about that. My lack of experience was a total turn on for this guy."

He half-closed his eyes. "Again, too much information."

~O~

"Ah-mph!" I was startled when someone grabbed my arms from behind and held them tightly together, while another person covered my mouth with his hand. What is it with people putting their hands over my mouth?

My blue-haired captor grinned. "Axel, if we have to kidnap you in order to have you spend time with us, then we are more than prepared to do so."

"Saix, why don't you let him speak?"

"Sure, sure." He removed his hand.

"Great, guys. Go ahead and kidnap me. Where would you take me anyway? So if you don't mind," I struggled, but Xemnas tightened his hold on me, "can you let me go? I swear I'm not going to run off." He reluctantly released me. I turned and glared at him. "Ouch, by the way." I rubbed at my wrists. My silver-haired and orange-eyed friend shrugged, ambivalent about the pain he caused me.

Saix studied me for a moment. "So you aren't running off again to tail that high schooler you're obsessed with?"

"I'm not obsessed," I murmured, receiving eye rolls from my friends, "and no I'm not. I'm giving him space."

"Like you gave us space?" Xemnas glowered.

"Hey, don't talk to me about space. You two were the ones who left me last year for an entire semester for your stupid abroad program."

"Gee, how do you really feel about it?" Saix muttered.

Xemnas folded his arms, scrutinizing me. "Yes, beginning to regret that. If we hadn't left, maybe you wouldn't have gotten so desperate as to go after some kid."

"Desperate's got nothing to do with it." I continued walking towards the Arcade, which had been my destination before they jumped me. They followed on either side of me. "Besides, you would have left anyway, just to spite your brother."

"That's completely beside the point," Xemnas pouted, "he had nothing to do with-"

"Yeah right, the second you hear that the Headmaster had invited Ansem here, you suddenly were looking at abroad programs."

"Well he's not wrong," Saix interjected, earning a glare from his boyfriend. "But you could have come with us."

"No way," I sighed, "besides, it wouldn't have changed anything. I know he and I are fated somehow. I feel it."

They looked at each other, concerned by my statement. "Uh sure, if you say so."

"So where are we going?" Xemnas grumbled.

"The Arcade."

"Any particular reason why?" Saix questioned.

"No, not really. Just got bored," I shrugged, "anyway, you two will be able to get in some people-watching and mocking."

"Ah, my favorite sport," my silver-haired friend grinned. "I do hope there are a few freshmen running around in there. They are the most entertaining."

"They're almost as laughable as Axel in the bowling alley."

I glowered at them. "I've gotten better. I don't even use those bumper things anymore."

"Yeah, that's real improvement," Saix said to me, as he held the door of the gaming section open for us.

"Oh perfect," we heard Xemnas say, as he entered first, "there are some small kids on the DDR machine."

"Are they any good?" I followed him in, realizing it was an unnecessary question.

"Nope," he grinned.

We took over a table in one corner of the game room. It was a prime spot if you wanted to be able to see everything around you. My two friends jumped right into mocking the kids on the DDR machine. It became quite a story. They made up names for the guys and in the end, when the kids couldn't take their defeats anymore, they were almost sad to see them go.

"I'm fucking tired of this," I said, startling them.

"Tired of what?"

"Tired of trying to be the nice one all the time, and doing what is right. Why can't I do what I want, fuck ethics, and not be bothered by anyone?" I laid my head on the table, feeling tired and snappish.

"This kid must really mean something to you." Xemnas put a hand on my back, sympathetically. "And you're not that nice. Believe me."

"Damn right about that," Saix muttered. "You hid my laptop from me for a week last year."

I grinned. "Oh yeah. I remember that."

"It wasn't funny."

"No, what wasn't funny were those nude photos that-"

"'Nude photos'?" I lifted my head slowly to see Roxas behind Xemnas's chair. "Hey Axel. I saw you so I thought I'd say hi. Didn't expect to hear something about naked people."

"Are you that kid?" Saix interjected.

Roxas stared at him. "Uh, I'm Roxas, and by 'kid' if you mean the one that Axel likes to stalk, then yes, I'm that kid."

"I don't stalk you."

"Yes you do," the other three said simultaneously, and then grinned at one another.

"So who were these nude photos of?"

"Axel," Xemnas told him, now more interested in Roxas than the guy he had been watching fail at a racing game.

"Thanks," I glared, "not that it really matters. I had Saix delete them on his computer eventually."

"Aw, is it really that bad?" Roxas asked with mock concern.

"Of course not," I shot back, "why do you think they wanted pictures?"

"Then why delete them?"

Saix and Xemnas looked at me, waiting for another witty reply. I sort of blanked for a second, before grinning. "Why do you ask? If you're really that interested then I can just show you."

"Are you really that easy?" I heard Saix snort at Roxas's comment.

"If I was, you would already know the answer to that question." I leaned across the table, closer to the three of them, "So tell me, Blondie, are you dying to see if I'm as good as you dream me to be?"

He crouched down, opposite me at the table, and pressed his arms against the plastic surface. "Only in your dreams, but then again, you already knew that didn't you?"

"Hey, if you two want to take this outside, we will more than understand," Xemnas cut in.

"I'm game if you are," Roxas answered.

"Oh, I'm always up for it."

"I know," he smirked. "It was nice to meet you two."

Saix nodded, "Yeah, and I've got to say, you're a hell of a lot better than I imagined you to be."

He smiled. "Hey, so were you. In fact, I didn't know he had any friends, so if you two had been imaginary I probably would have said the same thing."

I rolled my eyes, "Fuck you, Blondie," and dragged him outside.

"Hey, all you had to do was ask." We got a few feet away from the building when he suddenly stopped smiling. "Why didn't you tell me about them? In fact, why don't you tell me about them now, as I still have no idea who they are. They are your friends, right? Because I honestly thought you were some kind of loner."

"I never felt it was necessary to tell you about my friends—yes, they are my friends. The blue-haired one is Saix, the other is Xemnas. They're college seniors like me."

"So why haven't I seen them before?"

"They were in an abroad program the semester you came to the school."

"Okay, but that doesn't explain why I haven't seen them once this year."

"Why are you so stuck on this? I wasn't purposely hiding them away from you. I've just been spending most of my time trying to be near you, and that wasn't their idea of fun."

"Can't blame them for that," he sighed.

"Hey," I ran a hand through his hair, letting it rest on the back of his head. Roxas looked up at me, locking our eyes. "Why are you upset?"

"I…I'm not upset. It's just," he frowned slightly, "I kind of was afraid you were going to be like Marly, and that I was the only real thing in your life. Now I find out you aren't just holding onto me, and it's like you're more real. I don't want your life to revolve around me."

"I really should pay attention to my own actions, shouldn't I?" I shook my head, realizing how ridiculous I must have seemed. "I've been going on about you and Marluxia, when here I am, trailing after you the exact same way. I'm sorry. I'll stop doing that." I let go of him and dropped my hand to his shoulder. "Speaking of Marluxia, where is he?"

"Oh," Roxas shrugged, unconcerned, "he's-"

"Right here."

The two of us froze, our eyes widening as we took them off of one another to look at Marly, who was a couple feet behind Roxas. How I had missed his appearance, I don't even know. I realized then, that I was still touching Roxas, and took my hand off his shoulder. "Marluxia, I don't know what this looks like to you, but we were just talking."

He smiled coldly. "Sure."

"Honestly, Marly, we were actually just talking about you." Roxas watched him uneasily.

"Yeah, I caught that part."

"So we're okay? No misunderstandings?"

"You say nothing happened, well you didn't exactly say it, but if that's it then why shouldn't we be okay?"

Roxas stepped towards him, taking him by the wrist. "Don't do that. Don't get angry and silently fume."

"Don't try to tell me how I'm feeling."

"Okay, fine. You look upset, and I swear there is nothing to get upset about."

"Hey you two, we got bored and—oh, you've multiplied." Xemnas stared at Marluxia. "And who are you?" Saix elbowed him, and jerked his head in Roxas's direction. "Oh, never mind."

Saix hung onto one of my arms all of a sudden. "Let's get out of here. We can torture you in our room, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I muttered, not really hearing what they were saying as they dragged me in the opposite direction of Roxas.

"Hey, you mean that?" I said 'whatever' and glanced back to see Roxas and Marluxia walking towards the nearest train stop. "You hear that, Xemny? Axel's going to let us torture him."

"That should be entertaining." I tuned out their chatter, thinking of my blond friend and worrying about how I had just left him there. Something about the looking Marluxia had in his eyes had made me anxious. I had to snap myself out of it. Soon I'd get Roxas away from him. Only a matter of time, right?

~O~

"Axel, hey. Roxas will be out in a bit," Riku muttered to me, as he and the rest of their band exited from the main entrance of the Stadium. Roxas had mentioned it, when he had seen me earlier that day, that they were having an impromptu band meeting. We didn't speak any more than that, as Marluxia had then appeared. I had it in my mind that perhaps he wasn't telling me about it just in passing, but that it was significant. Or at least, that's what it sounded like. Maybe it was the only time he'd have away from Marluxia?

I'd still been giving him space, but I wanted to be here to ask him how it was going, especially if he had been trying to give me a coded message by mentioning it. It was that, or I was completely reading into the whole thing. I knew that he band had been on hold for a while. Roxas may have only mentioned it because it was something news worthy in his life that he wanted to share with me.

After waiting a couple minutes, I decided to go inside, trying to see what the holdup was. I barely made it two feet before I stopped. I had just walked in on an argument between Roxas and Marluxia, who had probably gone with him to the meeting. I should have seen that one coming.

I took silent steps backwards and exited the room. But don't think I did so to give them privacy. Just the opposite. Instead, I headed towards the backstage entrance. It was my intention to eavesdrop without being seen.

The door was unlocked and I slipped inside. I could hear their voices more clearly, as they were on the stage and I was merely curtains away from them. But from where I was, it no longer sounded like an argument.

It was the sound of laughter. Had I misinterpreted their wild hand gestures and stalking around the stage? Apparently I had. I peered out from behind the curtains, and saw Marluxia shaking a laughing Roxas.

"Snap out of it, you're having a fit or something." Marly looked rather concerned.

"No fit, just, I remembered this image of myself."

"I don't think you're that funny looking."

"Ha—hey! What'd you say that for?" He stopped and pouted. Marluxia shrugged. "Heh, no really, I just remembered me thinking of this image of me all dressed up in this pink-frilly number. Whoa, that was insane, I'll tell you."

Marluxia moved closer and slipped his arms around Roxas's waist. "Hmm, I like the sound of this. You know, if you wanted to re-enact it for me, I wouldn't say no."

"Of course you wouldn't. But it kind of would suit you best. That's why I was laughing, you know, because you called me a 'princess'-"

Marly rolled his eyes. "Not the effect I was after."

"Won't make that mistake again." They were silent, as Marluxia pressed his forehead against Roxas's. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah," Roxas whispered, "I know. You don't have to say it. I feel it."

"Still, even with those feelings, I get scared that every day is just one step away from losing you."

"I'm here, Marly. Does it look like you've lost me?"

Marluxia closed his eyes. "There's something about this place. This island. It's like something surreal is in control and the supernatural is only inches away."

"You think it's destiny?"

"Maybe there's something to the school's name after all."

Roxas laughed a bit. "You don't believe in that sort of stuff."

"Exactly. But being here, I've started to think about things I would never have given the time to consider before now." He let go of Roxas and stared down at him. "Maybe I found you that day for a reason."

"Who knows," he shrugged.

"Sorry, I know you hate to think about it."

"Not as much as you do," Roxas muttered. "So you really think this island is doing something to our minds?"

Marluxia wrapped his arms around himself. "It feels like it, but I hate the thought, because if that is the case, I might really lose you."

Roxas cocked his head to one side. "What do you mean?"

"I mean Axel. He's been saying from the get-go that you two are fated."

The side of Roxas's mouth twitched, almost into a half-smile. "Now I know you can't believe that. Axel…he's just saying that to psych you out."

"Maybe so, but it's working."

"Marly," Roxas moved towards him and took a hold of his hands, "even if it's true, you will never lose me. In one sense or the other."

"You mean friends. But I don't want your friendship."

"You say that now."

"I don't think I'll ever find someone else that I want to be with as much as you."

"Come on, you used to hate me, so-"

"Anything is possible."

I seemed to suddenly remember myself. I had been so taken in by their interaction that all sense of self drifted away. But standing there, watching as Roxas slowly reached up on tiptoes to press his mouth against Marluxia's, I suddenly felt a sort of sickness. Not disgust, but helplessness that there really was no way between them. And after seeing how they acted alone, I wasn't so sure that breaking them up was actually the right thing to do anymore. I was starting to have second thoughts. Maybe it was guilt. Regardless of how I feel, I shouldn't be asking him to leave someone he loves, just for me.

~end chapter eight


	17. Part 2, Chapter 9, Squall's Chapter One

A/N: Ahem…I'll let you wonder about the title of this one on your own~ heh. And, omg…is this the first Squall full chapter we've had? Sheesh. Okay, well, enjoy seeing Sora from his perspective!

~O~

Chapter Nine; Squall's Chapter One: Desire

~O~

"Squall?" Sora stood in front of my desk, rocking back and forth on his toes. I looked up, to indicate I was listening. "You know how you said you wouldn't hold it against me if I didn't stay behind after school?" I sat back in my chair, staring. What's he getting at? "Well, don't hold it against me then. Aqua and Z refuse to let me spend this afternoon doing any sort of work." He laughed a little. "They say it's no way to celebrate."

I tilted my head slightly. "Celebrate?" I scooted my chair towards my cluttered desk and leaned on the pile of reading quizzes. "Is it your birthday?"

He brought a hand to the back of his head, sheepishly. "Yup."

I stood, blinking in surprise, and pressed my palms against the tabletop. "Oh wow, you should have said something. Happy Birthday!"

Sora smiled, making his blue eyes look even more luminous than before. "Thanks."

"So you're…eighteen." I pronounced the last word slowly, a kind of realization dawning on me.

"Yup." He nodded, then turned abruptly towards the doorway. It had creaked open as he spoke, and his two friends stood there, beckoning to him. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Have fun."

"I will." Sora gave a short wave before bounding up the aisle to them.

"Oh shit," I muttered and stared up at the ceiling. My heart had started racing. The one thing that, I had convinced myself, stood between Sora and I was now null and void. And without it, all my arguments and reasoning suddenly felt like excuses. Sora was no longer a kid; he was legal.

It was still unprofessional; I was his teacher after all. But then again, there was nothing in the school's bylaws against it—not that I'd checked or anything. Most likely because the Headmaster never expected his male students could possibly get involved with their male teachers. Still, it's not something you'd want to publicize. Not that we would to begin with.

God what am I thinking? I ran a hand through my brown hair. I'm still a bit older than him; a fair bit really. All of this assuming that he has feelings for me. But who am I kidding there? The only thing keeping us apart is me. Because that's the way it should be. The way it has to be. We both must know it will lead nowhere.

These were exactly the kind of moments when I would tried to shut out the world, but all I could do was see his doe-eyes in my mind…and they seemed to haunt me. And the voice in the back of my head would reminded me that 'you never know unless you try.' Right now, it was sheer will that prohibited me from making a move.

I collapsed in my seat, shaking my head. I knew, when it really came down to it, my decisions wouldn't be fueled by logic. If I let the way I feel about him take control of me, it would be game over, and I'd give into my heart.

~O~

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was getting rather late. Up until now, I'd successfully kept my mind off of a certain student of mine for several hours. Unfortunately, my folders full of ungraded assignments were getting rather low, and my distractions weren't going to last much longer. The idea of thinking about Sora while lying in my bed was too damning a notion, that I couldn't possibly let it go there.

I set my papers aside, unable to focus any longer on _Richard III_ analyses. Instead, I turned my attention to the binder that had been sitting by my bedside for some time now. The story Sora poured his heart into seemed like a perfect get away.

~O~

"Sora, I've got good news."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" He set down his pen and gave me his full attention.

"I'm nearly done with reading you story."

Sora's eyes widened slightly. "Really? So far-"

"I'm not telling you anything until I actually finish it."

He pouted. "No fair. You shouldn't tease someone like that."

I grinned, returning to my own work. "That's what I do." Sora muttered something like 'I know'. I sighed. The silence continued for several more minutes before boredom overtook me. "What are you working on?"

Sora jumped, pressing a hand against his chest. "God, you scared me. I'm sorry, I completely zoned. What did you say?"

I took a seat next to him. "What are you working on?" I repeated.

"Oh, just math. It's not due for a while though." Sora shut the textbook, obviously finding me more interesting than it.

"Who's the teacher?"

"Luxord—he lets us call him by name. He's a little-"

"Different. Yeah. No, but I hear he's quite a good math teacher."

"Oh he is." I smiled and brushed strands of hair out of my face, seemingly causing Sora to frown and bit his lip. "Squall I, well…how did you get…" he trailed off.

"This scar?" I touched it lightly, feeling my eyes glaze over a bit. "It's a long story."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It's obviously personal." Sora returned his gaze to the textbook.

Damn it. I hate that disappointed look in his eyes. But it's a story that I just—if he knew…and it's not something I like to talk about. True, it happened years ago, but telling him might just bring up a whole new issue. "It's personal, but I guess there would be no point in not telling you. You see, an older man attacked me because he blamed me for the death of his daughter. In comparison to losing a child, a physical scar is nothing. There are still times I blame myself, but I wasn't the cause of her death. I would never have hurt her. You see, she was my fiancée."

I heard an intake of breath, and glanced at Sora, who looked slightly pale. "Your fiancée?" he whispered. "Oh god, I'm so sorry." Staring at his feet, he hesitantly asked, "What happened?"

"Car crash. She was on her way to come get me. It was late and during a rainstorm. Her car skidded into the other lane just as a truck was coming around the bend."

Sora grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. "That's horrible."

I gave him a small smile, "It is. It happened years ago, so I've had time to make my peace with it…but you never really get over things like that." I grimaced. "But I don't need to tell you that…you probably understand better than anyone."

Sora bit his lip. "Yeah, I…I do. But still, I know it's different when it's someone you…well…like you said, your fiancée." He cleared his throat, "Her father blamed you?"

"The old man never liked me. Her mother, on the other hand, was a whole different story. Her mother died before we got engaged, but she was constantly giving her blessing," I laughed, "it got a little awkward."

"Why didn't he like you? I mean, you're likeable enough."

"Yeah, well. To put it plainly, I didn't come from money. They did. They were loaded. I suppose in that matter he was justly concerned. But I didn't want her money. Ironic really. Anyway, it probably had more to do with—well, before I was with her, and we were just friends, her father saw me…with another guy."

Sora's eyes got even wider somehow. "Your future father-in-law saw you with a guy? Ouch, no wonder he hated you."

"Yes, well, it made it seem more and more likely that I was only with his daughter-"

"For the money." I nodded. Sora paused and frowned. "But what was so ironic about you not wanting her money?"

"Ah, yes. Well, you see, when the mother passed away, she left her daughter everything. Her parents were separated and both well off. After our engagement, my fiancée changed her will. With her mother as ill as she had, death was something very prominent in her life. She wanted to make sure everything was taking care of for when it happened to her…even though she was so young and shouldn't have had to worry about it. But when you have a lot to give, well, I suppose it only makes sense to prepare for that well in advance. When she died, she left me everything: her mother's fortune, her own assets, everything."

"I bet her dad was thrilled by that."

"Yes, so thrilled he accused me for her death and left me with a little reminder."

"I'm sorry," he chewed on the inside of his cheek. "So, how come you're teaching here if you have all this money? You could do anything."

This time I actually laughed. "Well, for starters, I always wanted to teach. This is what I wanted, no matter how dull it might seem. Secondly, those accounts are mostly frozen for the next couple of years. Her father tried to fight me for them and ended up losing. What he did manage to secure was making sure the terms for them, that were set up for his daughter, were transferred to me. Her mother put some limitations on them. So I have to be employed when I receive them, for starters. Then once I turn thirty, I'll be able to access them."

"Oh, well that's a…well that makes sense. I guess?" I think Sora was at a loss for words. It was a lot of information to just throw at someone after all. "What was her name?"

Damn, I thought we had made it past that part. "This is going to sound a little strange, but can you ask me again later?"

"You sound like one of those eight-balls. Okay then. I get it. Her name is something to hold onto that's only yours. If you don't want me to know, I understand."

I sighed. "That's not it, Sora. Just, I swear someday I will tell you, but that day's not today. Ask me again at some other time."

He nodded, a little confused. "Alright."

After a couple of minutes more of silence, it dawned on me that Sora was still holding my hand. I didn't say anything, just smiled.

~O~

"Zexion, a word," I called to the boy as he packed up. He looked around, curiously. "It's just about your essay," I reassured him.

He, Sora, and Aqua trailed down the aisle to me. "Alone. I'd like to speak to you alone."

Sora and Aqua glanced at one another before giving me a peculiar look. "We'll see you later," they both said, Sora giving me a perplexed look as he left.

Zexion fidgeted. "So, what about my essay? Did I not follow the prompt?"

"No, that's not it."

He blinked. "Is it about the grade, was it horrible?"

"No, no the grade isn't an issue at all." I paused, trying to think how to best phrase it. "It's about your topic."

"Oh, what about it?"

I sat down and indicated for him to take a seat. "My other class has been instructed to go to the computer lab, so don't feel rushed to talk. I've also notified your next period teacher that you will be late."

"Did you tell-?"

"No, no one has been informed, although, I was rather tempted to speak with your school councilor."

"No, don't do that!" He seemed to shake as he said it.

"Zexion, I'm concerned. The things you wrote were-"

"Just about my topic. Nothing more."

I gave him a searching look. "Well, for starters, your topic itself was a little startling."

Zexion turned away from me, and folded his arms. "What, I can't be the first person to write about death. I'm not Sora, so you don't have to act concerned for me"

"This is about you. And you only. Your essay felt personal, in a way that worries me. I thought perhaps you'd be willing to talk to me about it, since you wrote it for my class. This is just between us."

"And it's just an essay. Words on paper. Nothing to freak out over," he muttered.

"Words on paper, true, but words you yourself wrote and must have felt. Zexion, if you need someone to talk to or just to listen to you-"

"I don't need a shrink."

I sighed. "Your sensitivity about the subject suggests otherwise. There's no need to be defensive, Zexion. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that your friends are there for you. But I will tell you that I am. We take depression and thoughts of suicide very seriously at this school, so if I notify the councilors they will get on your case. I didn't want to jump the gun like that though. I thought, perhaps you'd be willing to open up to me. My concern for you is more than just about some policy. As your teacher, I am honestly concerned. I'd like to work this out with you on your own terms, and not get anyone else involved."

"I'm not suicidal," he stood and grabbed his books, "You're blowing this entirely out of proportion. It was a damn essay. I'm fine. So stay out of it."

"Zexion."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he muttered and fled the room without another word.

I closed my eyes, inwardly berating myself for not handling that well, and wondering if I did the right thing for trying to speak to him about it on my own. Maybe I'd just keep an eye on him a little more in class.

~O~

"Hey, so this morning," Sora bounded up to my desk, looking cheerful, "that was weird."

"What was?"

"Taking Z aside after class, duh. What was that about?"

I smiled; so that's what Sora was after. "That's really between your friend and me."

"Well," Sora pressed, "like you said, he is my friend, so it's no big deal to, you know, just tell me."

I put my red pen down and gave him all of my attention. "Let me guess, Aqua put you up to this? She's more the type to pry than you are."

Sora pouted, "Just a little…maybe. But you have to admit, that was a little strange."

"Sora, you can ask as many times as you like, but I'm not going to tell you."

"But—why not?" he whined.

I stopped smiling but continued to stare him down. "Because what was said, was said in confidence between Zexion and me."

"Did he…do something wrong?"

I hesitated, and then shook my head. "No, he didn't. But Sora, you should really be aiming that concern at him." I didn't feel right about betraying Zexion's confidence, but egging Sora on to check up on him on his own would be alright, wouldn't it?

"So there is something to be concerned about," he said after a bit, his eyes half-closed.

"If you're really that interested, you should just ask him yourself."

Sora shrugged, and then smiled again. "True, but I bet Aqua is already grilling him."

"Hmm," I frowned, concentrating.

He blinked. "What?"

"Grilling. I was just thinking about how that's a strange word to use in that context." I leaned my elbow on the desk and contemplated it. "Yeah, it makes me think of burgers. I wonder how it came to be that people used it for getting information out of others. I suppose grilling gets grease out of things…there might be something to that, if you looked at in a more metaphorical sense. I'm going to have to look that up now, otherwise it's going to bother me."

Sora looked at me with mild concern, "Erm, right…Squall, I didn't really realize how weird you are sometimes."

"I don't think I'm that…Oh!" I looked back up at him, remembering something suddenly. "I finished your story."

His eyes lit up, and he seemed forget all about my oddities. "You did? Oh my god. Why didn't you say anything sooner? What did you think? No wait, don't tell me!"

I laughed as he continued to spazz. "See, I'm not the only strange one. Listen, Sora, I'll bring it tomorrow so we can go over it after school. How's that?"

"That…that would be great." I don't think I'd seen him this happy since, well, ever. Although around me, he usually seemed fairly happy. I wondered briefly about what he was like outside of class. And that was when I realized that…I really didn't know him that well, no matter how it felt.

~O~

_How do you write something you know nothing about?_

_I'm sure you know love, Sora._

I'm sure he does, at least I hope so. I can feel it coming from within me.

I sighed and brought my legs up towards my chest. I was lying awake in bed, just thinking the way I normally do when I can't sleep. There's something about him, something that has captured me, and it makes me feel…young. Not in the cliché way of feeling young again. All in all, I'm not old enough to want that. But…I closed my eyes, and saw him grinning at me. Immature isn't the right word either. Young as in…it's like I'm experiencing everything for the first time.

I rolled over onto my back and stared up at ceiling. What if I lose him after he graduates? Not that he's mine to lose. But, I can't imagine him not in my life. After this year…My hands clenched into fists on my sheets. No, I won't let Sora slip away. One way or another, I know we were meant to be in one another's lives. How else can I explain it?

"Sora," I whispered the name under my breath until I fell out of consciousness.

"_Are we there yet?"_

"_You're such a kid, Sora."_

"_Hey, I thought we agreed I was past that stage."_

"_Sorry, but you'll always be a kid to me."_

_I turned towards the young man on my right and he just smiled, lazily. "Even when I am old and gray?"_

"_Especially so."_

"_Well alright." He interlocked our fingers and I felt a wave of surprise wash over me. I looked at our hands and noticed the silver bands around our ring fingers. Sora saw my look. "I know, I sometimes forget they're there. And then I remember, and just stare at my hand in wonderment. Can you believe it? Us: engaged."_

_I laughed and pulled his hands closer to me, so they're pressed against my chest. "Yeah, your brother was wondering when or if I'd ever ask you."_

_Sora nuzzled the side of my neck. "I know he just didn't understand that we don't need some ritual to be tied to one another. But that doesn't mean I don't want a wedding."_

"_We could elope right now."_

"_Aqua would kill me."_

"_That's true. You wouldn't want to disappoint a pregnant woman."_

"_Hey," Sora moved away from me and let go of my hands, "you're distracting me. We could have already been there by now." He shot me one last look, pouted, and continued up the dirt path._

"_You've always been impatient," I muttered, knowing he was out of earshot._

"_Squall!" he waved to me from the top of the hill, "come on, get up here, the view if amazing!"_

"_Of course it is," I said, again to myself. "That's why I wanted to take you here."_

"_Are you coming or not?"_

"_In a minute!" I shouted up at him. "Right now, I have an even better view."_

I woke to the sound of a dull buzzing. Drowsily, I hit the snooze and shut my eyes, wanting to jump back into my dream for another nine minutes. I know I don't dwell on it, but some days, I just wake up feeling empty…missing something. Or someone.

Not thinking too clearly, I began to wonder what would happen if today I decided: what the hell? I was giving Sora back his story today. There was a perfect opportunity to get him alone in my office. Could I do it? Tell him that, for some reason, we might just have to discuss his story another time. That there was something more important I should speak with him about…well, maybe not speak. Would I be able to get through a full day with this conviction in mind? Be able to decide right here and now that I wouldn't back down this time? Did I have the courage to make my dreams reality?

~O~

The day had been going by so slowly. But I'd found that's usually the case when you're counting down the minutes until school is out. It was almost impossible being in the same room as him. I'd finally made up my mind, and I was stuck acting the role of his teacher and paying attention to everyone besides Sora.

Word evidently got out that I was in an irritable mood and was prone to snapping at people. I assumed as much, because my last few classes were oddly quiet and productive. Also, Sora kept giving me weird looks.

It was pure agony watching the clock tick away, moving closer with every second, towards the one thing I wanted most in the world. Besides, how often is it that the world throws you a second chance?

After what seemed like a lifetime, the bell finally rang. Restraint. I had to wait for all the other students to leave. Sora was quietly working away at his homework, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was in the room. I took a deep breath, held it, and then slowly let the air escape my lungs. I guess I'll keep myself busy until he finishes whatever it is he's doing.

~O~

I stopped counting, and suddenly time was whisking by rapidly. I managed to become absorbed in grading papers, and was surprised when I glanced at the clock and found it to be over an hour later.

"So are you okay?" Sora had planted himself on the edge of my desk.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Great, is that it? That's really all I'm going to say? Don't get cold feet now.

"You were a little spacey today. Something on your mind?"

"Yeah, you," I blurted out. His mouth dropped open slightly. "I've just been thinking about your story. Remember, I said I'd bring it back and we could discuss it." Why am I trying to make excuses now? I should have just left it at 'you'.

He stopped looking so stunned. "Oh, right. Yeah."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, you wouldn't forget that."

"Sorry, I just wanted to wait for you to bring it up. You looked…busy."

"You know, it is okay to express yourself every now and then, even go after what you want. You shouldn't just wait for other people to bring things up."

Sora shrugged. "I know. Uh, thanks for the life lesson though."

"Don't you go getting cheeky on me now," I said, jokingly. "Anyway, why don't you get the binder? I put notes in the margins, and we can go over those."

He nodded. "Okay, so where is it?"

"Oh, it's in my bag. Which is in…" I cut myself off and glanced at my office. "It's in there." I pointed with my index finger. My heart began to race again. There it was. My opportunity. Still a chance to back out.

Sora got off my desk and strolled towards the direction I had pointed. As he turned the doorknob of my office door, I felt an itching in my fingers. I closed my eyes, thinking about how it would be so easy to follow him, lock the door, and have my way with him right then and there.

And somehow, that part of me had finally won. I felt myself slowly lift out of my chair and tread after him with light steps. I entered the office and closed the door. Sora was just pulling the binder from my bag and jumped at the sound of it closing. He didn't even notice I had locked the door behind me.

"Squall, you startled me." He laughed a bit and set the binder down on top of one of the desks in the cramped room. Between two desks, several short bookshelves, and piles of boxes, it was a rather small space. But that just made it easier to corner him.

"Are we going to talk here instead of the classroom?" I could see the concern in Sora's eyes as I moved closer towards him. I couldn't let myself speak, or even think. I was fixated on him, and knew that any words would just cause me to hesitate. He stepped back a bit and stumbled over some boxes, resulting in him losing his balance. Luckily, he avoided injury and merely ended up sitting on top of one of the bookshelves. Sora must have been unconsciously trying to keep an appropriate distance between us.

"Actually Sora, I'm tired of the talk. It's all we seem to do." I heard myself speaking, almost unaware that I had even voiced it. My body and my voice were apparently set on finishing the job my mind had started.

I could see him swallow as I placed both my hands against the wooden bookshelf on either side of his legs, my face mere inches from his. Sora continued to stare at me, mouth hung open slightly, a cute blush now coloring his cheeks. "You don't mind if we talk some other time, do you?"

Sora shook his head, never taking his eyes off of me. "No, I don't mind," he whispered, looking dazed now and as if he wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Good." I smiled and leaned only slightly towards him, finally and hesitantly brushing my lips against his.

He didn't stop me, just closed his eyes and sighed. My hands moved to grab a hold of his wrists, and I pressed him back against the wall as we deepened the kiss. His skin felt as if it was radiating heat from where I touched him. I released one of his wrists, moving my hand to the back of his neck. He grabbed my shirt with his free hand and pulled me closer. And just as I slipped my tongue into his mouth, Sora surprised me by hooking one of his legs around mine. I was desperately clutching to him, just as he was pressing himself as close as he could to me.

We eventually broke apart, both breathing heavily, as Sora began to lovingly murmur my name. I moved my hand to place it over his chest, right above his racing heart. "Is this-" he started to speak, but I stopped him, answering his question with another kiss.

I wrapped my arms around him, lifting him up as I did so, carrying him away from the bookshelf. I set him down in the center of the office, on the small patch of carpet that wasn't cluttered by anything. We ended up sitting down on the floor, Sora in my lap, his arms around my neck. One of my hands rested on his thigh, while the other had managed to sneak under his shirt. Once more, things between us began to heat up, and it was becoming difficult for me to control myself. Therefore, it was probably lucky for the both of us that the dinner bell rang, startling us back to reality, before I ended up escalating things far too quickly. And as much as I would have enjoyed doing so, it wouldn't have been fair to Sora. I wanted to do right by him. To make sure he was comfortable with what was going on between us. He deserved better than getting caught up in a moment and being taken on my office floor. So I was relieved when he began to push away from me in response to the bell.

Sora tried to detangle himself from me, flushed and disheveled, looking slightly put out. "I should go. They might get worried if I don't show."

I nodded, standing up with him. "Yeah." I walked with him to the office door.

He paused and looked back at me, wanting to say something more, but thought better of it and kissed me chastely instead. "Bye, Squall," he whispered. He grinned at me, smiling from ear to ear and blushing. He made a grab for his stuff, and left the classroom in a hurry. I leaned against the doorway, staring at his retreating form in awe. There was no turning back now. And I definitely didn't want to.

~O~

Sora looked rather out of place sitting between his two friends. Zexion, on one side, had this expression like there was a dark cloud hanging over him. Aqua, on his other side, kept glancing across Sora to look at their other friend, with worried eyes, and then back at her paper with concern. Sora, on the other hand, looked as if he was glowing and couldn't stop grinning. His mood must have been contagious because I couldn't help but smile during the entire class. This carried on throughout the entire school day. Although, I still felt a sense of relief when the final bell rang.

"Hey," Sora smiled.

"Hi."

"So, think we could go over my story today?"

I grinned. "We probably could. Let's at least try to and see what happens."

"Okay, but can I ask you something first?"

"Shoot."

"Where exactly does this leave us? I mean, are we…what are we?"

"I don't mean to sound cliché, but what do you want us to be?"

His cheeks reddened. "Well, I just don't want to lose you. I—I want to be with you."

"Good, we're on the same page."

"So, what, does this make you my boyfriend or something?"

We both stared at each other, and then started to laugh. "I don't know if there is a definition for what we are, but you're what I want, and that's all that matter."

He let out a breath and took a hold of my hand. "That's all that matter."

~end chapter nine

A/N2: ahem…yes, well…finally…after how many chapters…*coughs* Anyway, another Aqua chapter is up next. We'll see if I have time to post more today, but unlikely. Long drive ahead for the holidays. For those of you celebrating it, Happy Thanksgiving!


	18. Part 2, Chapter 10, Aqua's Chapter 2

A/N: So, um…Yeah, some sensitive stuff in this one. But aren't they all in some way though~ Btw, I have quite a few chapters prepared for right now, soooo…Imma gonna just post all of them. *cough*

~O~

Chapter Ten; Aqua's Chapter Two: Breakdown

~O~

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" I glared in Marluxia's direction.

He set his book down on his desk and turned towards me. "You have been irritable for the past few days, and frankly, it's getting annoying. What, are you pms-ing or something?"

"You know what, just because I'm angry doesn't mean I'm on my period. God."

"Then what's your deal? You've been snapping at me more than usual. If you want me gone, just say it."

"Fine!" I brushed strands of my blue hair behind my ears. "I want you gone."

He folded his arms. "No."

"What? You just said-"

"Oh please, I don't take orders from others, especially bitchy girls who have no reason to be angry with me." I continued to glare and he raised a thin pinkish-brown eyebrow. "I know what this is."

"Enlighten me."

"You're upset with yourself because you feel helpless and there's nothing you can do, so you've been sitting there letting your frustration build up, and now you're taking it out on me. I'm a perfect target. I'm not your friend and you couldn't care less if I was angry with you."

"That's ridiculous," I muttered, "why should I feel helpless about anything? And getting you pissed off does nothing for me. I mean, I'm the one living with you."

"I see you and your friends enough to realize what's going on." He shrugged. "Besides, you've been talking in your sleep lately. You tend to do that when you're stressed." I opened my mouth to reply, but found I had no words for him. "You're upset because one of your friends is becoming more and more depressed and there is nothing you can do about it. He refuses to listen to you, and your other friend isn't around enough to help you figure something out."

I just stared. Maybe I didn't give Marluxia enough credit. I mean, he was right. "What am I supposed to do?" I sat down on my bed, my head in my hands. "The person he was in love with for like, forever, is with someone else and he feels like there is nothing left for him in this world. Like he'll never love again." I probably shouldn't have been telling him this, it was a private matter, but I didn't have Sora to vent to right now. And the only times Sora and I seemed to be together, Zexion was also there. And I wasn't sure how to talk to Z about it to begin with.

Marly looked away from me. "I…I can imagine what that must be like for him. But it's his own fault if he let it happen."

"Yeah, sure, but I'm not going to flat out say that to him. That's not exactly what he needs to hear."

He sighed and stood up. "Well, I'm sure you'll figure something out." Marluxia grabbed a jacket and headed for the door. "Later." He left the room without even looking back at me. I sighed to myself. I should have figured I couldn't count on him for any support. I guess it was my fault for thinking that we had been connecting on some level. Whatever, it's not like this is his problem.

I leaned back against my bed and stared at the ceiling. What am I going to do about you, Z?

~O~

"Tell me how to fix this."

Zexion looked up at me from his notebook. "Aqua, I'm just as challenged in math as you are. I can't help you fix anything."

"I don't mean some stupid math problem." I set the textbook down and gave him a look. "You're much more difficult than math."

"What are you going on about?" He looked away from me and continued working.

"Z, I'm worried about you. You're closing yourself off. You barely say a word to me or Sora, and I can see you're in pain." I was trying my best to not cry and cause a scene. Marluxia was right, I did feel helpless in my ability to do something for Z.

"I'm fine. So you don't need to worry," he muttered.

"That's bullshit," I whispered.

"Okay, fine." He set his stuff aside. "You really want to hear it? I'm not doing so well. There. Is that what you want to hear? Look, this isn't about you, so drop it."

"If it's about you, then it affects me. I'm trying to understand because I want to help you through this. So he's-"

"Don't! Just don't say it, I don't want to move on, or get over him. I can't. Can you respect that and leave it alone?"

"But Z, it's hurting you. Maybe if you talk to me, let me in so I can help you," I pleaded, but he wouldn't hear any of it.

"Stop it, Aqua. I don't care if it's hurting me. It's better than when I am feeling nothing. I can't help it. I'm in love with him, and he barely notices I exist. And now he spends all of his time at Riku's doing who knows what. So yeah, I feel like I'm dying inside. What exactly do you think you can do about it?"

"Z…" Tears were prickling the corner of my eyes. I _didn't_ know what to do about it. I wanted to tell him how I lost someone I loved too, but I didn't think he'd appreciate the comparison. I at least had time with Yuffie before she…left. So I dropped the subject, and let us continue working on our homework, neither one of us actually doing it, in silence and wishing that I had Sora to back me up.

~O~

"I think he's just getting worse." Marluxia watched me pacing back and forth in front of my closet. "He won't talk to me about it. He pretends he's okay when Sora's around because he doesn't want Sora to bug him the way I do, especially now that Sora…" I stopped and frowned at him. "Anyway, I'm afraid to just leave him alone."

"Has it occurred to you that maybe he needs to deal with it on his own?"

"Well…uh…no. I really hadn't thought that." I sat down, cross-legged, on the floor and pouted.

Marluxia chuckled. "Give him some space then. It sort of sounds like you're smothering him."

"Okay," I took a breath, "just let him be for a bit. I can do that."

~O~

Zexion wasn't at dinner that night, and I tried to ignore the feeling that something wasn't right. When I got back to my room, Marly wasn't there and the red light on our phone was flashing: there was a message. I casually picked up the receiver and entered the code for the voice-mail.

'_Hey, it's me. I just…well, I thought I'd just…I don't really know what to say. Well, you don't need to worry about me anymore, I'll just say that. Bye Aqua.'_

I dropped the phone, panicking at the finality in his tone. Shit. Shit, don't tell me this is what I think it is. Oh god, no!

I rushed from the room and ran down several hallways and up a flight of stairs towards Zexion and Demyx's room. Tears fell from my eyes as I pushed his door open. Please, please tell me he didn't do what I'm afraid he might have done.

I let out a sob and my sight became blurry. Z was sitting in a corner of his room, a pocket knife falling from a hand, and blood beginning to seep out of the gashes in his wrists. Without thinking, I lunged at the knife, ripped off my jacket, and began to shred it into strips. I took a hold of his wrists one at a time, wrapping the cloth tightly around each one of them. "You're lucky I got here when I did. I think you'll be okay, okay? There's isn't that much blood yet. Good thing you only just did it before I got here. They don't look that deep." I knew I was rambling, mostly talking to myself to keep from losing it. "Come on, get up. We can go back to my room. My dad gave me this huge first aid kit before I came to school. He worries too much about my getting injured. Like I'm gonna fall of a cliff or something." I let out a breath and tried to make Z stand. "Come on, please, I'll be able to do a much better job with more substantial bandages."

Zexion only cried, refusing to move. "Why, why'd you stop me? I can't do this anymore! Just leave me alone. I want to die…"

"No," I said sharply. "I won't let you leave me. You're all I have, Z, you hear me? Now come on, stand up. If I can just get you to my room, and more properly fixed up, I think we won't have to take you to the nurse."

"I just wanted to die, but even that has to be taken from me."

I slapped him across the face, startling the both of us. Zexion stopped his crying and looked at me for the first time. "How dare you say that to me. I'm not going to let another person leave me. Nobody is worth dying over. Never."

"Zexion!" We both turned towards the door to see Sora, out of breath. "I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier! I just got his message."

"Sora, help me get him to my room."

He nodded and rushed over to where we were crouched on the floor. Together, we pulled Zexion to his feet. "Z," Sora whispered, his voice trembling as he took in the stained cloth wrapped around our friend's wrists, "oh god," he sniffled, clearly trying to keep himself in one piece as well, "if you hadn't gotten to him…" Sora couldn't even bring himself to finish his sentence.

"I know," I whispered in reply, as we all but dragged Zexion down a hallway.

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. "I never thought he would do this."

"Y-yeah," I hiccupped, "neither did I. I thought…I thought he might just want some space."

"And I'm sorry I," Sora stared at his feet as he walked, "wasn't around to prevent it."

"I'm right here, you know?" Z muttered and the two of us glanced at his tear-streaked face, unable to speak another word. We made it the rest of the way to my room in silence.

Sora aided me in bandaging Zexion, who refused to look us in the eye the entire time. Neither one of us really knew what we were doing. We just hoped we'd done a good enough job. The slits in Z's wrists really could have been worse, as far as we could tell. All we knew was that Zexion was not about to let us drag him into the nurse's office any time soon. Sora and I weren't even sure if it was a good idea to give Z mild pain killers, but ended up trying to get him to take a few. Zexion was subdued enough by that point, that he agreed to swallow them.

I pulled Sora aside for a brief moment, whispering to him, "We'll just keep an eye on them, and if they seem to not be healing or something we'll just have to force him to go to the nurse, okay?"

Sora nodded in agreement. "I don't know what else we can do…"

We rejoined Z on my bed, the three of us eventually ending up curled up on top of it, Sora and I both clinging to Z's arms. "Don't you ever try to leave us again, okay? You need a reason to live, just come find us and we'll remind you." I brushed my fingers through his silver-gray hair and closed my eyes, feeling the tears coming on again.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here for you, Z. I've been too caught up in my own stuff that I didn't even notice. I'll try to be better, so…please ask us for help next time. You're important to us, you know that right?" Sora tightened his hold on Zexion.

"That doesn't really matter. This was never about you guys to begin with." Z mumbled.

"Well, we will just have to make it about us," I tried to smile as I said it, but couldn't quite manage to.

"And we're not leaving you alone ever again," Sora said, and I nodded in agreement.

"God, I don't need a babysitter. Will you let go of me?" Zexion struggled to break our hold, but Sora and I refused to release him. Not wanting to let him leave our supervision, we ended up pinning him down to the bed.

"Uh, what exactly did I just walk in on?" The three of us snapped our heads in the direction of the door. Marluxia closed it slowly and continued to give us an odd look. "I'm not sure I want to know actually. If you want me to leave, just say so, because I don't want to interrupt your threesome."

We all flushed at the word 'threesome.' "No, it's not what it looks like," Sora began to protest.

"Not an orgy?" Marluxia raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"Absolutely not," I said, a little disgusted at the thought.

"Well, that's two 'no's. How about you, Zexion? You going to deny it too?"

Z gave him a half-lidded look. "I'm sure they would rather that be the case, considering they just informed me they're going to keep me on some sort of leash."

"Kinky," Marluxia grinned. "What'd you do to lose their trust?"

"I tried to kill myself," Zexion said flat out.

Marluxia stopped grinning in an instant. "What?" He seemed to genuinely begin to become angry, and it sort of confused me. "You tried to what!" He moved over to my bed and grabbed a hold of one of Zexion's bandaged wrists.

Z winced in pain as Marly's hold tightened, "Ow, let go. You're hurting me."

"Well, that's your own damn fault, now isn't it? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Marluxia?" I stared at him; Zexion's eyes widened.

He released Z, letting his wrist drop, and turned his back on us. "I have this thing about people trying to kill themselves around me. I can't take it." My roommate seemed like he was shaking in anger, and as if he was trying to hold back his tongue. Marluxia faced us again, a blaze in his eyes, and looked directly at Zexion, who was caught in his gaze. "Don't even think about doing something so stupid ever again. No matter how sucky it gets, we only have one life to live and it's better than nothing. And let me guess, your friends have just been trying to tell you life is wonderful and a gift and you make the world better with your presence."

"But he does-" I was cut off by Marly glaring at me.

"But let me tell you the honest truth, Zexion. Life is difficult, it's a fucking bitch some times, and it may get so unbearable that you wake up some days wanting to just take yourself out of it. But you know what? Despite what you may think, you're actually needed in this world. So don't go giving me or them this 'woe is me crap' and stop being so goddamn selfish. This world doesn't revolve around you. You actually play a part in something that is much greater than your one life. So your opinion on things like whether you should live or not hardly matters that much, since you really have to take in the opinions of all the other lives around you—because you're a part them too.

So what, the guy you like loves another. It's not the end of the world. You obviously weren't meant to be with this guy from the start. But you know what: there's probably someone out there right now that is meant for you. And to think, you were about to take yourself away from them. They would have been left all on their own for life. Now how selfish would that have been?"

By the time Marly had finished his speech, Zexion had been reduced to silent tears again. Once more, I felt Marluxia deserved more credit than I gave him. After hearing Sora's horror stories about how Marly used to be, I assumed living with him would be akin to hell. I guess people can change. Or maybe we had just been witnessing a side of him not many people had a chance to see. There was something noble there, underneath the sarcasm and the ego. Was what I had dimly begun to sense, that Marluxia was more than just a narcissistic jerk, possibly true?

"Marluxia, what did you mean when you said you had a 'thing' about people around you trying to kill themselves?" Sora asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

He turned towards Sora, a slightly disgusted look on his face. "I have an issue with people's families and friends being so blind by others' pains. It's sickening. You think they would notice that someone supposedly close to them was going through something major, but I guess they got too absorbed in themselves to care."

"What do you mean?" Sora asked again, this time with more of a bitter tone. Marly had apparently hit a nerve.

Marluxia laughed, coldly. "Maybe I mean that when I say your brother owes me his life, I'm not being metaphorical."

"What?" Sora's eyes widened.

"I don't like people trying to kill themselves," Marluxia whispered, his eyes glazing over slightly. He looked as if he had zoned out, momentarily transported to somewhere other than our room, and was speaking to himself. "It's weak and selfish."

He stood there in silence, his eyes unfocused, until Sora spoke again. "What do you mean by my brother?"

"Well why don't you go ask him," Marly suddenly snapped, coming back to reality, and his eyes finding Sora's. "Now if you don't mind, I think I'll be going now. I might get really angry if I stay here." He pointed at Zexion. "You. I'll be keeping an eye on you as well. Later." He exited the room, slamming the door as he left.

"He really does have a sort of charm." I shook my head as I said it, still a little in disbelief. "There is a kind of caring feeling in his insults." I turned to Sora, who was now looking extremely pale and like he was going to be sick .

"Aqua." He looked at me, fear in his eyes.

"I understand. Go, I'll stay with Z. Go find your brother."

"Sorry," Sora glanced back at us before slipping off the bed and hurrying from the room.

"I guess it's just you and me now," I said to Z.

"Sorry," he whispered, his voice shaking as he did so, "I'm so sorry. Marluxia was right. I was being an idiot. What if there really is someone fated to be with only me. I would have done worse damage to them than what losing Demyx did to me. I was selfish."

I pouted. "You feel guilty over a hypothetical person, and not about leaving your two best friends. Wow, really feeling the love."

"Sorry," Zexion looked at me, almost sheepishly. "I guess I'll need to earn your trust back now. I…I'm not saying I'm better, or anything, but I think after all that's happened here today, I might…be able to start."

"And I want to help you to do that, if you'll let me." I lay back down, on top of my covers, and pulled him towards me. "You do know I love you, don't you?"

"I know. I…I love you too. Just not-"

"I know, silly, just as best friends. I still like girls, and you still like guys. But for you, I'd still do anything."

"Shouldn't I be saying that? I'm the one who owes you my life."

"You owe me nothing," I whispered in his ear, before kissing the top of his head. "Just don't ever leave me. Promise?"

"Promise." He sniffed, pressing his head against my chest and closing his eyes. I encircled him with my arms.

Maybe it was due to our close proximity, or maybe it was because of the loneliness we had both been feeling. But somehow, we ended up, mouths pressed together, closer to one another than we ever anticipated.

Suddenly, there was nothing more important than the two of us feeling connected. It didn't matter what we were, or that under normal circumstances we'd never have wanted this. Maybe we both had our selfish reasons for it. All I knew, was that I needed him to understand just how much I cared about it. That I needed him in my life, and there really was no one more important to me.

All that mattered was that I loved him. Maybe that's what Zexion, unconsciously, was picking up on. We were both starved for affection. And so we found it in each other.

Given his condition, and my wanting to be super careful about his injuries, our being pressed together ended with my being on top of him, pushing him down against the mattress with him lightly wrapping his arms around me. We didn't bother to break the moment to wonder aloud why we were both wanting this so badly. It was just an unspoken agreement: we needed it. His tongue hesitantly entering my mouth, his hands sliding up my thighs, our bodies pressing as closely as they could—you might argue that this was something we didn't necessarily need. But at the moment, it was.

This closeness we both needed to feel, a sort of kinship in our miseries so to speak, seemed to override everything else.

"Aqua, should we be…?" he broke the silence just as I began to help him out of his clothes.

"For you, I would do anything, remember?"

~O~

"Can we talk?" Zexion leaned against the doorway of my dorm room.

Marluxia glanced between us. "That's my cue to leave." Zexion moved out of his way, flushed and unable to look at him. Can't blame him really, it was sort of embarrassing. Marly walked in on us putting our clothes back on. He didn't say anything, just grinned and shook his head. Z left right away, so we never had any sort of closure.

"How are your wrists?" I questioned.

"Oh, they're fine I think. Must be healing. I don't think they're bleeding." He sighed, "I'm betting they'll leave some nasty scars."

"Hmm, well you should have thought about that."

He hesitantly took a seat next to me on the bed. I smiled at him meekly. "Yeah, well I wasn't exactly thinking about that when I…well you know," he murmured. "And if I had actually been successful, I doubt I'd have cared about any scars."

"You'd be surprised how much the dead actually care about cosmetics and such."

"Aqua."

"I know," I let out a breath, "that's not what you wanted to talk about."

"It…probably shouldn't have happened."

"Shouldn't have, but it did. No denying that." I shrugged and he looked worried by my ambivalence. "Look, what happened, happened. It won't happen again. I don't regret it though, and I don't want things to change between us."

"Neither do I," he said, quickly. "I mean regret it, and about us staying the way we are. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with everything."

I winked. "Me, I'm just peachy. But no matter my feelings about last night, I am still only into girls."

Zexion smiled and I was relieved to see it. "Good. 'Cause I'm still only interested in guys. But, um, there's one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Well," his ears reddened a bit, "are you going to be okay? You know, because we weren't exactly…"

"No worries, Z. Do you really think my dad would let me attend an all boys' school without putting me on the pill? He so over protective when it comes to me. So yeah, we're good."

He let out a sigh of relief. "That's good to hear."

"What's good to hear?" We both jumped at the sound of Sora's voice. It was an unstated agreement that we were never going to tell Sora. No matter what.

"Z's wrists seemed to be healing well," I covered for us.

"Oh, that is good to hear." Sora sat down next to Zexion, smiling, although it looked kind of forced. I sighed.

~O~

"So, what did you do last night?" Marluxia grinned at me as he threw his bag on his bed.

"You're such a jerk, Marly."

"No really, I am curious about it. I understand the whole 'opposites attract' thing doesn't work for the majority of us here. That used to include you two."

"Still does, okay? Now would you drop it?" I think I'm beginning to understand how Z felt about my questioning him.

"He's fragile already and you go and sleep with him. Don't you think that would cause him more damage?"

I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "For your information, I didn't force this on him. We both were a part of it. Now, I don't want to talk about this with you. Stop pretending to care, and don't tell anyone."

Marly sat on his bed, still looking at me. "I'm not pretending to care, Aqua. And it's your secret, not mine. It wouldn't be right for me to say anything to anyone about it." I was not sure what to say to him, so I kept my mouth shut. There was a knock on our door and Marly answered it. "Hey, Zexion." He smiled at Z, glanced back at me with raised eyebrows, and then exited the room.

Z turned to watch him leave. "I think you were right. Marluxia does have a certain charm." He stood there, staring out the door as if in some sort of trance.

"Yeah he…what?" I stared at Zexion with a look of surprise and confusion. Was he…was he starting to like Marluxia? Oh dear god, no. You have to be kidding me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Z glanced around nervously.

I threw my arms around him, and he patted my back awkwardly. "Oh Z," I practically cried, "why do you always like the ones who are taken?"

"What are you talking about?"

I groaned, a little frustrated. Oh well, if he doesn't realize it, then it's probably best not to tell him.

~end chapter ten

A/N2: A Sora chapter up next.


	19. Part 2, Chapter 11, Sora's Chapter 3

A/N: Mmm…so when I edited this one the first time, I ended up hating it…so I went back and re-edited it. I think I'm happier with it now…Ugh, I don't know why this one gave me so much trouble to go through. Sigh, so I hope you all like it…*winces*

~O~

Chapter Eleven; Sora's Chapter Three: Life's Little Bruises

~O~

"We need to talk," I slammed the door and Roxas looked up from his desk, startled. My saying that phrase to begin with, would normally have surprised me as well. I was never one for confrontation. My bitter tone must have also set him off. I don't know why, but usually it surfaces around my brother. I guess, when it came to him, I felt the need to be overly protective. Because I knew now, more than ever, that I had failed to be there for him when he needed it the most. And I regretted that. Horribly. When Pence and Olette had spilled to my mother and I what had really been going on with Roxas, it had been such an eye opener for me. I know, I still have a long way to go before I can really be better at helping people. But I'm really trying—trying to stop myself from hiding from reality. From problems. And just escaping into my own little fantasy world. I know I'm good at avoidance. Secluding myself in my own head is just so much easier than dealing with the world. But believe me, I really do want to be able to have more awareness so that I can help the people I care about…

Roxas turned his chair to face me, probably taking note of the fact that I was looking angry, concerned, and spaced out all at the same time. "Uh, okay…This should be good."

"Good? Good! If trying to kill yourself is good!"

I noticed him pale slightly. "Whoa, I was being sarcastic. Who died?"

"Did you try to kill yourself?"

"Does it look like I've tried-?"

"Not now, I mean before. Have you ever?"

Roxas shrugged and looked away from me. "No, of course not. Why would-"

"Cut the crap. I know you did. Marly just let me in on that little detail." I sat down on my bed, folded my arms, and glared at him. While I wanted to be able to become someone people came to for comfort, or someone that was able to approach others in need, it was difficult for me to not just let my emotions get the better of me in this situation. My being angry at him, was really more about my being angry at myself. For not even knowing how deep his pain had been. I'd been failing him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you call him 'Marly'?"

"Answer the fucking question," I hissed quietly.

My rage and seriousness seemed to finally get through to him, because Roxas had suddenly stopped his bemused smiling. "Yeah, okay? Years ago, I tried to. But obviously I'm still here, so no worries."

I could feel my lips trembling. "What?" I whispered again, "Why? How? When? What did Marluxia mean when he said you owed him your life? How come Mom and I never knew? It's not exactly the easiest thing to hide. Why didn't you tell me?" I couldn't understand how he could be so ambivalent about the subject, as if it had meant nothing. How could he just admit to it as easily as that?

By this time, I was sobbing and Roxas had moved across the room to sit next to me. He took my hand and squeezed it. "The whole story then?"

I nodded and rubbed at my eyes, trying to stop the tears. That was when a thought suddenly occurred to me. "Wait…I remember something. Did this happen around that weekend when Marluxia and his dad showed up at our house? Back when you hated him?"

"Yeah."

"You let a stranger, and some guy you disliked, help you out instead of your own family?"

"I didn't have anyone else." He put a hand up, stopping me from trying to protest. "I know what you're going to say, but you're wrong. I really didn't have anyone. Not anyone I felt I could count on. Which was probably my own fault."

I lowered my gaze to the floor. "It was because of Dad, right? I knew you were having a more difficult time coping than the rest of us. But…how'd it get that bad?"

"I dunno," Roxas sighed, "It just got out of hand. I got out of hand. Maybe there was more to it than just what was going on with Dad. I mean, you and Mom were dealing. Trying to think positive and all…and I just couldn't approach it that way."

"Well, it's not like it was easy for us either," I muttered, fixated on my hands now. "I think Mom was trying to stay strong for us, but I could tell how difficult it was for her to keep that up. So, I felt like I had to be the one to stay strong for you guys. I don't know if I'd calling it staying positive though. I wanted to step up, be the rock that Cloud always had been. You know, tough and not let my emotions get to me. 'Cause yours were, so I thought I'd counter balance that. I wasn't happy either, Roxas. I guess both Mom and I were so preoccupied in keeping up appearances, and avoiding the actual subject, that we couldn't even see what was going on in front of us. Cover it up…and it would go away… I know my approach to it didn't work though, I'm not Cloud and I was trying to be someone I'm not."

"It's okay, Sora. And I'm sorry for thinking that your trying to be strong, meant that you didn't care. I didn't understand why nothing seemed to get to you. So I didn't come to you. Or Mom. I was stupid."

I looked up at him, seeing my own eyes mirrored in his. "Well, we both were. If I had just let myself be able to fall to pieces with you…if I had allowed myself to feel the pain…I know it wouldn't have stopped there. I'd have felt yours too. And Mom's. I knew that if I lost it too, none of us would have been alright. But if I had, maybe we would have been able to understand one another better. So, I feel like I'm to blame for not being able to bring the family back together."

"That's not true. We all handled it poorly. Heh, maybe we still are." I couldn't disagree with him on that front. There was still a gap between my brother and I. I'm sure we both could feel it. After all, this had been the only really conversation we'd had in a while.

"Yeah," I sighed, "you're probably right. I mean, I at least know now that the whole tough-act thing really isn't my style. I know it just made me look uncaring instead of what I'd been going for…which I don't even know what that was anymore."

Roxas laughed, "Yeah, you kind of just came off as being cold and unfeeling. Which is a little weird for you. I mean, I should have known better. You cry about fictional characters' problems from your books. You always seemed to get swept up in the emotions of people who weren't even real. I should have noticed that the way you were dealing with our father, was so completely…not you. You're still trying to get that back, aren't you Sora." I couldn't respond to that, as I hadn't really thought about it myself. "You…locked yourself away to try to play head of the family, and you haven't really been yourself since. I mean, maybe you could get away with saying that it's just you growing up…but I wouldn't buy it now. I know, the real you is just a kid at heart. So, I hope you can let it all go some day. Whatever it is, the tension, or stress, that you still are letting weigh you down. 'Cause I think if you were able to be more like how you used to be…before all the shit happened…I think it might just inspire me to be too."

I flushed, embarrassed by Roxas's heartfelt words about me. They were things I hadn't even considered myself. Like I said, awareness. It wasn't just the world I didn't know much about, it was also myself. "Um, thanks Roxas."

"Don't mention it." He shrugged.

"Would it be alright if I asked you something…personal?"

"You could always try."

I swallowed, feeling nervous again. "Um…How did…I mean when you had tried…what did you-?" I couldn't let the subject drop apparently. I still didn't feel like I had enough answers from him.

"How did I try to kill myself? Well, to be honest, it wasn't exactly what I was going for…initially. I guess, I knew the risks and didn't care if that's how it turned out. Maybe…maybe that _was_ what I was hoping for. At the time, I didn't care. I just wanted to feel something. The antidepressants I was on, well most days they made me feel…nothing. I know Mom had the right intentions for making me go on then…'Cause you were right. I'd been a complete wreck. My emotions had been way out of whack. But those things, they made me feel nothing. And that was almost worse. So, I was desperate for something to actually make me feel again. That's why I decided to get some ecstasy one day. Because I knew where to get it from. And I'd read about it, and was just desperate enough to resort to that. It sounded like it would let me be able to feel happiness, and I wanted that. I'd done my research, and I knew that it could react badly to the meds I was on…And, well, I didn't care. If that ended up happening, I was okay with that. And, well, turns out that mixing the two really was a bad idea."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "That's horrible. I wish I could have helped you more."

"Yeah, well I wish a lot of things. But it doesn't make much of a difference now. It's way in the past, Sora. I don't have a death wish, and I never really did to begin with. I was just apathetic." Roxas stood and stretched.

I was still concerned by his being able to just move on with it though, like it didn't matter; like this subject was just a casual topic of discussion. He may have moved on, but I hadn't had the chance. "Who gave it to you?"

"Larxene," he said, off-handed, "which is why Marly found out about it. She couldn't keep her mouth shut. Marly wasted no time getting to me. His dad is a doctor, so I guess he knew about the risks or something. If he hadn't found me-"

"We probably wouldn't be having this conversation," I finished for him.

"Maybe. But after that, I knew for sure that I did not want to be taking those damn things. So I convinced Mom that I was better off without them. Which I still stand by."

I frowned. "Yeah, perhaps. But then you started hanging out with Marly and them. And you were controlling your emotions by taking other substances…you began numbing yourself anyway."

He rolled his eyes. "So? In the interim, I was able to feel. Yeah, a lot of it was negative. But at least by doing what I was doing, I was able to get some relief. Even feel happy. Does it really matter how it was brought about? Look, like I said, it's all way in the past now. I've been good."

"I guess you're right. Things are much better now, than they were then."

Roxas grinned at me. "Yep, much better. Now, mind if I ask you something? I'm curious, what made Marluxia tell you about that? He must have been ticked off at me. Did you mention Axel to him? That usually does it." Roxas frowned, probably thinking about his two…prospects, so to speak.

I stood as well, and began to head out the door. I needed some air, because I wasn't exactly alright. I couldn't just move on, like that, from the fact that my brother had tried to kill himself. Even if it was well in the past. "Yeah, I mentioned Axel," I lied to him, not wanting to divulge the fact that it had been Z's similar situation that had caused him to bring it up. "He didn't seem to appreciate my input."

Roxas groaned. "Ugh, figures he'd lash out like that then."

My lips pressed tightly together, and I mumbled, "Mhm," to him before exiting the room. I was starting to feel slightly sick. Remembering about Z, and how his pain and actions weren't a thing of the past, had me feeling guilty again. I hadn't been there for my brother. And I'd made the same mistake all over again. I hadn't been there for Z either. I still needed to try harder to be aware of what was going on with the people around me. If Aqua hadn't gotten to him…if she hadn't been better than I was…we'd have been too late.

I felt like a bad friend. But also, more now than ever, I felt like I hardly knew my brother at all.

~O~

I walked all the way to the Arts Department building, not even thinking about where I was going. My subconscious must have been leading me there in hopes of finding Squall. Whenever I was upset, it was Squall I usually sought out to consol me. But wasn't that selfish of me? My brother and my best friend had both tried to kill themselves. And yet, instead of staying with them…comforting their hurting, I was looking for someone to ease my own. But how should I have been reacting? I wanted to be relieved that they were alive, but then I would notice the pain in my chest…the sadness I felt…and it leaked in and spoiled all other emotions. All I was left with, was hurt and anger…that they felt they couldn't come to me about what had been going on…that I hadn't noticed it myself…that I had been too late on both accounts. Someone else was always there first. Was I a horrible friend? A horrible brother? People around me were suffering, and I had been oblivious. Again, I was forced to realize that I needed to be better for them.

Lost in my own thoughts, as I usually was, I mindlessly pulled on one of the doors of the Arts Department building. It was locked. I hadn't expected the school to be open though. After all, it was getting late. I sighed and continued my walking, drifting further away from the High School campus.

"Sora, what are you doing out here?" To my complete surprise, Squall was suddenly hailing me from in front of the library.

"Just getting some air."

Squall could tell I was lying, well not lying per say, but at least that something was wrong. "What happened, you look kind of down."

"Z tried to kill himself," I blurted out, not even meaning to say it.

He looked horrified. "Did this just happen? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Well, in some sense of the word."

"Should we get him help?"

I shook my head. "He wouldn't want it. And honestly, I think he's going to be alright. I hope so at least."

Squall stood there, blinking at me in disbelief. "I should have done more for him. Shit. Well, I've learned my lesson now…Next time I see something amiss, I'll try to be more proactive. Damn it, I really handled that one with poor judgment. But he's still alive, so that's what matters, and what I should be focusing on, and grateful for."

"I wish I could see it that simply."

He smiled, weakly. "It's never that simple. I've just learned that dwelling on what could have been makes you forget the things you do have. It's not going to get better if you only look back." He brought a hand to my face and caressed my cheek with his fingers. "So, how are you handling this Sora? In all honesty. I know this is probably really difficult for you."

I shoved my hands into my pockets and stared at the ground. "Not so great. I only just found out that my brother basically tried to kill himself as well, a while back. So I've had a _great _day. And it seems to be getting even better."

"How so?"

"Well, I'm being selfish and making it all about me. And by doing that, it's like I'm saying 'so what' to the fact that they were the ones in pain. Like, why should I care about that? 'Cause apparently, it should all be about how I feel."

Squall sighed sympathetically. "You are you, and how you feel does sort of take priority, whether you want it to or not. It's okay if you're making this about you. I think people tend to forget that those around the actual victims suffer as well. They're two different pains, both very real and equal. I don't think that makes you a bad person for not ignoring how you feel about all of it. The fact that you're kicking yourself so much about it should attest to that. Don't get too worked up over it."

"But that's what I do," I whined. "I get worked up over things. If I allow myself to. And right now, I guess I'm doing that."

Squall smiled, "You know, I think what's going on here is that you're actually rather empathetic. You're feeling so much pain right now, because they are. And you don't know how to deal with it. You don't know where to direct that energy. You feel so horrible, because you are unconsciously taking on what you think they must be feeling."

"I think that gives me too much credit," I muttered. "I mean, my brother wasn't feeling anything about it when he told me what happened to him. I think I'm just running away from them…because I don't know what I can do for them. I…I feel helpless actually."

"Do you hear yourself? You just said you didn't know what _you_ could do for _them_. Maybe what you consider to be running away, is really your way of distancing yourself from the matter so you can figure out how to help them for effectively."

I shook my head, unable to take any kind of praise. Both Squall and my brother seemed to see me a certain way, and I wasn't convinced that they were right. Again, this was just making everything about me, when it shouldn't have been. "You don't get it, Squall. I wasn't helping Z earlier. And I don't think I've ever done anything to help my brother. I ignore problems. I hide from them. Because when there are problems, I freeze up and don't do anything, hoping they'll just fix themselves. I didn't know what to do when my father was diagnosed, and was dying. I mean, I couldn't be all carefree anymore, because it really sucked, but I never even really addressed that with myself. And I saw how it was affecting my brother, but instead of going to him and telling him that I knew his pain, showing him that he wasn't alone, I just clammed up in hopes that if I could just act like everything was okay and was going to be returning to normal, that it just would. I don't do anything. I never have. I thought I was learning to be better about that, but I guess I still have a long way to go. Otherwise, I would have been able to help Zexion more than I have been. Maybe I could have prevented it from happening a second time."

"You were a kid, Sora. Of course you didn't know what to do. You weren't equipped with the ability to handle that sort of situation. Nothing can prepare someone for something like that. And you can't expect yourself to just magically be able to take charge of it either. But look, you want to, don't you? You're growing up. You are so frustrated with yourself _because_ you want to help. So stop beating yourself up over it. All you can do is accept that you don't know what you're doing, and make the decision that you're going to try to anyway. Trial and error. I don't think your friend, or your brother, know how you should handle it either. They won't be expecting you to. I think you have this notation in your head that somehow you can just take their pain from them and fix it. But they are them, and you are you. You can't do that for them. Not if they won't let you in.

Just be there for them, and see what happens. Don't get caught up by the fact that they let their pain get to them. No one is expecting you to carry that for them, except yourself. All you can do, if anything, is try to get them to speak about what's going on with them. If you're going to blame yourself for not being there for them more, for not getting them to open up to you more, then you can choose to learn from that. Decide that you are going to go to them and get them to talk to you more. It's not game over yet, Sora. You still have a second chance." Squall stopped speaking for a moment, needing to catch his breath. I stared at him in awe, realizing that he was probably right. "Look, I bet you just need to calm down, let things mull over in the back of your mind. Distract yourself for a night, and I'm sure you'll be able to be there for them in the morning. Because you want to be."

I let out a sigh. That was easier said than done. My mind was pretty stuck on thinking I was an incompetent friend and brother. "You want me to be distracted? Well then you're just going to have to distract me. Otherwise, I don't think I'm going to be able to stop punishing myself all night."

He grinned at me. "Okay then, if you're insisting, let's go somewhere."

I faltered, not expecting that to be his response, but thinking that he'd come back at me with another speech. "What?" I glanced around. "Are you serious?"

He grabbed one of my hands. "Yeah, I'm serious."

"Alright," I said, uncertainly, and not consciously noticing that Squall had instantly taken my mind off of things. "Uh, so, where are we going?"

"My place, ever been?" He must be joking.

"Only in my dreams," I said, smiling a bit now.

"Good, I'd love to hear how it compares to the real thing."

"We are talking about your apartment, right?"

Squall laughed. "Well, I was. I don't know what you were thinking though." I flushed slightly. "You don't mind the walk, do you?"

I shook my head. "No." Squall had somehow done it again; managed to make me feel that sense of careless happiness that I had lost all those years ago. With him, maybe I was beginning to find myself again. Maybe I could be someone dependable, like I wanted to be. Someone who could help other people, and who could face reality.

~O~

"So this is your place." I casually glanced around the cozy living room, my eyes not really focusing on the minimal decorations. Instead, they were caught on the top of his small TV, where I noticed a picture frame lying face down. I walked over to it and picked it up. As I blew the dust off, a smile formed on my lips. The picture had become visible, and it was of a younger-looking Squall holding a young woman, with long brown hair and bright blue eyes, in his arms. They looked incredibly happy. "Is this her?" I glanced back to the door, where he had been standing, just watching me.

"Yeah…that's her." Squall walked over to me, and took the picture from my hands. He stared at the image for a moment, hesitated, and then set it down on the television stand so that it was upright.

"What's-"

"Now's not the time, Sora." I nodded and stared at my feet, not really knowing what to say. He placed his hands on my shoulders. "I'm not trying to shut you down. There is a reason why I just can't tell you yet."

I gazed up at him. "I understand," I lied, not wanting him to think it was something that was bothering me. It really wasn't; I was just curious because he was being so secretive.

He sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and then took a deep breath. "You know, I didn't bring you here to stare at pictures of my…ex fiancée."

I flushed, "I kind of figured that. But now I just feel sad again."

Squall walked me backwards and gently pushed me down onto the couch, so I was sitting and staring up at him. "Let's do something about that." My cheeks began to redden. "You know, you're cute when you blush, Sora."

"It doesn't feel cute," I muttered as Squall put his knees on the edge of the couch, between my legs, and leaned over me.

"It's more than just cute," he whispered in my ear, his breath warm against my neck.

I fell into a dream-like trance after that, my eyesight becoming fuzzy at the edges. Squall was suddenly pinning me down to the couch, with my giving him no resistance. My heart began to race as I felt his weight on top of me. And I lost myself in even the slightest caress of his fingers against my skin. This couldn't have been real. It must have been another one of my dreams. Squall, wanting me. Kissing me. Running his hands over my body, making me wish he would take it further than the agonizing torture of his fingers staying above my clothes.

Our legs were in a tangle and my head was spinning, I felt almost dizzy. And then his lips were leaving mine, to kiss down the side of my face, and my neck, where they hovered. Until he bit down over a vein, causing me to gasp and feel my body tingle from head to foot. I arched against him in response, while he grinned and trailed a hand down my body once more, resting it on my hip. My breath began to come more quickly, almost like I was hyperventilating. Squall's fingers were reaching for a button on my pants. And just like that, the nerves he'd been able to calm began to knot themselves in my stomach once more, and I felt myself wake up. "Wait, wait." It took some effort for me to even say a word, and much more for me to try to sit up.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Squall sat back, giving me space now, and looking fairly concerned.

"I…I'm not ready for…you know…that," I finished lamely, between breaths.

He closed his eyes, smiling as he did so. "It's okay, Sora. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for. I'm not going to push you." I let out a sigh of relief, feeling slightly embarrassed. He pulled me to him, so I was sitting in his lap, and wrapped his arms around me. "Honestly, I had no intentions of taking it that far."

"Sorry," I muttered, feeling a little stupid.

He laughed, "Don't say you're sorry. It's not necessary." He kissed me and continued to laugh when he noticed I was pouting. "I'm not patronizing you, Sora, really." Squall held me tighter. "But you know, there are other things besides sex that we could…explore."

"I know," I whined.

"So I'm just putting it out there, that if you ever feel comfortable enough, and want something more, but aren't ready for—"

"Squall," I winced, blushing profusely, and feeling too embarrassed about the whole subject to even listen to him talk about it.

"And why am I getting the idea that you don't want to talk about this with me?" He raised an eyebrow.

I groaned, "Probably because I don't really want to talk about it…"

Squall continued his chortling. "Alright, alright. We can drop it. Another time then, okay?"

"Yeah…sure"

"But before I let you leave," he was grinning now, "tell me something."

"What's that?"

"You mentioned dreaming you'd been in my apartment." Oh god, I know where he's going with this. "So I assume I must have been there, in this dream of yours."

"Yes, yes you were. Okay? I've dreamt about you, happy? Now, I probably should go."

"You're not getting out of this yet, Sora." He refused to let go of me and I tried, in vain, to push away from him. "Look, I just want you to know that we can talk about these kind of things. That it's nothing to be embarrassed about, alright? So tell me, what were we doing in this dream of yours."

"Okay, okay, you've made your point. You want me to know that it's okay to talk to you about this…kind of stuff…'cause this is your way of trying to make me comfortable…I get it. Can I go now?"

"No. And yes, maybe that is what I'm doing. But also, you're just adorable when you're embarrassed." He winked at me.

"You're horrible, you know that?" I glared at him, realizing he really wasn't going to let go of me.

"Sora, if we're going to be having this kind of relationship, it's vital that we be able to speak to each other, openly, about the nature of said relationship. Don't you think? Or are we going to pretend that we don't want any form of intimacy?"

"Okay, fine." I swallowed, trying to overcome my nervousness. "In some of the dreams I've had…with you in them…we've, um, well you…" I leaned closer to him, whispering in his ear, and blushing as I finished telling him about them, "…well, you're usually…um…giving me…uh…you know. A blow job." I winced, and shut my eyes tightly.

Squall grinned up at me. "See, that wasn't so bad. I've dreamt about you as well, I'll have you know. In similar situations. And you know, Sora, I'm not opposed to the idea. For the record. Now are we clear? We both want each other in that way. So, you don't need to be embarrassed. And I'm willing to wait until you're ready for anything of the sort. No pressure."

I opened my eyes, one at a time, giving him a hesitant smile. "Okay, I got it. And I'll try not to panic about it next time. I mean, if things start to go somewhere…'cause I really do trust you."

"And you are always, always, allowed to stop me." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

I let out a breath, "Okay," and hesitantly kissed him on the lips again. This, him, was exactly what I'd wanted. And more than anything, I wanted to be able to give myself to him completely…One day.

~O~

I guess it was a good thing that Roxas wasn't in our room when I got back. After Squall and I had talked, we ended up resuming what we'd been doing before my nerves had set in. And I knew I must have looked a little disheveled. That would have brought up some questions from my brother, no doubt. Questions I really wouldn't have wanted to answer.

I fell asleep nearly the moment my head hit the pillows, dreaming once again of Squall. Those dreams, along with my various anxieties from the night before, were things I could barely remember in the morning.

Roxas still wasn't in our room when I woke up. Either he hadn't slept here, or he got in after I did and left before I awoke. I felt a twinge of concern for him, the memory of his past suffering resurfacing for me. There was no reason to freak out though, I convinced myself. He was alive, that was what mattered. And for him, that was something he had moved on from—as hard to believe as that was for me. All I could do, was promise myself that I would be there for him if he ever fell back into that dark place.

Thoughts of my brother reminded me of the other person in my life who had also been suffering. Z…I hope you're okay. Wondering how he was doing, I threw off the covers, and dressed without noticing what I was even putting on. My mind was elsewhere.

Since Aqua's room was closest, I decided to check in with her first. The door was slightly ajar when I got to it, and I hesitated, wondering if I should knock first. This was a girl's room after all. But before I could make a decision, I heard her and Z's voices.

"…my feelings about last night, I'm still only into girls." What? What were they talking about?

"Good. Um, there's one more thing." I frowned, knowing I shouldn't be eavesdropping, but also wanting to know what they were talking about.

"What's that?"

"Well…are you going to be okay? You know, because we weren't exactly…" Why was Z asking if she was going to be okay? Zexion was the one who had tried to kill himself.

"No worries, Z. Do you really think my dad would let me attend an all boys' school without putting me on the pill?" My jaw dropped and I couldn't register any more of their words. I barely heard her saying, "We're good." I paled. Did she just say what I think she said? Did they…

"That's good to hear."

"What's good to hear?" I pushed the door open, startling them. I could tell by their expressions that they were hoping I hadn't heard them.

"Z's wrists seem to be healing well," Aqua smiled, quickly recovering from my interruption.

"Oh, that is good to hear." I tried to smile, but I was still too in shock to really do so. They…they slept together? I just…I can't believe it. Zexion was even looking more relaxed, and smiling a bit.

I looked over at Aqua, who was now staring at me a little too intensely. "Uh, Sora?"

"What?" I glanced over at Zexion, who grinned and bit his lip, trying to keep from laughing. He was laughing? "Did I miss something?" Well, obviously I had, but I don't think it was a laughing matter.

"Well, your neck is…kind of bruised," Z blurted out.

"Are those hickeys?" Aqua continued to stare at me, her smile becoming a little unnerving.

I brought a hand to one side of my neck. "Of course not." Shit, I hadn't even noticed that. I had been so preoccupied with rushing over to see how Z was doing, that my appearance was the last thing on my mind. I stood up suddenly, laughing nervously. "I just remembered: I have to be somewhere." Crap…at least they were the ones to notify me of my…little problem.

"Mm-hm, sure." Aqua nodded. Too embarrassed to stick around now, and feeling the need to cover up better, I slipped out her door. I heard Aqua break into a fit of giggles the second the door closed.

Luckily, when I returned to our room Roxas still wasn't there, so I peeled my shirt off and began to dig through my clothes. I knew I had a turtleneck in there somewhere. That would be able to hide them, right? And it was still cold enough outside that people wouldn't question why I was wearing one. I sighed and rubbed at my neck. I can't believe I hadn't noticed them earlier. I grinned; I would love to get him back for this. That, of course, was a horrible thing to think. I shouldn't want to make him have to hide something like that in front of my classmates.

"Sora, what are you doing?"

"Uh," I froze up, not wanting to move and risk my brother seeing them, "nothing, just changing my shirt."

"Okay then."

I kept my back to him, continuing to try to locate my black turtleneck. I didn't realize he was still watching me and getting the wrong impression from my furiously looking through the drawers and becoming all the more agitated as I did so. "Hey, are you still upset about what Marluxia told you? Because I get that, I honestly do. I would just prefer it if you would flat out tell me if it's still bothering you, instead of ignoring me and silently fuming. I thought we'd kind of agreed that we needed to be honest with one another about our feelings from now on."

"I'm not trying to ignore you. And no, I'm not fuming about anything. I understand that it's something you've dealt with, and hopefully I've made it clear that if anything like that comes up again, you can talk to me about it."

"If you're not upset with me then, why won't you look at me?" He placed a hand on my arm, and I tensed up as he forced me to turn his direction. We stared at one another for a moment before Roxas's eyes drifted and lingered on my neck. "Sora, what happened to your-"

"I ran into a doorknob." Good one, Sora.

"With your neck?" he said, skeptically.

Oh I am so dead. "Yes?"

"You little liar!" He laughed, gleefully, "Where were you last night?"

"I should ask you the same thing," I muttered, pulling on the turtleneck I had only just now managed to find—a second too late, of course.

"Oh, don't think you're getting away with this." He looked way too happy. "So who is it? Zexion? Is it Z? Come on, you can tell me." Roxas poked me with his index finger.

"No, it's not Z. Leave me alone."

"Oh come on, tell me! Please? I would tell you."

"Yeah, well I'm not you, so stop asking." I sat down at my desk and pulled out my laptop.

Roxas brought his chair over to sit next to me. "I'm not letting this go. Is it someone I know?"

"Probably, now go away." I stuck my headphones into my laptop and covered my ears with them, tying to drown out my brother by turning my music on. Forget everything I said earlier that every implied I wanted to have a better relationship with my brother, and be able to start a dialogue with him. Right now, I was really wishing we could go back to our basically ignoring one another.

He pulled them off of me. "Okay, so you won't tell me who it is. Fine. At least tell me how far you got."

"NO," I growled at him, my face flushing slightly.

"Aw, why not?"

"Look, I've never asked you that, so don't ask me."

"Tch, come on, I thought that was obvious. I'm sleeping with Marly. So now you have to tell me."

"Ugh, I didn't need you to actually tell me that," I said, disgusted and trying to get the mental image erased from my memory. "And the answer's still no." I put my headphones back on and returned to trying to ignore Roxas, who continued to sit there staring at me for the next half hour. I only got him to leave by promising to inform him if I ever actually slept with someone. I never expected that to be a topic my brother and I would one day bond over. I had to remind myself that it could have been worse. At least it was Roxas I was having to talk to about this and not Cloud. Or Mother. Oh god, that would be horrible.

~O~

"I'm concerned about Z."

"That can't be good. What is it now?" Aqua closed my door and sat down on my bed. I shut my laptop to give her my full attention. "Did something else happen?"

She folded her arms. "Well, I'm just worried that he may be starting to like someone else. And rather suddenly, which is always a dangerous sign."

I let out a sigh of relief. "That's all this is about? You had me worried."

"What do you mean 'that's all'? This is serious."

"O-kay. Um, why? So he's moving on, that's a good thing." I stared, slightly concerned for her wellbeing rather than his.

She looked rather stupefied as to why I was not more upset about this. "Sure, maybe if he was into some safe, normal guy who wasn't already in a relationship."

"Well, at least this means he won't be getting suicidal if this guy is having a relationship with someone who isn't him. I think that's progress." I paused. "Wait, when did he have time to start liking someone else? Especially someone who is taken."

"That's my whole point!" Aqua said, aggravated that I was only now catching on to something that I had yet to entirely comprehend. "Now think, Sora. Between the time we found Z and right now, who besides us has been around Z enough to make any sort of impact on him?"

"Um, no one," I shrugged, "except Marluxia. So I don't get it." Aqua gave me an astounded look. As if to tell me that I couldn't have been that stupid. "Aqua, is this a trick question? Do you mean me?"

"Of course not! If it was one of us, it would more likely be me than you."

"That's true." She didn't question my agreement, just threw her hands up in the air. "I've got nothing, since I know you can't mean Marluxia." I laughed. "There's no way in hell that…" Aqua's darkened expression stopped me. "No, you're not seriously trying to tell me that are you?"

"Yes, Sora, that is precisely what I am telling you. Zexion seems to be paying much more attention to Marluxia than he should be."

"Yeah, well, maybe he's just surprised by that little speech Marly gave. I mean, even I was. And how would you know anyway? Z hasn't said anything, has he? Did you ask him about it?"

"He called him charming."

"That's…odd. But so what. You were saying the same thing. Look, I'll ask him about it after dinner. You probably shouldn't, because it might just sound like you were trying to accuse him of something."

She frowned. "Yeah, fine. I suppose you're right."

"It's probably nothing."

Aqua didn't look convinced, but stopped harping on the subject. "Thanks, Sora. I'm glad I could bring this up with you, instead of talking to Marluxia about Zexion. Which is what I've been doing lately. And I don't think this is something he needs to hear about."

"Yeah, probably not. And, I'm glad I can help you out by talking to Z about it for you. Sorry I haven't really been around lately…I still feel really bad that I didn't know Z was suffering so much."

She sighed, "Well, I didn't know he was going to do that either. So don't feel badly. And, well, I don't exactly hold it against you if you're ditching us to spend time with Squall. Z and I get it. Drop the guilt, would you? I've already had one friend feeling like crap lately, I don't need another one to be."

I let out a laugh. "Heh, thanks. Just know, if you ever need to…even just talk…I want to be here for you, and Z. So, thanks for still coming to me."

"You betcha," she nodded. I smiled at her.

~O~

"Um, Z? Can we talk?"

Zexion glanced at Aqua, who ducked her head and ignored his look. "Sure."

I grabbed my empty tray and he followed me, leaving Aqua at the dinner table. We dropped the trays off and I led us outside. "You don't mind if we go for a walk?"

He shook his head. "What's this about, Sora? Does…does this have something to do with Aqua?"

I nodded. "Sort of. She mentioned something, and I thought I should," I cleared my throat, "ask you about it."

He stared at his feet as we continued to walk in the direction of the port. "Just ask then, Sora. Get it over with."

"Do you like Marluxia?"

Z looked up at me, blinking in surprise. We had stopped our walking and were facing one another now. "What? Why would you think that?"

"Well…Aqua came to me, concerned that you'd started to fall for him."

"Concerned?" He smiled, bitterly. "You two are ridiculous, you know that?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't that long ago that she was saying the same thing about us."

"Yeah, well she was right."

"She tends to be. So, do you?"

"Why would it matter if I did or not? He's obviously not such a bad guy if he can feel for someone he doesn't even know."

"Yeah, maybe he really isn't, but don't you think it's a little sudden for you to like someone—someone in a relationship—right after losing the love of your life?"

"He wasn't the love of my life. I loved him, sure, but still… I've been thinking about what Marly said. It's been running through my mind, and it makes sense to me. What if there is someone else out there that needs me? I shouldn't let myself get stuck on only Demyx. He's with someone else, and by fixating on his not choosing me…well, I'm not only not allowing myself to recover from that loss, I'm also not allowing myself to be open to the opportunity of finding happiness with someone who might actually want to choose me. So yes, I do respect Marluxia for his being able to open my eyes a little. That's all." He gave me a look. "And yes, I know he's in a relationship. That doesn't matter to me, because I do not have a crush on him. So you don't have to worry. I'm not about to let myself be pulled down by his being with someone else. It's not going to be like with Demyx all over again."

I smiled, somewhat sadly. "Z, if you don't like him, why are you being so defensive? Like you need to justify it?"

"Well…Maybe I do like him. I don't know. I'm just saying, you don't need to worry about my over-reacting about it. And if I were to, I'd appreciate it if you'd support me, like I supported you and Mr. Leonhart."

For a moment, I was speechless. He was completely right: he never tried to talk me out of being with Squall. In some ways, he encouraged it. "I'm sorry, you're right. You didn't try to stop me from having a crush on someone that it was probably unreasonable for me to like to begin with. So, if you were to like Marluxia…I'd try not to freak out on you about it."

Zexion half-smiled. "So do you think you can tell Aqua to stop worrying about it?"

"Yeah, she is sort of over protective of you. Which she should be."

"I know, I know."

"I think she has opened you up a bit too. You're not as closed off as before. Less quiet."

"You're less naïve."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, that's hopefully a good thing. I'm trying to be…more aware of the world, and the people around me." We started to walk again, this time back towards the dorms. "So…you really think you might like Marluxia?"

He looked up, staring at the darkening sky. "Yeah, I think I might."

~end chapter eleven

A/N2: *peeks out from behind her hands* O-okay…that wasn't so bad…right? Phew…After rewriting it several times, I think I'm okay with how it is. Heh…. Next up, Roxas


	20. Part 2, Chapter 12, Roxas's Chapter 3

A/N: *insert horror reference here* Joke…joke…or is it? Muhahaha…read on to find out. (No really, I'm joking. No horror…*thinks for a minute* Mmm…that depends actually.)

~O~

Chapter Twelve; Roxas's Chapter Three: Seven Days

~O~

"Give me a week." Axel was staring at me, a little surprised by my just showing up, and a little confused by what I had said.

"A week?" He set aside the book he had been reading. "Do you mean…you're going to—?"

"I'll be yours by the end of the week. I swear it." I drew my fingers across my heart.

Axel got off his bed and crossed the room, closing the door behind me, and then turned towards me, looking quite serious. "What brought this up so suddenly?"

"It…it's not exactly sudden. But the exact moment when I decided…that was a couple of minutes ago. My brother, you see, he sort of made me realize something. He wasn't trying to, but I know now, more than ever, that Marly and I together might destroy the both of us. So I am asking you for one week. Not that it will only take seven days to get over him, more like seven years, but I need that time to get things worked out." I took a breath, trying to stop myself from ranting more. I really didn't want to go into the fact that Sora's confrontation with me on my almost suicide was what drove me to this realization. Well, maybe actualization. I've sort of always known. Deep down.

"One week. I think I can handle that."

"Good…so can I stay here tonight?"

"What?" Axel seemed shocked by the request.

"Just to sleep. That's it. I want to be near you when I sleep. Is that okay?"

He nodded. "Sure, I'd like that."

~O~

Day One~

Don't think about it. Just don't think about it. If I do, I'll freak out and break down. I'd been avoiding Marly all day. I was surprised he hadn't hunted me down and demanded an explanation for why I was ignoring him. Maybe he had changed. If that was true, then had I? Had something inside me altered without my knowing?

Marluxia once told me he believed people couldn't change who they were, since it would go against their nature. Recently, it seemed he had changed his mind on that subject. So if people can't change who they are because of their nature, maybe their nature is what changes.

I was sitting in Riku's room, half watching his card game with Demyx, half wondering if I was making the right choice. "Haven't you been asking yourself that for months?" Demyx spoke as he slapped the pile of cards and earned a glower from Riku.

"Well, Roxas, you probably don't want to listen to my opinions. I like Marluxia better than Axel, so what I say really shouldn't hold any ground with you." Riku groaned again as Demyx beat him once more. "But don't you see," he looked up from his position on the floor to stare at me, "you've already made your choice. So whatever Demyx or I tell you right now, won't matter. You told Axel. So you should stick with that. From the sound of it, you've been telling him that since school started."

"What he's getting at," Demyx interrupted, "is that you should just do what your gut has been telling you all along: leave Marluxia and go to Axel."

"But I love him."

"But you love Axel."

"I…" There was no point arguing that one. I'd found it to be true, even though I had no idea how it had happened.

Demyx set aside his cards in order to give me his full attention. "Don't you think it's time to let go? To set him free? He'll never learn to love anyone if he's clinging to you. Have you two really been that good for one another? So you were the one who made Marluxia grow up and care about something and someone else. Big deal. You're just a crutch to him. Neither one of you will learn to walk on your own if you keep trying to support only each other."

"Well fuck," Riku muttered. "Demyx, when did you get all smart and insightful?"

I couldn't help but laugh at them. Demyx just shrugged, looking indifferent. "I have my moments too, Riku."

"Hmm," I mumbled to myself.

They looked up at me. "What?"

"No, it's nothing really, but…maybe this is just a coincidence or ironic, but-"

"Spit it out, will you?"

I glared. "I was getting to it, Riku." I cleared my throat. "I was just thinking how it was weird that Marly and I started off hating each other, and then we were together, same thing with Axel and me, and you two."

Riku considered it, but Demyx was unconvinced by my pattern. "It's nothing actually. Axel liked you from the start, as I liked Riku. So _we _didn't hate each other."

Riku snorted. "Hey, maybe in that case, the people meant for one another have to have one person deeply head over heels, while the other person has to find it for himself."

"That's just ridiculous," Demyx huffed. He picked up the cards and sat there shuffling them for a bit. "Roxas, please let me deal you in, it does get boring beating Riku every time."

"Gee, pick on the guy who actually has a life and doesn't spend his time playing card games."

I slid off the bed and into a seated position on the floor. "Yeah, okay. I'm doing this for me too, right?"

They didn't miss a beat. "Exactly."

"Sorry, I just can't stop from-"

"You don't have to explain." Demyx waved it off and continued to deal out the cards.

I picked up my pile and began to organize them. "What are we playing?"

"Super crazy eights," Demyx announced, excitedly.

"Oh, I suck at this game," I murmured.

Riku grinned. "That's not all you suck at." Demyx slapped him upside the head. "Sorry, couldn't help it."

I rolled my eyes, blinked, and then stared at Riku. "You're different too. Remember last year when you were so in denial and offended by, well, almost anything that wasn't straight?"

Demyx nodded. "I remember, and I'm still honored that I was the first guy he ever kissed." He batted his eyelashes at Riku, teasing him.

"Yeah, yeah. Big deal."

"What changed?"

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to think of it himself. "You know…I don't know. It just happened."

"I think Marluxia was right. There's something about this place; this island. Riku, you would probably know better than anyone. Why is it called 'Destiny' Island?"

"So you're one of those," Demyx cut in before Riku could answer. "There are some people on the island who believe there are supernatural forces at work. Just because something happens on the island, doesn't mean it's the island doing it. Me, I believe it's the people, not a power." He turned towards Riku, almost daring him to disagree.

"Well," Riku started, "it's been named that since forever. Way before the school was built anyway. But somebody must have had a reason to name it that."

"A whim."

Riku glanced at his boyfriend. "Perhaps. But sometimes it feels like there's something guiding you, and you don't know why. So personally, I think it's a little bit of both."

"So you think there's some sort of magic here?" Demyx asked, in a sarcastic tone.

"Find the proof that there isn't. I'm not saying there is, I'm not saying there isn't."

I zoned out, thinking about what they had said, and trying to ignore a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I was doing the right thing, right?

~O~

Day Two~

Marluxia gave a short wave, drawing my attention towards him. I set my tray down beside him and took my seat at the table. "So we kept missing each other yesterday," he said, casually. For once, I think it was genuinely just for conversation and not some form of passive aggression.

"Yeah, I spent most of my time with Riku and Demyx. I haven't done that in a while." I picked at the flakes in my cereal with a spoon. "What did you do?"

I didn't notice him briefly make eye contact with someone on the other side of the room. He smiled, as if remembering something. "Read a bit. It was nice out, so I took a book and walked around campus."

His remark made me look up and stare. Marly was definitely different, and something about that scared me. I was becoming more convinced that we could survive without one another, but at the same time the thought pulled at my heartstrings.

"Hey, what's with the look? You're not moping are you?"

"No."

"Roxas?"

"Don't worry about it, Marly. Not yet anyway."

His eyes narrowed. "And what exactly does that mean?" This is my Marly again.

"Nothing, forget it." I spent the rest of the day actively ignoring him, and he let me be. I wasn't ready for any sort of confrontation. This was exactly why I asked for a week. I'd put it off…and put it off…until it was absolutely the last second before it had to be done. I was getting the feeling that Marluxia understood what I was doing better than I did.

~O~

Day Three~

Slept through my first two classes. Sora left me a note saying he couldn't get me to wake up. Whatever. Instead of going to the rest of my classes, I headed towards the college dorms, in search of Axel. I know I probably should stay away from him until things are officially taken care of, but I couldn't help myself. The fates must have been trying to keep me on my original path though, because when I got to his dorm, he wasn't there. Xemnas and Saix were though. And they dragged me to their room instead.

"I like you, kid." Xemnas shoved me down on his bed, so I was sitting, and then patted me on the head. "But aren't you and Axel supposed to be giving each other space? Showing up at his dorm is a weird way of giving him space."

"Leave him alone, Xemny." Saix sat down next to me, slinking his arms around me, and squeezing me tightly. "Look, isn't he's adorable?"

"I can't…breathe," I muttered, while thinking that he reminded me of a puppy for some reason. He let go of me and I coughed, trying to get the air back into my lungs.

Xemnas grinned. "We wouldn't want to suffocate him before he got back with Axel. We'd be killed."

Saix winked at me. And suddenly I was picturing the three of them together, and starting to feel slightly dizzy. They were all high strong, energetic, and strange. It's a little intimidating. "Have you all known Axel for a long time?"

"Ever since high school."

"But neither of us have really ever been with him in a relationship, if that's what you're getting at," Saix added.

"Not really," Xemnas gave his boyfriend a meaningful look.

I shrugged. "I don't care if you have, as long as you aren't now."

"Hey," Saix's eyes widened in a sort of creepy way, "we know all of his secrets. I'm sure you're wondering something about him. Go ahead, ask. We have nothing to hide."

They looked a little too eager. "Well, actually, I don't want to know anything."

They were immediately disappointed. "Is that because you don't want to know his faults, or you don't care whether he has some dirty little secret?"

"I don't care. There are things in my past I don't want him to know about. Not that I'm trying to hide anything from him." I stood and glanced back at them. They were staring at me, surprised, but in a good way I think, like they're proud. "So I don't really care what he's done. It doesn't really matter."

I left their room and closed the door. Leaning back against it, I let out a sigh. I could hear their voices just barely: they were discussing me and Axel…and from the sounds of it, someone named Lea. But I stand by what I said. I don't care about what had gone on in his past, it would have been hypocritical of me to think as much when I was holding back some of my own still. We liked each other for who we were now, and that was all that mattered.

~O~

Day Four~

I can't move. I feel like I am paralyzed. It's all in my mind, I know, but that doesn't make it any less real. All I could do was lie here on my bed, in the dark, and stare up at the ceiling. I knew I had to end this. I knew my future was with Axel, which was what I wanted. But it still hurt. Marly was all I'd known.

The door creaked open. "Roxas? Are you okay?" Sora slowly closed the door behind him, and inched towards my bed, looking full of concern.

"No, no I'm really not." My statement shocked the both of us. Sora, because he never expected me to answer honestly; me, because I never discussed my problems with Sora, or anyone for that matter. Except Marluxia…and Ana at one point.

He let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the edge of my mattress. "You wanna talk about it?"

I hesitated, "If you don't mind."

"Oh! Of course not. I want to listen to you, I always have. I should be thanking you for not just brushing me off and suffering on your own."

I stared, blank-faced, at him. "Sora, under normal circumstances I would find this want to help me annoying, because you seem way to enthusiastic about it and it's a little grating because I'm feeling kind of apathetic, but right now…" I moved a hand to my face and rubbed at my eyes, trying to stop tears—that had formed without my realizing—from falling. "I'm going to break up with Marly."

Sora visibly tensed. "Really?" I could hear he was holding back some kind of emotion when he said it. He probably was trying to be considerate and not sound too thrilled about it. "Axel finally get to you?"

"Axel got to me a long time ago. I love them both, which is why this is so hard. I have to, for Marly, and for me because he will never let me go on his own. And the love we have for each other isn't strong enough."

"I'm sorry," he said, sincerely meaning it. "You shouldn't have to choose between the ones you love."

I sat up and crossed my legs. "But we do it every day. Well, I mean, I used to. Between you, Mom, my friends, and Marly. I chose him."

Sora looked away. "Yeah, I understand that. I've been doing that too." He cleared his throat and turned back to me. "But you left him before."

"That was different." I wanted to ask him what he meant earlier, but I held back.

"Roxas, I want to tell you that you are doing the right thing, but that won't stop the pain. No words can, except the ones you say to him when you break it off. Once you do that, you can begin to heal those wounds."

He nodded. "I know, but I guess I would feel better about it if I knew there was someone out there for him. Someone who he would be good with. Heh, I guess this is just me feeling guilty."

Sora coughed. "I wouldn't worry about that. There is probably…someone…who likes him and might actually approach him if he weren't taken."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. Was Sora not telling me something? Did he know someone who…who liked Marly?

"Are you going to be okay?"

I shrugged. "Eventually."

~O~

Day Five~

I skipped class again, partly because I was so over it, and partly because my mind was elsewhere and I knew I couldn't focus on school. Axel didn't have a class now, so I was searching the island for him. I had to avoid Xemnas and Saix because I knew if they saw me, they'd corner me and then hide Axel away in some remote place. Besides, I was not trying to find him to talk to him, just to…watch him. God, I sound like some perverted stalker. Fuck.

When I did find him, he was in the Arcade. He appeared to be working on something because he was writing and checking references in a book. I took a seat behind a counter, so that he wouldn't see me, as his back was to me.

Over and hour later, he stopped what he was doing and was about to get up to leave when his friends found him. "Well hello," Saix murmured, and took a seat across from him. I crouched down lower, realizing that this could get awkward if they saw me.

"Why are you hiding out here?" Xemnas questioned.

"I'm not hiding out, I'm just working. Needed a change of scenery."

Xemnas folded his arms and grinned. "Oh I get it. You're working because you want to keep your mind off of a certain blond, slight, high school student."

"Nope, I'm just working because I have work to do. Besides, I don't need to worry about Roxas. Two days left."

"And you're not worried that this is all just talk? Do you really think he's going to leave that guy for you?"

"Yes, I do." I could hear the belief in his voice, but couldn't see the hand that had involuntarily seized up into a fist involuntarily.

Saix glanced between his boyfriend, who had an eyebrow raised, and his friend, who looked tense. "Are you only saying that because you need to believe it? To override any lingering doubts…or fears. Because on the off chance it's not true, you might actually end up heartbroken?"

"No," he whispered, "I really believe it, because I believe in him. If he says he will, he will. And I'm not going to rush him."

I was suddenly struck with a sense of guilt at overhearing this. I shouldn't have followed him around. So much for trust, right?

~O~

Day Six~

It's official: I'm heartless. I'm a horrible person and deserve all pain that comes my way. Can I say karma? No, I haven't broken up with Marly yet. This has to do with what I plan to do before I break up with him. I'm cruel, but I can't help it. I want one last night with him before I end things. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. But after everything we've put each other through, I think there is a little poetic justice in it. I think Marly will understand. But no matter what way you look at it, it is kind of cruel. That's not what makes me feel guilty though. It's my lack of feeling guilty that really bothers me.

"Hey, Aqua?" I stopped her in the dining room before she made her way to Sora's table.

"Oh, hey Roxas." She flipped her hair, compulsively. "What's up?"

I smiled slightly, but it didn't quite reach my eyes. "This is a little awkward, but can I ask you to clear out of your room tonight? You can stay with Sora, I'm sure he won't mind."

"Oh," she said it, taken aback with surprise. "Yeah, um, I can do that. Does Marly know, because shouldn't he be asking me this?"

"Uh, no. We don't usually plan these things, but this is…well."

"Something special?" She glanced over at Sora, who was watching us and looked as if he was growing more concerned and confused.

"You could say that," I muttered.

"Okay, no problem. I'll clear out after dinner."

"Thanks." I watched her take her place next to Sora, who questioned her the second she sat down. I left the room before he could catch my eye. I feel sick. On the way up to my room, I was so out of it I nearly walked into Zexion on the stairway. "Sorry, I didn't see you."

He shrugged. "Don't worry, it happens more than you'd think." Z glanced up at me, "Are you okay? You look more pale than usual."

I swallowed. "I'm good."

"Oh, since I bumped into you, I should let you know that Marly was looking for you earlier. He sounded kind of worried."

Marly? Since when had Zexion called him Marly? Since when had Marluxia ever spoken to him even? Okay, did I miss something? I guess that really shouldn't have surprised me.

I continued towards my room and tried to stop over thinking everything. Time was almost up. I had tonight and tomorrow to end things, so I'd better use my time before it was gone.

~O~

I grabbed some things from my room and headed towards Marluxia's. He wasn't there when I knocked, so I just let myself in when I found the door to be unlocked. He'd have to show up eventually. If he knew I was going to break up with him, I wondered if he would still sleep with me… He would. On second thought, I knew that. Maybe that's why I was having trouble feeling guilty.

"Hey, you're here. I was looking for you earlier." He closed the door, and approached me almost hesitantly.

"Yeah, sorry I haven't been around much as of late. 'Lot on my mind."

"No, that's okay."

"A couple weeks ago that wouldn't have been okay. Marly, I know things have been strange between us recently."

He let out a laugh. "Not just recently, Roxie. Things between us have always been strange."

"I know we should talk, but tonight I don't want to. Let's put that off for one more day."

"Roxas, as much as I'd like to, I have a roommate who could—"

"It's taken care of," I cut him off.

He blinked. "Oh. Okay then." Marluxia slowly moved towards me, pulling me closer to him when he reached me. He stared down at me and after a moment a look, almost like comprehension, flashed across his eyes. Marly smiled faintly before he kissed me.

One last time, that's all I'm asking for.

Marly helped me shrug off my jacket and we both kicked off our shoes. I pushed him back, so he was sitting down on his bed. He drew me towards him, encircling my waist with his arms. I peeled off my shirt and leaned down to kiss him hard. We stayed like that for several moments before I got impatient and reached for his shirt. He stripped it off and scooted back on the bed, pulling me on top of him. I stared down into his eyes. "I love you."

He switched our positions so that he was on top. "I know," Marly whispered.

~O~

Day Seven~

"What are you doing up?"

"The band's getting together today." I pulled on my pants as he continued to watch me from his bed.

"It's early."

"No, it's really not."

He blinked blearily at the clock on his desk. "Oh. Do you want me to come with you?"

I looked up from tying my shoes. "No, that's okay. I'll come back here after. We should talk."

Marly nodded. "Yeah, I'll wait up for you."

I tried to smile, but found it difficult, because all I could think was: no, not anymore. Marly may not be quite the bad boy he used to be; not by a long shot. But this couldn't work, and it was time we put it to an end before we really got hurt.

"I love you," he called as I exited the room.

"Yeah, I know."

~end chapter twelve

A/N2: *sniff* Marly's side of this is up next.


	21. Part 2, Chapter 13, Marluxia's Chapter 2

Chapter Thirteen; Marluxia's Chapter Two: Drawn Up

~O~

"I like this one."

Aqua sighed in exasperation. "You said that about the last four. They were just okay; this is crap."

"So you're an art expert now?"

"My best friend's an artist and I think he's a genius. Everything else just doesn't compare."

I shrugged. "Loyalty. I get it. But if you think everything else is crap, why did you drag me to a student art show?"

I spotted Zexion in a corner of the art studio, sitting on a stool and looking uncomfortable. He raised his hand when he saw us. Aqua skipped over to him. "Hey guys. Did she force you to come?"

"I wouldn't say force."

Aqua rolled her eyes. "Sora was…indisposed, so I convinced Marly to come with me."

"Your stuff's really good," I said in appreciation of his work. The drawings of people he had on display reminded me of anime. But then he had several abstract sketches that I had to stare at for a while, and still ended up not exactly knowing what I was looking at. Most of them gave off a dark and twisted vibe, and I was pretty sure what had inspired those. I almost didn't notice the very few landscapes he had. Those were…almost peaceful. And not as busy or chaotic as his other ones. There was even a hint of color in them. Compared to his other work, these were clearly an oddity, and I had to wonder what had inspired them. So if you asked me, I thought he quite obviously had talent. "Really, Zexion. These are fascinating."

Zexion half-smiled, looking over at what I was still staring at and trying to fight off a blush. "Yeah, those are…my most recent ones."

"Well, they're all good. I like the dark stuff too." He unconsciously tugged his sleeves over his wrists. My eyes got a glimpse of what must have been scarring on his skin.

"Thanks. I just wish I didn't have to be here to watch people scrutinize it all. But our art teacher insists we all stay." He let out a sigh.

"I don't see anything that could be criticized."

"Don't take his opinion to heart, Z. He likes everything here. He's got a horrible eye."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you telling him to ignore a compliment? I thought friends were supposed to encourage each other."

She folded her arms. "Yeah, well when someone who actually knows what they're talking about compliments him, then it will be fine."

"So my opinion means nothing then? Okay, I see how it is," I shrugged, indifferently.

"No, your opinion does mean something; just not very much. Close to nothing more like." Aqua smiled and Z looked slightly embarrassed.

There was a lull in our conversation and I glanced between them, suddenly feeling intrusive. "O-kay, I'm just going to look around some more." I turned away from them and headed to the other side of the room.

"Sorry about her." Zexion followed me, leaving a pouting Aqua.

"You don't have to apologize for her. I live with her, remember? I know what she's like. Besides, there really isn't anything to apologize for. I'm hardly offended."

"I figured as much. But still, she's wrong, so I thought I should tell you that."

Interesting. "Wrong about what?"

His ears reddened a little. "Your opinion does matter." He cleared his throat. "So really, what are you doing here? You aren't the art show type, let alone the type that would let Aqua drag you here."

I never really paid him much attention before, but I knew him well enough to understand, at the very least, two things: one, he didn't speak his mind very often, let alone to someone he barely knew; and two, he didn't go out of his way to strike up a conversation. "I had nothing better to do," I finally said, still studying him. It couldn't be that he liked me, right? No, that can't be it. I mean, look at the way he acted around Demyx. He went out of his way to not speak to him, unless directly spoken to. Zexion wasn't the take action type. So what was it about me that was making him…forward—at least, for him. I must have made some sort of impression on him.

"I thought you always had something better to do. Like follow your boyfriend around."

His accusation startled me. Now that, his bluntly stating the truth—with a hint of attitude—I knew he must have gotten from Aqua. "I don't stalk Roxas. That's Axel's habit."

"Uh-huh," he said, skeptically.

Z's forwardness was peaking my interest more. This really was a little strange for him. Was there something about me that set him off? Not that I was minding. It was kind of cute to see him pushing back a little. "You're right, I follow him everywhere. In fact, I'd prefer to keep him on a leash, for more than one reason, not excluding the kink-factor. I'm a control freak, what can I say? But my paranoia about losing him is justifiable."

Zexion blinked, rather taken aback by my answer. "Sure, yeah it's justifiable. I never said it wasn't. So if that's the case, why aren't you off following him?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my pinkish-brown hair. "Because if I do, Axel wins."

"But if you don't, what's to stop him from cheating at this little game between you two and winning while your back is turned?"

"Faith. I've conceded. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Que sera, sera."

"I like the way you think," he said, which again was a surprise for me to hear.

"If you had known me before this year, you would have an entirely different view of me."

Z shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. But that's the past. This is now. I've been trying to look at things that way recently."

I folded my arms. "Okay, I don't get it. Why are you so different so suddenly?"

He smiled. "Is that 'good' different, or 'bad' different?"

"I'd have to say 'good' different."

"Good. I'm trying to keep myself from getting trapped in the way of thinking that…well…led me to such a bad place." He glanced behind himself suddenly. "Oh, you'll have to excuse me, Aqua's hailing me." Z turned away from me and moved through a crowd to get to his friend, once more tugging down on his sleeves. The old Z was still in there, probably trying to understand the new Z's behavior.

Could it be me? I don't mean to sound self-important, but I wonder if he's acting this way because of me…or for me. I know I may have been a little harsh with him after what he'd tried to do to himself. Was he trying to impress me? Earlier, when we got here, he looked and acted like the same old Zexion, but then when he was alone with me, he was…different. Or maybe this was nothing. I could be reading too much into this. But I couldn't help liking the idea that this change might have been brought on by some sort of desire to win my approval. I don't generally draw people's attention. Well, not in a good way. Larxene had a thing for me, but she was also somewhat psychotic, so that wasn't exactly the kind of thing I wanted to be proud of. Then, of course, there was Roxas. But he started out hating me. I'd never had someone like me after I'd only said two words to them. Okay, it was more than two words, and it wasn't like they were nice words either. All in all, I was rather curious. Perhaps I was making a big deal out of nothing. I should quit fixating on it. It's not like it really mattered to me either way.

After Aqua and I left the art show, I decided to take a walk around the campus. When I got bored of that, I pulled out a book for class, that I had brought with me, and tried to read, but was completely disinterested. So I sat there, trying not to think of Roxas, and in doing so thought only of him.

~O~

I saw Roxas at breakfast, exchanging only a few words. He normally would have captured all my attention, but I became rather distracted by Zexion, who was staring at me from his table across the room. Between my many glances towards Z, as he had yet to cease his staring, I noticed Roxas was looking a little strange. I asked whether he was moping, but he denied the fact. I would have left it at that if I hadn't heard him mutter something like 'not yet anyway.' That got my attention.

"And what exactly does that mean?" He shrugged and told me that it was nothing. But how could it have been nothing if he'd said it? His distance worried me.

During class he barely spoke to me. I let him be; knowing that confronting him on his attitude would only cause him to snap at me.

On my way back to the dorms, I found Hayner and Seifer lounged under our usual tree. I didn't normally approach Roxas's friends without him, as I felt they were his friends and only tolerated me because of the association. But today, I suddenly felt the need to be around other people and talk.

"Do you mind me being here, or would you rather I scram?"

"Sit, you're not interrupting anything." Hayner nodded at me. "So, what's up? You look like something's on your mind."

"More like someone," I heard Seifer snort at that. "Can I ask you guys a question?"

"You sort of already did, but one more couldn't hurt," Seifer answered.

"How do you two do it?" I saw the sly look in their eyes and had to groan. "What I meant, was how do you two stay together the way you do? I've never seen you fight and you truly seem to adore one another."

They glanced at each other. Hayner was the first to respond. "I don't know, we just do. We are who we are and that's what we like about each other. Granted, that wasn't always the case."

"We used to hate each other." Seifer cut in.

"Really?"

"Yep," Hayner continued, "before we understood each other. But then we were somewhat forced to get to know one another. We come from the same home town, and used to be at odds constantly. Turned out we both ended up at this school. Then happened to be roommates. After that, it all sort of came together on its own. We've never had a reason to fight since. We disagree a lot, but it's never major."

"You two are too perfect."

"Or maybe we're just right and everyone else is trying too hard." Seifer gave me a long look before adding, "Don't try to hold on to what's not yours." My eyes narrowed and I was about to growl at him but he stopped me again with his words. "You may have lost him already. So all that fighting is useless."

"Is that supposed to be encouraging? Because that doesn't make me feel any better."

"No, we don't sugar-coat things. But seriously, Seifer's right. I don't mean to be cliché about it, but you need to let go. You never know, he may come back to you. But hey, you don't have to take our advice. Besides, we aren't around all that much, so we could be completely misjudging things."

Seifer coughed. "I doubt it though."

I sighed, wishing now that I hadn't approached them. What they had told me, was what I had already known. But hearing someone else voice it made me feel just a little helpless about my, and Roxas's, situation. Our relationship had been living on borrowed time to begin with. It should have ended that first time he told me to stay away from him. But I still found myself going back to him after that. Things felt differently this time though. If he ended us, I was sure that this time…we really would stay broken. I laughed, humorlessly. Maybe we had grown as people.

~O~

I'd been getting this weird feeling that someone was watching me. Following me. I suppose I shouldn't say someone, since I was pretty sure I knew who it was. Actually, I was rather impressed. The landscape here didn't exactly offer much in the way of coverage, so the fact that I hadn't seen him once since school got out was really an accomplishment.

I take that back. I would have been impressed. I mean, there I was, skulking behind the Admin building when I suddenly saw a pair of legs above me. I jumped away from the side of the building and looked up. Z was sitting on the rooftop, staring down at me. "Hey."

I gazed up at him. "You're on the fucking rooftop! How the hell did you get up there?"

"Hang on." He moved back to stand up, taking careful steps towards the drain pipe. Using it, he somehow climbed back down to me. "It's not that difficult. I used to hide out up there all the time."

"Okay and now for the real question, why are you stalking me via rooftop?"

Zexion looked sheepish. "Sorry. It's just easier to see you from up there."

I glanced sideways and then looked at him. "And why is it necessary to see me better?"

He shrugged. "I like to study my subjects before I draw them. You don't mind, do you?"

"You want to draw me? Well, that's cool." I grabbed my bag, which I had left against the wall. "So, are you going to come?" I started to walk away. Zexion hesitated before following me. "If you want to study me, you can do it on my level."

"You don't mind me following you around?"

"What I don't mind, is your company."

He flushed a bit. "Oh."

"So, how are you doing?" I felt the need to change the subject.

"Okay I guess. Sometimes I—well it still hurts…that's all." He swallowed. "I see him every day, so it's kind of unavoidable. I suppose in some way, that's a good thing. Maybe I'll get over it faster."

"And," I almost didn't say it, "how are you and Aqua?"

This time my question made him turn pale. "That was a one-time thing," he deadpanned. "It was…it happened because of special circumstances. We both felt…You know, I shouldn't have to defend myself on this. Aqua and I are friends. She kind of cares for me in a motherly fashion actually."

"You're right. You don't have to explain anything to me."

"I'll say one thing though. I still don't like girls."

"Defensive, Zexion. Really, you don't need to explain that to me." By this time, we had reached the dorms. We parted ways in the literal sense, but our thoughts were still centered on one another. Of course, I had no idea he was thinking of me, and he could only hope for me to think about him. The truth of the matter was: I kind of liked him. I don't know if I'd say in the romantic sense, but there was definitely something there that caught my attention. When I was with him, a part of me didn't constantly feel guilty. I knew I didn't have to protect Z from the world, and his not being bound to me in some form was also a relief. But the real benefit of being around him, was that he made me forget about every little thing that I was so used to worrying about.

~O~

Being self-conscious had never been an issue for me. Self-esteem and confidence are two qualities I don't have to look hard to find. But sitting there, really being watched, there was something unnerving about it. I felt like every miniscule flaw of mine was being exposed. Then I had to remind myself: at least he's the one I'm exposing myself to. Well, not literally of course. Huh, I wonder if he's ever drawn anyone in the nude before. Ha. Yeah right. Zexion would be too embarrassed to do that.

"Am I allowed to move?" I had my back against a tree and a book open in my hands. My leg were sprawled out in front of me and Zexion was sitting on my left with his sketch pad.

"Yeah, you can move. Just don't stand up. It's only a rough sketch, so it's not a big deal."

"It's a big deal for me. I've never posed for anyone before."

"Hey, don't get used to it. I'll be able to draw you without looking at you soon enough."

I laughed. "And won't that be a relief to you, because my incredible charm and astonishing good looks are too overwhelming for you." Zexion smiled but didn't say a word. "Maybe I should consider a career in modeling." I pretended to actually think on it. "Yeah, I could do that."

He didn't look up from his drawing, but said, "In all seriousness, Marly, what do you want to do with your life?"

"I don't know. Haven't really thought about it. What about you?"

He shrugged, "I know what I would like to do, but it's not practical. There is a reason why they are called starving artists…okay, finished."

I stretched an arm out towards him. "Can I see it?"

"It's not perfect or anything. I'll probably just touch it up later."

"Z, hand it over." He reluctantly passed me his book. "Wow, I know I said it before, but you're good. Better than good."

"Well, I'm only as good as my subjects. I'm glad you like it." He took the book back from me and closed it, fixing me with a smile as he did so. That was something you didn't see too often on his face.

"Have you ever drawn yourself?"

"Well…yeah. But they're never any good."

"Let me guess, you hate pictures of yourself."

"Heh, yeah. I'd prefer to be behind the camera."

"Have you spent much time with cameras?"

"I've dabbled. But I prefer more hands on work. Not so hands on like pottery or something. Too messy." He made a face.

"Paint's messy."

"Yeah, that's why I generally stay away from it. I like pencils. And color pencils. Charcoal. Pens."

I picked off a blade of grass and twirled it between my fingers. "How about crayons?"

"Oh please, that's-"

"So juvenile," I finished for him, my voice dripping in sarcasm.

"Ha, ha."

I gave him a sly grin before making a move for his sketch book. Zexion blinked, but didn't protest my taking it. Casually, I flipped through the pages of his sketch book, occasionally pausing on an image. Zexion leaned closer to me, looking over my shoulder. His proximity didn't bother me though. He was someone whose presence, however unlikely it may have seemed, somehow relaxed me.

~O~

Aqua had me fixed with an unblinking stare. It was actually rather annoying, as I was trying to do my homework and she'd become a distraction. "Tell me how to make you go away."

"Sorry, no can do." She glumly tugged on a strand of blue hair.

I sighed and glared at her. "What do you want then?"

"Are you toying with Z?"

"What?" I said, somewhat startled by her question. "No. I'm not toying with him. I'm allowed to be his friend, aren't I?"

"You're not generally the friend type," she said, accusingly. "I don't want him to be hurt by you."

I smiled bitterly. "You think I could do that? After what I know he's been through? Look, I think he just needs another supporting hand. That's all."

She leaned back on her bed. "Okay. I just—"

"I get it, Aqua. You're over protective and mother-henning him."

She glared. "I'm not—"

"Yes you are," I put it simply.

Aqua looked pouty for a moment before shaking it off and fixing me with a different kind of stare. "So, what do you think of him?"

I mentally groaned. Here we go. I mean, I expected her to eventually jump on me about 'how I feel.' Gee, can't one guy be another guy's friend? "He's cool, I like him. He's not superficial or haughty. He's honest, and I like that about him. Maybe you could say he's everything I'm not, and something about that speaks to me. He's interesting. And I'd love to see him come into his own a bit. You know, realize he's someone of worth. Mostly, I just like being around him."

She smiled, "Good. I approve of you," and didn't pester my for anything else on the subject.

"I don't need your approval, Aqua."

She shrugged. "I know. It's just easier for you this way. I mean, imagine what I'd be like if I didn't approve?"

Aqua made a good point there. For a change of topic, I said, "Where has Sora been lately? Not that I usually see him, but you and Z both seem to keep missing him."

The girl sighed and let her hair fall in front of her face. That glum look was back again. "Oh, I know exactly where he is, but I'm not going to go after him or reprimand him for not being around."

"Why?"

Aqua just looked at me. "I've been bothering you," she got up, "I'll let you get back to your work."

~O~

I'd been standing outside the door to the English classroom for nearly a half hour. If Sora was inside, he'd eventually have to come out, and when he did, I'd just ask him myself why he'd been deserting his friends.

The wait didn't last much longer, and the door slowly creaked open. I grabbed Sora by the arm and he yelped. "Marluxia? What the hell?" I continued to drag him down the hall and outside the building. "Okay, that hurts, can you let go?"

Once we were a few feet from the school, he somehow managed to wrench his arm free from my grasp. "So are you going to tell me what this is about, or are you going to glare at me all night?"

"I'd prefer to glare at you, but that wouldn't do either of us any good," I deadpanned. "So I'm just going to be blunt. Why are you avoiding Aqua and Z? They act indifferent about it, but I know they really want your company. For some reason." I folded my arms and looked away from him.

Sora was in a bit of a shock. If anything, he hadn't expect me to be the one to confront him on the matter. "Since when have you been hanging out with Aqua and Z?"

I glanced back. "When did you stop?" His jaw clenched. "Aqua is sort of unavoidable. Z…I did say I was going to keep an eye on him, and I have."

Sora sighed, the tension slowly ebbing from him. "I know it's my nature to not approve of anything you do, but thanks." He laughed. "I think this is the second time I've ended up thanking you for looking out for people I care for." He fixed me with his eyes, intently. "I'm sorry, I wish I could be a better friend, but I can't right now."

"Why?"

His blue eyes glimmered and a distant smile crossed his lips. "I'm in love, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but I can only focus the little energy I have in one direction right now." Sora blinked, as if coming out of a trance. "They know, and I sincerely hope they don't blame me for it."

I shook my head, knowing exactly what he meant. "Sorry, I didn't realize that's what was going on. It's not like I consulted with them before…taking matters into my own hands. So, I guess I jumped the gun."

"I really wasn't avoiding them on purpose. It's nice to see you so concerned though."

"Sure," I cleared my throat, "so I guess I should, um, apologize for attacking you like that."

Sora shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

I grinned, "So, who are you in love with?"

"Now _that_ I will never tell you. Or anyone. Except Z and Aqua, 'cause they already know."

"Aw, come on. I can keep a secret."

"Not from my brother, you can't. And he would most definitely not approve."

Sora and I walked back to the dorms together. All the way, I tried to persuade him to tell me, but he wouldn't budge.

Something I'd come to realize was that my opinions of people were slowly changing. It may have been due to just getting to know them better; that would make some sense after all. Maybe lately, I'd been allowing myself to let my guard down…and finding that it wasn't such a bad thing.

I said goodbye to Sora once we arrived at the dorms. I half imagined it was Roxas I was speaking to. Because I knew our time was up, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

~O~

"Marluxia?" Riku stood in my doorway, which I found slightly unusual. We got along great, but we'd never really hung out, just the two of us.

"Hey, are you looking for Roxas? Because I haven't seen him in a while."

He closed my door. "No, only looking for you. So, how are you?"

I got the feeling Riku purposely sought me out, and not to ask me how I was. "I've been better, I've also been worse."

"Yeah," he cleared his throat, "same here. And how are you and Roxas?"

I grinned to myself. That's why he's here. "Like I said, I haven't seen him in a while."

"Yeah, well that's normal." We both knew that was a lie. "I'm sure he'll show up at some point. But can I ask you something?" Riku sat down on Aqua's bed.

"Don't see why not."

He seemed to be looking for the words to say. After a moment, he finally asked, "Do you expect to be with him forever?"

I shrugged. "No one has forever. That's the whole point of 'till death do we part'."

"Come on, Marly, you know what I meant."

I gave him a half-smile. "Yeah I know…and no, I don't expect us to be together forever. It'll happen sooner or later."

"Which one: sooner or later?"

I glanced over at him. "I think we both know the answer to that one, Riku."

He looked at me, surprising me with the sadness reflected in his eyes. "So you know."

"I'd have to be blind not to know."

"Does it bother you?"

"If you asked me a week ago, I'd have said yes. But now, not so much." I sighed. "Thanks, though. If I hadn't already suspected, you would have had one hell of a job."

"I thought you should know."

"I assume I will know very soon."

Riku stood, "Yeah, that's a good assumption." He started to leave, but lingered at my doorway. "Marluxia, I expect to still see you, you know, after all of this."

"You'll still see me. Hey, it's your bad luck I happen to like you."

"Heh, I disagree. There's no bad luck in that."

~O~

I decided to leave my room today and actually try to find Roxas. There really was no point in giving him anymore space, since space is all I would be able to give him pretty soon. I traipsed around the island for the better part of an hour, but I never found him. I had just decided to give up when someone else found me.

"Marluxia."

"Hey Z."

"I—I was actually looking for you." He bit his lip and glanced around nervously.

I folded my arms. "Really? What for?" His nervousness and hesitancy made me slightly suspicious. He was going to ask me for something…possibly a favor. Maybe it had to do with Aqua.

Zexion closed his eyes. "Um, look, I don't expect you to say anything, but I need to tell you."

People seemed to be picking today to inform me of things. "Tell me what?"

"I…I like you. More than as a friend, and I know you couldn't possibly feel for me, for more than one reason, but I had to tell you. I don't want to act like it's nothing, like I did with Demyx."

"Zexion," I said slowly, unfolding my arms and letting the look in my eyes soften. So that was it. I had been right. And I was dually impressed that he had had the nerve to even tell me as much.

He shook his head. "I don't expect anything, okay? Just don't go ignoring me now, I would hate that."

"I'm not about to ignore you. I like spending time with you. But, um, what did you mean by there's 'more than one reason' why I could never like you back? I'm rather curious as to what you could possibly mean by that. Do tell."

Zexion's eyes widened, looking slightly startled by my question. I must be torturing him right now. "Uh, well, besides you being with Sora's brother, there's the whole fact that someone like you could never like someone like me."

"Someone like me? What exactly is someone like me?" I said, with one eyebrow raised

"Erm," he bowed his head, so I couldn't see his flushed face, "I don't know. You're just, I mean, we're two different kinds of people."

Why do I get the feeling I've heard that one before? "You know, that's not a real problem, and it wouldn't prevent me from liking you. So from my point of view, there is only one thing standing between us." I moved closer to him and lifted his head with my hands. "And that one obstacle won't be in the way forever." I leaned towards his ear and whispered, "So if I were you, I'd just give it time. Because I rather think you're cute, and I'd be more than willing to explore that area." My remark left Z altogether flustered.

~O~

This was it. This was the real end. Last night with Roxas, we both knew it was our last night together. I was expecting him to come back in a matter of moments, after his band practice. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I swallowed and stared up at the ceiling, dreading his return, but also anxious for it. This wasn't the end of my story, just the beginning of a new chapter. Maybe, with Zexion, I could have a new slate. Because honestly, I was liking the idea of seeing if I could make something work with him. And the more I thought about it, the more I liked it.

I must have zoned out for a period of time because next thing I knew, Roxas had suddenly appeared, holding a small pot of dirt in his hands. It was all I could do to keep myself from laughing. "What's that?"

Roxas looked sideways at me. "A plant," he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I took a closer look at it and spotted a small green—something—just starting to grow. "Yeah, I can see that. So, what's with the plant?" This better as hell not be some sort of peace offering. Or a joke.

He smiled, almost sadly. "It's for you. I thought it could be like a hobby." I raised an eyebrow. What kind of hobby is growing plants? "You could learn how to take care of something other than yourself."

I blinked. What? Ouch, he can't really mean that can he? "I took care-"

"No, you see that's the point. We never knew how to take care of each other."

Not at first maybe. Or maybe that's what I thought I was doing. No, that's not right; I was in this for myself. Because he was my obsession. "Yeah, right. That's—ah—that's true." As much as I would like to argue the fact, I can't. "Thanks then." I accepted the potted plant from him, looking skeptically at it. If I kill this thing, I might actually cry. I sighed and looked up at him. "Are you going to be-?"

Roxas nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay." He hesitated. "Not at first, but I'll have to learn to be."

He was not as fragile as he once was. I think something about Axel had part credit for that, if only for not being me. Most of all, he'd grown up, and he didn't need me to be his protector anymore. "He's a good guy, Axel." I was resigned to admit it. He won fair and square, because there really were no rules, and it never had been a game between us.

Roxas smiled. "Yes, he is. Kooky, but good. "

I set the plant down on top of my desk and walked over to where Roxas was standing. I took him in my arms for the last time. "I'm going to miss you," I whispered.

He closed his eyes and pressed his head against my chest. "I'll be around. A day won't go by where you won't see me." But I think we both knew that…that probably wouldn't be the case.

~O~

I set off, almost immediately after Roxas left, to find Z. I wanted to be around someone, especially him. He was in his dorm room on his bed, drawing. There was a look of surprise in his grey eyes when he saw me standing in his doorway.

"You know, Roxas was the only person I ever really loved." I laughed, humorlessly, and shut the door behind me. Z let me continue talking, not quite sure what I was getting at. I sat down on the edge of his bed and he moved so he was sitting next to me. I looked directly in his eyes. "We just broke up. It's happened so many times before, but this…this was real. Forever."

"I'm sorry," Zexion whispered. He sounded sincere, and not like he was glad to have Roxas out of his way. He took a hold of my hands, and gave me a sympathetic look. And just like that, I could almost feel everything he was feeling at that moment. How he honestly cared about my feelings, and how he wanted to be no where else but where I was. Just the gentle touch of his skin on mine, was letting me see into his heart…and I felt my own responding to it. I stared into his eyes, and began to lose myself in them. Then, without even being consciously aware of it, I was leaning closer to him, and pressing a kiss against his lips.

~end chapter thirteen

A/N: Wow, I find I have nothing to say currently. Weird. Anyway, look forward to some major back story next chapter. That's all I will give away~


	22. Part 2, Chapter 14, Squall's Chapter 2

Chapter Fourteen; Squall's Chapter Two: Sora

~O~

"I'm sorry about your mother." I took her in my arms and pressed her against my chest. She was silently sobbing and her lithe body trembled. We were standing outside, at our favorite spot. It's a little hillside that was part way up a hiking trail, and overlooked a valley. Everything was green and dotted with wildflowers. Had it been the evening, a miraculous sunset would have painted the sky. That's what we usually came up here for. But not today.

She pulled away from me and rubbed the tears out of her eyes. "God, I must look hideous. My makeup's probably all smudged now."

"You look gorgeous to me." She laughed and shook her head. "Was it…did she go peacefully?"

"The doctors said she never felt a thing."

"That's good."

She nodded. "I think my Dad being there was a comfort for her. They got along fine towards the end."

I didn't comment on that. When it came to her father, I tried to stay out of it. All I did was brush strands of her long brown hair behind her ears. Her blue eyes stared deeply into mine and I could see tears forming again. "All she ever wanted was to see me happy and married."

"Your mother is looking down on you right now. And she will still see you married." My girlfriend sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder. She was the only woman I'd ever loved. But also the only person I could see myself raising a family and growing old together with.

"Mom wanted to see us engaged so badly," she turned her head to look up at me, "I'm sorry if that got awkward. It's just the way she was. It was the same with all of my boyfriends that she liked. She was always hinting they needed to propose. I think she just really wanted grandchildren." She laughed slightly.

"No, I didn't really mind. In fact, I don't mind at all. I love you, and I want to be with you."

"I love you too, Squall."

I gently pried her off of me, but took a hold of her hands. I got down on one knee and stared up at her. Tears welled up in her eyes once again. "Will you marry me?"

Her lips trembled, and she kneeled on the ground beside me. "Yes!" She kissed the top of my hands. "Yes, I want to marry you Squall. More than anything."

~O~

"Are we sure this is a good idea?" What I wanted more than anything was for her to reconsider.

She frowned as she glanced my direction. The look stayed on her lips while she continued to watch the road. "Yes, I'm sure. He's my father and I want to tell him our news."

I leaned my elbow on the car door armrest. "Your father loathes me, you do remember that?" I continued to grumble, occasionally muttering words like 'asshole' and 'homophobe.' She just smiled and grinned. I groaned some more, still not believing we were actually going to have dinner with the man who despised me. "He'll disapprove. He'll tell you not to go through with it."

"Honestly, Squall, you think too hard on him. All he wants is my happiness." She pulled into the long driveway of what she called her father's 'house.' It's no house. Houses aren't surrounded by forests nor do they have elaborate gates and driveways. This was an estate.

"Sure, but my happiness and your happiness aren't supposed to correlate. I'm telling you, this isn't going to go well."

She parked the car and I glumly stepped outside. The two of us made our way up the marble stairs that lead to the front door. She opened the door with her key, gave me a smile, and ushered me inside. My sigh was masked by her shout of 'Daddy?'

"Is that my little girl?" We looked to our right and saw a well built man in his early sixties with a full head of brown hair. The only grey that could be seen was streaked in his beard. He waved to his daughter from the top of the stairs on the second floor landing. He smiled while descending the staircase. "Ah, now I can see you better." His smile faltered. "And Squall of course."

"Mh," I muttered as my hello. She elbowed me. "It's great to see you too, Mr. Sutter. How are you?"

"Not so well, considering my ex-wife just died," he deadpanned. "We were getting along so well too. And you?"

"Squall's been such a comfort for me, Daddy." She smiled and patted my arm. "He usually is, but now especially." It was a subtle attempt to cut me off before I said something that would displease her father.

Mr. Sutter took her by the arm and they began to walk towards the dining room. "I'm glad we all are getting together for dinner. I hardly see you, my dear."

I rolled my eyes and followed behind them. We stopped walking when we reached the abnormally large dining room. The polished elongated table and the perfectly shimmering crystal in the china cabinets along the walls left me feeling cold rather than impressed by the obvious displays of wealth.

"Let me leave you two here, and I'll check the status in the kitchen."

"Squall." She seated herself at the left of the head of the table, and I sat down across from her.

"What? I haven't said anything."

She leaned across the table and looked at me with sincerity behind her bright blue eyes. "You holding up okay?"

I sighed. "Yes. I may make it through the night."

Mr. Sutter reappeared. "It will just be another moment. Now what will you two be drinking tonight?"

"I'll take a cola, Dad. I'm driving us tonight, and you know I prefer to be extra careful when I drive."

Smiling, he said, "Good girl," and then turned towards me. "One of these days you may want to get yourself a car, Squall. They are quite practical."

"I'll keep that in mind." I said each word carefully, knowing I shouldn't let him get to me.

"And to drink?"

"Whatever you are having will be just fine." I smiled as politely as I could. When he exited the room I glanced across the table. "You see, I'm trying."

She frowned. "You could try to be a little nicer. Maybe strike up a conversation. If you're negative towards him, how do you think he's going to act?"

~O~

We managed to get through dinner without mishap. I think the alcohol was what really loosened our nerves. When he spoke to me, it stopped sounding accusing. My girlfriend, or fiancée I should say, looked rather pleased that the two men in her life were playing nicely. "Well Dad," we were half way through dessert when she started to bring up the reason for our visit. I was almost disappointed. I had managed to forget why we were there in the first place, and now all the dread was rushing back.

"Ah, here it comes. You're about to tell why you wanted to suddenly get together for dinner." She looked sheepishly at him. "Come now, I knew there must have been a reason, besides just seeing your loving father."

She brushed locks of her brown hair behind her ears. "We have some news actually," she glanced at me, "good news, and I thought this was the best way to tell you."

He looked from her to me, and then back to her. "Are you pregnant?" he asked in a stern tone.

To his obvious relief, she laughed. "No, no, that's not it. Jeez, Dad."

"I'm sorry, but I had to ask. The way you were speaking…" he trailed off and frowned.

She took a deep breath. "Someday maybe." That got his attention again. "Um," I saw her take another breath, and knew she was beginning to get nervous, "Dad, we got engaged."

Mr. Sutter continued to just stare at her, no emotion crossing his face; it was almost as if he hadn't heard her. She tried again. "We're getting married."

He blinked. "Oh. Congratulations." I grinned. That sounded so heartfelt. "Can I speak with you, Squall, in the other room?"

I glanced at her, and saw she was just as confused as I was. "Um, sure. Okay."

"Sorry to take him away from you for a bit, dear. We'll be back."

I followed him down a dark hallway and into what I assumed was his study. The walls were lined with rows of books and there was a desk in one corner sporting a computer system. Mr. Sutter took the seat behind the desk, and I sat in one of the armchairs across from him. "Do you love my daughter, Mr. Leonhart?"

"What? Yes, of course, I wouldn't have proposed if I didn't." His question took me by surprise.

"And that's why you want to marry her: because you love her? Are you sure it's not for monetary gain?" I saw a flicker of loathing flash across his otherwise stone-like features.

It was difficult for me to bite my tongue after a pass like that. "Mr. Sutter, I've tried to respect you for the sake of your daughter, but it's times like this where I find that to be just a tad bit challenging. For as long as I can remember, you have been less than friendly with me. And when your daughter and I pronounced our relationship to you, I knew you were less than thrilled. You can hate me all you like, but the one thing I won't stand for is your questioning my love for her. I can tell you, it is genuine. So how dare you."

"Well, you would be correct in assuming I only tolerate you because of my daughter. So you will just have to put up with my questions, because I cannot for the life of me understand why my daughter chose you. Let me start with the most obvious one: aren't you…gay?" He seemed to have difficulty saying the word.

I shrugged. "I guess that depends. You see, I've never really considered my sexuality before, because that's not what it's about for me. I believe in love. That's it. Who I love, is just who I love. And that happens to be your daughter."

"I would have preferred a straight answer, because I'm having trouble believing that."

I stood. "That's not my problem. Now, I don't need your blessing, but I'm sure she would have liked that. Either way, you're smart enough to know you can't miss your only daughter's wedding." I moved towards the door. "It's late, so you'll have to excuse me for taking off now."

I left him in his study and returned to the dining room. "We're going."

"What happened?" She quietly left her seat and caught up to me as I headed for the door.

"He just acted the way I expected him to," I growled.

She didn't push the subject any further, just looked glum. But I'm pretty sure I heard her whisper, "Why can't you two get along?"

~O~

I glanced at my watch; she should have been here by now. She said she would be here fifteen minutes ago. I stared out the window in the kitchenette of our apartment. The sky was dark and all I could see were the heavy raindrops that pounded on the glass. She was probably just driving more slowly; she was a very careful driver after all. I suppose every other car was moving at the same pace. And for all I knew, the usual roads could have been closed during this storm. I just needed to be patient.

After a half an hour went by, I began to get worried. I tried to talk myself out of it, thinking that maybe she was running late or got held up somewhere. Maybe she got mixed up with our timings and thought she was going to pick me up an hour later. I decided to wait it out by distracting myself with the television. Part way into a soap opera, which I had actually managed to interest myself in, I got the call.

"Hello?"

"Is this Squall Leonhart?" I didn't recognize the voice on the other end.

"Yes, it is."

"I'm calling from Radiant Garden General Hospital." The hospital? Oh god, oh god, what's happening? "A Miss Sutter was brought in here a few minutes ago. We found your number in her wallet when we were looking for her identification."

"She's my fiancée," my heart was racing a mile a minute, "what happened, is she okay?"

"Sir, I think you may want to come down to the hospital."

~O~

I sat by her side, squeezing her hand tightly. She was unconscious, and had been ever since she was brought into the hospital. There were so many machines hooked up to her that I couldn't even figure out what they all were for. But the one that bothered me the most was the one supporting her breathing. She was in bad condition, and that was putting it mildly. The guy who had been driving the truck that hit her had died instantly.

"Please, don't take her away from me," I whispered to no one in particular. "You're the strongest person I know, you're going to pull through. I know it. I love you too much, so you have to, okay?"

But my love for her wasn't enough to keep her here…I lost her the next morning.

~O~

"You want a drink?"

"No," I mumbled.

Mr. Sutter pulled out some Scotch from one of his desk drawers. He poured a glass full and drank it straight. Who knows how many he had already had that day. I was barely paying him much attention and didn't even notice him down another not long after the first. If I had noticed, I wouldn't have blamed him. I just wasn't about to drown my sorrows with alcohol the way he was.

We had come back to his place after the funeral. Several guests were staying here, but neither one of us wanted to associate with people, so we had gone into his study to get away from the others. If I had known how this decision was going to turn out for me, I might have chosen to stay around those strangers instead. I really should have known better.

"You happy now?" he whispered. It was the first thing, besides asking if I wanted a drink, that he had said to me since the funeral.

I looked up at him, startled and confused. "What?" He couldn't be serious. There's no reason to feel happy now.

"You've killed her," he continued, finally turning his eyes to me. There was a burning hatred there that I had never seen the likes of before. I just stared at him, unable to say anything, and suddenly afraid. "It's your fault she's dead."

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. It's all I could say.

"You're the reason she's dead!" He raised his voice and tightened the grip he had around his glass.

"No," I said again, maybe more to myself than to him. With his free hand he pulled me up from where I had been sitting, so I was forced to face him.

"You killed her," he said again.

"No, no, no," I kept muttering my mantra and shaking my head.

I continued to repeat the word over and over again while he yelled, "It's your fault!"

There was a shattering sound and I looked down at the hand that he had been holding his glass with. It had broken in his grasp, and he was now holding on tightly to a jagged piece of the glass that looked to be cutting into his flesh. The rest of the fragments were scattered on the carpet by his feet, along with growing pool of dark red blood that was dripping from his hand. He pounded his other fist against my chest, while he continued yelling, "It's your fault." He didn't seem to even register the fact that his glass had broken, or that he was now clutching the sharp remains of it.

I tripped and fell backward against a shelf of books, but before I had regained my balance, he drew back the fist clinging to the shard of glass and took a swing at me. He missed my face with his punch, but the glass had made contact, coming at a diagonal between my eyes. I let out a cry and dropped to the floor, clutching at the wound. Through the pain, the only coherent thought I had was that at least he had missed both my eyes…by a fraction.

Mr. Sutter dropped the shard and stood over me, staring at his bleeding hand. After a few moments, he calmly said, "It serves you right," and then left me there. My tears mixed with the red droplets dripping from my face, and made it look as if I was crying blood.

"It's my fault," I whispered. "It's all my fault." All I could think was that he was right. She wouldn't have died if she hadn't been with me. It was somehow all my fault. I was the cause of it all, and I deserved to be punished.

When I woke up the next morning in my apartment, I couldn't remember how I had gotten there.

~O~

It was weeks before I could bring myself to visit her grave. The physical wound Mr. Sutter had left with me was still not healing properly. The mental wound he gave me, on the other hand, was in better shape. Now that I was thinking rationally, I knew he was wrong. I wasn't the one who had caused her death. I may have felt responsible and guilty, but I wasn't the direct cause of her death, and she would not have wanted me to blame myself.

Ironically, the first time I went to see her grave it was dark out and pouring rain. I didn't care about getting soaked, so I let myself stand for hours, it seemed, in front of her stone marker while the water seeped though my clothes and the dirt beneath my feet turned to mud.

"Why?" I whispered. "Why did you leave me?" I fell to my knees. "I need you. How could you leave me like this? You weren't supposed to go. I should have died instead of you." My hands balled into fists and tears fell from my eyes, mingling with the rain. "I need you. What am I supposed to do without you?"

I slammed my fists down on the ground, splattering myself with the mud. "Come back to me. Please," I whispered, "please, come back to me!"

It became harder to control my sobs. "Why won't you come back to me?" My eyesight was blurred by tears and I continued to sit on top of her grave, my body shaking from the cold and my crying. "I need you…I need you so badly. Come back to me." I stilled for a few moments as I stared at her name inscribed on the grave stone. And then one last time, I whispered, "Come back to me…Sora."

~O~

"I have somewhere I need to be, so you won't see me after school." It had been years since I paid a visit to my former fiancée's grave, and what with the arrival of another Sora in my life, one who I had fallen for, it seemed like an appropriate time for that visit. I'm sure he would have understood, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell Sora where I was going.

"Oh," he looked somewhat disappointed, "will you be back soon?" There was a hopeful look in his bright blue eyes—so like hers that sometimes it scared me. Their likeness used to startle me. I can see it all in their eyes. I could always tell what she was thinking, and it's the same thing with my Sora now. They both could never mask how they were feeling around me, no matter how much of a brave front they put up around others. Before I had known _her_, I'd thought her to be some self-important rich girl. It took me by surprise how wrong I was about that. I don't know why me, but when we were alone, she seemed to relax enough to truly let me see who she was…and it had all been beautiful. And while I may not see much of Sora outside of the classroom, or when we aren't alone, somehow…I know it's the same. Deep down, the both of them are carefree spirits…light as air. Or perhaps I'm reading too much into it, and that's just how my heart feels…felt…around the both of them.

I smiled and said, "Yes, I'll be back some time tomorrow. Now run along to your next class."

Sora stuck out his tongue at me. "I'm going, I'm going." He turned back to me before taking off. "Don't forget about me while you're gone."

"I'll miss you too, Sora." And I do, I did, miss every second away from you.

~O~

"You brought him to me, didn't you Sora?" I placed a white rose on her grave: they were her favorite. They're his favorite too. "He's not you, no matter how similar, if only by name, the two of you are. And I was never looking to replace you. I love him on his own. I'd love him regardless of his name. But I'm not going to lie; it was your name that drew me to him in the first place. That's your way of telling me it's okay to move on, isn't it? Because…it's not your name, it's his. I just had to tell you thank you. Thank you for bringing him to me."

I backed away from her grave, smiling slightly. I turned my back on her and whispered, "I just hope that you can forgive me if I fall even more in love with him than I was with you." And for a moment, I could envision her arms around me and her voice saying 'It's okay, I understand.' But that moment was broken when I suddenly heard footsteps.

I was so shocked that I could hardly speak. Only a few feet in front of me was her father, Mr. Sutter. "Squall." He let out a little laugh. "I never thought I would see _you_ again."

"Like-wise." I said it without thinking; but then again, I shouldn't have to control what I say to him anymore.

"I suppose I know why you are here."

"If you mean visiting her, then yes, that is what I was doing." I folded my arms and watched as his eyes briefly flicked up to my scar.

"What have you been up to?" We both were somewhat surprised by his question. I would have expected him to want to get away from me as soon as possible, not prolong our interaction.

I sighed, resigning myself to speak with him. "Teaching. At a private school. And you?"

"I…not much." He glanced at the foot of his daughter's grave. "You remembered."

"Of course."

There was a moment of awkward silence before he spoke again. "If you're going to be around, would you like to have dinner?"

I wasn't quite sure how to react to that one. "Um, I would, but I have someone I need to get back to."

"Oh," he nodded, "sure, of course."

"I should go." I started to walk off.

"Squall." I paused, but didn't turn around. "I don't blame you. I'm…I'm sorry."

I couldn't bring myself to respond; partly because I didn't believe him, and partly because I wasn't sure I could forgive him. Finally, maybe more for her sake than mine, I heard myself saying, "I forgive you." She would have wanted that, for us to make peace. And it was time I left all of that in the past. I guess this was my way of giving him his Sora back. So I could return to mine. My Sora. Because he is mine, and she…she had always been daddy's little girl. I was never going to ever have all of her. I had been equal to her father, in her eyes, with how much she loved me. And there hadn't ever been anything wrong with that. I…hadn't made her complete. We were in love, yes, but there had always been some part of us we held back. I didn't feel that with my Sora now. I could sense him giving all of himself to me with every moment and touch we shared. And I knew, the day we finally gave ourselves over to the other…would make me feel complete.

~O~

I arrived back at the island just after dinner. Not that I was disappointed though, as the thought of food reminded me of Mr. Sutter, so I lost all sense of apatite.

There was a feeling of guilt that I was holding onto. The idea that I might love someone more than I loved her…I would have thought it impossible before now, but I couldn't help thinking that maybe with Sora, that could be the case. But if I loved someone else more, would it put her memory to shame? Like she meant nothing? A means to an end? I couldn't bear to think that.

Of course, that's when a voice in the back of my head reminded me that maybe this was just my moving on...and it's natural to move on. People often fall in love several times in their lives. It was not shaming her. What would she have done in my position? Probably would have found an ideal husband. Maybe would have already had kids. She would have found a way to be happy again. Oddly enough, this voice sounds exactly like my Sora. Wasn't he the one who thought he knew nothing about love?

I had been thinking all this as I walked from the port to my apartment. My reverie was broken only when I noticed there was light coming from the curtained window by the door. My hand hesitated on the doorknob, briefly wondering what I was to find on the other side. Did I leave it on? I couldn't remember. It was possible of course; after all, there had been several times that I had forgotten to lock up. I was sure I hadn't left it on though. So my thoughts began to drift, the way they always did, to the worst possible scenario: someone had broken in.

Alright, that was a filtered down version of the worst case scenario, as I highly doubt a murderous rapist was waiting for me with a knife. Because for some reason, that was the first thought I had. I actually started to laugh after thinking that. I'm just being ridiculous. I probably left the light on.

I shook my head as I turned the doorknob and entered my small apartment. Nothing appeared to be out of order. Until my eyes fell upon a book bag on the couch, and I had to smile fondly. I glanced around, looking for the intruder, and made my way towards my bedroom. Sure enough, I found Sora curled up on top of my bed, asleep. I sat down gently on the plain white sheets, not wanting to wake him. He looked so peaceful lying there, that I couldn't help but touch his face and brush strands of his hair behind his ears. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open at the contact, and he stared at me with a sleepy smile on his lips.

"What are you doing here?" I said in a whisper, my hand still tracing his features: his smooth skin, his jaw line, his lips.

"I don't know," Sora exhaled with a sighing breath, trying to wake up. "I…I wanted to be here when you got back." He sat up, tucking his legs beneath him while rubbing at his eyes. "You really should lock your door. Anyone could have gotten in."

"Why did you come over if you expected the door to be locked?"

He looked sheepish. "I actually didn't think it through. I guess I thought I would sit out in front of your door until you came home." Sora laughed a little. "That probably wouldn't have been the best idea, especially if someone saw me just sitting there. And…that sounds really pathetic now that I hear it out loud."

I took one of his hands and held it to the side of my face, closing my eyes as I said, "You really can't bear to be away from me, can you?"

"No," he whispered. "It's maddening."

My eyes locked with his, and suddenly the words were tumbling out of my mouth. "I love you."

Sora froze and I could almost hear his heart speed up. For a moment he's speechless, but then his cheeks flushed and he lowered his eyes from my gaze. "I…do you really?"

It was almost heartbreaking to hear his say that. Did he really doubt that someone could love him? By the look on his face, I guess he must have. My silence probably wasn't helping the situation any. Finally I said, "Look at me, Sora." He unwillingly raised his eyes to mine. "Of course I mean it, why else would I ever initiate a relationship with you? Do I have to remind you what I'm risking? You're my student, or have you forgotten that? If we're found out, and technically we're not doing anything wrong, but there will be consequences. You know the type of person I am, so you should know I'm not going to lie to you. What would be the point?"

He bit his lip. "I didn't even think about that. I'm sorry I said it."

I shook my head. "Don't be sorry." I stood and he continued to look at me with his doe eyes. I smiled before kissing him lightly. "I'm going to go change. I know it's still relatively early to be going to bed, but…if you want to stay here tonight, to sleep, that would be okay with me." I grinned mischievously at him. "I kind of like the idea of you being in my bed."

Sora flushed and looked down at the covers. "I'd like that." He watched me as I was looking for clothes to sleep in. I was about to head into the bathroom when he spoke again. "Squall, I love you too."

"Sora-"

"Wait." Sora put a hand up, silencing me. He was blushing again. "I'm not just saying it because you said it to me. I…I really do mean it." His face turned an even brighter red and he had to break eye contact with me. "Also, um…well, I've just been asleep, so I'm not exactly tired yet…" he swallowed, "so…if you wanted to do something, you know…instead of sleeping, that'd be…that'd be okay too."

He hesitantly looked up at me. "Sora, are you saying…?" I cocked my head to one side and surveyed him. Did he mean…?

Sora looked at me for a fleeting moment before glancing away again. "If you wanted to."

"Do you want to?" That's the important thing. I'm completely willing to wait until he is ready. I don't want him to think my saying 'I love you' was meant to pressure him.

"I…I think I do."

"Think?"

"Squall," he whined, "are you really going to make me say it again?"

I smiled, sympathetically. "Well, I would like an affirmative answer instead of a tentative one. Let's be sure this is what you really want. So, do you, Sora? And not because you think it's expected of you—it's not. Can you honestly answer me with no doubt in your mind? "

Sora bit his lip. "I really…I think I'm…yes, okay? What more can I say? I don't know how I can put it so you'll understand that I have no doubt in my mind about it right now. I want to give myself to you, alright? Yes, I'm nervous…and scared…but I trust you."

I set down the clothes I had finally settled on, and returned to his side. "Sorry Sora, I feel obligated to make damn sure this is really what you want." I sat down again on the bed. "Because I'll wait for you."

"I'm done with waiting."

"Sora-"

"I'm not changing my mind, Squall. Are you?"

I kicked off my shoes and socks and set them by Sora's. "You're telling me to stop stalling, aren't you?"

"Maybe."

"Well maybe now I'm nervous."

Sora blinked, "You are? But why?"

"I want it to be perfect for you."

"Squall," Sora was smiling sweetly at me. He placed his hands on either side of my face and leaned in to kiss me once. "You already are perfect for me. Believe me, you have nothing to worry about."

I enveloped him in my arms, burying my face in his hair. "Okay Sora."

~O~

_My body trembled above his as I captured his lips. His skin was smooth and warm…inviting…comforting. Our breathing was quickening with every touch._

I had to shake my head and clear the visions of that night from my mind. At least for the moment. It was Monday morning, and school was in session. These weren't appropriate thoughts to be thinking during my first period senior English class.

'…_Squall…'_

I inhaled deeply and stared out at the sleepy students in their seats. Sora was here of course. Sitting between his two friends, Aqua and Zexion. I could tell, by the look on his face, that he was zoned out—probably thinking about the same thing I was. I sighed, trying not to pay him any attention for the time being, as it would only serve as torture. This was going to be a long day.

~O~

"_Relax, okay? If you can keep yourself from tensing up, this will go a lot more smoothly." I had him pinned between the bed and I, and we were both flushed. _

"_I thought you were going to stop talking…" Sora smiled slightly, a cheeky expression on his lips. "Stop worrying, Squall. You make me forget my nerves when you're close." His arms encircled me, and he tightened his hold. "I want this…I want you." _

"Hey was it just me, or did today seem to last a life time to you too?" Sora stood over me, grinning.

I leaned back in my chair, folding my hands behind my head, and momentarily remembering a time when Sora saw me fall out of this seat. "Yes, it took years off of my life." I stared into his eyes, finding myself smiling back at him.

Sora took his normal seat in the front row. We continued to stare at one another for a while, before he took out a binder and started on some work. I found it difficult to return to my own, when all I could think about after that were the sounds of his gasping and calling my name.

"_Squall!" His voice was putting me over the edge, and I wanted to be closer…closer…closer than was possible, but we were both trying to bring our bodies as close as they could be together. My teeth were clamping down on his neck, and he was gasping again. _

"Squall?" I jumped, startled out of my thoughts, and focused on the Sora that was right in front of me. His look was much more serious than before, and he was scooting forward in his seat, pressing his arms down against the built-in table. "You know, I just remembered something. Didn't you say you would one day tell me what your fiancée's name was? Now seems as good a time as any, don't you think?"

My arms fell down to my sides. "True. I suppose you would be right."

His look faltered, most likely in response to the defeat in my voice and the distance in my eyes. "On second thought, you don't need to tell me. It's enough that I know something of your past. Her memory is something you should be able to keep to yourself."

I sighed, stood up, and moved over to the seat next to him, placing one hand on top of his. The skin contact making it impossible for me to not remember the other night.

_His heart racing against my own. My body pressed down against his. Our flushed skin and collective sighing. And the feeling…of being joined with him. Letting ourselves go._

I had to tell him the truth. At this point, I owed it to him. "Sora, in any other case it wouldn't be a big deal at all. But in this particular one…" I drifted off, knowing I should tell him…wanting to tell him.

"I understand." Sora caught my eyes.

I hesitated, before replying, "No, I don't think you do." He looked like he wanted to argue with my statement, but I continued speaking. "This is a special case, Sora. You…you already know her name."

He blinked. "What? I do?"

I took a breath. "She has your name."

His hand twitched under mine. Sora stared at the desk, seemingly at a loss for words. Finally he said, "Don't you mean I have her name?"

I shook my head, strands of my brown hair falling in front of my eyes, right over my scar. "No, because she's not my Sora, you are." He remained quiet. His silence causing a feeling of fear to creep up on me. Panicked by the thought of losing him, I began to plead in my defense. "I needed you to know that I loved you, before I told you her name." Sora just nodded. I continued, a nervousness still bubbling in my stomach, "I fell for you because of who you are, not because of her." Sora looked up at me, his blue eyes taking my breath away again. After a moment, I said, "I won't deny that it was your name that drew me to you. But you have to know," he looked taken aback by the desperation in my eyes. "I didn't fall for your name," I whispered.

Sora smiled shyly at me, and not just for the effect. I could see it reflected in his eyes. He interlocked our fingers, and I let out a sigh in relief as he said, "What's in a name anyway?"

"You're okay with this? No…doubting me?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't doubt you; I love you." Sora shrugged. "Besides, it's because of her that you're with me now."

I frowned. "Sora…I don't want you to think that."

"Uh-uh," he was wagging a finger at me, "I want to think that. I want to believe that she was your guide to me." I didn't say anything, but I silently agreed.

~end chapter fourteen

A/N: I have no words…just…take a moment to pause. I do heart my Sora/Squall…*sighs*


	23. Part 2, Chapter 15, Roxas's Chapter 4

Chapter Fifteen; Roxas's Chapter Four: Over Protective

~O~

It was strange, sitting there next to Riku, and seeing Marly at the table Sora usually occupied. He was talking with Aqua and Zexion—who obviously had no intentions of taking his eyes off my ex-boyfriend. Sora, oddly enough, was nowhere to be found. The three at his table were unconcerned by his absence. I, on the other hand, was very concerned. He hadn't been seen at all yesterday afternoon, nor had he returned to our dorm room last night. I frowned at my cereal, wondering why my sibling-worrying had to kick in now, and who my brother could possibly be seeing.

"Are you going to eat that?" Hayner asked, his voice bringing me back to reality. He and Seifer were giving me a strange look.

"Probably not. Why, do you want it?"

My friend shook his head. "No, but you might want to eat it before it gets soggy."

I pushed the tray of food away from me, feeling dejected. Now that things in my life were apparently calming down, I was focusing my attention elsewhere. The thought brought me full circle, and I was back to where I started: where the hell was Sora?

Maybe I was channeling my energy his direction to keep myself from thinking about Marly. I glanced back over to where he was sitting to see him sharing a look with Zexion. Something about them indicated they were in on a secret that only they knew. I couldn't deny that it hurt to see him having interest in someone other than me. But just a little. I sighed and ran a hand though my blond hair, catching Riku's eyes as I was wondering how long it would take for me to completely get over Marly.

"You okay?" Riku whispered, so only Demyx and I could hear the question.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…Marly, you know?"

Riku smiled, his eyes reflecting an understanding of exactly what I meant. "Anything else on your mind? You've got that look." He absent mindedly twirled a strand of silver hair in his fingers while he waited for me to reply.

I sighed and rested my head on the table top. "Yeah. Lately, something's been going on with my brother. He's been disappearing and going off on his own. He's seeing someone, but he won't tell me who." I glanced over to the dining room entrance, hoping to see him suddenly show up. "He didn't come back to the dorms last night."

Demyx raised an eyebrow and shared a look with Riku. "Yup, sounds like he's got himself a secret lover. Heh, I wouldn't worry over that."

"I know. It's just…once upon a time my brother and I were really close. Now, we don't really tell each other anything. I don't want us to become strangers."

"So you're worried because you want to get back into his life, and suddenly he's acting out of the norm?"

"Basically." I stood and picked up my tray. Demyx did the same. Seifer and Hayner excused themselves, and we were about to follow them when I noticed Riku continuing to sit at our table, unaware of everyone else's movement. "Riku?"

He didn't hear me, but murmured, "Hmm, I wonder."

Demyx touched his shoulder. "Hey, you with us?" Riku turned to him, startled. "So, where'd you go off to?"

"Oh," he looked at me, "I just thought of something. It's probably nothing; came to mind when you mentioned Sora." He shrugged it off, getting up and brushing past us to deposit his tray.

I followed him, curious now. "Something about Sora?"

"It's probably nothing, but I was remembering that he once asked me about Mr. Leonhart, you know, like he was interested in him." Demyx and I glanced at one another and I mouthed 'Mr. Leonhart?' Riku noticed my look and interjected before I could think any more on the subject. "That was last year of course, and he was only asking what the guy's name was. Like I said, it's probably nothing. All I remember is thinking that there was something in the way he asked, that made me suspect he was interested."

"Probably nothing," I murmured, as thoughts in the back of my mind began to formulate. Sora had been hell-bent on not telling me who he was seeing. Could that be because he was in a relationship with our teacher? Although I had nearly zero proof to go on, more like a hunch really, that theory began to sound more and more likely. I mean, what other reason would he have for wanting to stay in the English classroom all afternoon?

I decided that if he wasn't going to tell me himself, then I would have to find out on my own. What he's doing—assuming this is the case—was dangerous. I, for one, knew exactly the kind of trouble one could get into for being involved with a teacher. I groaned and exited the dining hall on that thought. I hated that I knew the consequences for that sort of action. I stopped in my tracks. Actually, things turned out rather well, didn't they?

~O~

I sat on my bed, legs crossed, and arms folded, staring at my dorm room door. I'd planted myself here in hopes that I'd be able to catch Sora the second he returned. It was only just after breakfast and I didn't know how long it would be before he came back. That thought weakened my resolve, although just for a moment. My spirits rose when I heard the turn of the doorknob, and saw the door slowly creak open. Sora slipped into the room and glanced in my direction.

He let out a yelp, clutched at his chest, and leaned against the wall for support. "Holy hell, Roxas! Jeez, you startled me."

I grinned, "Where were you last night?" Sora froze on the spot and my inner sadist cackled at the thought of the interrogation to come.

Sora swallowed and avoided my eyes as he deposited his book bag next to his desk. "Nowhere."

"Come on, Sora. I know you didn't go spend the night in the library."

"What's it to you anyway?" he muttered.

I sighed. "Can't I be interested? You had me worried, you know?"

He shrugged. "Well, I'm fine, no need to worry. So can you drop it?"

I scooted off my bed and stood mere inches from his face. "Drop it? Of course I'm not going to drop it!" Sora sighed and I pouted at him. "Come on, Sora. There's only one reason, that I can think of, for why you'd be elsewhere all night. Remember, you promised to tell me."

Sora flushed. "Yeah, I remember." He tried to avoid my eyes, but I made the task a difficult one. After a silent moment, in which I continued to stare at him, making him increasingly nervous, my brother responded to my annoying him. "Okay," Sora finally whispered, "you're right." He cleared his throat.

I blinked. "I'm right? Right about what?"

He groaned. "Come on, Roxas. You know, you're right." Sora gave me a look.

A smile broke out on my lips and I threw my arms around my brother. He muttered something like 'get off me,' but I didn't really hear him as I was 'aww-ing' in his ear. "My little Sora's all grown up!"

He managed to shove me off of him. "I'm not little," he grumbled. "I'm older than you, remember?"

"Tch, by a second. So?" I was looking at him eagerly.

Sora sat down on the edge of his bed. "So what?"

"So…how was it?"

He was definitely blushing now. "You don't really expect me to give you details do you? Because I'm not going to."

I grinned. "No, not details per say, but, well, how was it?" He mumbled something. "What's that? You're going to have to speak up for me; I think I'm losing my hearing."

Sora sighed. "It was…good." The red-tint in his cheeks darkened again.

"How many times?" I asked, pushing my luck.

"Twice."

Hehe. "So I'm guessing that's why you missed breakfast."

"Yes." Sora glanced over at me. "Stop grinning, Roxas, it's creeping me out."

"Sorry." I jumped up. "I can't help it. So…who's the lucky guy?"

His lips pursed. "That's crossing the line."

I stopped smiling and began to frown. "Why? That's like the least intrusive thing I could ask."

"It's personal. Just," he sighed, "please leave it alone. I can't tell you."

"Why not?" I whined. "Is it really such a secret? One that could get you in trouble? Because that's the only reason I can think of."

"Drop it, Roxas!" Sora snapped. I blinked, surprised by his outburst.

"Okay," I put my hands up as a sign of retreat. "Okay, I'll stop asking you."

"Good," he said while searching through his drawers for a change of clothes. "I'm gonna go shower, so…I'll see you later."

"Yeah." I watched him leave, feeling as if I got the answer I was looking for. He obviously had a reason to hide who he was seeing, which would fit if it was someone like, say, our English teacher. I don't know why I was so determined to figure this out, but I felt like it was something I had to do. Maybe to protect Sora from himself; maybe to protect him from getting hurt; or maybe it was because I'd been there myself and I knew what something like that could do to a person, although he'd taken it further than I ever had. The damage was already done.

I hope whoever he is seeing isn't just toying with him. Either way, if it is a teacher he is seeing, I need to find a way to stop them, even if it means Sora hating me for it. I'm not going to sit by and let things get out of hand for him. Something like this could ruin him.

~O~

I was pacing back and forth in front of Axel's bed, playing with his lighter. Click, click, click. Pause. My eyes were involuntarily drawn towards Axel's. He was sitting cross-legged on top of his bed, watching me with a fond smile on his lips. The look in his green eyes was calm, almost serene, as if telling me 'take your time, I'll be here.' I sighed and wrapped my hand tightly around the silver lighter. "I'm worried."

"I can see that," he said, his voice indicating he's not going to push for answers.

"It's about Sora." I continued, hoping that talking with him about this will somehow provide me with answers.

Axel raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? Sora's not the type to get into trouble. So, why are you worrying about him?"

I hesitated, "Well, I think he's gotten himself into a bad relationship. Not bad, necessarily, but I mean, it's not a good place for him to be in. There are too many bad consequences that could destroy him and the other party."

Axel frowned. "That sounds like more than concern, Roxas. What, do you want to break him and, whoever he is seeing, up?"

I folded my arms. "I know that makes me sound like a jerk, but—he might be seeing his teacher! And I don't want him to ruin his life for that. I—I was lucky, you know? He's taken it further than I have, and if they're found out…it's just…I feel guilty for disrupting his life, and if he makes the same mistake I did, I'll feel like it's my fault." I sat down on his bed, my hands folded in my lap.

Axel let out a sigh and moved from his spot to sit behind me. His legs dropped down on either side of mine, and he wrapped his arms around my chest. "You're really worried about this, aren't you?"

I closed my eyes and leaned back against him. "Yeah."

I felt his chin on my shoulder, his breath tickling my ear as he spoke, "There's no reason to worry if they're never found out. You don't even know if that's what's really going on." I sighed, but didn't say anything. He was right after all. But even if Sora kept this secret, I wanted to be able to just warn him, or better yet his partner, of what could happen. "I think you're right though," Axel said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm? Right about what? Right to be concerned?"

"No, well not that you shouldn't be concerned, you should feel what you feel. What I'm saying is, I think you're right about him seeing-"

"Mr. Leonhart?" I finished.

"Mr. Leonhart? Hmm, well I don't know about that, but what I was going to say is that I think he is seeing someone who's, ah, older than him."

"Huh?" I twisted in his arms so that I was looking up at him. "Why do you think that?"

"Well, a while back I had a conversation with your brother about…about some things. The short of it is: what we spoke of indicated he was with an older guy."

"Do you think he could have meant a teacher?"

"I don't know. The only people who would know that would be Sora and-"

"His friends," I murmured. "They probably know."

Axel frowned again. "You're not going to ask them are you? I doubt they can be persuaded."

I grinned, "No, I'm not going to ask them." I have a better idea. Axel muttered something along the lines of 'I think you should just leave it.' But I can't. I've got to get to the bottom of this, even if I can't stop them. They should at least know what they are risking.

~O~

An awkward feeling crept up on me as I walked down the halls towards Marly's room. I was hoping maybe he could give me a lead on Sora's secret, dare I say, lover. Yeah, that was definitely weird. As much as I would rather have not used him for this, he had an in that I needed to exploit.

I hesitated, with my hand on the doorknob, unsure whether I should just enter or ask permission first. I was not quite aware of where Marly and I stood exactly. I decided to figure that out another time, so I pushed open the door.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry, I really should learn to knock. Sorry." The sight that met my eyes was of Marluxia and Zexion kissing in the middle of the room. My ex-boyfriend had his arms wrapped tightly around my brother's best friend. It wasn't the most intimate scene to walk in on, but I felt intrusive all the same.

They broke apart and Zexion flushed a bit. I backtracked, knowing that I shouldn't have been there to begin with. "I'll just," I glanced at the door, "I'll just go now."

"You don't have to leave, Roxas," Marly said in between small looks to Zexion and me.

"Um, I need to go anyway," Zexion muttered and grabbed his bag. "You don't have to leave." He squeezed Marly's hand. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah," Marluxia said, looking as if he was not quite sure about what had just happened.

I looked down at my feet. "Sorry, I'll knock next time. I…I wasn't sure how this was supposed to work."

"It's okay," Marluxia shrugged, "I'm not sure how this works either."

Insert awkward silence here. After a moment, I could no longer stand it. "So."

He caught my eyes. "Yes? Was there something you wanted to ask me?"

"Yeah, actually, that's why I'm here. I was kind of hoping," I sat down on his bed, and without even meaning to, the memory of the last time I was here…in his bed…came to mind. I had to swallow in order to regain my composure. I cleared my throat. "This actually has to do with Sora."

Marly looked at me curiously, but interested, and I explained the situation. "I want to know what's going on with him, and the more information I get, the better. So, I dunno, I was hoping that maybe Aqua or Z had let something slip, or maybe you overheard a conversation along these lines. If not, I was hoping maybe you could ask."

He sat down next to me. "I haven't heard anything. But I don't see how this is a big deal, or how it concerns you."

I frowned, pushing my elbows against my legs, and leaned my head in my hands. "If it concerns Sora, it concerns me; and maybe if I know for sure what is going on, I can confront the both of them. At least then I would have made an effort to stop them from being hurt in the long run. If they choose to ignore me…well, I'll have tried."

Marluxia didn't say anything for a while, and I wondered if I should say something more. But before I could, he spoke. "I think you should mind your own business and leave them alone." He stood up suddenly and slowly turned towards me, so that he was now looking down on me. The effect struck me, and I started to feel nervous. "Who cares what they are doing. As long as they keep it a secret, neither one of them will get into any trouble. Besides, the school year is almost over, and he will no longer be a student, so it won't be a problem. I think you should leave this be."

I pouted. How come no one else seemed to understand that this really was dangerous for the both of them, and that they should be stopped? "Why does everyone keep saying that?" I could hear the whine in my voice, and I was slightly disgusted by it.

He folded his arms. "If we keep saying it, that's probably a sign that you should listen to us. Maybe we are right." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I had to stand, as I could no longer take him towering over me. It didn't make much of a difference, as he was already taller than I was. "Why doesn't this bother you people? He might be with his teacher! Come on, it could ruin them. How come I'm the only one who seems to get that fact?"

Me ex-boyfriend appeared to be getting rather annoyed with me. "All you have are 'ifs' and 'coulds.' And you know what? It's a little hypocritical of you to be passing any sort of judgment on this type of relationship. Or don't you remember?"

"Of course I do," I argued, "that's why I'm so adamant about this. Look what happened to me."

A brief look flashed across his features; one partly of disgust or disbelief, I couldn't be too sure which. "Just because it went badly for you doesn't mean it'll be the case here. And from where I'm standing, your situation turned out rather well, so you shouldn't be one to talk."

I sighed, "Yeah I know that. I was really lucky. I know that was my fault, and I probably wouldn't have listened to reason, but I have to try to tell them what it is they are risking. So, do you think you could ask them for me, or try to find something out?"

His look softened. "I might be close to both Aqua and Zexion, but they aren't about to betray Sora's trust for me. And that's beside the point, since I wouldn't do it to begin with. I think you're on a meaningless crusade."

"How can you say that?" I nearly added 'to me,' but thought better of it. I glanced over at the window sill and saw a familiar sight. It was the potted plant I had given to Marly, and it appeared to have grown a fair amount since then. I couldn't help but smile faintly.

Marluxia put a hand on my shoulder. "Because of something Sora said to me." That caught my attention. "He said he was in love, and that's something I can respect."

There was finality in his tone and I knew that this conversation was over. "Well, thanks anyway," I murmured. He let me leave his room without another word. Maybe he didn't have anything more to say to me. Or he could tell I was deep in thought. In love? Could Sora really be…?

I shook my head. No, he's probably just confused. I groaned, pushing my dorm room door open, knowing that it wasn't fair of me to think that. What I really needed to do was confront the guy he was with. I'm not going to let someone toy with my brother's heart.

I fell on top of my bed and tried not to think about the obvious thing I may have been overlooking: that the two of them really were in love, and that I was just meddling in something I ought not to be meddling in.

~O~

By the time the weekend had gone, I had come up with a plan to…catch them in the act, if you will. Of course, I am not being literal. I'm merely saying that I had found a way to overhear them, without actually spying on them, since there really was no way to do that. Now, there were so many ways that this could go wrong. So many.

I was thinking that as the final bell rang, signaling school was out for the day. I hurriedly fished my cell phone out of my pocket and pressed send over one of my contacts. "Come on, Riku," I murmured to myself, while rushing past other students and heading in the direction of the English classroom. This will go a whole lot easier if I catch him before he enters that room.

"Yo, this is Riku's phone."

I rolled my eyes. "Demyx, hey."

"Roxas, what's up?"

"You're with Riku, right? Figures; you weren't in class last period."

"Yup, we're at his place."

"Good, keep the line on, and don't make any noise."

"What?"

"Just keep the line on. I'm going to drop my phone into Sora's backpack. I'll head over to Riku's as soon as I can. So just listen in for me until I get there. And keep quiet."

"Wait, Roxas-"

I stuck the phone, still open and on the line, inside the big pocket of my sweatshirt. Sora was in my sight now. I sped up a bit and grabbed hold of the shoulder strap of his backpack.

Sora jumped and turned around. "Oh my god, Roxas! What the hell?"

"Sorry, I just wanted to catch you before you disappeared."

"Uh-huh, what for?"

"Can I borrow your Econ notes?" I still had a grip on Sora's bag and he only now let me take it. "Thanks."

Sora shrugged and wasn't paying attention to my rifling through his backpack. I dropped the phone inside a side pocket and zipped it back up. Sora looked over at me, starting to get impatient. I had his Econ binder out, and grabbed the notes Sora had taken for today. "You were in class, why didn't you take notes?"

I laughed. "That would imply I was paying attention. See you."

~O~

Riku and Demyx were in the former's room, both of them quiet with the phone on speaker sitting between them on the floor. They glanced at one another when I entered the room, and I nodded as a greeting before taking my place next to them. We stayed silent as a precaution. I didn't want Sora to suddenly hear something and therefore find the phone. That would probably result in one pissed off brother.

"_So we're good then?"_ I recognized that to be Sora's voice.

"_Shouldn't I be the one asking that?"_

"_No."_

"_No?"_

"_Squall, can we put this behind us? I understand and I'm okay with it all. So, can you just be sure of me? Please?"_

"_Yeah…I can do that."_

"_Good. Now, I've got to get my homework done."_

"_Which means I won't have you pestering me all afternoon."_

"_Me pester you? Hardly. Only last week it was you who distracted me while I was working on my math. Remember? You dragged me into your office-"_

"_If you're not careful, I may have to do that now."_

"_What? Going to 'teach' me a lesson, Mr. Leonhart?"_

That was when the phone cut off. I swore, "Damn, what happened?"

"With your phone or with them?" Riku asked.

Demyx scooted closer to Riku, giving him a meaningful look. "Maybe your battery died, or maybe Sora moved something in his bag and it hit your phone."

I stood and folded my arms, grumbling a little. "Oh well, I got what I was after," I finally was resolved to say.

"Yeah," Demyx murmured. "You still shouldn't have though."

"It wasn't any of our business," Riku said, agreeing with his boyfriend.

So they think I should leave it too? I bit my lip, trying to ignore the voice in the back of my head that was saying they were right. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and then shook my head. Fine, I see how it is. I'm on my own for this. "What did they say before I got here?"

They glanced at one another. "Just talk, it wasn't important."

"What are you going to do?" Demyx asked, possibly as a way to change the subject away from what they overheard. I got the feeling they weren't telling me something. Maybe…

I glanced between them, seeing a look of apprehension in their eyes. Trying not to take that look to heart, I shrugged. "Confront Mr. Leonhart I guess."

"What exactly do you expect him to say? Or do, for that matter." Riku stood up next to me. "Just because you ask him to stop seeing Sora, doesn't mean he will."

"I…I know. But maybe if he knows it's no longer a secret, he'll realize it's not worth risking."

"Somehow, I doubt that," Demyx muttered.

"Well, you guys just don't get it." I left Riku's room, feeling irritated, because I was starting to think that maybe I didn't get it either. I stood outside the door, hoping to overhear something that could help me decided whether or not I was about to do the right thing in trying to separate them.

"Should we have told him?" I heard Riku question.

"No, most definitely not. He would have gotten the wrong idea. Besides, it was a personal thing between the two of them; we shouldn't even know it ourselves."

"You're right." Riku sighed. "I think Roxas should forget all this. The two of them…I think maybe what they have is real. Separating them is just…"

"Not right," Demyx finished.

Maybe I got my answer after all.

~O~

Had I been wrong? Could what they have be genuine? Maybe they were 'the one' for each other. Or maybe, this wasn't about Sora at all. This was about me. Their situation, in all actuality, was so different from the one I was in. Could I have only been using this as a way to distract myself from the reality…the reality that I was no longer living a chaotic life? Everything had worked out alright after all. My life was no longer draped in a veil of secrets. I no longer felt like I was being pulled in two different directions. Things were normal.

So I had made it up. To amuse myself? Because I was bored? Or this was my way of feeling connected to something. To someone. Sora, who I had lost all on my own. This was my way of envisioning myself as a hero. That what I was doing was saving him. They were all right; Sora didn't need me to save him. He didn't need me at all.

It was past midnight and I was staring at the red numbers of my digital alarm clock. My eyes drifted over to Sora's side of the room. I smiled, remembering the time he and I had slept in my bed, curled up together like we used to. Now that I was no longer caught up in my own issues, it was like I saw my brother again; more clearly; more defined. He had become this person without my even knowing…without my even caring.

My freak out, for that's really what it was, about his relationship with Mr. Leonhart was my way of over compensating. I had missed so much, and was now trying too hard. I had been an idiot. An utter idiot.

I laughed, humorlessly and quietly to myself. It took my overhearing two of my friends call me, if not outright, ridiculous before I could see for myself that I was on a meaningless crusade. They had overheard something personal between Sora and Squall. Even they thought my brother and our teacher were meant to have this relationship. It was the last straw on top of a pile of reiterations. Everyone who knew what I was getting into had told me to stop and back away. I kept ignoring the words of people I cared about. Yes, I'll admit it. I was being stupid; a bit of a dumbass really. There I go with my one track mind.

I stared up at my ceiling, feeling wide awake. There's just one thing I've got to do. I need to know, for myself, that the two of them have something real. Once I know that, I'll be able to let this go. I smiled to myself. I know exactly how I'll be able to tell too. I mean, who says I can't have some fun with this?

~O~

My idea was simple really. I was going to confront Mr. Leonhart and determine his true intentions by how he reacted. Of course, doing so without my brother's presence would be a little difficult.

Conveniently for me, Sora himself gave me an opening. It was after school and I, knowing Sora would be elsewhere, decided that it was time for a chat with my English teacher. Mr. Leonhart was surprised to see me enter his classroom after hours. "Roxas? Are you looking for Sora? He's finishing a math test right now."

"Do you always know where Sora is all hours of the day? Or did he tell you that in passing?" I had to remind myself to look angry and annoyed, since the look of confusion on his face made me want to laugh. Yes, I know I shouldn't be having fun with this, but I am.

Squall's eyebrows furrowed and he looked as if he was unsure of what exactly I was getting at. "What?"

"You need to stay away from my brother," my voice was but a whisper when I said it and it had the exact effect I was hoping for.

Squall's eyes widened slightly and I saw his hand involuntarily clench into a fist. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," I leered at him, "you need to-"

"Yes, I heard you." By the tone of his voice, I knew at once he was going to play it cool. "Considering he is in three of my classes, staying away from him isn't exactly an option."

I slammed my hands onto his desk, and he pushed away from it, taking a few deep breaths. He swallowed, trying to stay calm. His heart just might have been racing. I felt a twinge of guilt when I saw a flicker of fear cross his eyes. But my guilt and the look were only fleeting. "You know exactly what I mean," I said to him.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment. I could tell he was now resigned to the feeling of 'oh god, he really knows.' "I hardly see how this is any of your concern."

"Concern?" I said it like I was outraged by his suggestion. "He's my brother, and I'm going to look out for him. Now this has to end. Got it?"

Squall just stared at me, and then laughed a little while shaking his head. "You're starting to sound more like Axel."

Truthfully, I was a little taken aback by that. "Why would you say-"

He ignored my question. "Have you even stopped to consider your brother in all of this?" And although I knew this to be a one-way argument, he really hit me with that one; because no, I hadn't really considered Sora's side of this. I sort of brushed it aside; I decided to let this go based on myself. Squall continued, interrupting my thought. "If you had, you would not be here, trying to scare me off or whatever it is you think you're doing. I have no intentions of 'staying away' from your brother." There it is…that was what I was looking for. An assertiveness, and clearly looking out for my brother's well being. I inwardly smiled, although I was still feeling shitty for all of this.

I only continued to stare at him, obviously giving the impression that I was pissed at him, for he began to look even more irritated. "I think you should go now." Squall moved from behind his desk and took me by my upper arm, escorting me from the room. I fought back the urge to break out in a fit giggles. I must have really ticked this guy off. Though, he must not be that worried about what I will do with my knowledge of his personal affairs. "I will see you in class, Roxas." He let me go and opened the door.

I was about to think up some witty retort, but then Squall and I heard, "What's going on?" Sora was standing behind the door watching the tension between the two of us.

"Nothing," I shrugged, and without another word or look to either of them, I walked off down the hall. Of course, once I rounded the corner I stopped, with the intention of listening in on them. Ugh, I hope this eavesdropping of mine hasn't become another habit.

Sora refused to move from the hallway and demanded to know what had just happened. Squall sighed and ran a hand through his brown hair. "Your brother knows."

Sora paled. "Knows? Knows what?"

"About your extracurriculars."

There's a silence, and I chanced a look around the corner to see if they were still in the hallway: they were.

"How does he know?"

"I think you would have a better idea about that than I."

"I didn't tell him, if that's what you think," Sora protested.

Squall placed his hands on Sora's shoulders. "No, that's not what I was implying. What I meant was that you are around him more than I am, and maybe your behavior tipped him off."

"He has been fishing around lately," Sora said, contemplatively. "What exactly did he say?"

"That I need to stay away from you."

Sora threw his head back and groaned. "God, I can't believe this! He can be so ridiculous sometimes. I'll go find him and tell him to-"

"Sora," Squall quieted him by wrapping his arms around him.

My brother sighed. "Maybe we shouldn't be standing in the hallway."

"Probably so. You can speak with him later, can't you?"

He rested his head against Squall's chest and let out a small breath. "Hmm, okay. I don't think I want to move anyway."

Squall smiled. "Well, you are going to have to move out of the hall."

"Fine, I guess I can do that."

I looked around the corner once more, right as they walked back into the classroom. For some reason, my heart was racing. "Okay," I whispered to myself, "I'll let it go. They really are serious about this."

~O~

I watched Sora all throughout dinner, waiting for him to head back to our room. I needed to tell him I wasn't going to bother him about his relationship. I wanted him to know that he could talk to me about this.

Sora was sitting at his usual table with Aqua and Zexion. Marluxia, of course, was with them as well. He and my brother appeared to be getting along alright. Things really have changed since the events of last year. We're almost at the end of an era, what with graduation just around the corner.

"You going after him?" Demyx questioned.

I blinked, coming out of my thoughts, and glanced around. Sora had left his table. "Yeah, right, that's the idea."

"What are you going to do?" Riku asked.

"I guess I'm just going to tell him that I'm happy for him." My two friends sighed, obviously relieved. I got up from my seat and grabbed my tray. "I'll see you two tomorrow then." They murmured replies as I slowly exited the dining hall, trying to organize what exactly I was going to say to Sora.

I stood outside my doorway and took a deep breath before stepping inside. Sora was seated on his bed with his laptop and looked up at me as I entered. I let out the breath. "Okay, I give." Might as well jump right into it. Sora set aside his computer and gave me his full attention. "I saw the two of you today." Sora noticeably paled. I continued, "You looked…happy; in a way I've never seen before." I sat down next to him. "So I'll drop it."

My brother closed his eyes and took a couple of breaths, trying to keep his calm. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at me. "Is this your way of giving your 'blessing'? Because I don't need it; I never have. As long as you're not bothering us about this anymore, I couldn't care less."

I sighed, knowing his anger and annoyance was understandable. Actually, he reminded me of me right now. "Look, I'm sorry." I shouldn't have tried to interfere, or pester him about who he's with, and for that I was sorry. What was not sorry for, was taking an interest in his life.

Sora stood. "Oh, you're 'sorry'? You were just telling Squall to stay away from me. You know nothing about our history or him. But now you're sorry." My brother shook his head.

If only he knew how I had been acting before. No, actually, I am glad he doesn't know that. I do realize this all must sound ridiculous to him. "Maybe you should learn to stay out of things that don't concern you," Sora continued his assault on me. "Because, funnily enough, there are things that don't concern you; and this is one of them."

I have learned that, actually. But I didn't say that. Instead, I whispered, "You concern me."

"Do I?" Sora asked, looking disbelievingly at me.

"Don't look like that—you know you do." Even if I don't always act like you do…even if, at one point, I had seemingly cast you aside…

My brother folded his arms and turned away from me. "No, I don't. It's always been about you and your melodrama."

"That's not true!" I tried to protest.

Sora glanced back to me. "No? Well, if it's not, then prove it."

I was feeling just a tad bit discouraged. Because Sora was right, although I could hardly admit that to myself. It's not like I'd been there for him. I must be the worst brother ever. "I thought that's what I was doing," I whispered. Sora didn't reply, and I silently let myself out of our room.

~O~

Originally, I had gone outside to get some air, but then I suddenly remembered something Mr. Leonhart had said to me that day. It was something about me sounding like Axel; that thought made me stop and think. Maybe he had only meant that I was speaking like Axel. But then that thought lead to: did he have Axel as a student? This in turn lead to: I wonder how well Axel knows him? Thinking that, I boarded the school train and rode the line down to the stop near Axel's dorm. Maybe Axel could tell me whether or not he thought my brother and Squall could be good together. Of course, I may have only come to that conclusion because I wanted to see Axel, and also because I needed someone to rant at.

"I'm glad to see you didn't forget me in your quest," Axel said as I entered his room.

Great, he's mocking me. "My 'quest,' as you so nicely put it, is over." I threw myself down on top of his bed.

"Oh?" He got up from the chair in front of his desk and sat down on his bed. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers brush through my hair. "How did that turn out for you?"

"I was right."

I could tell he was grinning, from the tone of his voice as he laughed. "So, Sora's sleeping with your English teacher."

"I don't find that particularly funny," I mumbled.

Axel withdrew his hand from my hair as I sat up, cross-legged. "No, you probably wouldn't, I suppose. Does he know that you know?"

I pouted; a look which my brother and I had both perfected. "Yeah, he knows. He told me to stay out of it."

"And are you?"

"Yeah, I figure I should." To change the subject I asked, "Did you have Mr. Leonhart as a teacher?"

Axel shook his head. "No, I just missed him. He started teaching here after I graduated from high school. He's not that much older than I am, you know? Only four years."

I knew he was young, but not that young. "That would make him only, what, eight years older than us." Axel nodded. "Wait, then how does he know you if you were never in one of his classes?"

"I T.A. in your high school, I do see him occasionally." Axel shrugged, but I got the feeling that was not the real story.

"What aren't you telling me?"

He hesitated, but then appeared to decide it would probably be best to tell me. "I met him before he taught here," Axel laughed slightly; "it's a funny story actually." He glanced at me. "Before my freshman year in high school, I was living with my Uncle. There was a fairly well to do family that lived close by. They had a kid my age that I got along well with, so I ended up staying over at his place a lot. It got to the point where I was living there more than at my Uncle's. They were loaded, had this huge place, and having another kid around didn't bug them—they actually kind of liked it I think. Which was weird to me, since I wasn't used to having parental types interested in my life. But anyway, they also had an older son who was home from school that summer. He was, oh maybe seven years older than I was."

"Was that Squall?" I asked, curiously, thinking I knew where this story was going. But then I remembered that Mr. Leonhart was only four years older than Axel.

Axel laughed, "Heh, no. His boyfriend, actually."

"Oh." Then it hit me. "Oh!"

He grinned. "Yeah, I had developed a crush on this guy and it was rather startling for me when I heard his boyfriend was going to spend the summer there with him. It was rather a shame, since I got along really well with this guy, and he seemed to also like having me around. So even after I had met Squall, I still couldn't stop myself from…"

"From what?"

Axel cleared his throat. "From trying to seduce him."

I couldn't help but grin. "Did it work?" That's something I would have liked to see. This younger Axel didn't sound like the guy who thought it wouldn't be morally right to kiss me. Of course, I knew now that he really wanted to, but had just convinced himself that he would have been taking advantage of me. Idiot.

"Oh it worked alright. And, well, I think I was the reason he and Squall broke up that summer."

"Oops."

"Yeah, I felt kind of bad about it, especially since I never talked to his ex-boyfriend after that summer. As I recall, I think I saw Squall with a girl once, when we ran into each other sometime later that year. Which was awkward. I probably should have apologized. Oh well."

"So," I was not quite sure what to say after hearing that story, "do you think he'll be a good match for my brother?"

My boyfriend nodded. "Yeah, I can see them working. Sora seems to be really crazy about him."

"I think so." I moved so I was sitting closer to him and my legs were dangling off the side of the bed.

"And what about us? Do you think we have a future together?"

His question startled me. My mouth dropped open in surprise, and I looked up into his green eyes, imploringly. "What makes you ask that? We only just got back together. You aren't doubting me, are you?"

Axel drew me towards him, his arms wrapping around me and his chin resting on top of my head. "I only ask because I don't want to lose you. You're going to be starting college next year, and I'll be graduated, so I won't be on this campus any longer."

Oh, that's right. Sora and I both had already decided to continue our education here on the island. It didn't even cross my mind that Axel wouldn't be here. "We're just getting started; I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to stay with you." I shifted in his arms so that I could see his eyes again. I love his eyes. "We'll make it work, right?"

He smiled and leaned his head down to kiss me. "I was hoping you'd say that."

Before today, I was counting down the days until graduation. And now…I think I'm dreading them. Sure, it means I'm moving forward with my life. But if that means going weeks, or even months, without seeing the one I love, then that's not something to look forward to at all.

Axel sensed my gloomy mood and took my head in his hands, so that we were staring into each other's eyes. "Hey, no worries, okay? We'll make it work." And all I could think was: we had better.

Then it hit me, and tears started to form in my eyes. Oh god, to think I had just been trying to separate my brother from the one he loved. I really was being stupid about that. I had completely disregarded both their feelings, and only saw the consequences of a worst case scenario.

"Hey, you okay?" Axel asked, his voice full of concern.

I rubbed the tears away. "Yeah, I'm fine." It was a good thing I decided, albeit at the last moment, to stop from interfering with them. If I had, I really would have been heartless.

~end chapter fifteen.

A/N: I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter. I can't control my characters…they do as they please. Roxie's sudden surge of brotherly concern for Sora makes me go 'aww' and at the same time 'ahhh, what are you doing?!' *facepalms* Mkay, well, that's all the chapters I have ready so far. I'll continue to re-edit/format them and hopefully get around to posting more sooner rather than later.

*checks main document* Oy, I have only two more chapters for part 2 left…eek…um…right…*nervous laughter* 'Cause getting into part 3 means that ya'll will be eventually caught up to where I'm writing in real time…crap…well, there…that's my motivation to write more. Ahem…*cough*I've only been working on part 3 on and off since 2008*cough* Eh heh heh…


	24. Part 2, Chapter 16, Aqua's Chapter 3

A/N: *bites lip* um…remember how this is M? Er…well, I'll just say that this is a sensitive chapter…It's a difficult one. I'm warning you now.

~O~

Chapter Sixteen; Aqua's Chapter Three: Breaking Point

~O~

I really had tried to not let it get to me. So far, I had managed to even convince myself of that. But then, when I saw my friends and everyone around me breaking off into pairs, so in love, so happy to have found that one person who seemed to complete you, it was times like that when it really occurred to me: I may never have that. I certainly couldn't have that here anyway. Even if I tried, I knew no guy could ever fill that missing piece of my heart. Except for maybe Zexion; or at least I had hoped. He and I were kindred souls; both lost and alone, although I appeared to play the role of the cocky optimist. But all of that was a way to shield myself, so that even I was fooled into believing I was okay.

Don't get me wrong, I want Z to be happy, and I think Marluxia is finally in a position to do just that. But I couldn't deny that it hurt. I remember coming back to my dorm room, the door was slightly ajar, and I heard their voices. I hesitated at the door, with the thought of just letting them be. That's when I heard Z ask, "So, are you my boyfriend now or something?"

I paused, my heart beating anxiously, waiting to hear how Marly would respond. "Do you want me to be?"

"Yeah," I was surprised by Z's quick response and his assuredness. "Um, if you want, that is." That's more like him.

Marluxia laughed. "If I didn't, then I don't know why I'd be just about to kiss you right now."

Despite myself, I felt as if I had just lost Z. Like Marluxia had taken him away from me. I knew it was a ridiculous thought, but I couldn't help it. Suddenly, the differences between Z and I felt so vast. Now I really was alone. All of my friends had someone, and what did I have?

~O~

Cold water ran over my fingers, chilling them to the bone. I cupped my hands, letting the liquid fill up between them. I lowered my face and splashed myself with the water, instantly feeling more awake from the damp chill. For a moment, I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Droplets slid down the sides of my face, making it glisten. Strands of my short blue hair were plastered to my cheeks and forehead. Blankly, I grabbed my towel to dry my face harshly, resulting in my skin looking slightly pinkish afterwards.

"Hey." I turned around sharply, seeing Sora, still in his pajamas, standing at the entrance of the bathroom.

"Hi Sora," I smiled at him, but I knew it didn't reach my eyes. It was too early in the morning to act cheerfully. "I'll see you at breakfast," I said, wanting to leave the bathroom in the hope that I could once more be alone. That's got to be a paradox, right? I hate the idea of ending up alone, yet I want it all the same. Sora nodded at me, as he was now brushing his teeth, and I left the room.

Other boys were sleepily drifting out of their rooms and into the hallway. I passed by another group heading towards our floor's bathroom. They glanced at me, and I looked the other way the moment I caught their eyes. I'd gotten used to the staring, which didn't happen all that often anymore. The boys had grown accustom to my girly presence in their school. Sometimes though, they couldn't help but follow me with their eyes. It could be annoying, but at least that's generally all it was. Every now and then, when I was on my own, someone would throw a remark my direction; usually it was a poorly developed pick-up line. I guess I was wrong to assume that an entire island of guys must all be gay. At least I hadn't been hassled much. But then again, I was usually with a couple guys, and that tended to keep the other boys at bay, especially if I was with Marluxia; he was rather intimidating. But it was looking like now I'd probably be spending more time on my own.

That shouldn't worry me, but it does.

I pushed open the door to my room right as Marly pulled a shirt over his head. "Hey Aqua."

"Yo," I did a little wave with my hand as a greeting.

"You look kind of out of it, Aqua. Did you not sleep well?" Marly was packing up his school things as he spoke to me.

I shrugged and stared into my closet hoping something would jump out at me. Marly left me, saying he would see me in class, right as I indifferently made a grab at one of my dresses. I didn't generally think of myself as one of those girly-girls, and I didn't normally wear dresses, but today just seemed to call for it. The weather had been getting warmer, summer was approaching after all.

Unsurprisingly, the dress I chose was blue, matching my appearance and current state of mind. I sighed and tried to smile into my mirror. "Hi, I'm Aqua, the constant voice of optimism. I occasionally have an attitude problem and wish to control everyone around me." My smile faltered and I leered at my reflection. "I'm not really like that…not really anyways. Right?" We are our harshest critics after all. And we don't see ourselves very well. Maybe I was being too hard on myself.

~O~

It was only first period, but already I wanted to groan with frustration. Sora was absentmindedly staring at Mr. Leonhart with this goofy, love-sick grin. Next to him, Zexion was doodling in his binder. Three guesses it was something related to Marluxia. I want them to be happy, I really do. And I stress the really. Especially Z, he deserves it more than anyone. It was just…annoying; that's the word I want. But I shouldn't be making any sort of comments about this because deep down I know I'm bitter and jealous. I wanted what they had, and I might never have that.

"Yuffie," I murmured under my breath, missing her more than ever. I glanced down the row, past Zexion, and caught another boy's eyes. It looked like my friends and I weren't the only ones not paying attention to the lecture on existentialism; not that it mattered. I quickly glanced away from him, feeling exposed in his gaze. There was something about the way he looked at me that made me a bit uncomfortable. It took me a moment to remember that his name was Xaldin; besides that, I didn't really know him. Out of curiosity I looked back at him: he was still staring at me. That's not cool. Seriously, what's with the staring? I was starting to feel a little nervous because I knew he was still watching me.

I elbowed Sora, who distractedly asked me, "What?"

"That guy, Xaldin, keeps staring at me."

He glanced that direction, and then back to me. "Yeah? What about it?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What about it? It's weird. I don't even know him."

"So," Z interjected; he had obviously overheard us. "You're a girl, wearing a short dress." He's been picking up some attitude from Marly apparently.

I glowered and adjusted the straps of my dress, feeling self-conscious. "That doesn't constitute non-stop staring."

Z shrugged, "Well, maybe so, but he's a creep, so normal doesn't always apply."

"Just what I need," I muttered. "To attract creeps. Next thing you know, he'll be stalking me."

Zexion took one look at Xaldin. "He's a creep, but harmless. I mean, he's been staring at you all year."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." I tried ignoring all the looks at the beginning of the year, and eventually they became background noise. For the most part, they had stopped staring. But not him for some reason. Okay, I know the reason, but still.

I leaned past Sora and quietly asked, "What makes him a creep?"

"I was in his group for this project in freshman biology. We went to his room to work on it…let's just say, I got this strange vibe off of him. Something about him irked me. Something about being confined with him, or maybe it was his room…I don't really know."

Of course, trust Z to be the one to get weird vibes off someone. "So it's nothing in particular. That's a relief."

"The only thing I know about him is that he apparently has a collection of porn in his room. He and his friends invited me over to watch some once."

Zexion looked at Sora with surprise. "When did this happen?"

Sora shrugged. "I don't know. Sometime last year. They may have been joking when they invited me."

I rolled my eyes. Wow, porn in a teenage boy's room. That's so…normal. "Yeah, Sora has his own porn, so there really was no point in accepting the guy's offer."

"What? No I don't!" Sora hissed my direction, somewhat flustered.

The bell rang just then, as I was sticking my tongue out at Sora. I kept on smiling while I packed up my things. At least during school, I could forget that after hours…I was really alone.

~O~

The three of us—no wait, make that four; how could I forget Marly—met up in the dining hall for lunch. We sat down at our usual table: me and Sora on one side, Marluxia and Zexion on the other. There was a silence hanging over us, one of those contented ones where nothing was spoken because it didn't need to be. But after a while, I looked up to see Zexion staring at me with something clearly written on his face, maybe it was confusion.

I set down my fork. "What?"

He shook his head. "No, it's nothing."

"I think you should tell her," Marly muttered without even a glance in my direction.

"Well, I kind of have to now," Z looked accusingly at his boyfriend before adjusting his wristbands—black ones he had gotten in the habit of wearing.

"What is it?" I asked again.

"Remember how Xaldin was starring at you in English?"

"Yeah, I still remember." That was only this morning, and I don't have short term memory loss or anything.

Z grumbled something and Marly sighed. "Just tell her, it's not even a big deal."

"It's just a little uncomfortable for me." Z shifted in his seat and brushed his silver-gray hair behind his ears. "Okay, so during break," there was urgency in his voice that was clearly heard as a he rushed the next words, "Xaldin approached me and asked whether I had ever, you know, done it with you."

"What?" I pushed my tray away from me and stood up, outraged by the news.

"Aqua," Zexion's eyes flicked in either direction of me. Apparently my outburst had drawn some attention, and once again several teenage boys were staring in my direction. "Please, don't go making a scene. He's here too, remember?"

"Oh," I brushed out imaginary wrinkles from my dress and calmly sat back down with a fake smile plastered across my lips. "What did you say?"

"Well, after my initial reaction of 'what the fuck?' I told him that it was none of his business."

I groaned and pressed my forehead against the tabletop. "Why did you say that? You should have said no. Now he'll think we did."

Marly snorted, "Oh please, why would he think that?" His hand found Zexion's and they interlocked their fingers. "You're not Z's type." Marly brought their conjoined hands to his lips and ghosted a kiss over Z's fingertips. Zexion ducked his head, trying to hide his embarrassed but pleased look; Marluxia grinned fondly at him. I dimly noted that they'd certainly grown close in a short amount of time.

"Very funny, Marly. Then why did he say it to Z in the first place?"

Marluxia shrugged. "I dunno, maybe an offhand remark. I mean, he knows the two of you are close, and apparently he's interested in you. Gauging the situation." He returned his attention to his still somewhat flustered-looking boyfriend.

"So that was it then?"

"What?" Marly glanced at me, distractedly.

I rolled my eyes. "With Xaldin."

"Oh," Z's attention was brought back to me, "no, I almost forgot the best part."

"Which was?" The tone of my voice was sharp, revealing my impatience.

"He asked whether or not you would consider ever going out with him."

Sora, whom had been quiet up until this point, started to laugh. I turned abruptly to him. "That's not funny!"

"Oh, of course not," he said through laughs.

"Z," I whined, "What did you tell him?"

"No, obviously. 'Said he wasn't your type." He took a sip of his soda. "Xaldin left after that."

I glumly traced circles on the table with my index finger. "Good."

"'Cause we all know the last thing you need is an admirer."

"Shut up, Sora."

"Nope." Ironically, he was quiet for the remainder of the lunch period; although, I suppose we all were. We had exhausted all form of conversation and were content to the silence of the hustle and bustle around us.

~O~

Heavy, shaky breaths; contented sighs: the distinct signs of something I definitely did not need to overhear or walk in on. Unfortunately for me, I'd just done both. Who would have guessed that one of the nights I woke up with need to escape, someone else was having that same thought; albeit in an entirely different manner.

The dorm bathroom was usually vacant at two in the morning, and had since become one of my hiding spots. Just a place to sit, on the tile floor with my back pressed against the wall, and listen to the 'drip-drip' of the sinks, a sound that reminded me of a metronome. It was somehow relaxing…and soothing.

But I couldn't find solace there on this particular night, as some other person had trespassed in my secret place; well, as secret as a public restroom in the middle of the night could be. My guest, however, did not seem to be using the facilities for its standard relieving purposes.

I was about to tiptoe out, so as to leave my friend in the stall to himself, when suddenly the not-so-silent silence was broken: I sneezed. With the amount of noise he was making, I thought maybe he wouldn't have heard, but he did.

Frozen, like a deer in the headlights. I should have turned around and left instead of staying put and playing a part in the following awkward confrontation. The boy cursed and hastily righted himself before unlatching the stall door and peering out of it. To both our shock, I found myself staring back at Xaldin; I say both our shock as I'm sure he was even more humiliated to see me.

"Well, this isn't weird or anything." It took the both of us a second to realize I had said that out loud.

Xaldin tried to play it cool, and failed miserably. "I don't know what you thought you heard, but that wasn't-"

"Oh, please," I really should have left it alone, but something about him made me want to argue, "couldn't you have done that in your room." I knew right then that I would regret not just dropping it.

He initially went red in the face before shaking it off and trying to act nonchalant about the whole ordeal. "Yeah right, with my roommate there?" I noted he was beginning to adopt a familiar cocky attitude. "No thanks, and it's not like other guys turn me on or anything." I tried not to roll my eyes at that comment, and while I did so he inched closer to me. "From what I've heard, our gender doesn't do it for you either."

There was a hint of mockery in the tone of his voice that irked me. I folded my arms and glared at him. "Then you heard right."

Xaldin raised an eyebrow and reached a hand out, placing it on my hip. I flinched away when he tried to lean in closer to me. "Maybe you should give us another shot before turning us down. I mean, how would you know, if you never gave it a try?" The glint in his dark eyes was a sure warning that I needed to get the hell away from him. I had begun to back up, and had even hit the door by the time he said, "So, what do you say? Wanna give it a shot?"

I shook my head, unsettling my hair so that I compulsively tucked it behind my ears again. "Sorry, you're not my type, even if I did go for your gender." I don't dig the weird sideburn look, or the ponytailed dreadlocks.

Xaldin murmured, "Ouch," and took his hand off of me. "You may have wounded me today, or tonight, whatever, but you haven't convinced me."

"Trust me: not interested."

"And yet, I'm still having trouble believing you."

"You can think what you want," I muttered, before breaking our eye contact and slipping out the door. A sudden chill overwhelmed me, and I stopped in the middle of the hall, my body shaking for a brief moment. "Just the cold." Forget the fact that it was a warm almost summer's night; forget the feeling that this guy, who seemed to have a thing for me, definitely gave off a vibe that made my hair stand on end. No, it was just the cold.

~O~

"I think I'm coming down with something." I was refusing to leave the warmth of my bed, and so I stayed, curled up in the fetal position, under my mounds of blankets.

Marly tipped a few splashes of water, from a cup he had stolen from the dining hall, on to the plant on our windowsill. Marluxia had named it Charlie. Weirdly enough, he had been cooing at it when I woke up. "I think you're right. It's called senioritus." He turned away from Charlie to smile brightly at me. "Come on, get up."

"What's the point," I mumbled into my pillow.

"The point? You don't sound like yourself."

"No, I suppose not."

"Here, I'll give you two options: one, you get out of bed on your own; two, I get you out of bed and possibly injure you in the process."

"Rawr," I threw the blankets off of me. "See? Getting up."

Marluxia smiled evilly. "Was that so difficult?"

"Yes." He rolled his eyes at me and left the room so I could change. "Sometimes, I think you're the only one who gets me Charlie." Fortunately for my sanity, the plant refused to respond to me.

~O~

The ocean breeze smelled salty as it sprinkled my face. Out near the docks, finding solace from the relaxing sounds of waves crashing against the sand, my mind replayed the day's events. I had received a message during English today; it was one of those folded up pieces of paper with my name on it. Although the handwriting was unfamiliar to me, I knew exactly whose it was.

'_Hey, you and me. Tomorrow night. What do you say?'_

My response: _'No chance in hell.'_

His reply: _'We're not in hell, babe. When I saw you, I knew I was in heaven and you were my angel.' _After gagging and crumbling the paper, I spent the rest of class ignoring his blatant looks. For some reason, I still think he hasn't gotten my rejection letter.

My feet sank into the sand and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath of the salt air. Mindlessly, I dislodged my feet from the sand and paced forward into the ocean water. It's funny how living here, focused on school, could make us forget that we were actually on an island, surrounded by all this water. I hardly ever saw anyone swimming out here. It's not like the water was even that cold or anything. Although, considering my friends and I weren't usually outside by the water's edge, we may have just not been aware of people spending their time on the beach during the weekends.

I was knee-deep in the water before I noticed my skirt starting to get wet. I didn't really mind soaking my clothes though, since I wasn't about to strip them off or run all the way back to my room to change. I had come out here when my friends were nowhere to be found, deciding to take a walk on the sand to pass the time, and didn't even consider the possibility that I might actually go into the water.

I had walked for a couple minutes, just thinking about all the little, unimportant things in my life, when the urge to fling myself into the ocean became overwhelming. Not suicidaly, mind you.

"It figures you'd be out here." I turned towards the shore to see Xaldin yelling out at me.

I sighed, not wanting to deal with him right then, but knowing I should humor him anyway. "Why's that?"

"Your name, of course."

After wading through the low tide, I was back on dry land, facing my annoying new stalker. He was rather distracted by my wet legs, which glistened in the sun. "Yes, well, my name doesn't define me."

Xaldin slowly brought his eyes back to my face, but not before taking in the rest of my dampened figure. "They usually don't define anyone."

"Mh," I did that half-interested smile and then pointedly fixed my gaze on the sand. He apparently had nothing else to say, and went back to his favorite past time of staring at me. "Look, if that's it, if that's all you've got to say to me, then I'm gone."

"Wait, no, that's not all." I had started to walk away, but he had made a grab for my arm.

"I'd like it if you would let me go." I was pretty sure that the cold tone of my voice was clearly saying 'I'm pissed now, so fuck off.'

But Xaldin has a habit of ignoring everything I tell him. Instead, he smirked and raised an eyebrow. "You know what; I think you're trying to deny the fact that you do actually want me to be touching you."

Okay, that's it. "I don't know why you insist on thinking that I'm interested in you, when I'm not, and I've already told you that. No, oddly enough means no. So let go of me." He did. "And for the record, I'm not into guys, and even if I was, it would never be for someone like you!" I gave him one last look, in which he just stared back at me blank faced, but clearly shocked, before I stormed away from him. I had probably pissed him off, but for the time being, I couldn't have cared less. After all, I didn't know him, so how could I have known he had a bad temper and usually always took his revenge out on those who made him angry.

~O~

"I figured you were bound to show up here sooner or later."

"Xaldin!" I jumped and clutched at my heart. "You scared me." It had been one of those nights where I couldn't sleep and so had decided to lurk in the bathroom for some peace and quiet. I moved towards the sinks and stared at myself in the mirror, hoping that if I ignored him, he would go away.

"I was waiting for you to turn up. You see, I know you better than you think."

I caught his eyes in the mirror, and although it was dark, as neither of us had flicked the lights on, I could see something like restraint reflected in his gaze. "Just because you know my habits, doesn't mean you know me."

"I wanted to though, but you're not going to let me, are you?"

I turned around to face him directly. "Do I hear resentment in your words, or are you just bitter?"

Xaldin folded his arms and took a step towards me. I felt that involuntary urge to move backwards, to maintain a distance between us, but I ended up only pressing myself against the sink. "I get it, Aqua. You don't want a relationship. I respect that."

"Okay, so what are you still doing here?"

"Because I have a new idea."

I didn't like the sound of that, and I hesitated to ask, "What?"

"We should make a deal." His hands were now pressed against the wall on either side of my face, so that I was trapped between him and the sink. "Ever heard the phrase, 'give a little, get a little'?" I definitely don't like where this is going. "You don't need a girl to give you pleasure. It can just be sex."

"Sorry, but I'm still not interested. Now could you back off, because this is really making me uncomfortable."

"Yeah, same here. Why don't we do something about that?" He had moved his hands from the wall to my hips, and I began to realize how dangerous of a situation I was in.

"Okay, Xaldin, I know you're not stupid, so I'm going to ask you one more time to back away from me. You don't want to be going down this road, because it's a one way and there's no turning back." I closed my eyes and tried to stop myself from shaking. "Please, just walk away."

"It's okay to be scared, but I promise it's nothing to be afraid of. You'll like it."

"No," I shook my head, beginning to tremble slightly. He hooked a finger under the elastic of my pajama shorts. Feeling fearful, I did the only thing I could think of: I stomped on his foot with my heel.

He let out a hiss of pain and released me. But he recovered quickly and grabbed me by the arm before I could make a dash for the exit. "That wasn't very nice, Aqua."

"Let me go," I tried in vain to wrench my arm free from his grip and ended up just flailing.

"Don't you want to play?" I stopped struggling, bit my lip, and slapped him across the face with my free hand.

Xaldin looked just about ready to slap me back, but instead he let my arm go. It took me a couple seconds to realize I was free to run for the door. I would have made it too, if he hadn't reached out his leg, took a swing at mine, and tripped me. I staggered a few feet before slipping on a wet portion of the tile. I fell to the floor, hit my head as I did so, and knew that in that instant…it was game over. He towered above my now limp form, and roughly turned me over so that I was facing him, his image somewhat blurred and out of focus to me. I closed my eyes, unable to stop the tears from falling, and let the tremors of fear wash over me. "See, isn't it easier to shut up and stop protesting?" I kept quiet. My heart was pounding in my ears, and my head felt like it was splitting open. Maybe that pain would be enough to drown out…anything else. "That's what I thought. Now don't you agree you should try it before deciding you don't like it?"

"No." It was all I could manage to voice. All my thoughts had turned inwards, towards an idea that had been prevalent all my life: I wished I was Zero. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be that which was lost so long ago. And honestly, I could barely remember this brother of mine; but that didn't stop me from longing to be that fictitious version of a boy who could handle anything with ease. If I had really been him, I wouldn't have been in this situation.

"Well, I'm going to disagree with you on that." And as Xaldin's voice interrupted my thoughts, I remembered that Zero could never save me anyway, because I was Zero now, and I was weak.

"Please, don't do this," my voice trembled.

"Don't worry, Aqua. After tonight, you'll be begging me for just the opposite."

~O~

I spent the rest of the school week in a total daze. I felt numb, and tired, and sick to my stomach. It hardly registered that Xaldin had stopped his staring; unbeknownst to me, it was because he was feeling a smidgen of guilt and shame. Not that it excuses what he did to me.

My friends didn't seem to notice my current state of mind. Or maybe they did and _I_ just didn't notice. Either way, I wasn't about to tell them. I was shamed by it, and I couldn't stand for their pity. No, I couldn't tell anyone, least of all someone who would try to take action. If this…incident…reached the ears of the Headmaster, it would only prove that he was right: I should never have been allowed to stay here.

I wrapped my arms around me, suddenly feeling cold even though I was under my blankets. Sora and Z were sitting on the floor next to my bed; both were quiet, as if they were waiting for me to speak, but I had nothing to say. Then Z, all of a sudden, broke that silence. "I…I slept with Marly." I looked over at him, my heart pounding, and a fear once more creeping up on me. I clutched at my head, my eyes stinging with tears, and I tried to block out the images, of that night, that were swimming in front of my vision.

"What?" Sora's voice brought me back to the present. Neither one of them had noticed my brief panic, luckily. "You—haven't you two only been together for-"

"So?" Zexion protested, trying to cut in on Sora's rant on proper conduct.

"I'm just saying," Sora was not easily thrown off the subject, "I mean he did jump from my brother to you in, what, a couple of hours after they broke up?"

Z refused to look at our friend. "I appreciate your concern, but that's generally Aqua's territory." He glanced up at me. I was blank faced and my eyes felt glazed over. And all of a sudden, I was dizzy again. My mind was not on what they were discussing. Zexion took my silence to be some form of approval, and he focused in on Sora again. "I was hoping you would just take this information as proof that we're serious."

Sora frowned and studied Z's face. "But you've only been together a short time and…does he love you?"

Zexion hesitated, "I don't know."

"Do you love him?" Sora was increasingly more worried now.

"I don't know."

"So how do you know he's not using-"

"He's not!" Z stood up, outraged by Sora's suggestion. "Yes, I understand he moved rather quickly from Roxas to me, but I also know I'm not merely a distraction for him to keep his mind off of his ex. I'm not that guy to him." There was an assuredness in his voice that would make anyone believe that what he said had to be the truth. Z sat back down on the floor, fuming and hoping he'd made his point clear enough. "One would think by now that you would be able to see that he's genuine. I may not have known him before, but I know who he is now."

"You're right," Sora said rather meekly, "you didn't know him."

"Yeah," Zexion snapped back, "but it's safe to say that neither did you."

"I saw enough, heard enough, to know the type of person he…once was."

"With everything I've heard about his past, there's nothing that makes me suspect he was ever a liar."

Sora opened his mouth to retort, thought better of it, and frowned. "I suppose that's…true."

"All I know is that we have feelings for one another that are very real." He looked sideways at Sora. "Come on, you've got to admit that he's done nothing this year except look after the people he cares for."

"You're not wrong," Sora grudgingly agreed. He then turned to me. "What do you think? I mean, you would know better than anyone."

It took me a moment to realize I was being spoken to. "What?" I glanced between their expectant faces and suddenly remembered what exactly they were talking about. "Oh, yeah, I gave my permission ages ago."

Zexion rolled his eyes. "Not that I need your permission."

"No, of course not." Sora pouted. "Well, I suppose it's all good by me then. As long as he isn't forcing you into-"

Hearing the word 'force' made me begin to shake uncontrollably, and once more Xaldin's voice was ringing in my ears. _"Don't you want to play?"_

I shook my head, murmuring, "No," as if I was speaking to him like I had that night in the bathroom. All of a sudden, I felt nauseous and had to swallow…as if to stop myself from vomiting right there. Not that I had anything in my stomach at the time anyway. I'd barely been able to eat since. Both Sora and Z looked up at me, and then glanced at one another.

"_After tonight, you'll be begging me for just the opposite."_

"No!" My hands were clasped against my ears, trying to shut out the voice that was only heard in my head.

"Aqua?" they echoed one another, "what's wrong?"

They reached for me, and I freaked out the moment their hands made contact with my skin. "Don't touch me!" I let out a cry and huddled in a corner of my bed, pressed up against the wall.

"What's going on here?" Marluxia had entered the room in time to hear my outburst.

"I don't know, she just flipped out on us," Sora said, slightly panicked.

"Aqua?" Zexion hadn't looked away from her even when his boyfriend had turned up. He got on my bed and sat down next to me. "Aqua? What's wrong?"

Tears welled up in my eyes and I began to cry. Marly touched my shoulder and I flinched unconsciously. "What happened?" I swallowed and turned towards him, my lips and hands shaking. "What happened?" he repeated the question, his voice even more hushed.

"I…" The words were there, but I was so scared and ashamed to tell them. Zexion took a hold of one of my hands and squeezed it tightly. I broke down after that. "Xaldin," it hurt just to speak his name.

"What did he do to you?" The sound of Marly's voice alone could kill.

"Oh god," Sora clasped his hands over his mouth and turned away from me. For a split second, I thought he was disgusted by me.

"Did he?" Zexion asked as he caught my eyes. I nodded, wanting it to be over, and not wanting to have to say it. He let go of my hand, only to throw his arms around me and clutch me to his chest.

"I'm going to kill him," Marly's hands clenched into fists and he looked murderous.

"No," I whispered against Zexion's shirt. "Don't do anything. I don't want anyone to do something that could get them in trouble."

"You have to at least tell someone!" Sora protested. "Let the Headmaster know so he can expel him!"

"What would be the point?" I pushed away from Z, who let me go. "The damage is already done. Besides, it would only prove that I shouldn't have been admitted to the school in the first place. He'll say that he knew something like this was going to happen."

Zexion got off the bed and pulled Marly towards the doorway, as Sora took up Z's former place next to me. "Marly…what should we do for her?" I heard Zexion question.

"We just have to be here for her."

"That's not enough."

"Don't worry, I have no intentions of letting this drop just like that. I plan to do something about it. Somehow."

Z sighed. "Mar, _that _worries me."

~O~

"What the fuck are you doing here?" It had been a week since the _incident_, as I called it, and I hadn't had any sort of one-on-one encounters with Xaldin, until this very moment when I had walked into my dorm room to find him sitting on my bed.

At first he was shocked to see me, which confused and angered me even more, but then he began to act all cocky. "Like you don't know. You're the one who asked me to come here. Not that I'm displeased or anything. Quite the opposite. In fact, I'm more than willing for a repeat of-"

"Okay, stop it right there!" I held a hand up, my heart racing and my mind screaming for him to shut his mouth. But I ignored that part of me and focused on the important thing he said. "What did you mean I asked you to come here?"

"Didn't you? I got a note saying I needed to come to this room after school. So here I am, and there you are. I didn't actually know it was your room."

"I didn't send you any note, and if I _had_ the message would have been quite different."

Xaldin pulled out a crumpled paper. "So how do you explain this?"

"That would be from me." Marluxia closed the door behind him and flung his bag onto his bed. I followed him with my eyes as he moved towards Xaldin. The only thing I could think was 'uh-oh.'

"Marluxia, right? Yeah, I've seen you around school." Xaldin stood up, looking slightly nervous at the sight of my roommate, and began to inch in the direction of the door. He too understood that Marly hadn't invited him over for a chat and some tea.

Marluxia swiftly made a move for him, grabbing him by the shoulders and slamming him face first against the wall, pinning one of Xaldin's arms behind his back. "Look, I don't know what kind of fairytale stories your little girlfriend has been feeding to you." Xaldin let out a gasp of pain as Marly began to twist his arm as a response to the comment. "Whatever happened between us was consensual, I swear!"

There was a cracking sound and Xaldin cried out in pain. "You're going to apologize, or I'll break your fucking arm." Marluxia let go of him and he fell to the floor.

"I'm sorry," he said from his crumpled position, cradling his arm now and wincing.

Marluxia lashed out and kicked him hard, I didn't even see where as I averted my eyes, unable to watch. "Say it louder."

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't say it to me, say it to her, you dirt bag." I heard his shoe make contact with another part of Xaldin's body.

"I'm sorry, Aqua!" he cried out, "I won't bother you again."

"You'll stay the hell away from her."

Xaldin slowly lifted himself off the floor. "Yes, I swear it! Can I go?"

The two of them stared at one another, Marly looking ticked off and disgusted. "Yeah, you can go. The sight of you is making me sick. Just one more thing before you leave."

"What?"

"Marluxia, don't!" I shouted as I saw his hand ball into a fist. But Marly ignored me and took a swing at Xaldin, landing it squarely on his jaw. Once more, he fell to the ground.

I grabbed Marluxia by the arm. "Please, stop it. Just let it go. He's not worth the fuss." My roommate watched, enraged, as Xaldin got up and stumbled to the door.

"Why'd you stop me?" Marluxia turned to me, looking enraged. The anger was licking at his eyes. This emotion he had, all because of me, did make me feel an overwhelming surge of appreciation for him—even though I hadn't wanted him to do anything about it.

"What good is it to beat on him? You're the one who will get in trouble."

Marluxia muttered, darkly. "Yeah? Well what's to stop him from doing it again, maybe not to you, but to someone else? He needs to be taught a lesson."

"And I think he just was; but nothing, not violence, not words, can undo what has been done."

He swallowed and sat down on the edge of my bed, taking a couple deep breaths in order to calm himself. "I want him to pay for what he did to you."

"So do I; god knows, so do I." I sat down next to him, my head in my hands. "Believe me, I want more than justice."

"So why stop me; why let him go?"

"Because if we didn't, then we wouldn't be any better than him. All I need right now is to have my friends near me. And I need to be stronger so it can never happen again. I know hurting him won't end the fear; it won't prevent me from waking up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and frightened."

Marluxia let out a sigh. "Yeah, I know you're right. All I can do is be here to comfort you when you do wake up in the middle of the night."

I grabbed his hands and looked imploringly into his eyes. "Can you do that for me? Can you just be here when I need you?"

He hesitated, "I'll try—no, I will. We all will."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to watch me, or protect me all hours of the day. I don't want your pity, and I don't want you, or Zexion, or Sora, to drop everything just because…because you feel sorry for me."

"I don't pity you. I just feel angry."

"And I feel sick, and tired, and I shouldn't have been so selfish in wanting to have you all with me all the time. I was jealous of what you all had."

Marly was somewhat taken aback by my sudden confession. "I didn't know you felt so alone."

I shrugged. "I'm good at hiding things, like how I feel. I've had a lot of practice."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay."

"No, Aqua, it's really not. If I'm going to promise to be here whenever you call for me, you've got to promise me one thing as well."

"What's that?"

"That you'll say what is really on your mind, and not dismiss how you feel, because as your friend, those feelings are kind of important to me."

I laughed a little, rubbing a few stray tears out of my eyes. "I'm lucky to have friends like you then."

"Damn right you are."

"I wish…"

"What?"

"I wish one of you were a girl."

Marluxia laughed this time. "Don't you worry, Aqua. One of these days you are going to get your girl."

"You promise?"

He took my hand. "Yeah, I promise."

~end chapter sixteen

A/N2: Phew…made it through. I think it's one of my stronger chapters, even if it's…painful. But those two kind of go hand in hand. Well, one more chapter of part 2 to go!


	25. Part 2, Chapter 17, All POVs

A/N: Um, yeah, sorry for taking forever on getting this online. And, be forewarned that things might get a little corny…whoops. But enough from me. :)

~O~

Chapter Seventeen; All P. : Finale

~O~

~*~Riku~*~

Demyx was leaning against the trunk of our usual tree, my head in his lap. My eyes were closed and the feeling of his hands threading through my silver hair was lulling me into an almost hypnotic sleep-state. It was hard to believe that we were ever anything but this. The calm he instilled in me now was so different from the annoyance and anger he used to bring out of me.

"Riku?" His voice was so hushed that I thought I had imagined him speaking. "Hey, uh, you don't happen to know any tall, older women do you?"

"What?" I opened my eyes and stared up into his, my brow furrowing. "You're joking right?"

Demyx looked up at something in the distance, frowned, and then returned his gaze to mine. "No, not joking. There's a woman heading this direction, and I don't think it's to see me, 'cause I have no idea who she is."

I lifted my head and turned towards the direction Demyx was looking. My eyes narrowed as a sense of familiarity flickered inside me at the sight of her. After a moment of scrutinizing her image, it suddenly hit me: no way. "No way," I muttered aloud this time. It couldn't be…

Demyx watched curiously as I stood up. "Do you know her?"

"More than know…I think…" I looked down at him, still rather shocked. "She's my mother."

"What!" He scrambled to stand up just as my mother reached the two of us.

Her shoulder-length hair—so different from mine—was a dark auburn, her eyes a golden honey unlike my icy blue. She looked relatively young, the lines on her face were few, and she didn't seem to have any grey hairs. Although, I'm suspicious that her hair was dyed. "My Riku," Angela, I think that was her name, threw her arms around me. "I see you still remember your mom."

I was not quite sure how to react, and she must have sensed when I tensed up, as she let go of me an instant later. I probably looked like a clone of my father to her. "Well, are you going to introduce me to your friend?" She glanced in Demyx's direction and smiled.

"What are you doing here?" I regretted it the moment I said it.

Her smile turned sad and distant. "I wanted to see you."

"Well, why now? You've had years to decided whether or not you were going to show up in my life again, so why now?" I dreamt about her returning at least a thousand times; when I was younger, I thought she was going to come back for me. But that was a foolish thought. She was young, selfish, and heartbroken.

"Riku," Demyx put a hand on my arm, "can't you listen to her? Give her a chance to explain." I knew he was just trying to be understanding, but I couldn't help the anger that was welling up inside me from the sight of her.

"I would have," she spoke again, her eyes trying to plead with me as she did so, "but I thought you didn't want to see me."

I folded my arms and looked away from her. "What makes you think that? Because you up and left us?"

"That too, of course. But your father told me you were angry, and never wanted to see me again. I kept calling, for years actually, but he always said you were either out or still upset. But I never stopped thinking about you." My mind went blank. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Had she really tried to get in touch with me? Had my father prevented me from seeing her? "Riku…say something. Please?"

"You…called?"

"Didn't you know? Sephiroth swore he talked to you."

"Fuck," I turned away from her, "no." I felt tears stinging at the corner of my eyes. I wouldn't allow myself to cry though. I couldn't. "He didn't tell me anything. I thought you didn't want anything to do with me either."

"I should have known he had pulled a trick like this."

At that point, Demyx was looking a little awkward and he mumbled to me that he would see me later. Probably wanted to give us some alone time. I didn't know what I wanted…or what I was supposed to be feeling. Right then, I was just too shocked and enraged to think. My father was the one who betrayed me all these years. He'd made me believe that she didn't want to hear from me. So I hadn't bothered trying to look her up, when I probably should have. He'd made it so I was just as cold and bitter about her as he was. I was left feeling like I needed to punish him for that.

"So you thought I never wanted to see you again?" I felt pressure on my arm and looked down to see her hand. She slowly turned me towards her. "It's what he wanted us both to think."

"Bastard."

"Riku."

I frowned at her. "What?"

"Look at it from his point of view. He was angry with me for leaving, so he held onto up because you were the only part of me he could hold onto."

My hands clenched into fists. "Maybe so, but he had no right to do that. It…it's not fair. I never even got the chance to know you."

"Riku, I feel the same but-"

"So why aren't you angry right now?"

She smiled and touched the side of my face. "I spent too long being angry with him. Why get upset about the past? I cannot live with that anger anymore. I've let all that go now."

Her philosophy towards anger may work for her, but I was not ready to adopt it for myself and just let it go. She was here now, and I couldn't aim my hatred at her. But the resentment I was feeling had to be directed somewhere. I tried to calm myself for the time being; I'd wait to unleash myself on the deserving party. I bit back the bitterness as much as I could when I addressed her again. "Why did you come here if you thought I wanted nothing to do with you?"

"A last attempt. I thought I would show up and see you regardless of your wishes. There's…well Riku, I have some news and I was hoping it would bring us together."

"What news?"

"I recently got engaged to a man I've been seeing for some time now."

"Oh, uh, congratulations," I tried to smile, but it felt rather empty.

"I would love it if you came to our wedding."

"Of course I'll go." If I wanted to know her better, this was probably the best way to start a connection. While I couldn't really remember the last time I'd seen her, I still felt somewhat obligated to oblige her wishes. No matter how long it had been…she was my mother after all. And she had made the effort to come out here…even though she'd taken this long to do it. I shook off the lingering feeling of resentment. I wouldn't allow myself to be angry with her.

"And there's one more thing."

"Yes?"

My mother took a hold of my hands and squeezed them tightly. There was a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her lips that caused my stomach to clench with nervousness and foreboding. "Will you be there for your little half-brother or sister?"

I couldn't help it as my jaw dropped open. So that was it. That was the real reason she was suddenly feeling a necessity to reach out to me. "What? You're pregnant? You show up for the first time in years, tell me to come to your wedding, and then you spring this on me?" My head was spinning. I was still trying to suppress the anger and hurt I felt for being abandoned by her all these years, and redirect it at my father. But that was becoming difficult to justify when it seemed all the more likely that she had shown up to dissuade her own guilt, over having another child when she'd probably been doing a decent job of forgetting she had one already. No…I couldn't allow myself to be thinking that. Years of my father's molding me were probably affecting my judgment. I tried to keep the edge out of my voice when I spoke to her next. "Aren't you a little old to be having another kid?" Oh no, I wasn't jealous…or angry…no, definitely not.

"I'm not that old, Riku, I've still got a few years before I'm forty. Listen, I missed out on your life, and this child could be my second chance. I want you to be a part of that too. I know it's a lot, but is it too much to ask?"

"No," I shook my head and closed my eyes, "it's not too much," I finished from behind gritted teeth. "I want to be there for you and the baby." All of my childhood fantasies of running away with my mother kept prodding me as she stood there with her begging eyes. "I guess it's never too late for second chances," I murmured, sighing and letting some tension out with my breath. Right. This was a chance I never thought I'd have. I should just take it for what it was worth. She was here, when she could have continued to not be. I should be so lucky.

There were tears in her eyes and she flung her arms around me once more. I awkwardly pat her on the back. "I'm so happy that we're working things out. We going to see each other more often now, aren't we? I'm going to try to make it all up to you, Riku, alright?"

"Yeah. Okay. I'd…like that."

"Good!"

Good? I sighed again. I suppose it was. No, I should be glad she came to see me. I am. Because now I know my father had been lying to me for years about my mother. And I plan to let him know exactly how I feel about that. After all, I've been keeping something from him too, and it's high time all these secrets came out.

~O~

~*~Axel~*~

I had been feeling the need to seek out Squall ever since my trip down memory lane with Roxas. The only times I had seen him on the island had been brief, or at a distance; but since the college dorms were near the teacher's housing, we were bound to run into one another eventually. That event came sooner rather than later. Although, I should admit that I waited around his apartment for him to show up. Maybe it was a little late in the game, but ever since mentioning it to Roxas, my unfinished business with Squall had been nagging me.

"Axel?" He was just a little surprised to see me. "Were you waiting here for me?"

I would have been surprised to see me too, if I had been him. Neither one of us had really said anything to one another—well, nothing significant anyway—since we made the realization we were both on this island. And considering our history, and that we hadn't had much to say to one another before now…it was a little strange for me to be showing up to speak to him. "Yeah, actually I am here to see you. It just felt like a good time to, well, talk." I moved away from his door, which I had been leaning against, to let him unlock it.

The door, it turned out, was actually unlocked already; he only opened it and headed inside. "Are you going to come in?"

"Sure," I followed him in and took a seat on his couch, making myself at home. "So-"

"Roxas didn't send you to see me, did he?" Squall asked me over the sound of running water. Seconds later, he returned to the living room with a glass of water in hand.

"No, he didn't send me. But I did talk with him about the whole Sora thing."

Squall snorted at that. "'The whole Sora thing' huh? Are you going to impart your opinion on the matter now? Because I don't see how it is any of your concern. Although, somehow you seem to make my relationships your business, don't you?"

"Heh…yeah… but anyway, to answer you: No, it really isn't my business. That's not why I'm here, although if it was, I would be taking your side. I see nothing wrong with you being with Roxas's brother. And just so you know, he really doesn't either."

"No?" He sat down next to me. "Well, he did a convincing job of acting as if he was bothered by it. But anyway, you claim that's not why you're here?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about that summer, ages ago, when I met you. Roxas asked how I knew you and it brought up all those memories."

Squall leaned back against the couch and rested his feet on the small coffee table. "I remember that summer. Hard to forget it. An almost high school freshman stole my boyfriend. Besides hating you for that, I did actually…admire you somewhat." I smirked, and he noticed my expression. "Alright, maybe admire wasn't the word I was looking for. How about, I was impressed by you."

"Heh, well thanks then. I get blindsided when I find something I want, and it's all I see. I'll do whatever it takes to get it. So if it's that drive that impressed you, well, I'll let you come to your own conclusions on whether or not it's something to admire."

"I think I envied you for that drive, to be honest. I'm always over thinking every action I take. I try to be careful and that deters me from actually going after what I want." He gave me a small smile. It must have occurred to the both of us at that moment that we were…bonding. Or something. "You don't have to be sorry about it." He waved a hand. "That happened so long ago; I've moved on since then."

"Well that's good to hear. Glad you're not still hung up on it. No grudges, right?"

He laughed, "No, I've more than forgiven you by now I think. It would be a little childish of me to hold onto something that doesn't even matter to me anymore."

"Phew, that's good. So, uh, we're okay then?"

"Yes, I suppose. If you'd like. Really, that was the only reason you came by? To clear that up?"

I shrugged, "I guess so." We were both quiet, not to the point of having it feel awkward, but neither one of us really knew what to say. It wasn't like we were old friends or anything. But for some reason, I didn't feel like just getting up and leaving. "Hey, you were with some girl for a while, right?"

"Mh hm. We got engaged and everything. But she…passed away, so…obviously nothing came of that." Squall fixed his gaze on his hands and quieted.

"Oh. I'm sorry. That, uh, that must have sucked."

He nodded. "It did, to put it mildly. It was devastating really. I've only recently been feeling like I've finally made my peace with it. I never imagined myself moving on after that, but I did. And honestly, I've never been happier." Squall smiled to himself.

"Because of Sora?"

"Yeah. I feel this…intense…connection to him. Do you know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean. There's something about those two…" I trailed off as my thoughts turned inwards and memories of Roxas stunted my speech.

"You know, I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up seeing more of each other now, since our boyfriends are brothers."

Blinking, I turned to him and smiled. "I imagine so. At least this time I won't be going after your guy." I grinned mischievously. "Unless, of course, we all decide to hook up-"

Squall gave me a steel look that stopped me mid-sentence. "Sorry, but I'll pass on that."

"Whatever," I stood, stretching my arms into the air, and then shrugged. "Your loss, man."

"I really don't think so," he muttered.

"I know, I know, it was a joke." I was about to let myself out when I paused and turned back to him. "So, maybe I'll see you around?"

Squall looked at me, seeming to study me for a moment. "Yeah. I think…I might like that."

~*~Roxas~*~

"Man, do you think this will be the last time Euphony plays together?" Demyx was on his back sprawled across Riku's bed, fingering his hair and staring up at the ceiling.

Riku and I glanced at each other and rolled our eyes. Idiot, we were both probably thinking. "Of course not," I said, "we're all going to be in college here next year. We'll live to play again. I mean, we thought the band was over after Riku dropped a bomb on us earlier. And look at that, he came crawling back to us."

Demyx turned his head towards us, his dusty hair falling in his eyes. "Yeah, that's true enough. He couldn't completely turn his back on the music."

"Hey," Riku shot at him.

Demyx continued as if uninterrupted. "But we'll all have weird schedules probably, and maybe we won't have any occasions to perform as a band."

"We'll make occasions if we have to." I shrugged, unconcerned. I was sitting at Riku's desk, while Riku was on the floor, staring at the lyrics I wrote for the song we would be performing at graduation. At first we were going to try to play at the end of year talent show, but the band unanimously decided against that in favor of play at graduation. With a flick of my pen, I flourished the last word of our song. "Okay, that should do it."

"Let's see it." Riku reached a hand up for the paper and I carefully placed it in his grasp.

"I want to run it by Sora too, so I don't know how final this is."

After a while, Riku nodded and said, "Yeah, looks fairly good to me. They're definitely very positive, which will probably work for the occasion." He handed it back up to me.

I took the paper and sighed audibly. "That's kind of what I was going for…if you can believe it. Ha. Yeah. But I'd like to end this school year on a good note, okay? I mean, it's graduation, it should be…you know…cheery…and, shit, hopeful of the future. And I can't believe I'm saying that." Demyx chuckled at that, and Riku grinned at me. "Can you believe it, graduation is only a week away?"

"For you guys anyway. I won't be graduating for another three years most likely."

"Yeah, well at least you're out of high school already," Demyx whined slightly.

"That's true. It's a definite plus."

"Graduation," I murmured to myself. After everything…I can hardly believe I even made it.

~O~

I was curled up in my bed, waiting for Sora to show up at our dorm. I really wanted to have him critique my song lyrics, but part of me was afraid he'd just ignore me again. Maybe it was because he ended up having to write our last songs, or maybe it was because I was still feeling guilty for my behavior over his relationship, but I wanted his approval for some reason. I'm sure Axel would probably tell me it was because I want his forgiveness for the way I acted, and his approval would be my way of feeling like I had gained it. Since Sora hadn't really talked to me since his episode of yelling at me...I continued to wait, nervously hoping he would pay me the slightest bit of attention.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait all that long, because I ended up falling asleep. The next thing I knew, he was entering our room with his bag slung over his shoulder. He looked over at me as I blearily opened my eyes. "Oh, did I wake you? Sorry."

"No," I muttered, trying to shake off the semi-cold and detached tone in his voice. "I was waiting for you."

"Is that so? Did I break your personal curfew for me?" His back was to me as he said it and he was busying himself with taking a book out of his bag.

"No, I wanted to talk to you." Sora didn't say anything. I sat up in my bed. "Would you quit that? I've said I'm sorry. I get you're angry with me, but this cold shoulder thing is ridiculous."

Sora glanced at me. "If you get that I'm angry, you should also get that my actions may just reflect that anger."

I pouted and he glowered. "Can you give me some sort of sign that would tell me you'll eventually forgive me?"

"You know what?" He stopped what he was doing, "I do forgive you; I understand your concern; and I know you see the error of your ways. But I cannot pretend I'm not angry." Sora sat down on his bed, facing my direction, but staring at the floor. "I'm not even sure it's you I'm angry with." He sighed and turned his eyes up towards me. "I think I'm just angry because for once I allowed myself to really feel that emotion…and then all these other things just came to the surface."

"Maybe you should stop acting happy all the time."

Sora stared at me; or through me more likely. His eyes were unfocused as if he was not really looking at anything. After a moment, he snapped out of the daze and shook his head. "It's funny you should say that. Because I don't. I don't think. Maybe…maybe that's all you ever see from me, because we don't know each other very well anymore…and that's the way you're used to thinking of me as. So, if you think I'm acting happy, well…then I'm not acting. Maybe when things feel like they've returned to normal, it's just the state I revert back to." He smiled at me, which was something I hadn't seen him do—with regards to me—for a while. "Anyway, I think it's better to find something in your life to feel good about, rather than dwelling on all the bad things. I'm…trying to do that. So, I really don't want to be angry."

I guess I don't give him enough credit. Last summer, when he seemed almost indifferent about our father's death, he must have really been hurting on the inside. Between our father, and the way I had acted, Sora must have felt the need to keep himself together…to stop the rest of us from completely falling apart. He tried to be strong for us. Because he was right, I hadn't really paid him much attention after our family took that hit. He wasn't the happy-go-lucky kid we'd both been. He'd had to harden himself to balance out my shit. I really hadn't understood until now…that he had been affected just as much as I had. Maybe worse, if he hadn't been allowing himself the privilege of acting out like I had. The only person he'd truly opened his heart back up to since then…was Squall.

"I'm sorry," I said suddenly. I had been sitting on my bed in thought while Sora had started to work on school things. He looked over at me. "I don't think I've ever really understood you."

"I don't think you have either," he shrugged, not seeming too distraught by that fact. "But_ I_ haven't really understood _you_. So I think we're kind of even there."

I stood suddenly, taking a deep breath, and walked over to him, extending a hand. "Let's shake on it."

"On what?"

"To better understanding one another."

"Okay." He grasped my hand. "This is oddly formal."

"Yeah." I laughed, getting him to chuckle a bit as well. "What do you say we never do that again?"

Sora nodded. "Yeah, at least until we're older." He blinked. "Oh, was there something you need to talk to me about?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. I kind of forgot about that. Um, I wanted you to look over our song lyrics."

"Sure, I'll take a look." I fished the paper out of my pocket and handed it to him. I nervously watched his eyes scan over the words. "Yeah," he said, while he reread a section. "I like it. A little repetitive, but other than that-"

"Well, that's sort of the point," I cut in and looked over his shoulder. "You see, what I want—ideally, to really get the effect—is to have everyone sing along with us," I tapped the paper, "at this part. Do you get what I'm saying? I think if we can get people to join in, the entire meaning of the song will be actualized."

"Oh!" His eyes widened when he understood what I was trying to emphasize. "Oh, I get it." Sora nodded. "Yeah, that fits really well then." He took his eyes off the paper to look at me. "It's pretty perfect to be singing this at graduation."

My eyes lit up from the praise, "So you like it?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't want to change any of it. I'm kind of impressed, Roxas. I wouldn't have imagined you to write something like that. It's so…"

"I know, I know, but I was trying to make it an anthem." I bit my lip. "Do you think I was trying too hard?"

Sora shook his head. "No, no I like it. I think, in context, it'll work. And you know, I could pass the word on to Aqua, Z, and Marly to get them to sing along at the end. Maybe we could play into the whole herd mentality thing. Some people start to join in, soon enough the rest of them will too, yeah?"

"Yeah, that'd be great if you could spread the word around." I took back the paper and began to neatly fold it up. "So you and Marluxia are on friendly terms huh?"

Sora shrugged. "He's not so bad, I guess. But I wasn't too happy about him and Z at first."

"He sort of grows on you after a while. I've seen him with Zexion, they look…they look good together."

"Does it bother you?"

I cast my eyes towards the ground. "No. Of course not. It doesn't bother me at all."

~O~

~*~Aqua~*~

"I'm dreading graduation day." I closed my eyes and pressed my head against Z's chest. His heartbeat was cool and calm, soothing me enough to be able to comfortably be that close to him.

"Why? It's signifying the end of high school. That's something to celebrate." Zexion had taken the role of keeping positive for me; that was something I hadn't been able to be lately. It seemed that the shy, timid boy I met at the beginning of the year was gone. My influence may have been partly responsible for that, but I knew I couldn't take all the credit. Marly had been changing Z's outlook on life possibly the most, and in such a short amount of time too.

"That's not the part I'm dreading." I sat up and pressed my back against the wall behind my bed. "I don't want anyone to meet my mother."

Z sat up next to me. "Oh, so that's it." Watching him adjust his wristbands, I couldn't help but think about how we were both damaged. He had seemingly overcome that though, and was clearly a stronger person for it.

There was still a ways to go for me. I hadn't even scratched the surface on that one. "I love my mom, I really do. I just don't want people to see her and think she's some kind of psycho."

"She doesn't know who you are."

"Well, not exactly. She just thinks-"

"You're a boy."

I sighed. "Do you think you could act like I am a boy when my parents are here? I don't want her to get confused."

"She's already confused."

"I know, but-"

"I'll do it though. If that's what you want."

"That's what I want." Z and I both knew I was lying. I would have much rather had her see me for me, but that was not going to happen any time soon, if ever. "Just remember my name is Zero, okay?"

"I hope you realize that's not who you are."

"Z, this school year has been the only time I've really been able to be me. I was Zero most my life, so I don't even know who I really am. This person you've come to know, I don't know who she is."

"We're all trying to figure out who we are. In your case, it's just a little more…literal." Our eyes locked and I was unable to turn away. "I don't really know who I am either. But I think that no matter what name your mom calls you, you're still the same person, whether you realize it or not."

"I suppose so," I shrugged and finally looked away from him.

"That's not really what's going on here, is it." I didn't make any response. "You're afraid to see them, aren't you? After…"

"That's not it at all," I mumbled to myself. I wasn't sure if Z heard me though.

"I'm afraid to see my parents too, you know. It's not like I can just tell them what happened to me." He let out a humorless laugh. "Or more like what I did to myself. I'm going to hope they can't see right through me." Z lifted his wrists and stared down at the bands around them. "If they ask, I'll say it's a fashion statement and they wouldn't understand."

"Families are supposed to be close. Funny how they never really talk about the important things."

"Sometimes it's easier pretending everything is okay. Makes things simpler."

~O~

~*~Sora~*~

"I'm glad you called. We haven't heard from you in a while." It was almost strange hearing her voice again.

"I was just thinking about you. My mom said you and Namine were going to come with her to our ceremony."

"Yeah," Kairi said. She sounded quite cheerful. "Pence and Olette are coming too, you should tell Roxas."

"I will."

"So how've you been?"

I grinned, glad she couldn't see it. "It's been a strange year. For the most part, I'm good though. So, has anything happened back home?"

Kairi giggled. "Well, a few things have."

"Okay spill it!" I leaned back in my desk chair, eager to hear her news.

"Pence has a girlfriend."

"What? Really? Who?"

"We don't know her. Actually, she was his pen-pal. Apparently they really hit it off in their letters and decided to meet. We only just found out about her."

"Do you know her name?"

"Ginger. And trust me; don't ask him about her unless you have a couple hours to spare."

I laughed. "Alright, I'll remember that."

"Oh yeah, one more thing."

"Hm? What's that?"

"Namine and Olette have been seeing each other for the past month."

"What?!" I was so surprised to hear it that I leaned back even further in my chair and ended up falling backwards onto the floor. Both the chair and I landed with a thud. My cell phone dropped out of my hand and I heard Kairi calling my name. "Ouch." I sat up and rubbed the back of my head, and then grabbed the phone. "Hey I'm still here."

"What happened?" There was a slight tone of panic in her voice. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. That was just unexpected. I sort of fell out of my chair."

"It was unexpected for us too. Are you okay with it? Does it…" She trailed off but I knew what she was asking.

"Oh, I'm fine with that. I'm not disgusted by it or anything. Trust me, that's not why I was surprised. It was just _them_ that was surprising."

"Hmm, well that's good."

I picked the chair up and sit down in it again. "What is it?"

"It's nothing."

"So what was the 'hmm' about?"

"I didn't expect you to be so okay with that. Namine wasn't sure she could tell you."

"So you went behind her back and told me yourself, even though you expected me to be upset by it?"

"Uh…yeah. I didn't really think that through."

"Tell Namine I'm happy for her."

"Sure thing."

I glanced at the clock on my computer. It was almost dinner and I had told Squall I'd meet him. "Hey, it's been good talking to you."

"Heh, but you have to go now, right?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"No, it's not a problem. I'll be seeing you soon!"

"Yup."

"Bye, Sora."

"See you, Kairi." There was a click as she hung up. I continued to sit there, absentmindedly staring at my computer screen, wishing I could have told Kairi about Squall and me. Soon that wouldn't be a problem though.

~O~

~*~Marluxia~*~

"So I was just talking to my dad," I said as I pushed open the door to my room, "and—oh." As quietly as I could, I shut the door and glanced back over at Aqua and Zexion, asleep on my roommate's bed. "Never mind then," I smiled to myself. For now, I guess I'd let them sleep. "My news can wait till later."

I grabbed a book and made myself comfortable on my bed. Every now and then I looked over at them and laughed quietly to myself. They really were cute together. Luckily for me, neither one of them was interested in the other.

A good portion of an hour passed before they awoke. I nearly had fallen asleep myself, and probably would have, if they hadn't gotten up. Aqua slowly opened her eyes and noticed me watching her. "What, is that the second time you've slept with my boyfriend?" I smirked as she turned pink.

"Very funny, Marly. My sides hurt from laughing so hard."

"What's going on?" Zexion mumbled.

"Marluxia told a hilarious joke."

"Gee, you're cranky when you wake up," I commented.

"You're just figuring that out now?" She stretched and dropped her legs over the side of the bed.

"Wait, what was so funny?" Zexion glanced between us, looking confused.

"It was nothing, Z."

"He just made a crack about us sleeping together."

His brow furrowed. "That's not funny."

Aqua rolled her eyes. "No, it's not. That was the whole point."

Z was standing now and I walked over to him and slipped my arms around his waist. "I dunno, I thought it was rather witty myself."

He pressed his forehead against my shoulder. "It's too early for sarcasm."

"It's after seven in the evening, Z."

He groaned. "Whatever, I meant-"

"I know what you meant."

"You don't have to tease me about it."

"Oh, please, Z," Aqua said, "you're talking about Marluxia here."

"Right. I nearly forgot."

"You wound me!" I stepped away from him and pretended to be hurt by his remark.

"Sure," he shrugged. Aqua laughed.

"That sounded so heartfelt." I sighed dramatically and turned back to them. "So, where's our fourth?"

Zexion raised an eyebrow. "Sora? Where do you think he is?"

I nodded. "Yes, that was rather a dumb question, wasn't it?"

"That's okay," Z said, "it's why we love you." We all were suddenly silent after that, and the three of us just looked at one another. Zexion flushed slightly and tried to change the subject. "So, uh, school's almost out."

"Yes, it is," I stated, matter-of-factly. Z and I hadn't said the 'L' word to one another before. As much as I liked him, we weren't exactly at that point. But still, that shouldn't have made it awkward to hear it out of context, so I'm not sure why we reacted the way we did.

"Well I for one cannot wait for the summer," Aqua chimed in, bless her, to break another awkward silence.

"We should all do something together during the summer," Zexion ordered in my direction.

"Of course. Did you think I would let you out of my sight for even a day?"

"Good."

We were about to embrace when Aqua cut in, "Okay guys, let's not get too sickening please. I'd rather not watch you two gush cutesy romantic lines at one another."

I laughed, "Why, are you jealous?"

Aqua folded her arms and glared at me. "Of you? No. But I am getting tired of being the third wheel to all of my friends and their perfect relationships."

Oh, right… "In that case, how would you like to share Z with me?"

"Marly, if the next words out of your mouth resemble anything along the lines of 'three-some,' I may just have to hurt you." She threatened.

"That's so not what I was going to say."

"Of course it wasn't," Zexion added. I don't think he believed me. I glanced over at Aqua who smiled and shook her head.

~O~

~*~Squall~*~

"We should talk about it, don't you agree?"

Sora looked up at me. "Talk about what?"

I pressed him closer to me with the arm that was draped over his back. "The summer."

He sighed, as if he was relieved. "Good. I thought you wanted to discuss some serious matter."

I smiled, bringing a hand to his spiky brown hair, and lightly tugging on a strand of it. "I take you very seriously."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. If you didn't, I wouldn't be lying next to you on your couch talking about our future."

"Or trying to talk about our future, as the case may be, and you mocking me for it."

Sora pouted. "I'm not mocking you."

"You're adorable," I said and kissed him. He leaned into it and parted his lips. I took the invitation and slipped my tongue inside his mouth. After several moments, I suddenly broke away from him. "Hey, you're distracting me."

"It's what I do best."

"I plan to see you during the summer, even if it means hunting you down and forcing you to spend time with me." I sat up and pulled him into my lap.

"Of course I want to see you too, it's just," he bit his lip and turned his eyes away from me, "I'm not so sure how my mom will react to: first, me having a boyfriend; and second, me having a boyfriend who's eight years older than I am and was once my teacher."

"Eight years isn't as big an age gap as it sounds."

Sora raised an eyebrow. "No, maybe not. But my mom might disapprove."

"I understand the position you're taking, but don't you think it might be better to tell her instead of going around her back."

He pouted again. "Yes, I know. I just don't want to tell her. But I will, since the alternative of not seeing you would be more painful."

"So we agree?" Sora nodded. "Do you think your mother would let you stay with me for a few weeks?"

"Ha, don't count on it."

"Well then, I'll just have to kidnap you, won't I?"

"Hm, I guess so."

Sora began to dip his head to kiss me, but I cut him off by saying, "And after summer?"

He groaned. "Squall, do we have to talk about this now?"

I gave him a look. "Yes, we do. Just bare with me, okay?"

"Sure, but I think you're getting some sort of sadistic pleasure out of making me uncomfortable."

My hands twined with his and I pressed the backs of them against the couch, so that Sora was almost hovering over my face. He let out a slow breath. "I'm all for play, Sora, but let's get the important things out of the way." Sora closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. "Now where was I? Oh right, after summer."

"I'll be back here for college."

"Yes, and I'll…for the most part, technically, will be allowed to have a relationship with you."

"They'll probably frown on it."

"So be it. Legally, they have no case against us, even if they wanted to. I doubt they would bring the issue up either way. If anything, the headmaster and the board would probably choose to ignore it."

"I hope you're right." He opened his eyes, looking as if he was entranced by mine as we stared at one another.

"Sora," my voice came out hushed, and I knew his attention was completely fixed on me. "I need you to understand how dedicated I am to our relationship. I'm not taking us lightly at all. When I look to the future all I see is you. But if at any time you have doubts about us, or you feel a need to see other people, to try having other relationships before you've settled on one person, I want you to know that you have every right to do that. I don't want you to stay with me because you feel pressured by my commitment to us. So if you need a break, to figure things out, or…whatever…you can always come to me with that. Do you hear me?"

Sora swallowed. I think I may have shaken him a little. Finally, he nodded. "I think I get what you're saying."

"Okay."

"But I don't plan on being with anyone else either."

"That's not necessarily something you can plan on."

He let go of my hands, and they dropped to my sides. For a moment I wondered if he was angry with me, until he leaned forward again and threaded his fingers in my hair, his lips mere centimeters from mine. "Squall, I do understand what you're saying. Now you need to hear me out. I take us very seriously as well, and as much as I try not to think about the future, when I do it's still you I see with me. So can we just take this one day at a time?"

"Of course." It's all I could think to say, as I was pleasantly surprised by his level of maturity.

"Just remember that we're on the same page. I'm not viewing this as a short-term thing."

"Same page."

"Right." We stared at one another. "Are you going to kiss me now, Mr. Leonhart? Or do I have-" I never did let him finish that sentence.

~O~

~*~Axel~*~

Roxas dropped his bag on the floor next to my bed. "So you're okay with me staying over?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" I closed the book I had been reading and left it on my desk.

He shrugged, "I dunno. It's not something we do all that often." Roxas grabbed me by the arm and dragged me over to my bed. He pushed me down against the mattress with a force of strength I wouldn't have expected him to have. "After all, if I stay over, something might happen between us."

"I'm not against that."

Roxas straddled me and held my wrists down. I didn't try to stop him. "No? I thought you were going all noble on me again, because since we've been together it seems like we haven't exactly gotten anywhere."

I exhaled; my heart had begun to beat faster. "Trust me. I'm not against that at all."

"So you're not back to trying to preserve my non-existent innocence?"

"No," I shook my head. "I've been busy with finals and writing my thesis. Then, of course, the only other times we've been alone together," I glanced at the door, half expecting Xemnas and Saix to burst through it, "we always seem to get interrupted."

He lowered himself over me and placed his lips near my ear, whispering, "I wouldn't worry about that tonight."

Swallowing, I closed my eyes and asked, "Oh? How can you be sure of that?"

"I locked the door."

That would be too simple. "They know how to unlock the door. I can't tell you the number of times I've woken up with them standing over me holding a camera." My green eyes flickered open and caught his blue ones. "They've been picking that lock for years."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "I kind of meant that statement figuratively. Actually, I went to them myself and told them to shove off for tonight."

I blinked rapidly in surprise. "Really? You…you," I couldn't help but laugh, "you asked them to 'shove off' for a night?"

"Yes, which they agreed to, and will tease me mercilessly about for the rest of my life." He glared at me while I continued to laugh. "Would you stop that? It's not funny."

"Sorry," I grinned up at him while I held back my laughter. Roxas stared down at me, his lips pursed together in irritation. My fit subsided and I turned my head slightly to one side. "You're completely serious about this, aren't you?"

"Quite, actually."

I grinned again, "If I had known you wanted me that badly, I would have arranged for this sooner."

"If you don't stop joking, I'll leave."

That shut me up. "Alright, we'll do this your way." In some ways, I think Roxas had always been the one in control of this relationship.

"Should I not have assumed we both wanted this?"

"No, that's a safe assumption to make. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone." I slipped my arms out of his hold and fixed them around his waist, pressing him closer to me.

He turned his eyes away from mine. "You don't act that way."

"I know. I think it's because of that fact that I'm so hesitant to-"

"Take things further?" Roxas finished for me.

"Yeah."

His eyes returned to mine. "Think you're ready to move past that?"

My fingers found the hem of his shirt, and they slid underneath the fabric to trail up the bare skin of his back, the very tips of my fingers tingling at the contact. "More than ready, I do believe."

I helped him out of his shirt and lightly pressed my lips against his chest, where his heart was. As I sat up, he moved off of me and impatiently unbuttoned my shirt. The cloth slid off my arms and onto the floor. Slowly, I stood and began to inch my jeans off. There was a look of hunger in his eyes as he watched me. My pulse quickened and before I could blink, he was pressed up against me, bare chest to bare chest. My fingers dug into the skin of his back and he let out a sigh before standing on his toes and pressing his hot mouth against mine. His lips burned me, and his tongue scorched the back of my mouth. Hastily, I unbuttoned his pants. He pulled away from me to slip them off. We were both nearly bare of clothes now. He guided me over to the bed, where he laid back down against it and drew me towards him. His lips claimed mine again as I settled myself on top of him, pushing him further into the mattress. My hands slid down the sides of his hips and he pressed himself up against my body. I felt myself beginning to lose all control. I couldn't hold myself back anymore. And while he was the one who had gotten under my skin, metaphorically, I now found myself finally returning the favor.

~*~Riku~*~

My mother decided to spend that weekend with us, so my accusing outburst at my father was put on hold. For some reason, I thought it would be better to wait for her to leave before I had it out with him. So for a good few days, I was projecting a falsely cheery attitude. Sephiroth acted oddly cordial towards my mother, his ex-wife, and unless I was imagining it, I definitely saw him become nervous any time he came across Angela and I together. It was safe to say he knew my outburst was an inevitable event to come.

Sunday evening came, and I saw her off at the docks, promising to get in touch with her. She hugged me, kissed my cheek, and told me not to be too harsh with my father. I decided her advice regarding Sephiroth was rather hypocritical considering how their relationship ended. So on my way back to our home, I was muttering to myself what I wanted to say to him. When I arrived at the house, I immediately headed towards his office. He looked up as I opened the door, and when I closed it, I knew he had mentally prepared himself for whatever it was I would be throwing at him. "You lied to me."

"I did not lie to you, Riku," he said calmly, while leaning back in his chair and folding his hands on top of his desk.

"Well, then you omitted a hell of a lot of information whenever I asked about my mom. It's the same thing really. She wanted to be in my life, but you wouldn't let her!" I slammed my hands down against the desk; it didn't startle him.

"And I had the right to decide to cut her out."

"No you didn't, that was my choice, and hers."

"The hell it was, after she left. She gave up her right to you the second she walked out our door. It was months before she even tried to get in touch with you."

I took a deep breath and sat down in one of the arm chairs across from him. "But she did try and you prevented her from seeing her only son. You prevented me from seeing my mother. All this time, some part of me had hoped she would one day show up. I was more angry with you for causing her to go, than I was with her for leaving. So if you thought keeping me to yourself would earn you sympathy points and maybe get me to hate her for what she did, you were sadly mistaken."

"You're being a little over-dramatic, don't you think so? Are you quite finished with this 'why wouldn't you let me see my mommy' speech of yours?" My hands balled into fists, but I didn't let myself react in any other way. "Do you believe her being in your life would change anything? So maybe you would speak with her a few times a month. Then she would get bored and not call for a while, she would be busy living her own life, and finally she would list off excuses to not see you. It's the type of person she is, was, and always will be. I thought you would be better off without her influence, so I made the executive decision to sever all ties you could possibly have with her."

"I think you're wrong about her. And you didn't do it for my sake. You did it because you were angry with her and wanted her to pay for what she did to you."

He appeared completely unaffected by my words. "Even if that was the case, it still does not change anything. So you grew up not knowing your mother. She's in your life now, so why are you complaining about it?"

"I'm not complaining about it." I just wanted him to pay. He's right, I couldn't change what had already happened, but I could make him suffer for it now. Yelling at him always felt pretty good.

"Alright then. You shouldn't. Because what you should be asking yourself, Riku, isn't why didn't I let you see her; but, why didn't she come see you? As she has now proven, she's capable of doing just that. I did not let her speak to you on the phone. I never once stopped her from visiting. She did that herself." He returned his attention to some paperwork on his desk, indicating that this discussion was over, and he was not going to indulge any further outburst. Not that I had anything more to say on the subject. He'd stunned me into a silence about it. Because he was right. And it hurt, knowing that. "Are we through with this now, or was there something else you needed to say to me?"

I stood up from my seat, pained, and knowing that my anger towards him could not be extinguished by talking to him about my mother. That was fine, since I still had a trick up my sleeve. And I needed to lash out somehow. "You know, there was one more thing actually."

"And that is?" He didn't look up at me, having already dismissed me.

"Well, it's just that there's been something I've needed to tell you about myself, and since we are being so honest with one another, what with all these secrets coming out, I thought now would be the best time to do so."

He raised an eyebrow in interest, returning his attention to me. "I'm listening."

"Yeah, um, I'm gay."

My father sat there, staring at me unblinking. "What did you say?"

I almost rolled my eyes. He didn't really just pull out the 'I couldn't possibly have heard that correctly, so tell me it again with words I want to hear' routine, did he? Yes, yes he did. I cleared my throat. "I'm gay. As in: girls don't interest me, and I would rather fuck a guy—which, just so you know, I've actually done. So you shouldn't take this as some sort of joke or empty threat. I'm not just saying it in hopes to upset you. In fact, I'm pretty sure it will upset you quite a bit, especially seeing how it is true."

"You're…you're gay?"

"Yes," I nodded.

He looked as if this was the most incomprehensible piece of information he'd ever heard. "But what about those girls I see you with during the summer?"

I shrugged, "They never really made me feel anything, except for maybe lacking. None of them ever interested me. I thought they must not be my type, turns out I was a little more than right."

"I see…and you have had sex with another boy?" It must have taken a lot out of him to say that.

"Yes, but I wouldn't call him a boy. More like a man. I'm not seeing him anymore. I'm with Demyx now."

"Your, uh, friend from your band?" In all actuality, he was taking this rather well. I was almost impressed that he somehow managed to continue having this conversation with me.

"Yes. He's my boyfriend."

"And have the two of you," he swallowed, "slept together?"

"Geez Dad, you can't just ask a guy that. That's getting a little too personal." His mouth dropped open and he gawked at me as I left the room.

I think my work here is done.

~*~Aqua~*~

I had nearly made it through the last week here without having nightmares. But of course, that would have been too good to be true. I ended up waking to Marluxia shaking me one night. "Aqua, Aqua, wake up. You were having a nightmare. Yelling in your sleep and crying out, so I thought I should wake you."

Inexplicably, tears began to form in my eyes and I rubbed at them, feeling ashamed. "I'm fine. Thanks. I don't even remember it. Go back to bed, Marly."

"Oh please, Aqua. Don't pull any self-sacrificing bullshit on me. You're not fine. Scoot over."

"What?" I looked up at him in surprise.

"Move over. I know there is room for two people to sleep in these beds."

I clung to my sheets, feeling even more embarrassed. "I'm not a kid, Marluxia, I don't need you to sleep next to me, I'm not afraid of the dark."

He stared at me. "I don't care what you say about it, you're not getting away with sleeping alone tonight. So move over before I get in on top of you."

I flushed and resigned to make room for him. As he put his arms around me, I felt the tears begin to come on again, and I cried into his shirt. "It's okay to cry. No one is judging you for that."

"I'm sorry for acting this way. I know you must think I'm ridiculous."

His hold on me tightened. "God, Aqua. You don't have to say sorry to me. You have nothing to be sorry about."

"But I feel so-"

"Shush. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"Okay," I murmured. Eventually, the sound of his breathing lulled me to sleep.

~O~

We woke to the ringing of our dorm room phone. Marly grumbled as he got out of bed and picked up the line. "Hello?"

"Hey, do you know what time it is? I tried knocking but nobody answered." Zexion's voice was loud enough for even me to hear it. Also, Marluxia was holding the receiver several inches away from him.

"We just woke up."

"It's ten-thirty, so hurry up and get down here."

Marly massaged his temples. "Z, where is 'here'?"

There was a long pause on the other end. "Um, the dining hall."

"Ask him what the rush is," I said, as I slowly dragged myself out of bed.

"What's the rush for, Z?"

I heard him groan and then say, "Hello, we're having the practice ceremony at eleven. By the time we're through with that our families should be arriving. Or did you forget that too?"

"Oh shit!" Marly and I exclaimed at the same time.

We spent the next few minutes rushing to change and get ready for the day. Quickly, we grabbed a bite to eat and then ran with Z to the train, which was the fastest way to get to the stadium for our run-through ceremony.

It was difficult for them to keep us seniors on task. There was a sense of anxiety and excitement that was sparking around us all. I was so distracted that I hardly paid attention to what was going on. Finally, they let us loose and we all spilled out of the stadium chattering. I kept taking deep breaths and telling myself to calm down.

Zexion grasped my arm. "Hey, we'll meet you at the docks, alright?"

"What? You're leaving me?"

"For a couple of minutes at the most," Marluxia interjected.

"Where are you two going?" I shouted at their backs as they ran off together. I huffed and folded my arms. "Fine." Looking around, I tried to locate Sora, but he was nowhere to be seen, so I began to walk in the direction of the docks.

When I arrived there, the area was overflowing with parents and students. My blue eyes scanned the crowd, looking for my own family. After a while of being unable in finding them, I began to notice the others around me. There were several girls, most likely siblings or friends of my fellow classmates, but it felt strange to be seeing them here. I suddenly wasn't the only one, but my sense of belonging was tinted with something else. Watching the other girls, it was like they were foreign to me, as if they were strange creatures I had only seen from a distance. My attention drifted from girl to girl, and I smiled to myself.

Then suddenly, one girl in particular caught my eye. She had shoulder length reddish hair and bright blue eyes. Her fingers brushed through her hair and she smiled at a blond girl next to her. The murmuring of the crowd was drowned out and there was suddenly no sound where I was. All I saw was this girl in a pink and white dress with silver zippers and matching laced boots. There was something about this girl that kept me in awe.

"Aqua." I felt someone touch my arm, and my attention was turned away from her. My father smiled down at me and soon I was flinging my arms around him. "My girl, how have you been?"

"Good," I lied, "I've been good." Well, it's not completely untrue.

"You must have had an interesting year."

I released him and nodded. "Yes, it's been different."

"Zero!" My mother saw me and my father and pushed her way through the thicket of people to get to me. Luckily, I had remembered not to wear anything too feminine this morning.

"Mom, it's good to see you."

"Why don't we move this reunion up to that grassy area away from all these other people," my dad suggested.

"That sounds like a plan." I began to lead them away from the docks and up towards the grassy slopes around the school buildings. Only once did I stop to glance back into the crowd, with the hope of maybe glimpsing that girl one more time, but I could not spot her.

~*~Sora~*~

I briefly spoke with Squall after the practice ceremony and then made my way to the docks to find my family. Olette and Namine were the first people I spotted. I waved and was able to get their attention. They rounded up the rest of the group and moved over towards me. I saw Aqua with her parents; she was taking them away from the docks and in the direction of the school. That seemed like a practical idea to me, so after I said hello to my friends, hugged my mother, and shook hands with Cloud, I told them to follow me away from the mass of people. Before we reached Aqua and her parents, I stopped my queue and told them Aqua was a friend of mine. I had to explain that her mother thought she was a boy; I thought it best to get that out of the way, so I wouldn't cause trouble for Aqua. My friends and family took the odd information without much question luckily.

"Hey!" I raised my arm and caught her eye.

"Sora!" She introduced me to her parents, and I introduced her to my mom, who began to speak with Aqua's mother and father.

"And this is Cloud, my older brother."

"Wow, I totally see you and Roxas in him."

"Our resemblance may be all we have in common," I laughed and Cloud smiled at her. "Oh and this is Olette."

The brunette girl waved, "Hi."

"Pence," I nodded my head to the other boy in our group.

"Nice to meet you," he said.

"Namine," I indicated the small blond.

She smiled at Aqua, "Hi."

"And this is Kairi."

Kairi extended her hand for Aqua to shake. "Sora's told me about you in his e-mails."

Aqua shook her hand. "Did he now?" she glanced at me.

"Don't worry, they were all good things."

Olette looked around. "So, where's Roxas?"

I shrugged. "He should be here."

"And Marluxia, he's here too right?" Pence asked.

"Oh, he's definitely here." They all turned to Aqua, after she had spoken. "I know Marly, he's my roommate."

Namine grimaced, "Sorry about that."

"Oh no, he's alright."

"Do you think he's with Roxas?" Kairi wondered.

"No," I shook my head. "Actually, he and Roxas broke up."

"What?" my four other friends said in unison.

"Yeah, he's seeing my friend Zexion now."

"Is that so," Olette murmured and nodded to herself.

"Roxas is with Axel. He just graduated from the college here. Their ceremony was yesterday, but I suspect he's here still to see our graduation."

"So," Namine started, "Roxas is with an older guy he met here, and Marluxia is with a friend of yours." She glanced at Kairi. "Wow, I feel as if I have walked into an alternate universe."

"Oh hey," Aqua was looking away from us. "There's Marly and Z. I assume those are their parents." She turned towards me as the other group approached us. "Does Marly not have a mother?"

"I…I think she died when he was really little. Roxas would know the story better than I would."

"You know, I think Marluxia does look a little different," Olette commented.

~*~Riku~*~

"Demyx, there you are. I was looking for you."

"Riku." He stepped away from his parents a little and gave me a small smile. "Mom, Dad, could you excuse me for a minute?" I heard them say okay, and Demyx left them to walk with me away from the docks. "So what's up?"

I raised an eyebrow; I thought that would have been obvious. "Your parents are here, you're going to be graduating in a matter of hours. Does any of this ring a bell?"

Demyx nodded, "Sure it does, I'm aware of it."

"So, how come you are surprised to see me? This is an important event in your life; I thought I should be here."

He turned a little pink. "I want you to be here too."

"Alright, so are you going to introduce me to your parents?"

Demyx locked his eyes with mine, frowning a little. "Introduce you as what? My friend?"

I rolled my eyes. "Your boyfriend, of course. Unless you aren't out to them and think it would be a little weird to introduce me as such."

He blinked. "You…you'd be okay with that?"

"Yes, I would. In fact, I came out to my father a couple days ago."

"What!" Demyx's eyes widened and he lightly punched me in the shoulder. "How come you are only telling me this now?"

I grinned. "Because seeing you surprised and shocked is too much fun."

"Well okay then," Demyx shook his head in disbelief, laughing lightly to himself, "I guess I better introduce you to my parents." We began to walk back towards the docks. I laced one of my hands with his. "Man, Riku."

"What?" I smiled fondly at him.

"I can barely believe it. I mean, here we are: you and me."

"I know what you mean."

"You're coming over this summer, you know that right? I'm not going to lose you to the girls of summer."

"The boys of summer," I corrected him, "and yes, I did plan on us being together after school was out."

The two of us returned to his parents, hand in hand. They glanced at one another and then smiled at their son. Demyx was lucky to have such an accepting family. "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Riku, my boyfriend."

His dad patted me on the shoulder. "It's good to meet you son."

"I hope you've kept our little Demy out of trouble."

I grinned and looked over at Demyx, who was flushed with embarrassment. "Of course, he's been absolutely perfect."

~O~

~*~Roxas~*~ _(song: We're All in This Together, by Ben Lee) _

_Woke up this morning, I suddenly realized, we're all in this together._

I took Axel's hand and we walked together towards the grassy hillside between the dorms and the science building. Sora had called me, asking where I was because everyone was waiting for me. After our run-through, I had met Axel outside the Stadium. He pinned me up against the side of the building and rather distracted me for a while.

_I started smiling, cos you were smiling, and we're all in this together._

The lyrics to the song we would be performing at graduation were running through my mind as Axel and I came across our group.

"Hi Mom," I briefly let go of Axel's hand to hug her. "Hey Cloud."

He ruffled my hair. "How's my little brother?"

I grinned, for once not being annoyed by his calling me little. "Not bad, Cloud, not bad."

"And who's your friend?" My mother asked, catching my eye.

"This is Axel. He's my boyfriend." I took his hand again. He shook my mother's hand with his free one. Sora looked over at me and I could tell he was impressed with my ability to announce it like that.

_I'm made of atoms, you're made of atoms, and we're all in this together._

My friends took turns introducing themselves to my boyfriend. I glanced at Marluxia and Zexion, both were talking to the former's father, while the latter's parents were deep in a conversation with Aqua's. I caught Marly's eyes and he grinned at me before returning his attention to his boyfriend. "So we're only missing Demyx, Riku, Seifer, and Hayner."

"They're probably all together somewhere. Anyway, you'll see them at the ceremony. They'll be hard to miss considering how they're the rest of your band."

"That's true; I'll have to see them eventually."

"Don't worry," Axel squeezed my hand. "There's still time to say goodbye."

_And long division just doesn't matter, cos we're all in this together._

We spent the remainder of our time giving our friends and family a tour of the school. After that, we went to the dining hall to grab a bite before the ceremony started. All the students had to be at the stadium ahead of time and sorted into alphabetical order by last name, and then were sat in the first few rows of seats in that order.

Everyone was dressed in their graduation robes except for Hayner, Demyx and I, since we were not about to perform in them. Other students who were giving speeches were not in their robes either.

People had started arriving in the Stadium and our band members headed back stage. Riku and Seifer were already waiting there for us. We were performing right after the Headmaster's speech.

"Looks like everyone has taken a seat now," Riku peeked out at the audience. "We'll be starting soon."

I took a deep breath, beginning to feel the nerves come on. "Hey, don't sweat it," Seifer grasped me by the shoulders, "it's no big deal."

"Yeah, it's only graduation," Hayner elbowed me in the side.

"Right," I said, trying to laugh off my anxious feeling.

_I saw you walking, in the city; we're all in this together._

Soon enough, Riku's father walked out on stage. There was some applause and then he started speaking.

"Oh god, here it goes." I shook out my hands and shut my eyes.

Demyx came over to me and asked in a quiet voice, "Why are you freaking out?"

"I don't know; I just am."

"Is it nerves? I mean, you've preformed in front of people before."

I opened my eyes. "No, it's not that. I'm not sure what it is."

_The city's changing, cos we are changing, and we're all in this together._

And then it was time for us to go on. Our equipment was already set up on stage and waiting for us. I cleared my throat, took another deep breath, and walked into the open with my band mates. The audience cheered for us and I smiled meekly as the music started. On my cue, I started to sing, and slowly the nerves began to subside. I was part way through the second verse when it really hit me, and I had to smile to myself.

"_Every twelve seconds, someone remembers, that we're all in this together."_

How could I forget?

"_In the kitchen, of your rent-control apartment, we're all in this together."_

I found Axel in the audience and our eyes locked.

"_C'mon baby, I don't mean to rush you, I only wanted to reach out and touch you, I've gotta start to open my heart."_

He mouthed, 'I know,' to me.

My eyes left his to find Sora's. My brother had an empty seat on his right, where I would be sitting soon, so it was not all that difficult to find him. When our eyes met, he grinned and stuck his tongue out at me. I had to stop myself from laughing.

"_I know you think about jumping ship before it sinks, but we're all in this together. Ask a scientist, it's quantum physics, we're all in this together."_

Almost magnetically, my focus turned to Marluxia..

"_And on the subway, we feel like strangers, but we're all in this together."_

He nodded at me; I knew we understood one another and I closed my eyes, feeling relief was over me.

"_Yeah I love you and you love her, and she loves him, but we're all in this together."_

My eyes slowly opened and once again it was Axel I was seeing.

"_Y'know baby, there's never been protection, in all the history of human connection, c'mon darling, it's alright to show me, you don't ever need to be lonely, once you start to open your heart."_

I was scanning the crowd for a familiar face. I found my mother's and tears were in her eyes. For the first time in a long time, I could tell…she was proud of me.

"_I saw you crying, I started crying, cos we're all in this together. And then religion, it's a big decision, but we're all in this together. We're all in this together. We're all in this together. We are all in this together."_

Then the amazing thing happened, as I repeated the phrase over and over again, the audience began to sing along with it. My eyes sought out Sora's and he grinned.

"_We're all in this together."_

It went on for a while, but then finally the band ended the song and we were met with a burst of applause. After a few more moments soaking up the audience's praise, Demyx, Hayner and I grabbed our robes from back stage and took our seats. As I watched the other students give their speeches, I sincerely felt the connection: we really were in this together. Maybe it was just the high from the graduating atmosphere, but for once it really felt like things were right in the world.

"And here we go," Sora said, as the first row of students began to make their way on stage. Our names were called one by one and each person took center stage for a moment to shake the Headmaster's hand and accept their diploma. I couldn't stop grinning after I took those steps forward, and moved my tassel to the other side, signifying my graduation. "Can you believe it?" Sora said in my ear as he came up behind me. "We actually did it."

"Yeah, I know. I can remember our first day here like it was yesterday. We were really different then, weren't we?"

"We were."

~O~

The after party took place on the beach. The first boat out would leave in a couple of hours. Since most of us had already packed, nearly everyone was out here enjoying the setting sun and last minute farewells. I was with Axel, quietly watching the interactions around me. Sora was talking with Squall and there was a definite twinkle in his eyes. Hayner and Seifer were laughing with the younger boy's parents. Demyx and Riku were wading in the water. I had to laugh when I saw Marluxia trying to get Zexion to dance with him. Pence and Olette were talking with my mother, and next to them Aqua was chatting with Kairi and Namine.

"It's all ending, isn't it?"

"Naw, after high school is when your life really begins." Axel wrapped his arms around me. "It's not the end at all."

"Just a new beginning, I know, I know. You don't have to get all cliché on me."

He pressed his lips against the back of my neck. "Come on, you've got to love them. They are clichés for a reason."

"That reminds me, weren't you the one who used to say I was your destiny?"

Axel laughed. "I think I did say that."

Destiny. It's not a matter I would have previously given much thought to. Being on the island; the people who have come into my life; the loves I've made: these have all become a part of my most treasured memoires. Maybe it was destiny that brought it all together, or maybe it was just coincidence. Either way, these past years have been irreplaceable and have transformed me into the person I am today.

Destiny. It's not a matter I would have previously given much thought to. But I can't help but feel that it has played a role in placing all the pieces on the table, so that I could solve the puzzle that is my life. Because after all, I don't believe in coincidence.

~End chapter seventeen, and part two of Destiny Island School for Boys

A/N2: And that's part 2. It's supposed to feel like 'the end.' But back when I was writing part 1, I always knew where/when it would end. And…well, we ain't there yet. Just saying. Which means I've got to go edit part 3 now. Er, and…um…yeah…soon I'll have to be writing part 3 then. Eep. SO stay tuned, folks! Things are about to get a little crazy. Don't say I didn't warn you. ;)


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